09th Nov2005

MySpace: The Internet’s Lowest Common Denominator

by Will

“Be cool, my babies.”

So, I’m having so much fun, I had to do a “Part II” regarding MySpace. It’s such a guilty pleasure. But I think what keeps me coming back is the fact that, except for a few peeps (looking at you, airni), there is NO class to found on the site. I mean, it’s like a big GED registration meeting on there. And I can’t get enough. It’s like a car wreck.

Hey, all you single ladies out there; nothing says “hot” like a picture of you and your baby. Keep up the good work. So, should I bring you flowers or Similac?

But my personal fave are the guys who’re clearly saying, “Hey, dude…watch me flip off this camera!” Yup, you really showed that camera, man. You sure put it in its place.

Friendster was created for random encounters outside of the setting of a typical online dating site. Facebook was created so everyone could relive their collegiate glory days, long after leaving the hallowed halls of higher learning. But I find that MySpace has 2 different putposes; it’s either saying 1) “Dude, sign my band. We can’t set up a real site, but check us out. We’re going places.” OR 2) “Hey, can you give me a ride to the free clinic? I get out of detention at 4.”

Seriously, they need to enforce an age requirement on there or something. It’s like R. Kelly’s dream world. I don’t think any of those kids can vote. I wish I could go undercover in a high school to investigate ’cause MySpace must be the coolest thing to hit high school since blowjobs lost their classification as “sex”. I’d really love to hear it from the horse’s mouth that MySpace is “tha shizzle”.

I love that MySpace really just supports every negative stereotype about society. All Asian guys are into riced out cars and anime. All Black guys are underground rappers. And all Spanish chicks are named “Angel”. Someone needs to have an intervention in that last one. They’re just settin’ her up for a life of table dancing.

Anyways, I’m out. Chae is pickin’ me up in his new Civic, and we’re going to drop Du’wayne off at the studio before we go see Angel’s new baby.