06th Feb2005

Will Answers Your Questions!

by Will

WILL ANSWERS I

  • If you were stranded on a desert island and could only have one CD, one food, and one tv character with you for three years…. what would they be?

    If I only had one CD, it would have to be “Journey: Greatest Hits”. Laugh if you wish, but this CD has EVERYTHING. Plus, as cheesy as people like to remember Journey, they inspired every major pop/soft star today. Now, you may not exactly like these styles of music, but greats such as Mariah Carey (the Good Mariah, not the hooch Mariah) list them among their top influences.

    Plus, you’ve got any style you want on one disc. For a romantic slow song, you’ve got “Faithfully” or “Open Arms”. For the pensive, brooding song, you’ve got “Send Her My Love.” And the sheer bombast of “Don’t Stop Believin’ ” would motivate me to construct my Raft To Freedom.

    One food? That would have to be Monogolian BBQ from Cornell Dining. There’s a reason it was voted #1 dining hall in the country. Plus, I DID live off of it for an entire year. I ate it everyday, sometimes twice. Ask anyone. It’s how I got my Sophomore 30!

    One TV character? The Adam West Batman. Come on, is there ANYONE more entertaining? This guy was the George W. of Superheroes; just looking at him, you knew he had NO BUSINESS in that role, wearing that suit, but he overacted hard enough that it was SO bad it was good.

    Plus, it’d be hilarious to spend 3 yrs with him, as he kept pulling stuff out of his utility belt, such as Bat-Shark repellant, which would inevitably fail to provide rescue or safety. It’d kind of be like an experiment to see how far a man must fall before he cracks. ‘Cause I get the feeling that, for the 1st yr, he won’t even take off his mask. He’d take off the cape, maybe even the suit. But I feel like he’d be stark-ass naked on that island just wearing a cowl, and you can’t PAY for that kind of stranded entertainment.

  • For the sake of posing a more original question:

    Have you ever written any songs of your own?

    -Karlos

“More original question”…I smell a catfight! Anyway, no, I haven’t written any songs of my own. Why? Because that part of my brain doesn’t work. It’s true!

You see, I’m a smart kid. I’m at a place in my life where I can honestly say that. BUT,
don’t get “abstract”. I can think outside of the box, but the creative, like lyrics and poetry, eludes me. You have to hit me in the face with a dead cat to understand poetry.

I get the themes, such as Winter is Death, yadda yadda, but when someone is trying to
convey their feelings, I get lost. That’s why I hate when people are like, “Listen to this
song -the lyrics mean so much to me.” And the song turns out to be “Glycerine” or something, and all I can say is, ‘Wow, I love this song. It’s awesome!” And they respond with, “It’s not awesome; in fact, it made me consider taking my life.” No joke, I’ve been in these situations.

I tried to write songs, but they all ended up as those country-esque “I’m so lonely” songs, and there are really only so many times that it should be legal to rhyme “heart” & apart” or “alone & phone”. Hell, what did people rhyme with “alone” prior to Bell’s nefarious, yet convenient, invention?

I have, however, composed songs. You see, prior to the a cappella, I played piano for 10
yrs. When I started singing, I had to use the piano part of my brain. Now, when i was
playing, I was “classically trained” (am I the only person who hates how pretentious tha
sounds?) , but I only used that to play all of the cliche parlor songs, such as Fur Elise an
Moonlight Sonata. My true passion was New Age. Laugh if you want, but nothing calms
me down like Enya & “Pure Moods”. So, I started composing New Age music. I had a
Music Technology class in high school with synthesizers and stuff, so by graduation, I had a good album’s worth of material. But, get this, the school went under, and they have no idea where my disc is. If that shit resurfaces…

But my New Age claims to fame are “Silver”, named after my mother, and ‘Ellie’s Mirage”, written for my grandmother, who loved to hear me play.

Oh, and I play a MEAN rendition of the Star Trek: Voyager Theme!

31st Jan2005

What Happens Tomorrow – Duran Duran

by Will

Song of the Moment: “What Happens Tomorrow”, by Duran Duran

Child don’t you worry

It’s enough you’re growing up in such a hurry

Brings you down,
The news they sell you
To put in your mind that all mankind is a failure

But nobody knows what gonna happen tomorrow
We try not to show how frightened we are

If you let me
I’ll protect you
However I can

You’ve got to believe it’ll be alright in the end
You’ve got to believe it’ll be alright again

Fighting because we’re so close
There are times we punish those who we need the most
No, we can’t wait for a saviour
Only got ourselves to blame for this behaviour

But nobody knows what’s gonna happen tomorrow
We try not to show how frightened we are

It would seem lonely
If you were the only
Star in the night

You’ve got to believe it’ll be alright in the end
You’ve got to believe it’ll be alright again

And nobody knows what’s gonna happen tomorrow
So don’t let go, now we’ve come this far

Hold my hand please
Understand
We’re never alone

We’ve got to believe it’ll be alright in the end
Nobody knows
You’ve got believe it’ll be alright my friend

So don’t let go

And yes, we believe it’ll be alright again

So don’t let go

17th Jan2005

24, 7th Heaven, Blake-Holsey High, Elektra, Jason Mraz, and Keane

by Will

“I don’t need no instructions to know how to ROCK!”

