26th Aug2004

The One Where My Family Pimps Me Out For A Table At The Cheesecake Factory

by Will

And the drama continues…

Tonight, i went to The Cheesecake Factory with Mommy and the Aunts. Well, as I posted about a month ago, one of the hosts has a major thing for me there. And they know this, but they just kinda think it’s a joke. To show how far it goes, though, when Natalie and I went a few weeks ago, the guy basically stared daggars, like he’d kill her where she stood. When we were leaving, he told me, ” If you ever see me up here at the desk, you don’t have to wait in line..you can just come right on up.” I was like, “Wow, I’ve got a hook-up @ Cheesecake!”

So, he was working today, but I didn’t go up to him because he was busy with another group of people. I got my little beeper thing, and we waited for our table. A little while later, he noticed, and came on over. Mommy was clearly getting nervous. He was all like, “Why didn’t you come up to me? I told you you didn’t have to wait!” I told him he was busy and I didn’t want to bother him. A few mintues later, he signaled me over, and said he was ready to seat us. Mind you, the little beeper thing has NOT gone off, and there were several parties ahead of us. But who am I to argue?

So, he takes us to our table, and we sit down. Mommy looks all uncomfortable. I told her, “we got a table, so shut up and eat your bread.” Yeah, i can be a dick sometimes, but she knows how I am. So, she was just quiet. Eventually, he came back over, and asked how we were doing. I thanked him for seating us and everything. Once he walked away, the Aunts were like, “Was that him?” Because they had heard of him before. Suddenly, they began a chorus of, “He’s cute!” I was like, “WTF?!! Is this a trap?”

This was followed by sudden, uncomfortable silence. Then, Mommy looks at me and says, “He’s cute….” pause…”But don’t you mess around with him!”

I was like, “Oh God! I can’t help it if I’m cute! It helped us get a table, so be quiet and enjoy your bread. If you feel so bad about it, then maybe you should act like a pimp and slash my face so no one’ll look at me again!”

They laughed, and said, “You find you a cute girl. While you’re at it, find him one too.” Wow, old ladies and their flawed reasoning. I kinda lost my appetite after all this, but managed to force some food down. As we left, Mommy at least thanked the guy, as did I, and he told me to come back soon. I wonder if my face’ll be slashed by then…