26th Jun2013

Thrift Justice – The Expendables XI: Never Stop Spending!!!

by Will

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When I saw all of these guys in one bag at the thrift store yesterday, I HAD to buy them. Then the story hit me – this wasn’t just coincidence. No, these were the makings of the 11th installment of The Expendables, subtitled “Never Stop Spending!!!” Here’s how it goes:

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Main man Barney Ross is back, and he needs a team to help him overthrow a South American dictator. This job requires a special kind of finesse, though, so he can’t depend on the rough and tumble guys from the last 10 gigs. No, he’s got to be more delicate this go ’round.

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First up, Ross knows he’ll need muscle, but cooler heads prevail in the thick of the action. That’s why he calls up Booker from the 2nd job. He’s got brute force, yet he’s deadlier because he knows where, when, and how to use it.

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Next up, Ross needs a pilot. This time he goes with an unknown, who only answers to the name “Baloo”. He supposedly does cargo runs through a little burg called Cape Suzette, but none of that matters to Ross. All he knows is he needs a flyboy – one who’ll keep his mouth shut.

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Ross knows he can’t just take on a sovereign nation without a little international backup. That’s where grizzled, ex-cop “D.T.” comes in. Apparently, he has ties to Interpol, and knows just about everyone you need to know in this kind of business. He’s also got a mean swing with that billy club!

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Every team needs a master thief, and that’s where Hood comes in. He’s also pulling double duty on this one, serving as the marksman.

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What Ross doesn’t realize is that this job actually has TWO master thieves on the team. The mysterious man known only as “LeBeau” is on the team as the demolitions expert. Do I smell third act plot twist?

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Finally, there’s “The Kid”. Don’t let his looks fool you – rumor has it he fucked with some robotic dinosaurs or some shit back in the day. Anyway, The Kid’s parents were missionaries in the South American country when his dad was murdered by the dictator’s forces. His mom’s now a waitress in one of the local titty bars. Ross counts on The Kid for intel, as well as to get the lay of the land.

Here they are: Your new EXPENDABLES!!!!

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It adds to the effect if you make explosion sounds with your mouth while looking at it