26th Sep2004

Thought I Had Something In Common With James Dean

by Will

“I never thought I’d live to see eighteen. Isn’t that dumb? Every day, I look in the mirror and say, ‘What? You Still here? Man!’

Like even today. I woke up this morning, you know? And the sun was shining and everything was nice, and I thought…this is going to be one terrific day, so you better live it up, boy…because tomorrow maybe you’ll be gone.”

-James Dean

Rebel Without A Cause

04th Sep2004

Shaolin Soccer Is My Homeboy

by Will

My new favorite movie (yes, I realize I have a new fave movie every week these days) is “Shaolin Soccer”. At first, I thought this thing was crap. I didn’t really get it, and I thought it would be a little more…dramatic.

But come on, how can you make a dramatic movie about a bunch of former kung fu students who form a soccer team? I mean, this has “Jamaican Bobsled Team” written all over it!

After watching this thing more than 3 times over the past week, it has joined the ranks of “Office Space”. Yes, folks. I said it. I put “Shaolin Soccer” in the same league as “Office Space”. May the gods of comedy strike me down where I sit.

OK, the plot of the movie follows: Sing is a Kung Fu master who has studied the Super Kick of his hero, Bruce Lee. Sing sees Kung Fu all around him, and he feels that humanity would be better served if everyone could embrace Kung Fu in their lives and see how it is simply everywhere.

Sing struggles to find a way to spread the gospel of Kung Fu to the masses, and stumbles upon Iron Leg, a former soccer great who is now crippled and working as a servant for the nefarious coach of Team Evil, who is also the one who crippled him yrs ago. Desparate to make his mark on the world of soccer once again, Iron Leg is astounded when he witnesses Sing’s awesome kick.

Sing becomes convinced that soccer is a good vehicle to get Kung Fu out to the masses, and he and Iron Leg set out to recruit his now-out-of-shape Kung Fu brothers. Hilarity ensues…

The special effects can be kinda “Matrix-y” at times, which most people seem to love. I think my only gripe is the fact that the ball is SO obviously CG at times. I mean, some of that stuff can’t be done with a soccer ball, and I guess I should be thankful that there’s technology that can get the job done. Also, some of the effects are very “Power Rangers” in caliber. Don’t get me wrong, PR effects have improved by leaps and bounds over the years, so we’re talking more PR: Wild Force than we are MMPR.

Anyway, go out and rent this movie. It’s definitely got an absurd bent that I do so love. I guess it’d be more fitting for me to put it in the same category as “Napoleon Dynamite”, but I figured I needed to name a movie everybody loved, like “Office Space” to convice you to check it out. So check out “Shaolin Soccer” now, bitch!

30th Aug2004

An Analysis Of Sex Techniques: DC vs. Marvel

by Will

I know I vowed I was taking a break, but Hell, Cher’s Farewell Tour has been going on for 3 yrs, so I think I can get away with this. Conversation with Lip, Special Guest Star: Shelly.

The conversation started with Lip and I discussing the blossoming romance between Batman & Wonder Woman on “Justice League Unlimited”. Soon afterward, it simply spun out of control…

Me: ” still can’t believe that chick is a virgin. it’s just so wrong. someone should be tapping that, i don’t care if she WAS made out of clay”

Lip: “yeah…Superman should be all up in that. She’s the only woman who can handle the force of him blowing his load”

Me: “bah. nobody’s ever gonna let that go…stupid “Mallrats”… yet no one ever talks about Spidey…he’s got radioactive sperm. MJ can’t handle that”

Lip: “I don’t think his sperm is radioactive”

Me: “his blood is…or what about the Hulk? he’d rip betty banner apart upon orgasm… or Mr. Fantastic. he prolly let’s loose like a runaway firehose…poor betty banner… poor invisible woman…. and poor MJ”

Lip: “the Hulk would only do that if he was the Hulk at the time… not if he was Bruce Banner”

Me: “but, psychologically, there’s a thin line between pleasure and pain. i think, upon orgasm, he’d hulk out and rip her open”

Lip: “I don’t think so…he only Hulks out when he gets angry… and, unless he’s having some angry sex, I doubt that would happen”

Me: “you’ve never had angry sex?”

