30th Dec2007

2007 Year In Review

by Will

“I just want a moustache, man!”

So, last night, I found myself in the weirdest party environment. This dude got really drunk and then started apologizing to me for slavery. Keep in mind, I’d never met this guy before last night. He claimed he argued my case for his entire Christmas dinner because his family is backwards. I asked why they had such heavy Christmas dinner conversation. I think the worst part was when he said, “Dude, you’re black! I’m so sorry.” Yeah…

I feel like I should do some kind of year-end, best of 2007 post, but I also feel like I said all I needed to in my San Diego Saga. I mean, that was pretty much the highlight of my year, as far as adventures go. Anyway, I think I’ve got a few more things to say about 07, so here goes:

Top Albums of 2007:
Amy Winehouse – Back to Black
Lily Allen – Alright Still
Rihanna – Good Girl Gone Bad
Timbaland – Shock Therapy
The Pipettes –We Are the Pipettes (US Version)
Fall Out Boy – Infinity on High
Maroon 5 – It Won’t Be Soon Before Long
Leona Lewis – Spirit

Honorable Mention
Britney Spears – Blackout
OneRepublic – Dreaming Out Loud
Mark Ronson – Version

Recent Books Read:
Love Monkey, by Scott Mebus: One of the first lad lit books, I was really disappointed by this one. The main character isn’t very endearing, and the story meanders. 9/11 is thrown in for an emotional beat, and it lacks a fulfilling ending.

Don’t Hassel The Hoff, by David Hasselhoff: If you love The Hoff, you’ll love this book. The problem is that the ghostwriter clearly does most of the work, as British terms and spelling seem to trickle in a LOT. At times, it’s hard to believe that Hasselhoff has such a lofty view of himself, but it’s not cocky – he clearly means well, but it isn’t conveyed as innocently as he would have liked.

Phone Sex, by Miranda Austin: Simply put, it’s the autobiography of a phone sex operator. Not as entertaining as one might think. Interspliced are how-to tips for the aspiring phone sex caller (not operator!). It pretty much outlines the process for beginner/first-time phone sex customers. The book wasn’t that juicy, nor did it have an ending. Plus, Austin’s focus on the fact that she wasn’t exactly attractive or anything like her persona kind of chipped away at the mystique. She pretty much confirmed the stereotype of phone sex operators as overweight and unattractive. It’s like David Copperfield coming out and saying, “Hey, magic’s fake!” Why shoot yourself and industry in the foot like that?

How I Paid for College: A Novel of Sex, Theft, Friendship & Musical Theater, by Marc Acito: Very good read. I try to stay away from fiction because I just don’t really care for that in my books, but this one caught my eye by the cover alone. It didn’t turn out like I thought it would, and I found myself wanting to shelve it early on. What I thought would be a cool, modern lad lit tale turned out to be about a mid-eighties story of a bisexual drama student as he struggles to raise his Juilliard tuition. I’ve got to say that I’m glad I stuck with it, as it’s a pretty funny read. Like I said, not what I thought it’d be, but I’m not disappointed.

I just watched two of the most jingoistic movies of the past 30 years: Rocky IV and Starship Troopers. Rocky IV just screams “U! S ! A!”, as it’s steeped right in the middle of the Cold War. I always felt Apollo deserved to die , solely based on his bombastic James Brown-fueled ring entrance. No good could come from such an audacious start. Meanwhile Starship Troopers touts the difference between a citizen and a civilian. It’s all about how your civic duty is to fight, and while the kids are all from Rio De Janeiro, that’s an afterthought considering they all look like Abercrombie gringos. They should really sell these at Best Buy as a “God Bless America” two-pack.

Best New Shows:

Chuck (NBC)
The Big Bang Theory (CBS)

Favorite Movies of the Year:

Grindhouse (only the Death Proof half)
The Bourne Ultimatum
Black Snake Moan
Live Free or Die Hard
We Own the Night
Spider-Man 3
I Am Legend

You know, people look at me funny when I say this, but if you take out the whole “things come out at night to kill you” aspect, Will Smith’s life in I Am Legend really ain’t all that bad. I think what would drive you mad would be the possibility of survivors. If you notice, he was fine until all this “safe zone” talk. If you thought there was a chance there were others out there, you’d agonize over what might’ve been. But if you decide that you’re the only one left, yet you might be able to cure the converted, that’s a different frame of mind entirely. I already talk to myself, so adding mannequins to the mix wouldn’t really change much. I’ve also wanted to speed through Time Square and use an aircraft carrier as a driving range. It all seemed so tranquil and peaceful. Sure, the rest of y’all would be dead, but “…spilled milk”.

Celebrity of the Year: Britney Spears
Say what you will, no one got more headlines than this crazy chica, and it was a batshit crazy year! Anna Nicole died. OJ returned to his criminal ways. It took 3 months for them to do something with James Brown’s rotting corpse. Lohan spent most of the year in rehab. Imus and the Nappy Headed Ho’s. The Sopranos screwed us over with its “non-ending”. Owen Wilson suicide attempt. Gay Political Airport trysts. A Negro headed for the Democratic nomination. Paris is probably going to lose most of her inheritance. But all of that was trumped by Britney. Anything the world could do, Britney could do trashier. No end in sight for a troop pullout? Who cares? Britney shaved her head! US dollar losing steam on the international landscape? Who cares? Britney’s gonna lose her kids! Global warming’s gonna kill all the polar bears? Who cares? Britney got fat and phoned in her VMA performance! It was a modern-day “We Didn’t Start the Fire”, and Britney was the chorus every time. If someone’s keeping a scrapbook of her escapades, I’m sure they made MANY trips to the Walmart this year to stock up on photo albums!

Award of the Year: Myspace
It’s been a big year for Myspace. They were purchased by Fox, gaining a new lease on life as an inexpensive form of movie publicity. Next, they threw their hat into the Presidential Debate ring. On a more personal note, however, Myspace was *very* good to me and mine this year. I know my boy, K-Bone would agree, as well as several others. In all honesty, I don’t know where my social life or general entertainment would have come from without it. Now, to some people, that might sound sad, but to me, it simply demonstrates the awesome power of the internet. I know that for me and my friends, we salute you, Myspace.

2007 is also the year I started paying attention to song lyrics, so I leave you with this:

So take a bow,
’cause you’ve taken everything else
You played the part,
like a star you played it so well

I will have no problem leaving 2007 behind. Look for a new Will in the coming year. That’s not a resolution; it’s a promise.

See ya in ’08…

19th Dec2007

San Diego Dreaming Part 3: Celeb Rundown & Rosario Dawson Epilogue

by Will

“This is bullshit!”

