31st Aug2009

End of Cyberbattical: Looking Ahead

by Will

“The penis is the navigator!”

Welcome to the season premiere of williambrucewest.com. I know it’s been awhile, but Leon’s people came after me for that last post. Here I was thinking he should be grateful for the attention, but I guess I thought wrong. I can’t really get into details, but the whole ordeal ended with me being thrown from a speeding limo.

Actually, the real reason I was gone was because I took a bit of what I like to call a “cyberbattical” (or cybattical – we’re open to either term). Between the site, facebook, Twitter, and everything else, I was just too connected. I had a ton of information being dumped on me, yet none of it really held any value. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love a streak. I wanted to see if I could go a week without all of those sites, and that eventually turned into 1.5 months. I chose a good time, however, as I missed the overload of info regarding MJ’s death, Jon & Kate, and countless other “media frenzies”. In terms of the blog, however, I guess the break can’t fully explain why I’ve been gone, as I haven’t posted since April.

In any case, I’ve stayed away because I really didn’t have an angle. Didn’t know what to write. At times, I feel I’m too mean. It’s easy to harp on celebrities and whatnot from the anonymity of a blog (or, as anonymous as one can be when the URL is his full name). As we’ve seen in recent press, those uppity mofos have lawyers and they will come after you!

Taking my focus away from celebrities, I thought I could get back into anecdotal mode, sharing some stories from the life of “The Real Will”. Sadly, I’ve got a bit of a hater streak going on right now, so that wasn’t gonna turn out well. For example, I toyed around with the idea of a “Match the hygiene difficiency to the correct girl I dated” article. Or my post about how Fox Reality Channel should launch a show called “Pregnant, Or Just Fat?”. Or my critique of facebook wedding pictures. Yeah, like I said, wasn’t gonna turn out well.

So, in this, our “pick up where we left off” post, I figure I should just give a bullet point summary of the things you didn’t hear about on CNN.com

– Back in July, I saw Tiger Woods at the AT&T National. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but I really saw the guy. I mean, I was about 20 feet from him. Could’ve pantsed him, and I seriously considered it. The thing is, Tiger’s a lot more cut than he looks on TV. I think I got disillusioned by all those Chappelle Show parodies, ’cause the dude is built. So, I just did my golf clap and sat my ass down.

– I also quit Toys “R” Us. Yes, again. It occurs to me that I never actually posted that I even went back. That was one of those “I’ll fill you in later” promises, where I never revisited the story – there are a lot of those. Anyway, I went back to TRU for part time work back in November 2006. After they closed down my Wheaton store, I found myself in Columbia because it was on the way home from Diamond. In any case, the money always sucked ’cause they usually only gave me about 7 hrs a week, but I always said that I was working there for the people. They were cool. They were into the geeky stuff that I liked. I felt that, basically, I was being paid to hang out with my friends one day a week. Lindsay, of course, hated it because it was time that we could be hanging out, plus I was losing my mind trying to get by on a one-day weekend. All of this changed when I got an erroneous review, and they didn’t want to give me my raise. My TEN CENT RAISE. So, I quit and never looked back. Well, I looked back, ’cause I still went for toys (it is a toy store), but I don’t miss the work. I guess the sad thing is that those friends broke into thirds: when I left, a third of them had quit/been fired, a third of them still keep in contact via facebook, and the other third forgot me quicker than Peter forgot about Jesus. Guess I didn’t mean as much to them as I thought.

HOLY SHIT! Breaking News: Disney’s going to buy Marvel?!!! OK, looks like I’ve finally got my inspiration back. Looks like I chose a good day to come back!

Before closing, I’d also like to highlight some positive things, seeing as how schaedenfraude’s only going to get me so far.

– James and Jenn celebrated their 10 year anniversary. 10 years since I first met them on the steps of Arts Quad, the 2nd day of orientation. Yup, those orientation hook-ups can last! Congrats, guys. Also, Jenn, PLEASE redesign my site. You know, when you’re not held up with pesky grad school stuff. Love ya!

– My bestest friend, Tarek Sultani, got engaged a few weeks ago. In a whirlwind, romantic courtship, he found the woman of his dreams and sealed the deal with a helicopter ride and a proposal. Way to set the bar high for the rest of us 😛 In any case, I know he’s happy, and I wish him and Miss Hanna the best!

OK, that’s enough rambling. I’ll be back for more later…