27th Jun2007

My BRIEF Review of Live Free Or Die Hard

by Will

“I’ma gonna have red beans for dinner!”

Dear writers of Live Free or Die Hard,
I hate to be a stickler, but there are no Arby’s restaurants located in downtown DC. Otherwise, you made a pretty kickass movie.

Holla atcha boy,
Will “Yippee-Ki-Yay” West

04th Jun2007

Ant & Dec, The Last Kiss, and Will & JJ’s Adventures In Cumberland

by Will

“I like havin’ my toes sucked and my ass licked out. At the same time. Wait a minute…”

Yeah, I’m going to break the fourth wall and acknowledge where that quote came from. Yeah, I actually heard that in conversation. I think I had the most amoral weekend ever, but I don’t wanna write about that yet.

First off, a post update. If you read my Love, Actually post, you’ll remember I ended it saying, “ I really wish someone would find a project for Ant & Dec in America…” Well, imagine my happy surprise when I read this on Tvguide.com today:

ABC has ordered six episodes of Wanna Bet?, a game show in which contestants wager on whether they can perform stunts. U.K. personalities Ant and Dec will host….

I think ABC owes me a finders fee!

Ok, have you ever watched a movie or read a book and related to every character? Last night, I watched The Last Kiss, and I so did/did not need to watch that right now. First of all, Zach Braff as a sometimes asshole is a bit much to take, yet works as a concept. But out of him and his entire group of friends, I couldn’t figure out which one I felt most like at that given time. The same way that Garden State made you go, “Man, this quarter-life phase sucks!”, The Last Kiss makes you think, “Man, this marriage phase sounds like it sucks!” It seems like it’s not even a matter of things wrong in a relationship; sometimes it can just be the lack of surprise left in the relationship…

So, the weekend. Some backstory. My friend, JJ, used to go to school in Allegheny County. For those Marylanders in the house, your pity is welcome. For y’all not from these here parts, Allegheny is as country as you can get. It’s up in the mountains, away from civilization, where gas stations close at 8. Anyway, he was going through this “I’m going to find myself” phase about a year back, and decided to go take classes up there (even though he already has some sort of degree/certificate thing to his name!).

While he was up there, he didn’t get much done, academically. Instead, he was the life of the party. I guess it also helped that he was about 8 yrs older than everybody, but they all wanted to hang out with JJ. In fact, they called him “Diddy” ’cause he always got the party started (and he was “city-fied”). He also had his share of ladies, one of whom was *crazy* (about him and in general). The stories I’ve heard about that coupling would make the best video you’ve ever seen!

After about a semester, JJ realized that he was kind of over that region and he came back here. Even so, he would make trips up to see this girl because their escapades were legendary. There’s a catch, though. You see, the girl wasn’t exactly herself. She was doing the college thing, and abused some substances here and there. Those party favors played a big part in why JJ was the Ron Jeremy of Cumberland, as far as she was concerned.

So, over the weekend, JJ decided he wanted to make that trip. I had absolutely nothing to do, and I like hick areas, so I tagged along. He gave the chick a call, but her phone had been turned off (and she’s White, too! Everybody laugh). He had left her myspace messages that he was coming to town, but no response. So, he decided to be straight up gangsta, and just knock on her door.

Well, that’s what we did. The lights were out in the hallway of the apartment building, so we were just some Negroes in the dark. Her roommate opened the door, and was scared shitless, seeing as how they’re not used to door-to-door thug service. JJ told her he was here for the other chick, who then came to the door.

She was really happy to see him, and just jumped right on him. JJ’s smile screamed, “Yes, I’m still in!” But that was not the case. You see, there were 2 other people in the room, and a screaming baby. But wait, there’s more. The chick tells JJ that these are her friends from rehab. No, no, no!

Yup, it seems that the chick had been trying to get clean ever since JJ skipped town and broke her heart. Now, her nights were filled with Jolt energy drink and games of spades. Immediately, JJ began the investigation to see if there were traces of the old chick in there. They’d do their reminiscing thing, but everything she said was *really* past tense. Like, “Remember how crazy we used to be?” or “Man, I was so in love with you, JJ.” I think the clincher was when she said, “Man, we had some really good sex, didn’t we?” and he jumped right on that with, “Had?” You see, she needs companionship now, and not just some dude who passes through town every few weeks. Turns out there’s a dude in her group she’s been dating (which is odd seeing as how you’re not supposed to date for the first year of recovery, but maybe things are different in the moutains).