As I said yesterday, Hollywood has made SDCC its playground, so much so that many of the events and panels leave people asking, “What does this have to do with comics?”. Sometimes, it makes sense. They had Nic Cage, because Ghost Rider had just come out on DVD, plus he had a comic coming from Virgin. They had Gwenneth Paltrow and other cast members from the upcoming Iron Man movie. They even had Stan “The Man” Lee. At the other end of the spectrum, they had the cast of the Sarah Silverman Program, they had assorted cast from Grindhouse, and they were promoting upcoming shows for ABC Family (many of which are already cancelled as I write this!).

Well, this is probably the first post to get me sued, but I had to cross that lne eventually. Here are a few of my most memorable celebrity moments from the show:

Joe Quesada: For those not in the know, Joe Quesada is the Editor-in-Chief of Marvel Comics, home of Spider-Man, Captain America, and the X-Men. Before coming to Marvel, he designed the Bruce Wayne-replacement Batman in the ’90s, and he co-created Painkiller Jane (of the recently canceled Sci Fi Channel show). Joe has been a controversial figure, as he’s the guy that many fans love to hate. A lot of that is due to his accessibility. It’s not that he’s done anything wrong, bu with the advent of the internet, he’s a lot easier to bash. People have criticized him for everything, from his business decisions to his weight. I’ve always liked the guy, and don’t really hold his business decisions against him. There’s no such thing as bad publicity, and he’s proven that.

I met him at the Baltimore Comic Con a few yrs ago, and while he wasn’t doing sketches, I convinced him to give me his signature at the size of a sketch page. That was good enough for me. Now, Joe used to be very large. I mean, “I’m scared for this guy if he doesn’t get ahold of himself” large. So, I was shocked when I saw him at SDCC, because he’s lost well over 50 lbs. The sad thing is that I didn’t even run into him until the mens room. I’m at the urinal, and I notice, “Shit, Joe Q’s peeing next to me!” Once again, I’ve got the fanboy thing under wraps, so I know not to say anything. Especially not in an environment where we’re both holding our junk. That just ain’t kosher. Oddly enough, this dude came in, and DID say, “What’s up, Joe?”, as Joe was handling business. I was thinking to myself, “God, have you no decency?”, but it turns out this was a Marvel guy, and Joe was cool with it. We ended up washing our hands at the same time, and I said “hi” at that point. He responded. No harm, no foul. Yeah, no dirt for ya there, kids…

Bendis: Brian Michael Bendis is probably my favorite comic writer. He’s the first writer whose books I bought because he wrote them. Before, I was buying X-Men because it was X-Men. Spider-Man because it was Spider-Man. Before I knew it, I was buying Avengers because it was Bendis. He’s just got a knack for dialogue. Anyway, after meting Frank Cho and Jim Lee, I felt that the only person left that I was dying to meet was Bendis. I didn’t even realize he was signing until it was too late. Our schedules were booked with meetings, so it’s not like we got a lot of free time on the con floor. I got into the Bendis line 3 people after the guy holding the “last person in line” sign. Honorably, I got out of line and waited off to the side. I knew people who knew people, so I was trying to see if I could still meet Bendis at some point over the weekend. In the meantime, I notice more and more assholes getting in line, despite the guy holding that sign. I guess it didn’t apply to them if they didn’t acknowledge it. Like a trooper, Bendis sat there and signed all of there books, regardless of the fact that he was supposed to be elsewhere by that point. Well, being as stubborn as I am, I just waited. MTV came over to interview him when he was done, and I just stood right there, off to the side. 20 mintues later, when he was done, I finally went over and introduced myself. I somewhat slipped into me, “You’re so awesome” trance, but it was all true, and he was a really nice guy. I didn’t ask him for an autograph because I already bought one years ago (yes, I’m a sucker), and it really wasn’t about that. I really just wanted to meet him. Met the guy who opened my eyes to creators. Mission accomplished.

Ben Templesmith: Ben is one of the cocreators of 30 Days of Night, which tore up theatres back in October. He’s a gracious, friendly guy, and it was great meeting him. I’d actually asked him to do an indie profile that we were running in Previews, and I just wanted to thank him for participating. Once again, great guy.

Frank Miller: Ah, Frank Miller. Creator of 300, Sin City, Dark Knight Returns, the Robocop screenplay, and the “Goddamn Batman”. Frank’s a bit of an enigma. I saw him briefly, as he left one of the Hyatt bars. He looks kinda like Tim Burton’s crazy uncle, as he wear all black, but tops it of with a fedora, like he’s friggin’ Carmen Sandiego or something. Funny enough, he rolls with a posse. I swear, he had his own dark entourage quickly whisking him out of the joint. Well, he looked like he’d had a rough night. I wanted to closer look, but I got distracted when Brian Posehn from the Sarah Silverman Program walked by. I thought I might get a chance to see Sarah…

Elvira: Mmm….the “Mistress of the Dark”. As campy as she might be, she’ll always remind me of the 80s and liquor stores. She and Spuds McKenzie will go down in history as the best friends of the 80s beer industry, and I think Elvira was one of the first hot, naughty girls a lot of us were introduced to. Well, E has aged. I saw her from afar, and wished I’d stayed back. She’s not bad, per se, but you really don’t wanna get too close. I mean, even Bettie Page was rough when she got old. The breasts still look racktacular, though!

Thomas Jane: The Punisher. Well, he punished something all weekend, and I think it came out of a paper bag. He was there promoting his Image comics, Bad Planet and Alien Pig Farm, but he was always so animated. At times, it just seemed like he was the life of the party, while at other times it was clear that he was WASTED! His booth was right next to ours, so I had a good seat for the Thomas Jane craziness. Some days, he’d throw these balsa wood airplanes just to see who/what they’d hit. Then, he started running up and down the aisles, like he was racing an invisible friend. I also think the timing had something to do with things: you see, the studio chose this weekend to announce Jane’s replacement in the role of Punisher: Ray Stevenson, of HBO’s Rome. And it seemed like it was news to him. Yeah.

One night, he came through one of the Hyatt bars, chomping on a cigar (you can’t smoke anywhere in CA, btw), yelling, “This is bullshit!” He kept yelling it, while jumping on the backs of chairs, trying to get the bartender’s attention. He’d give up, jump down, and start flailling around in his Hawaiian shirt, “This is bullshit!” Finally, some brave asshole asked, “What’s wrong, Punisher?” Jane goes on to yell, “They were gonna give me $1.5 mil to do Punisher 2, but the script was shit! It was shit!” A handful of douchebags encircled him, and they were faux cheering him on, like, “Right on, Punisher!” and “Fuck them!” Little did he realize that they were laughing at him and not with him. He flailed a little more, and then stumbled out the door, where I last saw him chatting up some blonde. This exchange would later be described, albeit briefly, in a Wizard article about some completely unrelated comic creator.

