"Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!"




(Courtesy of Shortpacked)

Posted by William @ 12/25/2008 12:22:00 PM
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"She's got her own thing; that's why I love her."

Man, I haven't written one of these things in a while. Honestly, I haven't really missed it, but it was brought to my attention that some people think it's weird that I actually pay money for this site ('sup, Jamie!). So, I'd better get my money's worth.

I realized I don't blog because I don't really have anything to say right now. I'm actually really happy, so no angsty bitter posts. I hardly have time for TV these days, so no pop culture posts. And my internet is pretty limited to facebook on my phone, so I'm pretty sure no one wants to me to write about how Marcus Keith Dowling is attending Taxlo.

So, bottom line, I'm pretty boring, but it's an awesome boring. Can't knock it. It's just funny to me how people can change. I stumbled upon Power Rangers: Jungle Fury last night, and didn't know what the fuck was going on. Did that show ever make sense?! No, really, I hadn't watched Power Rangers in 2 years, so I wasn't sure if it was the show or me. I *am* almost 27, but I hate the fact that it made absolutely no sense to me. Felt like I was getting old.

Another odd twist is that I've become a bit of a gamer. No, not that D&D stuff the Diamond guys had me dabbling in (did I ever write about that?), but games of the video variety. To narrow it down, pretty much any game that involves a fake guitar is OK in my book. Sorry folks, but my commitment's to my music & my band right now. Oh, you didn't know I had a band? Yeah, it's called Sex Corvette. I'd explain the origin of that name, but I'm not sure you're all cool enough to handle it. I've also got a side band, Fornication Wagon, but that's just really something to keep me sharp for the SC gigs. Gotta tell ya, SC is taking the world by storm! We've got a jet, a sound guy, and we're about to get into the Hall of Fame. And don't even get me started on the guitarist - she's hot as shit. I can definitely see a Gwen/Tony thing brewing (you know, without the whole breakup & umpteen songs chronicling the ordeal. Seriously, I'm sure there had to have been concerts where Tony wanted to stand up during Don't Speak & just tell Gwen to shut the fuck up. But I digress...)

Ok, where was I even going with all this? Oh yeah, I was explaining why I haven't written lately. See, when I blog from TRU, I just lose all focus.

Speaking of Toys "R" Us, I had a situation that I've never experienced in all my years with the company. You see, I was on a ladder, stocking shelves, when a case of Wall-E robots tumbled over into the next aisle. I had just enough time to emit a telepathic "Ohhh fuuuck!!!" before it was too late. I got to the other side to find that the ghost of Walt Disney had used his ghost powers to clobber an old black lady. They always said old Walt was a racist. All kidding aside (you think I want the Disney corporation on my ass? We're cool, Mickey!), it scared the shit out of me. First off, I really wanted to make sure she was OK. I was reared by enough old broads to have a soft spot in my heart for them, especially when they're the first victims of the Robot Apocalypse.I was also scared that I was gonna get sued. Everyone asks,"Did you laugh?" I always *want* to say,"Hell, no! Don't be an asshole" but instead it comes out as "Hell, no! I was too scared thinking about being sued!" Hey, at least I'm honest!

Anyway, I should probably get back to work. Then again, maybe the store is safer with me hiding in the back blogging.
I think this was just a long, rambling way for me to explain where I've really been. A few months ago, I met a really amazing woman. A few months after that, I actually met her (don't ask...). Let's just say that the whole experience changed my life for the better. So now I have an amazing person in my life, as well as a new reader, in the form of her younger sister (who I'm looking forward to actually meeting). Anyway, you truly are a blessing, Lindsay. I thought my 5 readers should know that ;-)

Posted by William @ 12/09/2008 08:19:00 PM
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"I can see Russia from my house!"

So much has happened since the last post, so we're gonna go with bullet points this time around.

-"President-Elect Barack Obama". Holy shit! I don't know if that'll ever sink in for me. It looks like Sam Cooke was right.