Now, here’s where shit gets shady. JJ realizes he really needs to start pushing those buttons if he’s to get what he wants, but is it worth knocking a chick off the wagon? Well, it certainly seemed that way. As the group continued discussing details of the day’s earlier meeting, JJ kept getting more restless. He just couldn’t wrap his head around a totally sober lifestyle. They were really trying hard, and the chick showed him her 4 months worth of keychains she’d gotten for sobriety, but he would counter telling her how much he wanted a 40. I wanted to reach over across the table and punch him out. You don’t fucking do that. You don’t tell a pedophile that you really wanna go to Chuck E Cheese’s! Shit’s hard enough as it is. Don’t dangle temptation.

Then again, I guess I can see why JJ was confused. You see, even though she tried to act like that stuff was in the past, she and her friends were freaks! Somehow, they started talking about how much they enjoyed getting their asses licked out. I was thoroughly disgusted, as were the other guys in the room. The women, however, were all about the analingus. Even Sarah, the quiet chick who came in somewhat aloof, really came alive when she reentered the room to that discussion. They were like, “Sarah, don’t you like gettin’ your ass licked?” She responded, “Oh yeah, girl! I like havin’ my toes sucked and my ass licked.” Wow, quiet girl came out of her shell! And apparently, she likes to have said shell licked.

Then, they proceeded to explain the freaky rituals of the house. All of the group members have to sign the “autograph wall”, but they have to sign with their nickname. Sarah’s was “Rubber Crack”; I won’t really go into the story, but let’s just say this chick is all about butts. If there are yellow stars around the autograph, it means you’ve had sex in the house. Are all rehab groups like this?!

Anyway, I saw that the night wasn’t going the direction that JJ wanted, but I had to wait until he came to this realization. After all, he drove. I think the nail was in the coffin when the chick asked him, “JJ, do you think I’m as fun sober as I was back in the day?” His response? “Haha, yeah…I’m not gonna answer that.” Give the chick the acceptance she was looking for, dude! On the one hand, I’m glad he was honest, since it meant he wasn’t willing to lie to get ass. On the other hand, it’s still a dick response. That’s one of those gray areas…

A little after that, we said our goodbyes and went back out into the mountain night. Although he didn’t “succeed”, it was still a very awkward and sketchy experience. A few more like that, and this site might actually be readable again…

29th May2007

My Tribute To Love Actually

by Will

“You must not know ’bout me, you must not know ’bout me…”

I abso-fucking-lutely adore Love, Actually. I was up until 4 this morning watching that thing, which is sad considering a) I own it and b) I’ve drunkenly watched it at least twice within the past 2 weeks. It’s great because I always notice something new with each viewing. Plus, I fall madly in love with a different female character each time.

I first saw it in the theatre, back during NYC Tour ’03 when I was looking for toy jobs (man, did that go nowhere!). For some reason, I was drawn to Laura Linney’s character, Sarah. Sure, she was kind of mousy, but I could somehow relate to the issue of pining for someone, and everyone in creation knows, but worrying that your family/life circumstances might fuck things up. The idea that this one person or situation might make you happier than you’ve ever been, but maybe you aren’t *supposed* to be happy. Twisted, I know, but that’s how I related to the character, and to her as an actress. She’s done a ton of stuff, but I didn’t notice her until her office crush on Karl was outed by the delightful Alan Rickman.

Speaking of Rickman, let me also say that I fell in love with his delivery in this movie. Sure, he’s in Dogma (my least favorite Smith film) and some other stuff, but his subtlety spoke volumes here. And while I didn’t fall in love with her, the lust/danger factor of his assistant, played by Heike Makatsch, is incredible. She’s both weird looking and the sexiest thing ever, all at the same time.

When I bought the DVD, I found myself CRAZY for Keira Knightley. Sure, she’d been in Bend it Like Beckham, but she wasn’t exactly attractive. Well, she was, but there wasn’t exactly anything feminine about her. I still remember how the trades referred to her as “The world’s sexiest tomboy beanpole.” Not exactly a ringing endorsement. It’s like how porn sites call ugly chicks “exotic”. But in Love, Actually, she is so cute it hurts. And, once again, I could sort of understand the issue of loving someone and watching them get married, knowing that your shot is pretty much gone. I mean, the scene where Mark reveals his feelings via cue cards makes me heart hurt.