Jenna Jameson: That’s right, folks. THE Jenna Jameson. You see, Virgin Comics (Ha! I couldn’t make this stuff up!) is releasing a comic starring Jenna. I can’t even really tell you what it’s about. It’s not a confidentiality thing – I just really don’t know what it’s about. From what I can tell, it’s Witchblade, starring Jenna. It’s such a funny project because everyone expects one thing, seeing as how she has this naughty background, but I think they’re going to end up with something else entirely. Most of the people in line were like, “Jenna, I have all your videos. Oh….you have a comic? That’s cool…”.

Anyway, she was at the show for a signing. Rob and I had had a meeting with Bahrat, Virgin’s head of marketing, the day before, and I’d hinted that I wanted to meet Jenna. Hell, she’s the biggest porn star of all time! Anyone would want to meet her, and I wanted to get as much out of that trip as possible. So, Bahrat told us to come by the booth at noon, and he’d see what he could do. We missed noon because of meetings, but one of the managers on our toy team had actually met Jenna’s manager earlier in the day. Toy Team Guy is gruff and burly; a real man’s man. The toy/merchandise team is always getting porn samples, as we list that stuff in Adult Previews, and I hear he gets all of the hardcore samples. The guy knows his stuff, so when he met Jenna’s manager, they hit it off and made plans to have drinks with Jenna after her signing. Well, the word spread, and I tagged along with their group, as I was determined to meet this woman. So, we diligently hung off to the side until Jenna was done with her signing. I even took some time to visit her neighbor, James Hong from Big Trouble in Little China (AKA “That Old Chinese Dude From Every Movie in the Eighties”). Once it was over, the manager led us over, and we all got to meet her and have our pictures taken with her. She also signed this big-ass poster of the cover of her comic (I’ve got to remember where I put that thing…).

She’s hot, but she’s so tiny. If you’ve ever seen Jenna stuff from her heyday, she was the porn star with curves. Not quite Anna Nicole, but she wasn’t small. With all of the drama in her life recently, from her divorce to her cancer diagnosis, it seems like it may have taken it’s toll. Don’t get me wron: she’s ripped, with a six pack and everything, but it’s such a drastic change. Anyway, she was really cool, and I’m happy that out of the 13 pictures that CVS was actually able to develop, this meeting was one of them. The funniest part was watching Toy Guy as he met her. This is a guy who’s a former Marine, and I’d bet money that he has taken lives with his bare hands, but he was stuttering and giggling like a fool. I think it brought us closer. After we met her, I asked, “Toy Guy, would you be my new dad?” His response? “Only if you call me Mr. Drummond.” And to this day, I call him Mr. Drummond. It was worth it.

Epilogue: As we’re giddily leaving Jenna, I notice this HOT chick rushing across the floor in her direction. Wearing short shorts, she had legs for days, and once my eyes traveled a week north, I realized who it was: Rosario. This was the day after our meeting, and I was still feeling stupid about my whole “I fell in love with you” thing. Also, though, she was GORGEOUS. The night before, I was drunk and she was accessible, but now she was the hottest girl in school, wearing the shortest pants not allowed by dress code, and she was eager to meet the world’s biggest porn star. I wanted to run up to her, saying, “Remember me? It’s Will West! Cool name guy!” But I’m learning to just live in the moment. All that shit about how life’s about the journey and not the destination. I’d had my Rosario moment and that was it. No need to get a restraining order placed against me. I walked off just as I saw them hug, pictures of which showed up in various publications.

Tomorrow’s Chapter: “Everything I see, I either wanna kill it or fuck it!”

18th Dec2007

San Diego Dreaming Part 2: SuperBad, Heroes’ Hiro & Rosario Dawson!!!

by Will

“In fact, I think I fell in love with you…”

Now, one of the biggest things about Comic Con is that abundance of parties. Now, people count out comic folks because we’re all social outcasts, too afraid of the outside world, so we hide in our moms’ basements, drowning ourselves in superhero fantasies. Don’t you hate that shit? It’s the same way I hate how any mainstream article about comics *must* contain “sock”, “bam”, and/or “pow”. Do they even use those sounds in comics anymore? I think I saw a “Splurgghh!” the other day, but digress…

Due to the show’s proximity to LA, plus the fact that the show is becoming Hollywood’s playground, there are a ton of pretty high profile parties. The beauty of it for me was that I was on all of the lists. Surprisingly, they were pretty hardcore with the door security at these things. You’d think fans would be a bit craftier with their attempts to get in to these things, but most of them just had no creativity. Hell, I took my friend, Rob, to a party and he wasn’t on the list. We just told them he was my boss, who happened to be on the list, and they let him in. No ID needed or anything. Pwned!

Anyway, the party we went to was thrown by Oni Press, publishers of the incredible Scott Pilgrim series, as well as Whiteout (with upcoming movie starring Kate Beckinsale). So, I knew that the party was cohosted by a talent agency, but I didn’t really know their rle in things. We get inside, and it was almost like nobody inside knew this was “a comic thing”. Everyone was hot, but in that NYC way. It was one of those “see and be seen” parties, where the only Black dude has a British accent, and he’s the DJ, while there are a bunch of too-cool-for-school Asians, and a lot of trendy White kids. There wasn’t a lot of dancing, even though there was danceable music. It was like we were playing Rhythmic Chicken: who’s gonna dance first? In other words, it was awesome! Let’s get something straight: I’ve always been an elitest on the outside of the system. I love a good, elite, meritocracy, but I’ve never really cut the muster to be in taht crowd. But now I was on the list! I could be snooty, too! Fuck you, little people!