Random Thoughts of the Past Few Days

-Dude, I really need to stop watching 7th Heaven! Mmm, Ruthie…STOP! I can’t go all R. Kelly!

-I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: 24 is THE BEST CONCEPT on television. This show never disappoints, even when it sucks (see Season Three). Either way, it’s the most original and riviting thing you’ll find these days. And Mrs. Araz is scaring the SHIT out of me. I hate to think I’m suffering from post-9/11 generalizations, but that’s one cold, scary bitch! And I knew Behrous wasn’t gonna have the balls to kill Debbie. Had no idea Mrs. Araz would, though…

-The best show you’re NOT watching? “Strange Days At Blake-Holsey High”. Yeah, you’ve never seen it unless you had a LATE friday night, which carried into Saturday morning, and you had nothing else to watch. Basically, it’s about the strange things that happen at this elite boarding school. There’s a pseudo-Ghostwriter team that investigates all the weird goings-on. The catch is that the show is part of Discover Kids, so they find ways to sneak in science lessons without being heavy-handed about it. By the end of the episode, you’ve gained more clues in the ongoing saga of the vortex at the school, but you also know that a DNA helix curves to the right, and that some checmical compounds are mirror images of each other…

-Jamie Foxx won a Golden Globe?!!! Man, if you’d told me that 15 yrs ago, I’d had have slapped you across the mouth. Ya know, I’ll bet Kenan Ivory Wayans is KICKING himself! He creates In Living Color to showcase his own siblings, while bringing a couple stragglers along for the ride. Now, fast forward 12 yrs. Jim Carrey’s a $20 million-a-movie star, Jamie Foxx is winning awards, and the most popular Wayans weren’t even On In Living Color (Well, Shawn was SW-1, but the DJ don’t count!). Honestly, the weirdest part of the In Living Color mythos, to me, was that Alexandra Wentworth (AKA “The White Girl”) ended up marrying George Stephanopolous. That must’ve been SOME wedding reception! Anyway, with the way things are going, next thing you know, David Allen Grier will be doing Shakespeare…

-Anybody out there seen Elektra? Starring Jennifer Garner, AKA “The World’s Most Beautiful Man”. I swear, she’s alluring, but she’s not “pretty”. I’ve blogged about this before, but I don’t think it’s more apparent than in the role of Elektra. I think I liked her most in “13 Going on 30”, where she’s all awkward and gangly, but still has a cuteness about her…

-Did anyone out there actually LIKE “I Am Charlotte Simmons”? It seems like Tom Wolfe’s latest novel is THE book to hate right now. I have it sitting on a shelf, but the thing is friggin huge. I don’t know whether to read it or use it to crush cats to death (Yes, Shel..cats truly are evil!).

-Jason Mraz is really worth checking out. Before, I just kinda liked “You and I Both”, but all of his stuff is great. he’s even edging out John Mayer on my list. Especially since there are only so many times I can stand to hear “Daughters” on a given day…

-THE ALBUM to buy, though, is “Hopes and Fears” by Keane. I can’t get over how great an album this is. Looped it like 6 times last night. I give every disc a “one-through”, and usually it languishes in its little slot in my binder, never to be listened to again. But I haven been listening to this disc since November, and it doesn’t get old. Mainly, if you like “thinkin’ music” that’s not as whiny as emo, and has a lot more piano, this is the group for you.

05th Jan2005

I Wish I Could Go Back To College – Avenue Q

by Will

So, I’ve been listening to the Avenue Q soundtrack for the past hour, and the following song hit kinda close to home. Show of hands for anyone who agrees…

Movie: Avenue Q

Artist: Unknown Artists

Song: I Wish I Could Go Back to College

KATE MONSTER: I wish I could go back to college. Life was so simple back then.

NICKY: What would I give to go back and live in a dorm with a meal plan again!

PRINCETON: I wish I could go back to college. In college you know who you are. You sit in the quad, and think, “Oh my God! I am totally gonna go far!”

ALL: How do I go back to college? I don’t know who I am anymore!

PRINCETON: I wanna go back to my room and find a message in dry-erase pen on the door! Ohhh… I wish I could just drop a class…

NICKY: Or get into a play…

KATE MONSTER: Or change my major…

PRINCETON: Or fuck my T.A.

