25th Jul2005

Yet Another “Don’t Know What I’m Doing Here” Post

by Will

“Sunday, Monday, Happy Days…”

So, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but at some point recently, this site jumped the shark. It just doesn’t feel…”right” at the moment.

Part of the blame goes to The Great Flame War of June ’05. “We lost a lot of good men out there.” Those were certainly dark days for the bloggers, but I think we’ve finally emerged from all of that unnecessary drama. In the meantime, we’re in the middle of e-Reconstruction, but there’s no e-Lincoln to lead us.

Blame must also go out to my identity crisis. Like many of my e-friends, I’ve never really figured out what I wanted this site to be. Part of me wants to think of it as my personal rant site, but there’s a part of me that wants it to be some kind of destination pop culture site, like a geeky Wonkette or something. In either regard, I’ve got a lot of work to do to achieve either of these goals.

There are a lot of people out there who claim, “My blog is for me. It’s therapy, and I don’t care who reads it.” Yet, their comments section blows up like the Q&A portion of “The Ricki Lake Show.” And they love this. They love the feedback.

Well, I love the feedback, too. But for what? I blog when I feel a little smug, and think I’ve come up with something clever. I pride myself to be “the person who says what everyone else was thinking.”

I might say, “Lance Armstrong had ball cancer.” You might retort, “Will, that’s so insensitive!”, but you know that, deep down, you were thinking, “Damn, Armstrong came back from ball cancer to win for the 7th time?!!” I say what you’re too ashamed to say, or rather, I dumb it down in a way that you’re ashamed to admit understanding. And we’re both better for it. I can be glib, and you can live vicariously through me, without the social backlash.

Another issue is my life. I’ve got wonderful aspects of my life (Yeah, I’m looking at you, girl)
but I haven’t had an “adventure” in a long time. I hate to say it, but I miss H&M.

As much as I hated H&M, I never lacked stories. There was a point where I had to decide between the worthy-to-be-published and the unworthy-to-be-published. Regardless, I never lacked for stories.

These days, I figured you wouldn’t be interested in the click-top Sharpies that I stole from the supply room. It’s sad, but these are my adventures now. Nor is this my dream job, so I can’t join that youthful minority who love to drop, “Oh, I LOVE my job!” into conversation. Instead, I sit there trying to make up stuff that might be interesting if blogged. Even worse, I’ve started dreaming up fake stories to post on craigslist just to “sample a new audience”. But the key part of the phrase is “make up”.

I didn’t make up stuff before, and it was golden. Just check out my archives. There’s some stuff in there that even I can’t believe came from me. But the well’s running dry. I’m not a quitter, but for the blog to be good, life needs to be good. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not necessarily depressed or anything. I’m not complaining from a stance of complacency. I’ve got the wheels in motion on several projects, but I’d rather wait for results, than share them here and have them go bust.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’m in a bit of a holding pattern right now. But, hopefully, it’ll get better soon. I’m the blog equivalent of early UPN right now. But if I really work hard, i might climb to the level of late 90’s WB. And really, is there anything better than that?