So, Rob and I are drinkin’ our dranks, taking in the scene, when I notice somebody. Holy shit, that’s Jonah Hill! “Rob, did you see Jonah Hill?” Rob, of course, answers with a “Who?’. Let me explain something about Rob. Great guy, but he’s the dude who’ll tell you he doesn’t watch television because he really wants to drive the point home. Say you’re not familiar with the guy. Say you’ve never heard of Superbad or seen the ebay store scene in The 40 Year Old Virgin. But don’t give me the, “I don’t watch television” speech that I’ve heard a million times before, in that “Sorry, moron, I have a life” tone of yours. Ugh…So, anyway, I saw Jonah Hill. And the next thing I knew, I saw McLovin’ trailing through the crowd before him. Now, I’m kind of geeking out, but we need to remember something: A) it’s a cool party, so you’ve got to act like you don’t see them and B) I’ve been learning to deal with my starstruck problem in these settings. Back in Feb, I went to the New York Comic Con for work, and I ended up at a party full of every popular comic pro of the last 15 yrs. I almost had a heart attack, but Rob was pushing the whole, “Play it cool, man” angle (a lot of this is based on the fact that he didn’t even know who most of the people were). Anyway, after a few beers, a conversation with the Wizard editors, and a dance circle with Olivier Coipel, I got out all of my professional fanboyness. So, now that we’re in SD, it should’ve been OK, but these were actors. As far as cons go, the only people who know those professionals are comic people. To the fat black lady at the check cashing/takeout joint, Jim Lee is just “that Asian dude” (and that’s if she’s feeling nice), while Jonah Hill would be “Oh, it’s that little fat boy from that movie where they tryin’ to get some pussy!” See? Universal appeal. Anyway, for this reason, the fanboy bug started creeping up, but I let it pass. “Be cool, Will”, I told myself. “They’ll come back around and we can just say ‘hi’.”

Rob and I continue taking in the scene, when Masi Oka came through. Holy shit, it’s that dude from Heroes! And then, Sylar came through. Now, I have a confession to make: I’ve never seen Heroes. Yes, I know it’s comic-based, and I’ll love it, and blah, blah. This is the same crap people try to say when I tell them I never saw Firefly. Either way, I just don’t ahve time for episodic television. Damn, I sound like Rob. Anyway, I’ve followed the show enough that I know I’ve got to save the cheerleader, or the world’s fucked. I also know there’s the teleporting Asian kid. And, apparently, Sylar’s an evil asshole, even though he looks just like that guy in high school who might be gay ’cause he’s so metro, and all of his friends are girls, yet you’ve heard stories about all these chicks he fucked at his last school. Again, I digress. The media have looked to Heroes as the thing that will legitimize comics. If viewers can get onboard with its storytelling, then it might introduce the joy of comics to the nonbelievers. So, the cast members are basically missionaries, and they were gracing us with their presence at this party. The Superbad guys slipped in somewhat unnoticed, but the fans took to the Heroes like rednecks to NASCAR. I think I gave Sylar the “what’s up” nod, but I really didn’t have much more to say to him. I’d never seen the show, and San Diego was already revealing a side of myself that I didn’t like: the empty gesture schmoozer. I was telling people I liked their stuff when I didn’t, telling people I’d read their stuff when I hadn’t. When I meet a person, I don’t really remember their name or anything. I’m most concerned with what impression I’m making upon them. There’ll be time for names and counting when the dealing’s done. Recently, though, I notice I go into this stupid trance of, “Thanks SO much, I really love your stuff” to all of these pros, when I really want to just say, “Yeah, it’s good, but what the Hell was up with that Clone Saga?” Anyway, long story short, I acknowledged their presence, but I didn’t geek out about it.

After a bit, Rob left to head for another party, while AI was doing shots with the bartender. Not sure where I picked up the notion that I could pull that off, but tequila solves all ills. So, I’m stumbling back to the hotel, as I’m staying at the center of all afterparty entertainment. The Hyatt bar is known as THE place to be when the night’s entertainment is done. Until about 4 AM every morning, you can find the likes of fans and creators alike, causing more noise than that found in Time Square during rush hour. Well, I get back to the Hyatt, and I hang outside awhile with some people I know. It’s at this point that I notice a converastion off to the side. You see, it was Lee (really cool guy who always wears a stray cowboy hat), and he was having a conversation with a really cute girl. Like I said, I’d had a bit to drink, so I wasn’t as hesitant as I can be at times. Hell, “at times”? I talk myself out of most things…Anyway, I kind of walk around to get a better look at this girl, and I can’t believe who it turns out to be: Rosario Dawson.

Drunk and feeling fanboyish, I decide that I’ve GOT to meet her. It was closer than I’d been to a “celebrity” at this point, and it was one of those carpe diem moments. Sure, it wasn’t that deep, but that was the tequila talking. I see Rob, and I tell him who I’ve just spotted. Surprisingly, he knew who she was (or he pretended to), but he wouldn’t play a role in my childish quest for an introduction. So, I suck it up, saunter over to Lee, and strike up a conversation like I don’t even see her standing there. They were kind of laughing at a joke known only to them, and I caught them before they’d goe on to the next topic. “Hey, Lee! Did you go to any good parties tonight?” That was innocent enough, right? Turns out he’d gone to the MySpace party, which I somehow didn’t get invited to, which still kinda rubs me the wrong way, ’cause anyone who knows me realizes that I might as well have stock in that company. Guess my invite got lost in the mail. Anyway, Lee does my job for me. He goes, “Hey Will, do you know Rosario?” Why no, I don’t know Rosario. “Introduce yourself, ” he tells me. I offer my hand, and say, “Hi, I’m Will West”. As she shakes my hand, she sort of tilts her head to one side, and in that Clerks II cool chick way of hers, says, “Will West, huh? That’s kinda cool.” I’d like to think I giggled inside, but knowing me, I probably sounded like a gay Pilsbury Doughboy.

That should’ve been enough. I should’ve walked away; mission accomplished. Instead, Lee says, “Hey Will, tell her where you work.” I insist that she doesn’t care where I work, but he presses. So, I tell her where I work. She gives me a “that’s cool” -esque response. Now, she was at Comic Con for several reasons, one of which was to promote her Image Comics series, Occult Crimes Taskforce (O.C.T.). Never read it, but was saving them to read on a rainy day. But what do I say? “I love your book, by the way”. After all, I’m Mister Comics. I’m supposed to have my finger on the pulse of these things. I’m hip. I’m cool. Of course I’ve read her book. And then I go too far. If you noticed, I told her that I loved her book. Not liked. Not “I found it intriguing”. No. Loved. So, Mr. Tequila and I get to working together, and we went too far. So, after I say I love the book, I follow with “In fact, I love everything that you do. In fact, I think I fell in love with you with Clerks II.” Yeah, I told her I’d fallen in love with her. Because of Clerks II. So, how did she react? Well, first off, I wish I had a time-lapse photo of the change in her face. And, I’m not sure if she was joking or serious, but here’s what she said: “Clerks II? After 10 yrs of work, and all of the movies I’ve done, you fall in love with me for Clerks II?” Sheepishly, I responded, “I dunno…there was something about that role.” I forgot to explain that she was dressed like a waiter, in black pants and a white button-down. She was carrying a “V” mask, from V for Vendetta, which she wore on the con floor so that she can get around without being noticed. She was smoking, so she couldn’t exactly wear the mask at this point, so more people were recognizing her. As they closed in, I used that as a chance to take my leave.

