05th Jan2005

My DVD Player Broke. That Is All.

by Will

My fuckin’ DVD player broke…

What am I to do now? Why couldn’t I lose something I don’t use, like a kidney?

🙁

23rd Aug2004

Knight Rider and Me

by Will

So, I’ve reinstated “Operation: Childhood Buyback”. Basically, whenever I get depressed or confused, I try to create a bubble of nostalgia around myself in order to feel better. The best way to do this is for me to buy back the relics of my childhood.

Anyway, the most effective branch of this initiative deals with TV. I’ve bought several 80’s TV DVDs, such as the first seasons of Punky Brewster, The A-Team, and Knight Rider.

Tonight’s topic is Knight Rider. When I was a kid, I LOVED this show. I don’t think “love” even cuts it. There is no English word to describe the feelings I had for this show. I think it’s because of how it relates to my life. I used to watch it with my dad, so it kind of has that sentiment attached to it. Also, for my 4th birthday/Christmas, I got the K.I.T.T. Power Wheels car, which is still in my shed, by the way. That was the year Daddy died, so it was a trying holiday season, but I remember how happy I was to get that car! In fact, Knight Rider and my dad’s death are intertwined in several different ways.

When my father’s funeral came about, they didn’t think a 3 yr-old needed to be at the service, so they had my cousin run interference. She took me to Toys R Us, where I got an electronic K.I.T.T. I still remember that to this day.

Why is all of this important? Well, for many seemingly coincidental reasons. Here I am, watching Knight Rider Season 1, when my cousin, on my father’s side, passes away. In the meantime, Toys “R” Us is considering exiting the toy business. “The more things change…”

I guess one would ask, “Why do you love that show so much if it’s got so many bad memories attached?” Well, they weren’t bad memories. I didn’t know what was going on. I found out about funerals and the like as I grew older. I’ve posted about this before, but I simply looked at that as “the day all my relatives came to visit me/the day i got my Knight Rider car”.

So, now reality sets in. I’m watching these episodes, and trying to recapture what i felt 20 yrs ago. But ya know what? This show sucks. I am so sorry to say that. I feel almost like it’s blasphemy for me to do so, but this show is formulaic dreck.

Let’s see. Some town gets in trouble. Michael and K.I.T.T. are dispatched to right wrongs, and uphold justice in the name of the Foundation for Law and Government. Conveniently, there is always a hot single MILF and/or waitress who becomes Michael’s tour guide/potential love interest. Throw in a couple of bumbling henchmen and any reason at all to get K.I.T.T. to jump over a gorge, river, truck, or building, and you’ve got a typical episode of Knight Rider. No, you’ve got EVERY episode of Knight Rider!

To my recollection, there are only 2 episodes worth remembering: 1) “K.I.T.T. vs. K.A.R.R.”, where Michael is forced to go against the evil prototype named K.A.R.R. If you’ve never seen two Trans Ams collide in midair, this is the episode for you & 2) “Knight of The Juggernaut”, where K.I.T.T. gets the living shit smashed out of it by a big ol’ tank. He was never the same after that…

Well, I’ve got a funeral in about 8 hrs, and about half a season left of Knight Rider. Let’s hope between the two, I can come up with some kind of understanding of life…

06th Aug2004

Chillin’ Wit Friends

by Will

So, I saw “Napoleon Dynamite” with a friend today. Hilarious movie, but definitely not for everyone. It’s absurd. There’s no real sense to it, but it’s great. I definitely recommend it. This summer’s had a great track record for movies. I’ve loved every one that I’ve seen so far, many of them becoming all-time faves. Now, let’s hope those DVDs start coming out soon. I gots to own my “Anchorman”!

This evening, I went down to VA for Applebee’s with Lip. It was good seeing him ’cause the bastard’s been jetsetting around the friggin coast for the past month. Anyway, since the ‘Bees was our place @ Cornell, it was only fitting that we find one in this region. Let me tell you this: Ithaca was ripping us off. We never got as much food at that one as we did tonight. My burger was the size of a fucking baby! And I ain’t talking premie. Hell, after getting drunk off 2 mudslides, and our traditional boneless buffalo wings, I couldn’t eat my meal! I’ve never been more ashamed of myself…in a situation involving food!

