28th Oct2004

Halloween: The Cure For Race Relations

by Will

I think I’ve discovered the solution to better race relations. Brace Yourselves! And the cure is: Halloween.

This holiday has something for everyone!

You see, I’ve come to realize that White people REALLY LOVE Halloween. They throw parties and dress up in elaborate costumes. Meanwhile, Black people LOVE free shit…They don’t necessarily go all out for costumes. That $2 cape at CVS? That’s perfect. Just enough to let the neighbors realize the little kids are trick or treating and NOT trying to rob their homes…

I hate generalizations, really. But these observations have just jumped out at me. Soccer mom after soccer mom is constanly asking, “Do you know where I can find a wig? It’s for my costume.” or “Do you have this plaid top in a larger size? I’m going as Mary-Ann for Halloween.”

In the meantime, from my Nubian (“What’s a Nubian?”) compatriots, I get, “Y’all got layaway?” or” Ain’t y’all got no coupons?” or, my personal fave, “Well, if it ain’t scan, I guess it’s free!”

So, what have we learned? White people really enjoy the fun of Halloween, while Black people really like free shit…

Where’s my Nobel Prize?