Now, here’s full disclosure: I was so starstruck that I actually forgot her filmography. When I think of her, there are 2 roles that always come to mind: Clerks II, because I really did think she was the perfect girlfriend there, and KIDS. Now, maybe I’m wrong, but I didn’t feel like KIDS was the kind of movie I should be bringing up when first meeting her. That whole foot-in-mouth scenario could of been a lot worse had I said, “I think I fell in love with you in KIDS. Yeah, there was something about the scene where you’re describing how difficult it is to get the taste of semen out of your mouth. Or the scene where you go for your AIDS test.” Oh well, I made my mark. She thought my name was cool, and I made a fool of myself. If I’m lucky, she might use the story next time she’s on Conan or something.

Tomorrow’s Chapter: “This is bullshit!”

14th Dec2007

Dirty Pokemon, Black Snake Eyes, New Knight Rider, and Tribute To Ike Turner

by Will

“I thought you made love like an ugly woman. So present, so grateful.”

Dear TNT,
There are other shows in the world than Charmed and Law & Order. I appreciate what you’re trying to do. You’re going for a whole theme thing. But, really? There’s a whole world of syndicated shows out there, just waiting to be mined. I don’t think anyone’s airing The Fall Guy right now. Or how about that old show, The Wizard, with the midget who made toys that helped him “MacGuyver” out of bad situations? Just a thought…

So, I’ve been losing my mind lately, as Toys “R” Us is now open until midnight for the whole holiday rush. For those of you new to these parts, I work evenings and weekends at Toys “R”Us, or as I like to call it, “my student loan job”. Staying open til midnight can be trying considering that’s just the time at which we start turning away customers. Actually leaving the store is a whole different matter. This past Wednesday, we didn’t get out until 2 AM. Keep in mind that the employees are high school students, mothers, and people with other jobs. It makes no sense to me, seeing as how we have a capable night crew, staffed with baby mama’s and ex convicts. Can’t they clean the store?! But I digress…

During this season, our minds start to wander, and the subject matter of our conversations isn’t exactly suited for our environment. For example, a few weeks back, one of my coworkers remarked that he’s both vulgar and nice. I told him that his Pokemon name would be “Vulgice”. Then, his evolutions would either be Vul-Va or VulGina. Yeah…

Recently, though, we’ve been having a lot of discussions/arguments regarding the upcoming G.I. Joe movie. The guys were remarking that, regardless of how Hollywood decides to fuck it up, the movie won’t be complete without Snake Eyes. Now, this is when one of the guys decided to say that there was a time when everyone thought Snake Eyes was Black, and how disappointed he was when he turned out to be some White guy. Now, first of all, this is a common Black thing to say, as we’re always trying to claim someone in the media. Mariah Carey? She’s ours. The Rock? Yeah, he’s ours, too. O.J.? He’s ours as long as he’s acquitted. Anyway, it was weird to hear this, though, as the assertion was now coming from a White guy.

So, I had to search long and hard and think if there was ever any indication that Snake Eyes was a Black guy. As far as G.I. Joe goes, all Black members have to carry a big ass gun. And rhyme. See: Roadblock; Cross-reference: Heavy Duty. Snake Eyes didn’t rhyme and he carried swords. Not a compelling case.

Then, there’s the fact that Snake Eyes dates Scarlett. Sure, in the cartoon, she was with Duke, but in every other form of media, he’s knockin’ those redheaded boots. Now, have you ever seen a Black guy with a redhead? Have you? For real? If you have, can you find out his secret for me?

Next, there’s the fact that he’s a ninja. I’ll admit that I was surprised he was just a blond cornhusker, myself, as he was a master ninja…who’d fought in Vietnam. This is the real clincher, as I realized there could never be a black ninja. Sure, a ninja might wear Black, but he could never be Black? Why? Because ninjas have to be quiet. There, I said it. You know you were thinking it, too!

A Black ninja would be flossin’ and shit, and would never pull off the element of surprise:
“I’m a ninja, son! Look at this big-ass sword, woadie! I’m ’bout to cut you, fool! You betta check yo self ’cause I’m ’bout to ninja. yo. ass!”

But, knowing Hollywood, if they want to be hip and edgy, movie Snake Eyes will probably be Black. And played by Chris Tucker. Thanks, assholes.

Speaking of Hollywood ruining cool, black concepts, I leave you with this: The other day, I was stalking a friend on facebook, and one of his friends is a page at NBC/Universal. Her status mentioned that she was watching the new K.I.T.T. models roll of the truck. For the uninformed, NBC’s filming a new Knight Rider movie which, if successful, will lead to a new series focusing on Michael Knight’s son. Well, when I saw this message, I almost wet myself. I wanted to send her a message. After all, this woman was like an angel to me; my link to my savior: a talking, condescending car. Just looking at my site, you’ve *got* to see the Knight Rider influence. Anyway, I held off, and decided to find more info on the project myself. And here’s what shattered my childhood memories:


I swear, every night when I say my prayers, I pray that someone would bring back Team Knight Rider. Or at least release it on DVD. On the bright side, at least these producers got The Hoff to agree to come back, which is something TKR never pulled off.

This post is dedicated to the late, great Ike Turner. I believe there are two sides to every story, and poor Ike never got his fair shake. So, I hope he’s in Heaven, slapping and beating up angels…

12th Nov2007

Retarded Chris Brown, Black Republicans, Van Wilder-less Van Wilder 2

by Will

“Seriously, y’all, I’m punching a bear in the face!”

-Man, am I obsessed with Rihanna Jenkins! (Jeff’s the only one who’s gonna understand that joke). I just picked up Good Girl Gone Bad yesterday, and it is HOT. Just like everything else, I’m 6 months late to the game. I remember when I was jamming to “California Love”, and all my friends were like, “Will, Tupac’s been dead for 2 years.” Anyway, hottest track on this album, besides “Umbrella”, has got to be “Please Don’t Stop the Music”. It’s impossible to *not* dance while that track is playing. I love you, Rihanna!

-Why is it that whenever you see Chris Brown on a magazine cover, he’s always got that semi-retarded look on his face? Exhibit A:

“Kiss Kiss” nothing! Grab your Kleenex, ’cause this boy’s a drooler! You know the type. Their “handler” is always trying to take them to the mall, knowing full well that they’re gonna go crazy and throw a fit in the middle of the damn place. And everyone looks over, thinking, “Why in the Hell did she think she could bring that boy up in here like that?!”