All in all, my favorite girl in the whole place is Martine McCutcheon, who plays Natalie. The Natalie/Prime Minister pairing is especially great for me, because I think I love Hugh Grant as much as I love Martine. I have *always* had a thing for Martine, dating all the way back to her years on Eastenders (I’ll never forgive those blimey bastards for letting her character get hit & killed by that car!). Since I follow British gossip, I think reality sort of seeps in and I feel bad for her, knowing how little luck she’s had in love (wiki her for more details).

In any case, I think she is utterly perfect. I mean, she is the bee’s knees, yet the whole movie, her family’s calling her fat and she’s getting felt up by the American president. I just want to swoop in and save her. But if I can’t do it, then I can think of no better man than Hugh Grant. It wins the prize for the “cute love story”, but I’m always amazed that Martine meets the British equivalent of “overweight”. That’s a crying shame…

Runner-up for cuteness would have to be Jack and Judy. I mean, anytime you can spend weeks together, filming simulated sex scenes, but can’t exactly muster the courage to kiss the woman good night, well that’s just mindfuckingly precious.

Now, for the title of “most beautiful love story”, that completely goes to Aurelia and Jamie. I mean, the whole “love is a universal language” theme could be a bit heavy-handed, but I still think it’s so heartwarming. The scene where he’s about to drive her home, and remarks that the drive is his favorite part of his day, while she responds that leaving him is the saddest part of her day. They don’t know what the other is saying, but they’re still on the same page. *Sigh* As far as Aurelia, I go back and forth on her with each viewing. Sometimes, she looks sort of like a rat, while others she is the most beautiful creature to ever speak Portugese.

Now, I know some might disagree with me, but I always feel like the most useless parts of the movie are Colin coming to America (it’s funny, but unnecessarily ruins the flow of things) and Sam falling for the little halfie Joanna who sings better than Mariah Carey (interesting fact: Olivia Olson sang the song so well that the producers didn’t think anyone would believe that it was her. As a result, they actually taught her to sing it a bit less refined so that the audience would believe it was being sung by a real 12 yr old.). Don’t get me wrong, I love the Colin stuff, as well as any chance to see January Jones or Ivana Miličević (Head Over Heels, great movie, btw!). And I think the Sam stuff is cute, but we’re talking about a 3 hr movie here! If you cut out all the unnecessary stuff about Liam Neeson’s wife dying and the subsequent bonding with Sam, you could shave a good 30 mins off. I know that the Christmas play was the unifying force that got all of the players together, but it could have been done without the Sam stuff. And watching that final airport stuff always makes me think “you could never pull this off post-9/11”, which is odd considering the movie was written as a response to 9/11.

Anyway, I’m losing focus because I think this thing might be my favorite movie of all time, yet I know a lot of people disagree with me (just as with Moulin Rouge), so I’ll cease my ramblings here. I close, though, saying that Bill Nighy should have won an Oscar for his role as Billy Mack! It is one of the best performances of 2003, and I really think he was the star of the movie. From his disdain for his own single to his realization of his love for his manager, he really played every facet of his aged rocker character. Plus, (and only the Brits will get this reference) he took the piss from Blue, live with “Ant or Dec”. I really wish someone would find a project for Ant & Dec in America…

20th Mar2007

Five Things I Learned From 300

by Will

“Let us rock and let us roll!”

So, I saw 300 last weekend. What did I think? It was OK. Yeah, that’s pretty much it.

You see, I’m not the biggest Frank Miller fan. Nothing against him, but I’m just not there for all of his comic stuff. I never read Sin City, so that movie was just “meh” for me. I haven’t seen Robocop in years. So, from where I stand, the only comic work of Miller’s that I did like was Dark Knight Returns, and in my older age I’m beginning to see that it was the beginning of the death of modern day comics (another rant for another time).

In any case, I learned 5 important things from 300, the motion picture:

1) The whole “you need to support your country when it goes to war” propaganda is a LOT more powerful when the nation’s leader actually goes into said war, leading the charge, and sacrifices his own life.

2) The ugly guy eventually gets the girl. It doesn’t matter if you’re a deformed mutant. Pretty soon, someone powerful is going to need what you’ve got, be it skills, knowledge, or strategy. And there’s a hot, young virgin in it for ya. Hooray for uglies!

3) Elephants were originally GINORMOUS and used for war. Eventually, God realized that He may have overestimated things a bit. That’s when He created the ePhant Nano, which is the elephant that we know of today.

4) You know, I’m a smart kid, but I’m not big on history. I thought this was a whole “based on a true story” thing. Yup, until I saw the guy with the goathead with the harem. And even then, I thought, “Well, maybe there were people with goatheads back then.” Yeah, I’m not so smart anymore.