-If I never see Todd Palin again, it'll be too soon. That guy is Prince of the Douchebags. That's right, he's not even worthy of the position of King. I can't believe he was almost Second Douche of the US. Just looking at that guy bothers me. That damn goatee - he looks like the old sketchy guy who hangs out with high schoolers & buys them beer.

-Dolemite died?! He never got to see the black President! I'd say he would've been proud, but I highly doubt that. Dolemite was a hater. I mean, we are talking about the same guy who released "This Pussy Belongs to Me" & "This Ain't No White Christmas". Not exactly the kind of guy full of warm wishes. He'd probably say he should've been the 1st black President (there was, after all, "Dolemite for President"). In any case, I'm sure he'll be missed by pimps, prostitutes & drug dealers across the natipn - especially those to whom he owed money.

-Neal Hefti died?!
If you don't know who that is, he composed the theme song to the 1960s "Batman" TV show. Yes, the "nana nana" song. It's some of the best surf guitar this side od "Miserlou". Here's hoping he's still composing in that Gotham City in the sky.

-BET named Lil Wayne Best Lyricist?! Really? Were those even words that he was spouting? I thought BET was supposed to get BETTER after Hudlin's departure! Who'd have thought that one man could make BET worse than it already was? Sure, he got rid of a lot of booty videos, but then he greenlit shows, like "Somebodies", which felt like they would've been on SNICK, if it weren't for all the booty in them. Looks like Marvel's over Hudlin, too, as he's off of Black Panther. Where ever he ends up, let's hope he learns to suck less.

Man, this BlackBerry bloggin' is rough! I apologize for formatting errors, and I'll be back to normal once I get a chance to get back on the "real Internet". Just not enough hours in the day...

Posted by William @ 11/14/2008 01:38:00 PM
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"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet"

So, I'd like to do something different, and actually post about myself, rather than pop culture trivia this time out. Allow me to share a story with ya, a story that shows just how clueless I can be sometimes.

You see, for the past few months, I've been seeing a sticker on the backs of people's cars, and I had no clue what it meant. Sure, if I'd gotten close enough, I would've been able to read it, but from driving distance, I was left wondering what that sticker meant. Honestly, the first thought that came into my mind was "What's with this recent Pokeball craze?" I mean, sure you see soccer moms with the ball magnet, or you see the baseball fans with the whole "fake-ball-shattered-glass" thing in the window, but I never knew so many adults to have a Pokemon fixation. I was beginning to feel left behind, like when I missed the initial wave of the Harry Potter phenomenon. Well, the other day, I got close enough to the sticker to see what it was all about. This is what I saw:




Come on, that doesn't look like a Pokeball to anyone else?! I can't be the only one to make that mistake. Anyway, I guess it just goes to show how out of touch I can be when it comes to the things that matter.

Anyway, that realization forced me to confront something I hadn't said outright, and officially throw my hat into the Obama camp. Hell, I was always there, but it was more fun blending into the crowd on the sidelines. I love how Jason at work (yup, I'm calling you out) was so certain that he knew who I was voting for, with his, "I know your kind". Well, I guess you called me wrong. I believe in change, and I believe that Senator Obama is the best man for this job this time out. I'm eager to see where he takes this country, and I can't say I ever thought I'd see this in my lifetime. I could take the race stance, and simply say, "I'm voting for the black president". I could take the party line, and say "I'm voting for the Democrat". But I'm going to take the logical approach, and say that I'm voting for the best man for the job. Here's hoping he's as good as America's other black president, David Palmer (c'mon, I had to get a little pop culture in there!). A part of me regrets that I didn't really do my part in this campaign, but one of the most important things we can do at this stage is vote. Seeing as how the 5 people who read this site are already voting for Obama (except Brett, probably), I'm pretty much preaching to the choir. So, this is me, apologizing for my former political ambivalence, and I'm officially saying, "Senator Obama, I choose you!"