– I really thought the Dewmocracy.com commercial was an Army recruitment video. I mean, the Marines almost got me a few times with their crafty camerawork and use of kickass looking swords. With the covert ops scenes, spliced in with the hints of a dystopian future, I was about to run down to the nearest recruitment office. It turns out they just want me to help design the new flavor of Mountain Dew. Not quite the same thing, but I’m willing to hear more…

I caught the last few minutes of Roadhouse on Spike the other night. Could someone please tell me what the fuck that movie was about? I saw some guy who looked like Santa Claus lying on the ground, and I think Patrick Swayze vowed to avenge him. And then these guys stormed a house, and Swayze beat the shit out of them, even though they had shotguns. And then a polar bear fell on some guy. It was all capped off by the main villain getting shot through a glass coffee table.

Now, I don’t have any old issues of Architectural Digest, but those glass top coffee tables seem to have been a staple of the time, and villains were always being shot or thrown through them. I know everybody wants to be a gangsta, but you have to decorate accordingly. If you’re in a line of work where shoot-outs may occur, you don’t want your home/office filled with glass. It’s just common sense, people. Seriously, though: What the fuck was Roadhouse supposed to be about?

-OK, I know that banner ads are supposed to be in-tune with the webpage on which they’re placed. However, I do believe that some things can go too far. Yesterday, I was trying to catch up on recent events on Sunday Best, so I hopped over to BET.com. Well, immediately, my eye was caught by a flashy-ass ad which could not be ignored: the entire side of the page was consumed by an ad for KFC. I shit you not. I clicked through several pages, but it was still there. KFC must be the biggest supporter of Black Entertainment Television.

Honestly, I hate watching BET (and formerly UPN) at this time of year, ’cause you’d think that all Black people do is eat chicken and shop at Wal-Mart. The hippies can give up Wal-Mart all they want ’cause the Black folks ain’t goin’ nowhere! I swear, Wal-Mart LOVES them some Black folks at Christmas time. The commercials have already started. The latest one is where the Black family buys grandpa a plasma TV. My favorite part is where they reassure him that they didn’t pay a lot of money for it. The commercial is geared toward this ideal: White guy’s response would be: “Well isn’t that great! I can watch the big game on it.” But Black guy’s response is immediately, “Y’all know we ain’t got money for this!” Gotta know your audience…

-Speaking of race, there’s no one who gets my pity more than the Black Republican on Election Night. You better believe that they’re gonna make sure to get him in every camera shot. He’s off to the side of the podium, just smiling and clapping, and every news outlet has to show that the Republican party is diversifying its ranks. The saddest part is that the dude is always out of place. It’s like he’s just not in on the joke. Even when they win, the Black dude is always left out of the congratulations proceedings. Everyone’s trading hearty handshakes, and he’s just still smiling and clapping. Sometimes he’ll even join in when the White guys start doing the whole Arsenio Hall Dog Pound Fist Cyclone (we gave that to them in 1996 when they let us have Mariah Carey). But even when they break out high-fives (for which he immediately feels well-suited), they high-five all around him. Sorry, Negro. Too slow! I swear, that guy must be the most hated guy ever because, for that one night, he’s the ironic victim of equal-opportunity hatred: Black Democrats, White Democrats, Many White Republicans, Green Partiers, Non-voters, his predominantly Democrat family, as well as his White wife’s family.

-How are you gonna have Van Wilder 2 without Van Wilder?! Also, I’m pretty sure Kal Penn is getting tired of faking that accent. It’s such a phoned-in performance, as the movie is more like Kumar Goes to England than it was about Taj. In the first Van Wilder, Taj was pretty fresh off the boat, and had only achieved a shred of cool by the end of that movie. In the sequel, he was the coolest guy ever (like Kal played in Harold & Kumar), while making fun of the British class system. Don’t bother with this movie, as you’ve seen it 25 times before. It’s Revenge of the Nerds meets Old School meets Bend It Like Beckham. If you want a funny college movie, though, you should see Grandma’s Boy. SO much better than people thought…

Well, that’s enough rambling for one day. In the immortal words of R.E.O. Speedwagon, “I believe it’s time for me to fly…”

22nd Aug2007

Two Coreys, Umbrella Remixes, Mission: Man Band, Drake & Josh

by Will

“Never underestimate the healing power of a blonde, Miss Potts.”

I’m still not feeling the San Diego recap, as work’s kinda kicking my ass right now. So, here’s a fill-in post about a few random things on my mind lately:

-Why did no one tell me The Two Coreys had started? In some ways, it’s better than I thought it would be. In others, it’s not as good as I thought it would be. I still find it hilarious that Haim doesn’t have a driver’s license. That’s like learning Cusack never owned a boombox.

-I just know that, somewhere, Rihanna’s saying, “‘Pon de replay! Stop fucking wit ma song!” Right now, there are more versions of “Umbrella” than stars on the flag. For starters, she had no clue there was gonna be a Jay-Z intro. She says that the first time she heard his contribution was the first time that she heard the finished song, and it took her by suprise. Then, Scott Simon covered it.Then, the Chris Brown “Cinderella Remix” popped up. Then, Marie Digby covered it, as heard on The Hills. Then, Mandy Moore covered it, with it sounding exactly like Marie’s version.

-Speaking of The Hills, Spencer’s proposal to Heidi was one of the worst things I’ve ever seen on TV, scripted or reality. That dude is such a douchebag. I can’t even stand looking at him. If there’s any doubt as to the scripted nature of that show, rewatch the season premiere, and pay attention to Heidi’s reaction. That, my friends, was scripted.

-The Celebrity Roast for Flavor Flav was pretty awful. The Shatner one was good, as was the one for Pamela. Flav, not so much. The funniest part was when Greg Giraldo told Flav that he looked like a skeleton wrapped in electrical tape. Maybe it’ll be better when they show it uncensored in The Secret Stash.

-Here’s a sentence I never thought I’d write: Has anybody seen the Chris Brown video where he turns into a vampire and dances with those little boys outside of the Power Rangers’ old Command Center?

-I need to start actually calling people, and stop all this text bullshit. You know it’s gone too far when Verizon texts you to tell you that you’ve gone over your texts…The worst part about texting is that there’s no “goodbye”. You can be flirting along, and then….nothing. It’s like the phone commercials where the calls drop. “Did I say something wrong? Was that too far?” Nothing. And then, 2 weeks later, you get another text like nothing happened. I can’t live like this anymore!

-No, Timbaland, I can’t handle you the way you are, mainly because you keep giving it to me every 20 minutes. I’m really tired of this summer’s radio being dominated by the “Timbers”, ‘land and ‘lake.

-They’re really making a Flavor of Love 3? Come the fuck on…

-I think Denzel has finally made a movie that I’d want to see. Go watch the trailer for American Gangster!