So, back at his apt, he introduced me to the Hazzard’s hit, “Gay Boyfriend”, which I’m starting to think is an inspiration to all of my exes. Close, but no cigar. I guess I was just too metro…

We were rushing to make the last train, but alas, we were 10 mins to late. Lip drove me home, which was a lifesaver!

17th Jul2004

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever – A Review

by Will

I’m going to venture into territory I don’t much explore: the movie review.

Tonight’s victim: “Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever”
Let me just say that this is a very good bad movie. What do I mean? I mean, as far as bad movies go, this one does a great job of being a bad movie. It’s so bad, you have to like it, just for the facts that A) someone had the audacity to film it and B) some studio head was coked out of his mind enough to buy it. Kinda like “Center Stage”…man, did that movie try hard!

Let’s see..what’s this movie about? Well, Antonio Banderas is a former special agent, reinstated to bring in Lucy Liu, who’s believed to be some kind of crazy killer. After a whole bunch of plot twists, it becomes “Ecks Teams Up With Sever”, without the predictable romantic subtext. In fact, very little chemistry develops between the two due to Lucy’s 20-line limit in the movie. I swear, if she got standard union rate, Lucy Liu only made about $5,000 from this movie.

Best line of the movie: “Some women buy shoes…” Trust me, it makes sense if you hate your life enough to watch this movie.

Best part of the movie: Sever kills Darth Maul. I don’t care what Lucy’s character’s name is, she’s always “the bitch from Ally McBeal”. Talk about typecast. Anyway, during this scene, all I could think was, “I’ll bet Callista Flockhart awkwardly walks around the corner any minute!”

Asian-American director, Kaos, does a great job downplaying the obvious minority stereotypes, yet this time PC=crappy movie. Sorry, Kaos.

Now, don’t get me wrong. As much as I’m bashing this thing, understand that I still enjoyed it. In fact, I want a sequel! Call me a glutton for punishment. I think they could milk a trilogy out of this! Then again, I’m the guy who’s still waiting for a sequel to “Super Mario Bros”! I mean, c’mon, the friggin’ Princess needed their help again!

Speaking of bad movies, why do studios load DVDs with useless special features? My biggest gripe is when they list “interactive menu” as a special feature. I mean, isn’t that a pre-req of the DVD format? And how “interactive” can it get? They might as well just say “responds to remote control button press”. This little gem of a movie had the balls to include a “making of” featurette. Nothing quite like watching the creation of a bad movie, following said bad movie. Of course, everyone’s thinking, “I wonder what the hell that guy was thinking?” Well, here it is. Now you know, and everyone’s laughing ’cause they all “had such fun filming this movie”. I’d have fun too if I was being paid millions for MY shit.

28th Jun2004

Goldenboy!

by Will

So, I got a promotion the other day. Nothing too special. I’m now a “Salesfloor Responsible”. Basically, that means I can make returns. Nope, I couldn’t do that before. Soon, they might let me operate the deep fryer…Wait a minute, we don’t have a deep fryer. Still feels like we do.

Anyway, I’ve come to realize that anyone interested in viewing my life should watch the anime series ‘Goldenboy”. To sum it up, it’s about Kintaro Oe, this ditz who always works McJobs, and ends up getting in weird, humorous yet unprofessional situations with women. Even though he seems like a klutz, he always ends up saving the day, and having the women fall for him. At that point, he leaves town, and does the same thing over again in a new place. The catch is that Kintaro is NOT a ditz. In fact, it turns out he was a law student, who was just one credit shy of graduating. Instead, he kinda had a breakdown, and decided to go out and see the world, to find himself.

29th Apr2004

Love Actually & Rufus Wainwright

by Will

Anybody here seen “Love Actually”? Seen it, bought it yesterday. The package does not lie: It truly is “The Ultimate Romantic Comedy”. If you’re in love, it’ll make ya glad you are. If you’re not in love, it’ll make you wish you were. Oddly, I feel neither of these right now, but it’s still one of my favorite movies of all time.