5) One should never go into battle against a 9 foot tall drag queen. It’s as true today as it was many centuries ago.

27th Dec2006

Great Steve Guttenberg Interview

by Will

“Rubbin’ is Racin’!”

Below, you’ll find a GREAT article with Steve Guttenberg. Yup, THAT guy. “Police Academy” and…well…”Police Academy II”. And while he comes off as a MAJOR a-hole, he’s got a point. Anyway, here’s my favorite part of the interview:

You had a string of hits in the 1980s. What have you been up to lately?
There are 100,000 actors in the Screen Actors Guild. Only 2,000 of them make more than $75,000 (£42,000) a year. That means 98,000 actors make less than $75,000 a year. From 1980 to 1990, I shot more films than any other actor in the Screen Actors Guild apart from Gene Hackman. Everyone keeps asking me that stupid question: “What are you doing?” I say: “Why do I need to do anything? I’m rich.” Do you want me to be poor again? Do you want me to go back to making tomato soup out of ketchup and water? Or would you like me to be a multimillionaire and be rewarded for all the entertainment I gave you for all those years? I’m enjoying life now. If I was a plumber and I’d done the most plumbing jobs between 1980 and 1990, everyone would be saying: “What a great plumber” – he says “f**k you to the world and he’s enjoying himself.” But for some reason, as an actor, you’re not allowed to say: “I’m f**king rich, bro.”

If you’re so rich, why do you work at all any more?
I love the fame and the money and the power. You have to keep working to have that. Listen to Hugh Grant. He freaking hates acting but he still works to have the money, fame and power. If he didn’t work, they’d forget about him – and when he arrived at a restaurant, a new Hugh Grant would have the best table. Fame, money and power: that’s why people become actors, directors or producers. They love the juice. I don’t care who you are. I’m sure if you dig deep, Joe and Ralph Fiennes do it because they want to be noticed. It’s great to see people liking my work but [sigh] I’m just saying what the truth is.

Thanks, it makes a change.
I’m not going to say “I’m an actor and I’m changing the world.” Ewan McGregor – who cares? God bless you, Ewan, you’re cute and adorable but just do your job. Jude Law, Sean Penn, any of these guys, they’ll tell you they’re not doing it for free.

Like I said, he’s got a point. Anyway, if you’re one of 5 other people who care about Steve, the rest of the article can be found here:

http://www.metro.co.uk/metro/interviews/interview.html?in_page_id=8&in_interview_id=1234

29th Aug2006

Joyce DeWitt Hair, The DCU, Craigslit?, and Jenna Von Oy’s Ass

by Will

“If he dies, he dies.”

So, I have neither the energy nor the internet connection to sit through typing the adventure I teased a few weeks ago. Don’t worry; it’s coming. But for now, I thought I’d go for a stream-of-consciousness post. Jenn calls hers “Cerebrogenesis” or something like that. I give you:

BRAINFARTS

-Why is it that, when people adopt little girls from China, they always get them that “Joyce DeWitt” haircut? I mean, do they come like that? Are there care instructions of which I am unaware?

-Why is the movie called “Idlewild”? Why didn’t they just call it what it really is: “Negron Rouge”?

-Man, was I wrong about “Snakes on a Plane” being the next best thing since Tivo.

-Man, was I wrong about Tivo.

-I’m about to stop watching TV. First, they cancel Blind Date & Elimidate, the shows that taught me to never count out the healing power of a hot tub. Then, they cancel Stargate SG-1, the show which cured me of my Trekitis. And now, they get rid of Horatio Sanz, Chris Parnell, and Maya Rudolph on SNL?!! The SG-1 announcement gets to me the most. This is a show that, for the past 4 years, has always written itself as if it were its last season. The last 4 season finales were meant as “show enders”. Sci-Fi KNEW that! And the one time the show sets itself up to actually extend into another season, Sci-Fi pulls the rug out from under them =(

-Philly is a REALLY dirty city.

-“Celebrity Duets” ain’t half bad, and I have an unhealthy affinity for Little Richard now.

-“MyNetwork TV” is the worst idea I’ve ever heard of. A network that shows nothing but translated Spanish soaps. Starring Morgan Fairchild. Fox isn’t even trying anymore…

-52’s good, but it ain’t THAT good.

-The DCU is like a cafeteria-style meal. You take one of the Big Three (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman) as your entree, and then you can add on sides dishes, like the “funny Justice League”, or the GL Corps, or the Legion. But you MUST have one of the Big Three. Beware: Wonder Woman’s the equivalent of the fish entree that they give to senior citizens. And it’s got bones.

