19th Nov2012

Took An Arrow To The Knee

by Will

Yay for dead memes! Anyway…

I’m not the best DC Comics fan when it comes to the TV shows. I couldn’t deal with Smallville because Clark and Lana had no chemistry, while Clark and Lois had even less chemistry. I also got tired of Bo Duke being such a stern asshole just because he no longer had the General Lee. Somehow, though, that show ended up lasting 10 years. This is why you people don’t deserve nice things! I’ve said it before, but Smallville was no better than Birds of Prey, the other DC Comics experiment on The WB. The problem with the latter is that it took too many liberties with the source material, and it never gave folks what they wanted: Batman. Still, Smallville did the same thing with Superman. It was the teenage girlfriend that worked you into a blueballed frenzy, and then ran off to violin practice. So, when I heard about Arrow, I had no intention of watching it. Typical The WB/CW formula, of pretty people being pretty, with a loose plot. Or so I thought. Back during Hurricane Sandy, I got bored and decided to watch the Arrow pilot on demand. Not too shabby. I’m still about 7 weeks behind the rest of you, so maybe some of my questions/problems have been addressed, but these are the thoughts that occurred to me over those 43 minutes:

-First off, it looks cheap during this news scene. I don’t expect them to waste a bunch of the budget on a news ticker, but this looks bad. Still, the overall quality of the show looks like your typical British Columbia-filmed Saturday afternoon show. This is about a notch above Nightman.

-Not sure I like the incredulous disdain of that “black president” line…

-His sister’s called “Speedy”, and she’s got a drug problem!

-Speaking of Ollie’s sister, she’s clearly 25 years old, yet I’m supposed to believe she’s in high school? 90210 did a better job of age defying sorcery, and Dylan was basically on a walker.

-If I were on an island for 5 years, I’d come back gaunt, NOT ripped

-How does he know the city is still corrupt? I mean, 5 years is a long time. In that span of time, they’ve lost 3 Starbucks, gained 2 H&Ms, and an American Apparel. He’s going off old data!

-I get that some bad shit probably went down on that island, and Ollie’s a bit shell shocked, but he’s got NO personality. I don’t claim to know all about Green Arrow, as my experience is the Kevin Smith run, as well as a few of the Green Lantern/Green Arrow Silver Age books. Still, I know Ollie to kind of be an asshole. While that kind came through during the part scene, this isn’t the Ollie I know. I feel like this is based somewhat on the Green Arrow: Year One story, but nothing about that series was memorable to me. Not to say that it was bad, but I just didn’t retain any of it, critically acclaimed as it may have been.

-Why is Ollie’s clearly Puerto Rican maid RUSSIAN?

-This show takes its cues from WWE, which taught us that bald guys, black guys, and British guys are all evil. In this case, Ollie is FUCKED.

-Cute how the bodyguard’s name is “Diggle”. It’s a lot better than when “Quesada” was the name of the rapist in Dardevil.

-He KILLS?! Thank God!

-Speaking of which, can someone explain “Death by arrow” to me? I mean, unless it goes through your heart or brain, I don’t expect it to be an instant thing. I expect the thugs to be writhing in pain. What’s the dealio here?

-I’ve come to realize that DC has an abundance of strong, female, you-might-call-them-“bitch” characters, while Marvel doesn’t. Like, back to Lois Lane, there’s a long line of ballbusters. I wonder what that really says about DC. Some might say, “Oh, they were being progressive by showing strong women.” I don’t know if that’s it. I mean, there’s an entire comic series about Lois Lane being a Countach. I don’t think that era cared too much for “mouthy dames”, and Laurel Lance seems to follow that pattern to a tee.

-In the real world, if your sister ended dead fro screwing your boyfriend on his sunken yacht, that’s a lawsuit. Sure, the male Queens were assumed dead, but I’m sure the estate would’ve been found responsible. Are you telling me Laurel passed up on a perfect Gloria Allred moment?

-I’m really hoping there’s a scene of someone watching one of the episodes of Smallville with Green Arrow, and saying, “That’s so unrealistic.” #fanservice

-Oh, shit! Momma, NO!

So, in the end, I didn’t hate it. Still, Wednesday is pretty packed for me, with ABC and NBC vying for my time. So, this is nowhere near “destination television”. I will, however, try to catch up via on demand or when the DVD comes out. Then again, that’s what I said about Smallville, and I just got season 1 of that a few months ago. So, expect my follow-up to this in the year 2021.