-Jeff Timmons is getting on my last nerve on Mission: Man Band. He’s “pulling an Ikaika” (10 points to anyone who understands that reference) with the whole “I don’t want to be here” routine. Dude, nobody begged you. As far as 98 Degrees rankings go, you were #3, behind both Lacheys, but before the old, weird, ugly bass. Since that group folded, you’ve done one infomercial and your wife left you. When they introduced you on Man Band, you lived with your parents. Cut the shit and start singing. You need this, bitch.

-The NBC special on the Beckhams just reignited my fire for Victoria. Never cared much for David, as he lacks personality. Posh, though, was always my #2 Spice. She’s still #2, but it’s because she’s clawed her way back up the ladder. And that feat, to put it in her terms, is simply may-juh!

-I have an almost unhealthy obsession with Drake & Josh right now. They’re funny guys, it’s scary how much weight Josh lost over the course of the show, plus their sister is played by the little bitchy girl from School of Rock. I forgot how good Nickelodeon shows could be…

-Anybody seen Topanga’s weight loss commercial? Damn, I’d like to get me some of those pills!

-If somebody calls you first thing in the morning, offering free roses and whatnot, don’t fall for it. In the words of Admiral Ackbar, “It’s a trap!” It’s a radio station, and your girl already knows you’re cheating on her. Just hang up and handle your shit off the air. That said, “War of the Roses”, on Hot 99.5 (and various other stations across the country), is my favorite form of morning entertainment. I do think, however, it’s the kind of thing that gets morning DJ’s sent to Hell. Just sayin’…

-TV Land’s Back to the Grind is the best idea in ages. If you haven’t seen it, they take an actor from an old TV show, and they make him perform the job of his character to see if he could really pull it off. For example, Night Court‘s Harry Anderson actually had to be a judge for a day, and WKRP‘s Loni Anderson actally had to be a receptionist for a day. Priceless.

-Anne Hathaway, if you’re reading this, could you please try to do more movies set in the present? I get it, you like period pieces, but you’re gonna get typecast. So far, you’re good at playing princesses, frumps, and frumpy princesses. And there’s that straight-to-dvd flick where you showed your tits. Otherwise, I’m gonna need to see some diversity out of your roles, honey. After all, this is your job we’re talking about!

10th Aug2007

Virgin Fest Part 1: Amy Winehouse and Cheap Trick

by Will

“Nah, I spent 2 years in the Cub Scouts & realized its potential to make me queer.”

OK, so we’re working backwards here. Virgin Festival, and then I’ll get to the SD adventures.

First off, there are just some movies that shouldn’t air on non-paid television. Friday, for example. It’s just not worth it. The thing makes almost no sense, considering how drastically MTV/VH-1 edited it. Another one? Showgirls. Don’t believe me? Stay up late one night, and check out your local MyNetworkTv channel. It’s on there, and it’s even worse than the uncut version. Anyway, back to the topic at hand.

Recently, the job has really cranked the perks up to 11. Sure, I may not be able to pay rent anymore, but I’ll never go naked as they seem to hand out polo shirts weekly. To amp that up, though, the vendors have started getting in on the action. One of our newest and biggest accounts is Virgin Comics. A subsidiary of Sir Richard Branson’s Virgin empire, the Virgin Comics line primarily conveys classic, Indian stories and mythologies to a Western audience. OK, that’s enough of a plug. So, I met their new head of marketing in San Diego, and he was awesome. In fact, he was going to line up a meeting that you’ll learn about in the SD post. In any case, when we got back to the home office, Virgin had provided us with tickets to the Virgin Festival (with guest area access), being held at Pimlico where Preakness takes place.

Now, I’ve never been a concert guy. Whenever these kinds of music fests come to town, they sound cool to me, but my fear of crowds takes over, and I talk myself out of the idea. Well, here was a free ticket. And I hadn’t really paid much attention to the guest list, but one name caught my eye. Yes, the name of a strung-out goddess: Amy Winehouse.

Anyone following my recent posts and myspace/facebook activity knows that I love this girl. Not necessarily in a sexual way, as she’s a cross between Julie Kavner (the voice of Marge Simpson, who actually looks more like Aunt Selma) and that dude from Dead of Alive (they sang the “You spin me right round, baby” song). Not exactly an erection-inspiring equation. It’s not about the sexy, though; it’s about the tunes, man. Her album changed my life. OK, I won’t go that far. If anything, I think it was the timing of her album.

For the uninformed, Back to Black is an album that Amy recorded during a break in her tumultuous relationship with now-husband, Blake Civil-Fielder. She’s said that she wasn’t exactly inspired, but rather *had* to write those songs. If she didn’t get them out, she simply would have died. Dramatic, non? Sure, everyone knows her because of “Rehab”. Haha, she’s singing about how her label wants her to go to rehab. It’s not exactly funny. She was so depressed, and had abused enough substances to get to that point. Sure, it’s a cool, rebellious track, but it’s also a cry for help (especially if you’ve read an entertainment blog in the past 48 hrs). My point is that her main single is almost a joke track to some, while the real meat of the album is what follows. “You Know I’m No Good” is about her warning that she was going to fuck up her relationship, but still forcing her lover and herself to learn, the hard way, that she was right all along. “Love is a Losing Game” is about her regretting taking a chance on love, as it’s a gamble where the house always wins. Now, I’ve never been a lyrics person, so those were just a bonus. This woman could sing me the phone book, and I’d be putty. She just hit me at the right time. I was like a 15 yr old girl who’d just gotten her first Dashboard Confessional CD after being burned by her first bf at theatre camp (it’s OK, honey. He was gay!).

Anyway, seeing Amy on the card was enough for me to go. Screw the Smashing Pumpkins, or 311, or even the Police. I love all of those guys, but they melted away when I realized I might have the chance to sing “No, no, no!” in the presence of my beehived queen.

People were wondering if she’d actually show up. She’s been blowing off gigs left and right due to “exhaustion” and whatnot. But she came. And she performed. And I’m left with mixed feelings. On the one hand, she was magnificent. She really sang those songs, sometimes better than the CD. On the other hand, performance was phoned in at times, due to the fact that a racetrack was not an ideal venue for her. You need to see her in the small jazz club, where the acoustics take over. She is *not* a stadium performer. So, I think it might have been the deadest part of the Saturday bill, but I still loved every minute of it. I saw Amy! Right before she went into rehab! Lord knows what she’s gonna be like if it takes…

But wait, there are more acts! If you had ever told me that I’d get to see Cheap Trick perform “The Flame” live, I’d have kicked you in the balls. Well, now I would also owe you an apology and an ice pack. That was one of my 80s dreams come true. If they had driven out in K.I.T.T., with Catherine Bach in the passenger seat, I might’ve had a stroke.