Speaking of recommendations, EVERYONE MUST OWN RUFUS WAINWRIGHT’S ALBUM “WANT ONE”! Kirsten Dunst said it best in this month’s Blender when she said that it could be a musical. Thematically, it’s all over the place, but it’s like listening to Moulin Rouge, every minute of it enjoyable. No one out there is doing stuff like this, and you’ll simply love the experience. If you know of anyone else out there doing stuff like this, let me know immediately!!!

26th Apr2004

Shopping Spree & Newport Cameos

by Will

Today’s Episode: “Will That Be Credit or Debit?” Episode #04102226

Special Guest Stars: Kea Dupree, Alex Cowan

Cameo Appearance: Beth Don

So, today, I was a bad boy. Mommy’s in NC with Mr. Earle for a funeral, so I’m Kevin McCallister for the moment. I didn’t really want to be home, even though I have some MAJOR cleaning to do. I’ve been sleeping in the guest room since December ’cause my room is so junky!

Anyway, I didn’t want to stay in, so I decided to go out…in the rain…shopping. I know I probably shouldn’t have, but I really wanted to buy stuff. It’d make me feel better. Plus, I worked over 85 hrs during the past week and a half, so it’s not like I couldn’t afford it right now. I’ll just be regretting it later.

So, ever since being introduced to Death Cab for Cutie, I’ve really been hooked. Since they’re a fairly new group, the collector in me took over, and I’ve been trying to track down every album. Anyway, I’ve been a real music mood, so you can see where this is headed….

I’m just gonna list where I went and what I bought. That’ll give the best picture of my adventures.

CD/DVD Exchange:

Elton John – Live in Australia

Elton John – Two Rooms

Starship – Knee Deep In The Hoopla

Baywatch – Hawaiian Wedding DVD

Tower Records & Videos:

Elton John – Greatest Hits 1970-2002

Elton John – Remixed

Death Cab for Cutie – You Can Play These Songs With Chords

Death Cab for Cutie – We Have The Facts and We’re Voting Yes

Westlife – Turnaround

Rufus Wainwright – Want One

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Season 1 DVD

Gamestop:

Star Trek – Federation Gift Pak

Borders Books & Music:

Something Corporate – North

Blender, May 2004

EB:

The Punisher DVD

So yeah, spent a LOT of money. Kinda having the Buyer’s Remorse….

I completed the Death Cab collection, but I’m also on this Elton kick. He is AWESOME! I completely blame Courtney for this ’cause she had his greatest hits playing ALL DAY yesterday! After awhile, that stuff is just gonna seep in.

So, I think I saw Ethan’s mom when I was at Gamestop, but since I didn’t really confirm whether or not it was her, we’ll just give her a “cameo” credit.

While at White Flint, I ran into Ms. Kea, AKA The “Dolly” to my “Cornelius” (Newport kids’ll get that reference). She’s just as cute as ever. It was great seeing her, but I felt so inadequate seeing as how she’s practically working 4 jobs right now! She’s really on the ball. It’s actually kind of motivating. It was good to catch up with her and find out the whereabouts of some other Newportians.

On the way home, I’m minding my own business, reading my Blender, on the Metro. Suddenly, this tall White guy in a cowboy hat and leather jacket stumbles into the car. I look at him, wondering, “Who the hell is this guy?” I look closer and realize it’s Alex! I haven’t seen him in years, but he’s the same Alex I remember and love. He scanned the car, and he looked at me, but didn’t recognize me. I decided to wait and see if he’d notice me. He sat down a few rows up, and just waited for his stop. He took off his hat, and there was a chunk of hair missing on the side. Don’t folks! This wasn’t the result of an accident. This was a statement. He always did have a way with fashion. So, he gets up for his stop, and I call out his name. He kinda hears it, notices me, and is shocked. He stumbles over to me and we talk, but he has to get off. I told him we’d hang out soon since I’d been hanging with his sister recently.

I swear, everyday, there’s another person I never thought I’d run into. It’s almost like I’m being set up. But it was still awesome to see them both. And great spending ALL THAT MONEY 🙂

Pages:«12345