07th Nov2005

An In-Depth Analysis Of My Social Networking Timeline

by Will

“And you expect me to go into business with you?!”

So, I’m trying to get fired. I’m fairly certain of it. Why do I say that? Because I haven’t done jack shit in DAYS. At least, nothing involving commercial real estate. What I HAVE been doing is getting back into the swing of online networking.

I used to do Friendster, but I’ve since let it fall by the wayside. I mean, it was cool until the facebook came along. Then, we could be just as elitist as we wanted. Finally, a site that had a certain college requirement! And not just any college. In the beginning, it was top-tier schools.These days, they’ll let anybody with a certificate from Lincoln Tech on there, but in its glory days, the facebook fed my inner snob like no other.

Eventually, I decided I should get away from collegiate things, and try to grow up. At that point, I sort of dropped the facebook. I’ve been invited to Xuqa and another one (forgot its name), but I just didn’t feel like starting a new e-relationship. But there was one beast, staring me in the face. Over the weekend, I caved. I joined MySpace.

Now, I only set it up to direct people over to this site, but it also lets me look at people’s pictures. The picture feature is the most important part of online social networking. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve added as friends just because I recognized their face, and not their name. Hell, that’s how I got through glee club! There were no names; there was “guy with the hat” and “crunchy, treehugger guy with beard”.

Anyways, I really focused hard on my own pic and came to a startling conclusion: I’m nowhere near as hot as I used to be. Hear me out. This isn’t for sympathy or compliment fishing. It’s just that I don’t know who the guy is in those pics anymore. He was hot, kind of suave. Looked like he might have been dangerous. The kind of guy who’d take you home, but leave cab fare on the nightstand. Hell, I’m attracted to that guy. But alas, I am no longer him. Where did he go? I don’t know.

Online network pics always have a good story behind them. Usually, they’re a group pic that’s been edited, or it’s some candid, drunken party shot. I always hate the ones that have, like, 3 people in them, and the person used MS Paint to circle themselves, adding “I’m the one on the right.” Either way, there’s always a story. Even the bad pics have stories, where you can’t help but think, “Poor girl, was THAT her best pic?”

Here’s the story of my own pic: All of them have exes edited out. OK, I guess you can’t say “all” when you only have 2, but they’re both the remnants of couple pics. It’s the modern day equivalent of ripping the pic in half when you’re in an emotional, post-relationship rage. Keep in mind, I haven’t had a scanned pic in 3 yrs, which is why I’ve been rotating between the 2 pics, but they both have stories.

Why do I keep using pics with memories attached? Am I still carrying a torch? No. The answer is simple: That Will was hot. I haven’t looked that good since college, and I keep it around as a reminder of what I’ve been, and what I might be able to reclaim in the future. Sure, I’m no Brad Pitt, but you’re reading the ramblings of a guy who used to weigh 250 lbs and could only buy clothes in the Husky Dept. The “black turtleneck” Will of 2002 was a classic! I’d love to look like him again. So, when peole are meeting me online, I want to put my best e-foot forward. When I get a better pic, I’ll replace the current one. But for now, what you see is what you get.

P.S. Someone, PLEASE take a new, GOOD pic of me. Preferably when I’m not looking. I hear I’m really hot in a tuxedo…