-So, am I supposed to like Ray Nagin, or not? ‘Cause I could really go either way.

-Why is there no “craigslit.org”? The adult entertainment industry is missing out on a virtual goldmine!

-I guess there are enough fucked up people on craigslist.

-The “Alcoholic Sweats” would be a great name for a band.

-I wanna be a wedding singer.

-So, Jennine’s married now. Huh. Well, uh…if you’re still reading this thing, “Congrats!”

-Next person who announces an engagement gets a kidney punch.

-Destination wedding, my ass! I need witnesses!

-Professor Oglivee marries Mo’nique in “The Parkers” series finale?

-Man, Jenna Von Oy had a phat ass!

-Of course, I’d watch the black show for the white girl…

-Shit, I’ve gotta wake up in 4 hrs!

05th Aug2006

Affirmative Action Gets Supernatural: The Winston Zeddemore Story

by Will

“It’s either French, or you’re speaking with clicks!”

Winston-Zeddemore_opt

So, I’m gonna go for the double-whammy this time. For me and my constituents, I present the pop culture post. For any stragglers from the Reappropriate set, I give you the racism post. All wrapped in one. The topic of today’s post? Winston Zeddemore.

Yes, Winston Zeddemore, played by Ernie Hudson (voiced by Arsenio Hall, natch!), is also known as “The Black Ghostbuster”. But to look at most of the promotional pics of the Ghostbusters movie franchise, Mr. Zeddemore is given the short shrift. Now, growing up, I was much more well-versed in the animated Ghostbusters universe than the movies. Sure, I’d seen the movies, especially Ghostbusters 2, since Channel 5 showed that piece of shit every 6 weeks. In any regard, I lived for the cartoon. There was more attention given to Slimer, Egon was an alibino, and they even explained why/how Jeanine had changed over the years (best.episode.ever).What’s not to love? But as I got older, it became harder to watch the cartoons. Even learning that they were written by J. Michael Strazcynski, of Babylon 5 fame, was not enough to keep my attention. Plainly put, I had outgrown The Real Ghostbusters.

Not willing to give up on my past so quickly, I turned to the motion picture Ghostbusters universe. A darker place, where Slimer only had cameos, The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man was NOT an adorable mascot, and the black guy was just background scenery.

Now, let’s get something straight. I didn’t grow up wanting to be Winston. Nope, I wanted to be Egon, and if not him, then Peter. But I was glad that there was a Black guy. Sure, he didn’t do much, but he was there. Kinda how Indian kids must’ve felt about Haji in the Johnny Quest cartoons. His presence was enough for me. At least, in the cartoon. But the movies were a different story. As far as the movies, he was simply a precursor for Morgan Freeman. All the fool did was drive the damn car! As I’ve aged, it’s become clear that Winston Zeddemore was nothing but an affirmative-action hire.

I doubt you’d find anybody who, following a Ghostbusters viewing, would proclaim Winston as a hero to them. Nope. Nobody. Not even that crackhead on the corner. In fact, here’s a crackhead’s interpretation of Ghostbuster cool factor: “Muthafucka wit da glasses? Dat fucka was smart, son! Bitch who looked like dat dude from Groundhog Day? That playa was hilarious, son!”

I’ll bet it even extends to the supporting characters: “That bitch from Aliens? I’d hit dat. The bitch who answered the phones? I’d hit dat twice. Even that muthfucka from Honey I Shrunk The Kids was dope, yo.” (PLEASE, somebody find me a crackhead who references Honey, I Shrunk The Kids!)But ask the crackhead about Winston. “The brotha? Man, all that nigga did was drive the muthfuckin’ car.”

Face it, in the movie universe, there is no important role for Winston. I was reading the wiki entry for the movie, and they claim that Winston was supposed to be hired earlier in the film, but they waited until later because they wanted to show that the 3 guys had really fallen off their game and needed the extra help. “Extra help”?! All he did was DRIVE THE CAR. And it wasn’t even a cool car, like K.I.T.T. Don’t get me wrong, I’d go for a ride in the Ecto-1 in a heartbeat, but the thing was a repainted hearse with a siren on top. Not an ambulance, like some people believe, but a hearse. That’s some morbid shit. It gets worse and worse for poor Winston. The man is a glorified funeral director, driving around a bunch of crazy White guys who “bust” ghosts.