Speaking of change we can believe in, (and on the pop culture tip), there are heavy rumors coming out of the UK that actor Paterson Joseph is slated to be the next Doctor Who. Now, geeky as I am, I've never seen an entire episode of Doctor Who. I couldn't really get behind it because it was shitty for about 30 years until someone got the bright idea to up the production values. Seriously, that character spent the 60's thru 90's fighting trashcans with laryngitis. All of a sudden, someone said, "My word, the Doctor could use a new shine" and everything got all hi-tech and pretty. Anyway, this casting, if true, would be groundbreaking because Mr. Joseph would be the first black Doctor. Of course, there's been vocal opposition, but who cares? You can't please sci-fi fans. We takin' ova! First, the White House. Next, time & space!

While we're on the matter of change, I was convinced that I had "Good Luck Chuck'd" pretty much every woman I'd ever dated, but I forgot that they'd changed the laws in some states, so now I get to add one more to the list: congrats to VA & Jess! You've got yourself a good woman, Jess, so treat her well. As much of a hater as I can be at times, I'm truly happy for you guys.

While we're on the marriage thing, I'd also like to congratulate Davis & Jess (different Jess - but, man, wouldn't that be weird?!) on their 2-year wedding anniversary. Never before have I met a couple so perfectly matched, yet you'd never believe it at first glance. Their whole union should be an inspiration to all of us, and no they didn't pay me to say any of that. Hell, they don't even read this thing, so they'll probably never even see it. I guess I'm just in a different kind of mood tonight.

And to cap this whole sentimental thing off, I'd also like to congratulate James & Jenn. They think I forgot, but those kids have been together 9 years now. NINE YEARS. They met the second day of orientation, and haven't really been apart since. I don't even have the words, but I know that without them, y'all would be reading this one some livejournal with some cartoon avatar instead of the site you have before you. Besides the site, they're good people, and they make up any portion of my Cornell existence that didn't involve Last Call (and many portions that did). Nine years?! Dayum! That's impressive.

Before signing off, I'd like to give Marcus a "Carol Burnett Ear Tug" and thank him for the link. OK, enough grab-assing. Next time, we'll talk about something cool, like Batman. Promise!

Posted by William @ 10/22/2008 12:22:00 AM
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"They've got a power and a force that you've never seen before"

OK, so yesterday's post mentioned how much I longed to be 13 again. Well, there's also a deep, dark secret about that time of my life that MOST of my close friends know: I f'ing LOVED Power Rangers. In fact, I loved it up until about 5 years ago, when Disney bought it. Them moving the production really changed the quality of the show, and I wasn't feeling it as much. I actually made a vow that I'd watch it as long as it was on TV, mainly because I didn't think it had many more years left in it. Well, here were are, 15 seasons later, and it's still going strong. Guess I called that one wrong!

Anyway, they've announced that the next season will be Power Rangers: RPM, and after watching this fan-made trailer of Japanese footage (courtesy of my Myspace friend, Jungle Fury 2008), I think I'm excited. No, I KNOW I'm excited! Typically, "car seasons", where the zords and powers revolve around automobiles, usually suck, but I am jazzed for this. No more CGI just for the sake of having it. It looks just as kitschy low budget as Mighty Morphin', without the crap factor of Turbo. Plus, they've finally acknowledged that all of the best PR theme songs involve the word "Go" being shouted a million times in the background. I just had to share this with y'all. I hope you'll forgive me :-) :

Posted by William @ 10/14/2008 01:08:00 AM
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"You want White Castle, need White Castle, long as you got me it won't be no hassle."

- I'm usually not the biggest Weird Al fan, but his cover of T.I.'s "Whatever You Like" had me laughing for about 30 minutes. Absolutely priceless!

- I really wanna work for the company in Britney's new "Womanizer" video. I mean, I never knew the fauxhawk to be "corporate", but it seems to fly at that organization. Let's hope this really is her comeback this time. Not the biggest fan of the song, but the video helps to sell it. MUCH better than that anime shit for "Break the Ice"...hey, didn't that video end with "to be continued"? Let's hope they don't make good on that promise. Anyway, Brit's looking pretty damn hot, so I guess we could all use a dose of crazy, if it does a body that good.

- Speaking of "to be continued" videos, Usher just released the video for "Trading Places", but it's just a random-ass R&B video. Last I remember, Mr. Raymond was stuck up on that mountain. How the Hell did he get off that damn mountain?!