ALL: I need an academic advisor to point the way! We could be… Sitting in the computer lab, 4 A.M. before the final paper is due, Cursing the world ’cause I didn’t start sooner, And seeing the rest of the class there, too!

PRINCETON: I wish I could go back to college!

ALL: How do I go back to college?! AHHHH…

PRINCETON: I wish I had taken more pictures.

NICKY: But if I were to go back to college, Think what a loser I’d be- I’d walk through the quad, And think “Oh my God…”

ALL: “These kids are so much younger than me.”

05th Jan2005

I LOVE Mario’s “Turning Point”

by Will

Is there no stopping Mario?

First, he was saving the Mushroom Kingdom from the Evil King Koopa.

Next, he was lamenting the fact that he was “Just A Friend”.

Now, he’s beggin’ this chick to let him love her!

Those crazy Italian rappers, I tell ya!

Wait? What do you mean they’re not the same guy?!!! Then who’ve I been sending those meatballs to?!!! And what am I gonna do with this box of smiley stars & mushrooms? I really hope I kept the receipt for that Takooni suit…

Anyway, since I don’t have the luxuries to which you livejournal punks are entitled, I have to find places to inform you to what I’m listening.

Right now, the album du jour is Mario’s “Turning Point”. Yeah, that single is “off da hook”, as the young ruffians put it. But there’s an even better hidden gem on that disc. Please, use your file-sharing programs, or borrow the CD from that black chick who works in the mailroom of your place of employment. I say this because you MUST hear “Nikes Fresh Out the Box”!

Yes, folks. We all felt shoe-based songs had peaked with “Air Force Ones”, but Mario has done us one better. He compares the new girl he’s seeing to a pair of new Nikes, “fresh out the box.” Since most of my shoes have been stroke-of-luck finds from Marshalls, I have no idea what this feels like. If the song were “British Knights Straight Off the Shelf”, then we could talk.

I love the part where he promises “not to scuff her”. But I digress, this song is hilarious, plus it’s got a good beat. The feel-good song of January. Yeah, that’s a good description…

05th Jan2005

Wait, WHO’S Seal Marrying?!!!

by Will

Seal is engaged to Heidi Klum? SEAL IS ENGAGED TO HEIDI KLUM?!!! Where the Hell did this come from? I mean, ET said it, so it must be true. But…where’s the justice?

I’m torn. Is it that I don’t believe Supermodel Heidi Klum deserves the bastion of soul known as Seal? Or is it I don’t think Lupus-scarred Seal deserves Supermodel Heidi Klum?

When and HOW did these two get together? I mean, he also used to bang Tyra Banks, so he’s used to getting kisses from roses. But this is Crazy! I mean, someone say a prayer for the dying, ’cause the world must be coming to an end…

29th Dec2004

What Should I Do With My Life?

by Will

Today’s Episode: “Where There’s a Will, There Ain’t Apparently A Way…”

So, in terms of occupation, I’m totally wasting my life. I mean, this has been brewing for awhile, but it’s finally catching up to me. I feel like I’m doing nothing worthwhile, professionally.

I need to go back to school. I KNOW this. But for what? I think about law school, but I really just wanna be able to call myself “a lawyer”. I call that my “Star Jones Complex”. I don’t know if I really want to practice law, but I’d like to be able to if I felt in the mood one morning. I think I’d make a good lawyer. You know, the Matlock kind who totally pulls something out of his ass to save the day at the last minute. I’d be a wildcard lawyer. People wouldn’t really come to me unless they needed a miracle. And in my spare time, I’d be a legal consultant to “Inside Edition”. Man, that’d be the life!

Next, I think about grad school. But what would I go for? I’m kinda done with the whole “head games” field. Yeah, Human Dev was fun and all, but it didn’t exactly hone my mutant powers. It’s like going to Xavier’s and, after 15 yrs, still blasting holes in walls everytime you wake up in the morning. I was naturally gifted in reading people. Textbooks didn’t teach me that. Sure, I could spend thousands MORE to become certified in reading people, or I could go out on a limb, and try something new.

I think I’d be great in government. Politics. Seriously. I LOVE some good muckraking, and I make a good “#2”. No, you sickos, I don’t mean “shit”. I mean, I’m a good “man behind the man.” I’d love to be a campaign manager or something one day, but for now, I’d really enjoy being a “cog in the wheel”, as long as I could see that my work was worthwhile and contributing to something important. I’m all about the policy reform. As dumb as it sounds, I’d LOVE to be a Capitol Hill staffer right now. And it’d only be better for you readers, ’cause we’ve all learned how entertaining blogs of Hill staffers can be (google “Washingtonienne”)

In college, people like Jennine used to talk about celebrities, such as Craig David, and lament, “He’s our age.” This was meant as, “Why aren’t we totally celebrities or something?” At the time, I just brushed it off, as “Everything in its time.” But now, I’m starting to feel the same way.