I saw Ben Harper, but he was pretty boring, really. And while people might kill me for this, I have to say the same thing about the Beastie Boys. Sorry, dudes. That Jamaican waiter from the old MTV commercials would be glad to know that hip-hop is no longer ruled by “Tree Jewish White boyeez”. Also probably blasphemy? The Police bored me. I’m the fool who likes the Sting solo stuff better than the group stuff. He’s not one of those artists like Peter Cetera or Phil Collins, where it’s next to impossible to tell if it’s a group or solo song. No, the Police stuff is drastically different from “When We Dance” or “Fields of Gold”. Sorry, but a brotha loves his soft rock.

You know who rocked the house? Felix da Housecat! My dance phase was about 8 years ago, but he brought it back in full force. On Saturday, the main party was in the dance tent. It felt weird experiencing that scene with sunlight beaming in, but that didn’t stop the club kids. They were tweaking out all over the place. There was one chick who just sat near the door, pinching air. If you were close enough, and the fates allowed, she managed to pinch you ass. Otherwise, she was just pinching, at nothing particular. E is a helluva drug! Felix was awesome, though. I know he has this huge club rep, but to actually be there, and experience it…

Anyway, the overall festival was cool. It was hot as balls, but every tattooed, under-30, local music enthusiast seemed to be in the house. I just couldn’t believe that Sir Richard actually attended the thing. I was minding my own, in the guest tent, when he just kind of walks by. There he was, like a blonde-haired Jesus, swaddled in PacSun robes. Too quick for a picture, but slow enough for a memory. Man, I should be a friggin’ poet…

To Be Continued…

08th Aug2007

Stardust, On Diamond

by Will

“Getting fired by the World Bank – a huge impediment to getting hired by the Galaxy Bank.”

So much to write about, but so little time. San Diego recap’s coming. Virgin Festival recap is coming.

For some reason, the swag train really pulled up at work recently. Tonight, we had the chance to see a sneak preview of the movie Stardust. Based on a graphic novel by Neil Gaiman and Charles Vess, it’s a wonderful tale of fantasy and romance. If you like the Princess Bride or Moulin Rouge, you’ll love this movie. Claire Danes has a speech in there about love that is just touching as Hell. OK, enough gushing. It was excellent, but it did have a drawback: I now have to admit that I like something written by Neil Gaiman…

05th Jul2007

When Should I Leave My Drug Dealer Boyfriend? An Analysis of Fergie vs Hinder

by Will

“Baby, I’m Dr. Montalban!”

You know what song I really hate right now? Fergie’s Big Girls Don’t Cry. Don’t get me wrong; it’s a lame song, but I hate it even more because of the video.

You see, it’s supposedly this whole “It’s not you, it’s me” song. The whole vibe is “I’m growing up, I want more from life, and I think it’s time to go after it.” OK, that’s all well and good. But what I’m not digging is the whole, “It’s not you, it’s just something I have to do for me” message. Why? Well, in the video, her boyfriend is a fucking drug dealer. I would hope her leaving does have something to do with him. A LOT to do with him. He’s a fucking dealer! You can’t just up and leave, and act like you made some bold, personal decision when your man is slangin’ that rock in your driveway. I feel the video undermines the whole message of the song because it’s no longer a song about independence, but one of blind stupidity. She should’ve left long ago, with her hobo-looking ass. And she’s not making a bold stand by leaving him because he’s dealing; she’s leaving ’cause she wants to, but he just happens to deal. The two things shouldn’t be considered related. It’s like the song and the video are on 2 different wavelengths.

It also bothers me that it’s a hackneyed reinterpretation of Hinder’s Better Than Me video. It’s like the whole No Scrubs/ No Pigeons response videos from back in the day. In Hinder’s video, the chick stays and watches her man die, while Fergie leaves her man before it gets to that point. But she ain’t even leaving because of the drugs. She’s just leaving. Because she has to. Ummm….OK.

I think what gets me the most about the video is that her boyfriend is played by none other than Milo Ventimiglia. I swear, Milo is the “Andrew Keegan” of the 21st century. Wait a minute…why are you giving me that look? Am I going to have to explain who these people are?

Andrew Keegan was the everyman hot guy of 90’s television. If there was ever a role for a hot, pseudo asshole, it was played by Keegan unless David Lascher decided to take one more go at teenagerdom (he and Melissa Joan Hart played teenagers for about 15 yrs…). Keegan was on everything from Baywatch to Step by Step to his most stable role, Wilson, the teenage father, on 7th Heaven. He was also king of the failed pilot. He went after a lot of shows, but few of them were either picked up or successful. His biggest movie role was 10 Things I Hate About You. Keeg’s is getting older, and he’s not going to have his looks to fall back on one of these days. Or, maybe he will. He’s pretty much going to grow up to be Andrew Shue, so maybe he’s good at soccer or something.

Anyway, Milo is on the very same career path. His star is just starting to rise after dwelling in Hollywood limbo for the past few years. His most stable role was that of Jess on Gilmore Girls. After that, he was cast in Heroes, which is supposedly the best thing since sliced bread. Plus, he got to play Rocky’s son in Rocky Balboa. But he first had to walk a long, hard road filled with cancellation. From Opposite Sex to Boston Public to American Dreams to Bedford Diaries, it was like Milo had the Ted McKinley “Show-Killer Curse”. He has killed so many good shows at this point that I can’t stand to look at him. To me, seeing Milo is like watching your doctor put on that latex glove: you’re about to get your ass violated, but it’ll be over quick so don’t sweat it too much. Wow, that was more hardcore than it needed to be! I’m gonna have to reel it in more next time…

04th Jul2007

Fourth of July ‘Splosions!

by Will

“I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me.”

First off, let me say that I’ll never understand Myspace politics. I shuffled my Top Friends around to reflect the real-time state of things. I didn’t remove anybody. I simply shifted. And all of a sudden, I’m some asshole? It’s ranked by who I speak to most frequently. That’s pretty much it, but somehow I’ve slighted someone. I didn’t do this…

Anyway, happy 4th of July! I’m starting to think that Michael Bay is my real daddy. Why? Because I f’ing love explosions. Most people would be frightened or the noise might get to them, but I *love* them. No, this isn’t going to be a Transformers post. I haven’t seen it, nor do I have any real desire to, seeing as how my days have been wrapped up in Transformers for the past 3 months…

No, I’m talking about fireworks. My friend Lindsay and I went to the National Mall because I’d never seen the DC fireworkstravaganza. It was pretty awesome. As I sat there, watching beautiful things explode, I didn’t have a care in the world. It was somewhat therapeutic and just what I needed. I’m twisted, I know. Guess I’ll have to bring that up in therapy next week…