- I've gone from a state of loving everything on MTV to hating everything on MTV. I guess I finally caught up with the rest of the real world (no pun intended). I was looking forward to Exiled, but realized I'd never watched enough My Super Sweet 16 to really care enough about those girls. I'm SO over The Hills, as well as the fact that Audrina and Whit have spin-offs coming. Don't care about The Island, 'cause I really wanted a C.T./Dunbar 'roid rage face-off, but that wasn't in the cards.

Who the Hell thought Man & Wife deserved to be ripped off the web? It's like the old Loveline, but nowhere near as informative. If anything, it actually makes me a bit uncomfortable. It's like an interactive version of those shitty, traveling Black stage shows. You know, they always have names like, Seeing Jesus on the Downlow, and star hasbeens from Good Times & What's Happening!!.

Sex...with Mom & Dad? Really? Dr. Drew, is this the best you could come up with? Do you miss your boy, Adam? Was he the brains of the operation? Now, this show does NOTHING for me. In the past, MTV sex shows were edgy, like the afore-mentioned Loveline. That was pretty groundbreaking for TV, but this is like Drew needed something to hold him over between Celebrity Rehab sessions. I don't really think the show accomplishes much other than making the teens, the parents, and the viewers EXTREMELY uncomfortable. If anything, you end up learning the mom used to be a whore, and doesn't want the daughter to be a whore. But the daughter's only gonna react with the whole "Let me live my life and be a whore if I want to" response. In some ways, I kinda agree with that, but they could've had that "breakthrough" off camera.

The only shows I can still stomach are Making the Band 4 (I TOTALLY called the Danity Kane break-up before the season started!) and Parental Control. Plus, True Life and Made are always good entertainment.

-If you love "meta" humor, you'll love this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HE9OQ4FnkQ . It's A-Ha's "Take On Me", only it's been remixed to tell you exactly what's going on in the video. Watch it and you'll understand. It's one of those things where I wish I'd thought of it first.

-I've been wondering this for a while, but HD Radio - why? So, you mean to tell me there are secret stations, hidden between the stations I know, playing a bunch of different songs? If these songs are so great, then why hasn't Clear Channel already shoved them down my throat? They know exactly what I like! No, these songs are being hidden, like ugly children and incontinent pets. They try to sell the fact that it's near-CD quality sound, but if I wanted that, I'd buy the CD. When it's free, I can deal with a degredation of sound quality. After all, you get what you pay for, and free radio is workin' out just fine. Nice try, HD Radio, but you're gonna have to try harder than that!

So, last night J. Christ. (no, not Jesus - He's got more important things to do than read this blog; He's too busy hanging out with all those rappers) told me that I don't nearly keep up this site enough. I've gotta say that she's right. I mean, in my neglect, I forgot to acknowledge my 5-year blogiversary back in July. I'm a big fan of streaks, and I know I'm always citing the anniversary of when I started blogging, or the anniversary of when I bought the williambrucewest.com domain name, or the anniversary of when I started actually using that domain name - plainly put, I like milestones. Anyway, I started rambling a little over five years ago, and man have I done nothing since then. I find that whenever I do these milestone posts, it forces me to look back in a pseudo-pessimistic tone. Well, I'm gonna try not to do that this time around. But, man, what I' wouldn't give to go back to being 13, when all I really looked forward to was a new episode of California Dreams every Saturday, and the promise of a positive, yet unknown future. Well, we can only go up from here, right? In the words of (probably unknown to most of you) Swedish pop star, Bosson, "we live, we die, and we learn to find the things we live and die for." Guess I'm still learning to find those things. Here's to 5 more years of the journey.

Posted by William @ 10/12/2008 02:42:00 PM
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"It's just not the same when they don't turn to dust"

So, I saw Nick & Nora's Infinite Playlist tonight and loved it. It's always good to see Michael Cera do his George Michael Bluth character for the umpteenth time. Don't get me wrong; I love the guy, but I wonder if that shtick will hold up once he's over the age of thirty. Is he gonna start taking those Zach Braff roles? Now that it's official he's gonna be Scott Pilgrim, I'm really curious to see how he handles that role. Scott's a slacker, but he's not as cautious as the roles that Michael's played in the past.

