18th Jun2004

Natural Tan (Why Am I So Angry Here?)

by Will

OK White ladies, this whole fake tanning thing has GOT to stop! A tan is supposed to make it appear that you’ve been in the sun, and it’s UV rays were nice enough to elegantly tint you with it’s solar goodness. But NO! You bitches go to these salons to have the shit put on you. It don’t look right! It doesn’t look like you’ve sunned. It doesn’t look like a tan. You look like George Hamilton. I’m tired of seeing all these Black jappy girls! I know you’re not Black, but I’d love to see what the cops do if they catch you speeding…You’ll learn what it’s like to be a nigga for a day. Anyway, go back in the sun and risk cancer. Hey, I don’t think it’s worth it, but it’s just another way for y’all to get what we already have. In the words of Paul Mooney, “Everybody wants to be a NIGGA; nobody wants to BE a nigga.” Thank you, Jesus, for my natural tan.

Man, if James doesn’t come back online soon, I’m gonna be in full Sharpton mode…