30th Jul2008

Life Lessons of “As Long As You Love Me” & My Introduction to Hulu

by Will

“Never go ‘Full Retard’.”

What a day, what a day…I’ve decided that a good chunk of commercial real estate brokers are assholes. Anyway, that’s neither here nor there, as we’re here for other reasons.

– Saw Tropic Thunder tonight and it was HILARIOUS. There’s slight buzz about this movie, due to Robert Downey Jr.’s blackface role. Truth be told, the role is supposed to be uncomfortable, as that’s part of the movie. Anyway, I really think that 2008 is shaping up to be the Year of the Downey, while Stiller whips out “Blue Steel” one more time, AKA you get the same from him as you’ve come to expect. One of the best parts of the movie is at the very beginning, with the faux trailers. Where else can you watch Iron Man put the moves on Spidey?

-So, I was driving home tonight, and “As Long As You Love Me”, by Backstreet Boys, came on the radio. Now, a lot of people already know this, but when I was 15 I was a boyband fanatic. I wasn’t gay for them or anything, but I kinda saw it as something that I could do one day. After all, boybands were popping up each week, but it wasn’t until O-Town (well, 5ive, if you count those bi-racial dudes) that we got a group with a black member. I always kinda wanted to be the first.

Anyway, “ALAYLM” was MY song. When I was all of 15 and lonely, I’d put that song on repeat and just think of how nice it would be to find a girl who just loves you for you. I’ve learned, in the 11 years since, that that song is a BIG case of “be careful what you wish for”. Sure, I wouldn’t care what they had done, as long as long as they loved me. Then, I got involved with a string of girls whose pasts I couldn’t get over. It turns out I did care. Whether it was drugs, promiscuity, or racial friction, I learned the hard way that, for me, it did matter where they were from and what they had done. So, that makes me shallow. Maybe I’m immature. At least I know who I am now. I learned that I hold myself to a certain standard, not that I’m better than anyone, but I have my expectations, as does everyone else. These days, I really think that song is 3 minutes and 42 seconds of bad advice. Sure, it’s got good intentions: don’t judge – love will find a way, but that’s bullshit. Love conquers a lot, but it don’t conquer all. Remember that.

– I believe that Hulu.com might be the greatest site on the internet. Not only did it introduce me to Joss Whedon’s full Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog (God, I wish I’d seen Rent when Neil Patrick Harris was in it!), but it also streams 2 things that I’ve been searching years for: Team Knight Rider and Son of the Beach Season 3. I’m sure that Universal will one day get around to releasing TKR (we just missed its 10th anniversary), but I doubt we’ll ever get a release of SotB Season 3. The first 2 seasons were released at the dawn of TV DVD releases, and the sales were pretty bad. I figure if That’s My Bush made it to DVD, we deserve to have a complete set of Son of the Beach! And California Dreams and USA High, while we’re at it!

Another gem on Hulu is the complete series of Young Hercules. The forgotten 3rd series in the Hercules/Xena Saga, it stars Ryan Gosling as a young Kevin Sorbo. Now, when Hercules: The Legendary Journeys began, I was kinda pissed because I didn’t feel that Sorbo was jacked enough. He had brawn, but I expected him to be built. Well, imagine how much worse it was when we were given scrawny-ass Ryan Gosling to play a younger version. I’m probably the biggest male Young Ryan Gosling fan., but I’m not quite sure this show was the best use of his talents. Forget The Notebook; that guy was oozing charisma on the Mickey Mouse Club. Sure, Britney, Justin and Christina went on to be stars first, but when you see Ryan, he knows he’s too good to be there and he just looks bored. Next, check out Breaker High, where he “out-Zack Morrises” Zack Morris. Anyway, Young Hercules is still a pretty damn good show, especially considering it was created for kids, to fill the timeslot following Power Rangers. I highly suggest you check it out if you’re a fan of the Action Pack shows.

– New Knight Rider series trailer released at San Diego Comic Con. Apparently, K.I.T.T. will transform into different Ford vehicles, he gains a new Super Pursuit Mode, and the Turbo Boost is coming back. I also love the new logo. That said, I still stand by the fact that this is not a network show. Sure, they’ll benefit from the larger budget, but this thing just feels like a Saturday afternoon syndicated show on your local CW affiliate- one of the bad shows, that used to come on between The Lost World and Mutant X. NBC, it’s no longer 1982! You don’t have Brandon Tartikoff at the helm anymore and that shit just won’t fly. Stop rehashing your old ideas! Next, they’ll be casting Dakota Fanning in a Punky Brewster remake, only they’ll make her an edgy runaway or something.

-Speaking of San Diego, maybe it’s just the way that it’s being reported, but I get the impression that this year’s con wasn’t so hot. The comic announcements were pretty mediocre, and the movie stuff surrounded projects we already knew about, such as Wolverine: Origins. I’m not hearing anything about record attendance, or even seeing any good pictures. I know blogs, like Newsarama, are moving to Video Blogs and Twitter feeds, but I’m just not really hearing anything necessarily positive about this year’s show.

-Can anyone tell me the whereabouts of Natalie Merchant? We haven’t heard from her in ages. Something tells me she’s busy in a cabin somewhere, cutting up magazines and creating death threat notes to send to Norah Jones.

-I simply had to share a conversation I had with Keith tonight. The power’s out in parts of Timonium, and I was trying to convince him that this was a sign for him to go hook up with this chick who’s clearly bad news (why do I want him messing with a girl who’s so bad? I like drama).
Keith: So, you’re trying to tell me that this is a sign from God that I should go hook up with this girl?

Me: Not “God” God. A lesser god. I think it’s the Egyptian god of pussy, Pusiris.

Well, I thought it was funny…

-I’ll end tonight with a note on family. A few weeks ago, I attended a family reunion on my dad’s side. While there, I learned that Buffy’s principal is my cousin. Yeah, the black one who banged Faith. Turns out David Bryant Woodside, AKA D.B. Woodside, AKA The Bad President Palmer, has got some West blood in him! That was pretty cool to hear. Too bad he wasn’t there. Also, today would’ve been my dad’s birthday. 82 years old. I shit you not. I hope to God I have my kids at a “normal” age…