Saw The Descent the other day, and I can't say it as that scary. If you've never seen it, it's a horror flick about a band of adventurous women who end up experiencing a spleunking expedition gone wrong. You see, I only tend to be frightened by uncontrollable shit that could happen: zombies, superflu, nuclear war, etc. For all I know, there are monsters deep in caves, but you know what? I stay the fuck out of caves! If I venture into a cave, I'm on their turf, and I pretty much deserve whatever happens to me. If a cave monster gets out and kills me in my house, then that's a pretty fucked up tragedy. However, if I'm somewhere I've got NO business, other than some kind of "manifest destiny" bullshit, I deserve a pickaxe through my throat.

Gotta say that I have a newfound appreciation for Blair Butler. I've only got basic cable, so I didn't really know who she was. To me, G4 was just a G5 (Gulfstream V) for not-as-rich people. Who knew it was a network? Anyway, I usually hate "the girl who covers comics" because they tend to be attractive, but not well-versed in the industry. Well, the most recent issue of Comic Foundry has an interview with Blair that shows she knows her shit. I mean, how many women name-drop "X-Cutioner's Song"? How many fanboys name-drop "X-Cutioner's Song"?! Still don't have the G4, but I'll be searching online for as many of her Attack of the Show segments as I can find.

Is it just me, or is Saturday Night Live featured player, Casey Wilson, the second coming of former cast member Julia Sweeney? For those who don't remember, Julia's from the early 90s era where the cast was oh, so promising, yet most of them ended up going nowhere. Kevin Nealon, Dana Carvey (Sure, many of you are gonna argue with that one, but other than Wayne's World & Master of Disguise, there's no Church Lady Trilogy to rival the success of the Austin Powers franchise...), etc. Anyway, Julia's only notable character was Pat, the androgynous character whose sexuality was always the punchline of the skit. Ha ha, how funny. In fact, there's even a shitty movie based on it, which might be the worst SNL movie ever made (and that includes Stuart Saves His Family, A Night at the Roxbury AND Superstar). Anyway, kinda like Jan Hooks & Cheri Oteri, Julia lost most of her funny when she left SNL. Turns out, she fought cancer and pulled a "reverse-Kirk Cameron" by created a one-woman show detailing how she renounced God during her struggle. But I digress...Not trying to harsh on her, as she's a local girl, but Casey seems to get these stiff characters that don't really stand out, just like Julia. They wouldn't even give Julia the "fat girl" parts, 'cause they knew they could just throw a wig on Farley and it would yield a funnier result. Kristen Wiig runs that show, as far as the women are concerned, but maybe Casey will get a better shot once Amy Poehler leaves in November.

I have been having a Hell of a hard time with electronics lately. From my laptop to my BlackBerry, they're all going haywire. In the past, I dated a girl who swore that she and her family were cursed when it came to electronics. I'm beginning to fear that the curse rubbed off on me. Why couldn't she have given me something that could just be cured with penicillin?

Knight Rider, Knight Rider, Knight Rider...I don't know what's harder to believe: the fact that this show is back, or the fact that I've never watched a single episode of the revival. I just can't bring myself to do it. It ain't gonna last past January, so I don't wanna get my heart broken. It will, however, make a pretty nice 13-episode boxed set, as Knight Rider: The Complete Series. It always sucks when a show is cancelled early enough that the DVD collection is labeled "The Complete Series", but they sure do make nice, finite gifts.

Gonna wrap this one up with a plug. My good pal, Marcus "King Kong" Dowling, has officially left the MySpace Blog slum and entered the real blogosphere. Half the shit he talks about is indy wrestling, so my eyes tend to glaze over as he's going on about some Wal-Mart cashier in Dundalk who's destined to be the Next, Big Thing. That said, he does have some pretty funny stuff to say about the world in general, so you should check him out over at www.TGRIOnline.com. And this better get me a link on his site, or I'm gonna have to choke him out.

Posted by William @ 10/05/2008 11:22:00 PM
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