I think that was the most interesting aspect of Movie Winston: He didn’t even really believe in ghosts. He just needed a quick buck. The dude had been an NYC firefighter, and if ya ask me, he left that line of work not a minute too soon (OK, so it was 15 years sooner than he had to, but you get the point…). But he was of the mind of, “You crazy White dudes are gonna pay me to put on this jumpsuit as we ‘bust ghosts’?” He figured he needed to get while the gettin’ was good. Which, I guess, is still bad because it paints him as some layabout who’s out for an easy dollar. I don’t think he even realized he was strapping a nuclear reactor to his back.

But even outside of the storyline, my disdain extends to the real world aspects of the movie. Ernie Hudson gets next to no billing for that film. It’s Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, Dan Ackroyd, Sigourney Weaver, and in some cases even Annie Potts and Rick Moranis. “Ernie Hudson” is only listed when EVERYBODY is listed. He’s like right above the Gaffer. And I can’t look at him, to this day, without thinking, “Man, those dudes didn’t treat you right.” I mean, I guess he knew what he signed up for, and I’m glad he never had any of those popular delusions of “I’m opening new doors for the depiction of Blacks in film.” Hell, if he’d just been “Angry Black Guy”, a cliche we all know and love (Hi, Sam Jackson), he would’ve made more of an impact than “The black dude who drives the Ghostbusters around.”

The original script was written with Eddie Murphy in mind, but prior commitments prevented that. Now, I wonder if they would’ve shoved Eddie in the same role, or if he would’ve been “Wise-cracking, jive-talking, streetwise Black guy? Maybe he’d put a banana in an exhaust pipe, and then run off to China as they clean his royal penis. I wonder if Ernie Hudson wakes up nights, terrified by how badly he failed to fill the shoes of Eddie Murphy. It makes one wonder “what might have been”. Almost as much as the fact that “Beverly Hills Cop” was written for Sylvester Stallone, but that’s a story for another time…

25th Jun2006

Wolvie & Harry’s Matrixy Adventure

by Will

“I was gonna have sex with you, and then we were gonna watch Batman. Your loss!”

So, my mother and I like to frequent this huge thrift store in the area (Unique Bazaar). We usually call it “The Spanish Store”, mainly due to its clientele and the fact that everything is written in Spanish. Anyway, it’s always bad news when we go because we end buying a bunch of crap that we don’t need.

Well, yesterday, I was in the toy section and noticed something. You see, they bag up separate tiny toys into grab bags, in order to move the merchandise quickly. Well, a certain baggy of action figures caught my eye. In this particular bag, there was Wolverine, Professor X, Harry Potter, Professor Snape, and Neo.

At first, I thought, “Why would someone put these figures together? X-Men, Harry Potter , and The Matrix in one bag? That’s almost sci-fi blasphemy! But then I thought again, and realized that it was BRILLIANT!

Think about it. That would be the highest grossing movie of ALL TIME for INFINITY. They would have to print more money just to meet the demand. No movie would ever come close to breaking that box office. It would be the “Ken Jennings” of cinematic blockbusters. I almost fear that Hollywood would simply shut down after such a daring venture. I mean, not only would it signal that Hollywood had exhausted all ideas, but there also wouldn’t been any point. It would be the “Great American Novel” of Hollywood megahits. Whenever people would have brainstorming sessions, every idea would be shot down with a “Well, there’s no way it’s gonna be as good as “Wolvie & Harry’s Matrixy Adventure”. It would usher in the end of Hollywood. But Hollywood will have gone out with a bang.

I think what saddens me most is that this genius, who came up with the greatest idea of all time, will never be discovered because he/she works in this thrift store and might not even know English. I’m getting a Salieri Complex just thinking about it…

11th Jun2006

Say Hello To My Little Friend!

by Will

“A computer actually does real work. ‘Nigger technology’ lets dumb niggers talk to other dumb niggers about dumb nigger shit. Nothing important was ever typed with thumbs.”

As many rappers will attest, I’ve discovered that the only way to properly watch “Scarface” is while holding a gun.

A few weeks ago, I sat watching the movie, thinking to myself, “Something is missing in this equation.” I looked over and saw my Nerf N-strike pistol, complete with adjustable laser sight.

Well, I quickly palmed my firearm, and began to twirl it for the remainder of the film. And I must say that, for those 2.5 hours, all was right with the world.

16th Apr2006

V For Cookie

by Will

“It’s not called ‘gymNICEtics’!”

If you’ve seen “V for Vendetta” (and you SHOULD have by now!), then you will most likely get a kick out of this:

http://www.fanboyplanet.com/derek/mc-vforcookie.php

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