Lip: “not really… I’ve had intense, apartment-shaking sex, but never really angry sex”

Me: ” it’s a BIG possibility. i say he splits her like a log… and i take it you agreed with my mr. fantastic analysis?”

Lip: “yeah…Mr. Fantastic would be crazy in bed with a woman”

This is the point where I let Shelly in on the whole thing.

Me: “I’m having a conversation so weird even I’m ashamed of it. A friend and I are discussing superhero sex. Ever since that “Mallrats” conversation, everyone’s so wrapped up about Superman. Frankly, I think the Hulk would be a LOT worse. He’d hulk out and split Betty wide open.”

Shelly: “Wow…that’s an image that’s gonna haunt me for at least the next few minutes…”

Me: “LOL…glad to be of service”

Shelly: “Dude, totally Wolverine…”

Me: “Wolverine? Nah..underneath, he’s really a lover..”

Back to Lip, Me: “Shelly’s weighing in now. she thinks wolverine would be a terror in bed.. i told her i think he’s a lover underneath”

Lip: “Nah, he’d be all into S&M and shit…I mean…claws? regeneration? give me a break”

Me: “he’s a lover”

Lip: “bah, bs”

Me: “a taiwanese whore, he’d tear up. jean grey? it’d be sweet, sweet lovemaking”

Lip: “Nah…that would be one of those 3 hours sex sessions”

Me: “she’d be all in his head… that’d be a meta-orgasm… he’d probably have a stroke if not for the healing factor”

Lip: “and with his regeneration….he could go on FOREVER”

Is it just me, or did that come across as a REALLY weird segment of “Loveline”? Lip was totally Dr. Drew-ing all my ideas. The weirder it got, he somehow remained the scientific voice of reason…I’m a bigger dork than i ever realized. And I love that I have friends just as sick and twisted! I know this is gonna be the basis for a subpoena or something one day…

06th Aug2004

Chillin’ Wit Friends

by Will

So, I saw “Napoleon Dynamite” with a friend today. Hilarious movie, but definitely not for everyone. It’s absurd. There’s no real sense to it, but it’s great. I definitely recommend it. This summer’s had a great track record for movies. I’ve loved every one that I’ve seen so far, many of them becoming all-time faves. Now, let’s hope those DVDs start coming out soon. I gots to own my “Anchorman”!

This evening, I went down to VA for Applebee’s with Lip. It was good seeing him ’cause the bastard’s been jetsetting around the friggin coast for the past month. Anyway, since the ‘Bees was our place @ Cornell, it was only fitting that we find one in this region. Let me tell you this: Ithaca was ripping us off. We never got as much food at that one as we did tonight. My burger was the size of a fucking baby! And I ain’t talking premie. Hell, after getting drunk off 2 mudslides, and our traditional boneless buffalo wings, I couldn’t eat my meal! I’ve never been more ashamed of myself…in a situation involving food!

So, back at his apt, he introduced me to the Hazzard’s hit, “Gay Boyfriend”, which I’m starting to think is an inspiration to all of my exes. Close, but no cigar. I guess I was just too metro…

We were rushing to make the last train, but alas, we were 10 mins to late. Lip drove me home, which was a lifesaver!

05th Aug2004

Comic Wisdom Via Spider-Man 2

by Will

“Sometimes, to do right, we must give up the things we want most…even our dreams.”

Uncle Ben, Spider-Man 2

29th Jul2004

Bill Clinton: Always Entertaining

by Will

“I am a War President! I sit in the Oval Office, making important decisions, all the time with WAR ON MY MIND!”

-who do you think?

I swear, I missed the Clinton years because that man was an entertaining gentleman. He was a Playa’s Playa. But now, I find The Replacement to be just as entertaining, but in a comedic sort of way. Great comedic timing. Too bad he was being serious….