When will my ship come in? Do I even HAVE a ship? Are my reservations in “3rd class steerage” like all those peasants who drowned on the Titanic?!!

It’s hard, ’cause I know pseudo-celebrities. I went to high school with four current NBA players (Jamison Brewer, Roger Mason, Rodney White, and Demarr Johnson). I had Entomology @ Cornell with a lingerie model (http://www.summerrayne.net). I swear, these better not be the 5 people I meet in Heaven, ’cause I am seriously asking for a transfer!

I just wonder, do I have some special talent I’m not exploiting? I feel like my best performance is ahead of me and not behind, but what form will it take? What am I supposed to be doing?

PLEASE someone help me!!! I mean it. Use the “comments” section. Use the guestbook. E-mail. I don’t care. Suggestions, people!

“I’m not a praying man, but…Superman, if you can hear me…”

25th Dec2004

It’s From “White Christmas”…

by Will

“God bless the mister

who comes ‘tween me

and my sister.

And God bless the sister

who comes ‘tween me and my man!”

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!! 🙂

19th Dec2004

Mommy Looks Like Grimace

by Will

“I am Colin: god of sex!”

First off, I’d like to thank Karlos, for he’s the only person playing my little Christmas quote game. He’s good. I’ve gotten two e-mails from him already. Any of y’all can join in. It ain’t like it’s rocket science! Anydangways…

So, my mom’s in this nouveau cult called the Red Hats. Apparently, a bunch of old broads over 50 get together for social functions etc. There are a couple of guidelines, such as they must wear purple dresses along with their red hats. The whole organization’s like an old-head sorority. There are different chapters, and some are a lot more distinguished than others. At the moment, she’s kinda disappointed because her chapter isn’t exactly “up to par”. She feels as if she’s slumming, but a good friend from work invited her. Regardless, she’s currently scouting better, more well-to-do chapters to join. My point? Well, there’s a funny story here.

Today, getting ready for church, I noticed she had on the purple dress, and I HATE that dress. It’s SO unflattering. So, I told her she looked like Grimace. Yup, “what-in-the-world-is-he-’cause-Mcdonald’s-doesn’t-serve-anything-purple” Grimace. Dismayed, she asked, “Couldn’t you have at least said ‘Barney’?”

“Nope,” I replied. “See, you’ve got a teardrop shape going on, kinda like an eggplant. And that’s PURE Grimace.”

But it gets better: I made a song out of it. The following is sung to the tune of Nat King Cole’s Christmas song, “Caroling”.

Caroling, caroling through the town

Mommy looks like Grimace

Caroling, caroling up and down

Mommy looks like Grimace

With her red shoes, hat, and coat

She will run just like a goat

Ding, Dong

Ding, Dong

Mommy looks like Grimace

Hey, I thought it was funny…

14th Dec2004

My Issues With Alvin and the Chipmunks

by Will

“I dunno…maybe it’s a bowling alley!”

So, I wrote about this some time ago, but I think it’s time to revisit the topic: The Chipmunks.

Now, with this holiday season, The Chipmunk Song is a classic. But I find that, the older I get, the more disturbed I find the whole “Chipmunk Phenomenon”.

In the Chipmunk Universe, how could the world’s little girl population be so enthralled by singing 4-ft. chipmunks?!!! It’s sick! It’s like asking, “What if Justin Timberlake & the rest of ‘NSYNC were chipmunks?” Just think about it. Do you know what some chicks WANT TO DO TO THOSE GUYS?!!! It boggles the mind.

Plus, why was Dave always yelling at Alvin? That’s verbal abuse. It’s not like he HAD to take care of ’em. He didn’t get some Chipmunk whore knocked up or anything. He took it upon himself, but it’s like he always regretted it afterwards by the way he’d yell at Alvin. Frankly, i think he was just jealous that Alvin probably got more ‘tang than he did.

With all the yelling, you ever think Alvin just wanted to kill Dave in his sleep? He’d TOTALLY get away with it. Who’d blame a chipmunk? Then again, the prosecutor’s daughter would probably have a mad-on for the chipmunks, and he’d let Alvin fry just for that…Now, would they send a chipmunk to juvie, or would they just put him to sleep right then and there? Imagine the fall from grace! And you think the Michael Jackson trial is scandalous…

Plus, what was the deal with the Chipettes? I always kind of thought they were figments of that old broad’s imagination. She WAS kind of…”off”. Plus, let’s think about this: One trio of singing chipmunks? OK, I’ll let it slide. A whole lot of crazy shit can happen when you dump chemicals in the wrong parts of the forest. But TWO trios of singing chipmunks?!!! I smell a cloning cover-up!

Oh man….I really need to start getting more sleep.

Have a great day, everyone! If you see a chipmunk, don’t let it sing to you; that’s how they lure ya into their trap!