15th Aug2004

No More Pyramid Schemes!

by Will

So, here’s another”WTF? Moment” from my life:

So, there’s this girl who works in the mall. Let’s call her “N”. So, N works in another store, but she always comes into H&M to talk. In fact, she’s been coming in since the day we opened. She’s cute, although a bit young, and somewhat flirty. But I’ve met N’s bf. Kind of a thug. I think he’d kick my ass.

Despite this, she’s still friendly and touchy feely. But I don’t want my ass kicked, and if you’re a regular reader, you know I’ve got my hands full as it is.

So, the other day, we’re talking and she says, “You should give me your number so we can talk.” This is when I had a “JW Moment”.

Backstory: JW Taylor was my grandfather and although he was a loveable guy, he was kinda ornery. Had a penchant for being an a-hole at times. I have very few memories of him, but he was always an a-hole with me, God bless him! So, for some reason, I got none of my father, and only got JW traits. When I meet relatives from Alabama, they always say, “Wow, he’s just like Unca Nap (JW’s nickname).” So, I’m JW: The Next Generation.

So, I had my JW moment. She’s asking for my number, but I’m thinking to myself: “Why do you need my number? We’re talking now!” But I soon realized I was stalling, and probably looked like a real asshole right there on the spot. So I fumbled and got a pen and gave it to her.

Fast forward about 3 days. I’m on lunch, and my phone rings. Y’all know I don’t answer if I don’t recognize the number. That’s what voicemail’s for. Well, I was waiting for a call, and wasn’t sure if this was it. So, I answer the phone, and woman says, “Hi, my name is T.P. You don’t know me, but I’m N’s mother…”

Immediately, I’m thinking, “Shit! Did that chick run away from home or something?!! What the fuck did I get myself into?!!”

She, then, goes on to say that she had been talking to N, who’d informed her I was looking for another job (who isnt?). Apparently, this chick had one of those Make Money At Home schemes, and she was trying to recruit me. I am SO sick of these bastards! I swear, this has been the summer of gay guys and pyramid schemes. If one’s not approaching me, it’s the other. I’ve had guys try to give me business cards at urinals because apparently I “looked like a hard worker”! Man, that’s prolly the best damn, gay pick-up line I’ve ever heard. Those are the borderline situations where I’m wondering, “Is this a job thing or ARE you hitting on me?”

Anyway, N’s mom wanted to meet sometime to discuss the whole thing. I really didn’t know how to get out of it, so i told her I was really busy because H&M’s season start was coming up, and I’d be working long hours. Apparently, she had a penchant for Tuesdays, so she kept trying to make a meeting for Tuesday. I told her I didn’t know, but I’d get back to her.

I felt so fucking violated! As they’d say in your typical YM or Seventeen, “I was totally mortified!!!”

That girl gave my number to her mother! And there was no freaky-deaky motive behind it! Instead, it was just a nefarious plan to expand their empire. And I was caught in the middle of it! I felt like such a fool.

So, I couldn’t wait to confront N about what happened. She didn’t come to work for about the next four days. I saw her yesterday, and I was like, “YOUR MOM CALLED ME!!” She just kinda laughed. Got all touchy-feely again. I told her I’d hear her out to show I wasn’t a dick, but I wasn’t interested, especially if there was a buy-in, which there usually is in these programs. They always say, “You’re starting a business. Don’t you think that costs money?” Yeah, if I had overhead and a building. Not if I’m e-mailing shit from the comfort of my own home. What could that possibly cost?

So, not really sure how this thing is gonna play out. I’ll prolly bail on the meeting the day of. I’m feeling JUST that flaky, plus I don’t owe this chick anything. If anything, she owes ME.