Anyway, I’d kinda like Clinton & Bush to team up. Just think about it. It’d be like “48 Hours” or “Fastlane”.  I call it “Bushwhacked!” Don’t forget the exclamation point; that’s a very important part of the title! A good “buddy cop” scenario. One guy would be busy chasing skirts, while the other is the tough-as-nails take no guff, “bad cop”, who’s hell-bent on getting his man. Wow, that’d be a great show. Too bad it won’t happen….Well, who knows what’ll happen after November? After all, there was talk of Clinton having his own daytime talkshow at one point. Man, it would’ve sucked for the former POTUS to get stomped by Oprah in the ratings. Either way, I’d look closely at UPN’s next Fall lineup if I were you. You never know what might pop up…

29th Jul2004

Batman Begins Trailer

by Will

Batfans, I give you the future. That’s right, bitches… the trailer is up!

http://batmanbegins.warnerbros.com/

28th Jul2004

Movie/Song/Book of the Moment

by Will

Movie of the Moment: Chasing Amy

Song of the Moment: Blame It On The Weatherman, by B*Witched

Book of the Moment: Blankets, by Craig Thompson

28th Jul2004

Fahrenheit 9/11: See It

by Will

Everybody should see “Fahrenheit 9/11”!!! This is one of my new favorite movies. Wow. PLEASE see this movie! I beg of you, SEE THIS MOVIE!

22nd Jul2004

Comic Movies, Bank Breakup, and the MP3 Site Of Mine That I’ll Probably Forget About

by Will

I’m too lazy for a big post right now, but I figured it was time for an update.

Quick Thoughts:

– Bryan Singer’s directing “Superman”. Yah! …Which means no “X3”. Boo! There goes the X-Men movie franchise..

-Jessica Alba as Sue Storm in “Fantastic Four”? She’s cute and all, but I hate to admit I was more excited when I heard Jessica Simpson was up for the part…

-I started Driver’s Ed this week. Really forgot what it meant to be 15 yr’s old. No, I was NEVER like that, but it sure is weird. i don’t even get these kids. I made a “California Dreams” reference, and the room went silent. Crazy, young whippersnappers…

-Apparently, there’s a Green Lantern movie in the making, but Warner Bros is gonna make it a comedy, and they’re currently talking to Jack Black about starring in it. For every “Spider-Man”, there’s a “Howard The Duck”….

-I ended my sordid 5-year marriage to M&T Bank, due to “Irreconcileable Differences”. When the teller asked why I wanted to close the account, I simply told him, “You know…I just really don’t like you…I mean, the service is terrible, I’m tired of the charges, and you all had a monopoly where I went to college. But now….I just don’t want this anymore.” Best (and only) break-up speech I’ve ever given, thank you very much!

-For you comic kids out there, pick up The Pulse #4. One of the HEAVIEST and MOST POWERFUL talkers in recent years. Very little action, but really adds something to the whole Spider-Man franchise, especially if you’re a continuity buff like me! I LOVE Bendis!

-And for those of you who’re curious, my songs ARE up now, but the links aren’t working for some reason. I made the HTML tags myself, and I was quite proud, but they don’t seem to want to work. So, for now, just copy the URL’s and enjoy my bootlegged goodness. AND, if that doesn’t work, hope on over to http://www.freewebs.com/williambrucewestmusic/

Go easy on me, ’cause it IS a template, but it’s my first personal foray into site building. I made sure to make it the CHEESIEST, most CLICHE site around. It’s got a midi and a bubble effect. All I need now is a counter, guestbook, and a bunch of Hello Kitty shout-outs to all my girls in my ballet class.I’m not even sure it’ll stick around, but I really needed a place to store these mp3s. So, click and enjoy. Or hate. Either way, drop me a line and tell me what you think.

-Go see “Anchorman”!!! Funniest thing I’ve seen in ages. Funnier than Sealab, Family Guy, or Best Week Ever. Even if you hate those shows, GO SEE IT!!!