06th Apr2005

Last Call SUX

by Will

Tonight’s Episode: “Join Me Brother In Song Tonight-The Last Call Story”

Starring Meredith Baxter (she dropped the Birney), Valerie Bertinelli, Judith Light, and Chad Lowe.

Wow, that movie would suck! All the f-list acting Lifetime money could buy, and that movie would be an utter turd. But I still kinda wanna see it…

Anydangways, last weekend, Lip, Cape, and I went to Cornell for Straight Up 10, or as we fondly refer to it, “Last Call SUX”. ‘Cause we do. But in a good way.

As far as LC is concerned, we had special guest stars out the wazoo. But you won’t care if you didn’t go to Cornell. Jed Farlow, Pete Bronski, Keith “Let Me See That Thong” Herrador… For anybody out there with a vagina, we had the Latin lover known as Eduardo, wooing the laides with his Freddy Mercury-channeling-Gay Elvis rendition of “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”. We had a rare appearance by Jonny Wu, AKA Armani Jonny. Anthony “Gooseberry” Cuccia made an appearance. We even had LC Superfan Lenora Lee. All in all, it was a pretty good showing for the LC alums.

The show was TIGHT. The current group was tighter than I’ve ever heard LC, and they’ve got some AMAZING members. Jamie kicking ass on a Temptations song?I was also jealous of the comedy. I worship at the feet of ANY man who can pen a skit called, “Pimp My Couch”!

The alums performed a set, where I got to sing Depeche Mode’s “Somebody”. While a part of me would’ve loved singing “Lean on Me”, Nishant’s incredible on it, and it’s rightly his song now. When people come to an LC show, they beg for that song, but they’re begging for his rendition. Rightly so…

After the show, we all went to “go get fucked up at the Chariot”. That was a fun afterparty, hands down. I lost track of the Alabama Slammers, and the next thing I knew, DT and I were doing shots of Tequila and Lemon Drops. I’m SO not a shots kid, but I’ve gotta let those theatre kids know I can hang! Plus, it was DT…

After the debauchery at the Chariot waned, we headed over to the Kurnos crib for the after-after (No, babe. There was No hotel lobby!) But that was THE BEST AFTER, AFTER I’ve ever been to!!! It was a fucking cauldron. But it was hot. It was kinda like the “I’m a Slave For U” video; nothing but people, alcohol, and sweat. The place started reeking like a locker room, but we were too drunk to really care. And somehow, I lost track of everybody I knew at the after-after. i mean, they had to be there somewhere, and it was a SMALL apt, but familiars simply disappeared. I did, however meet cool, new people. Jules, you rock! Dan Chang, you are a dancing fool! Jonny, I now know what rhymes with “shlabbid bump”…

I think the beauty of the weekend was the reconnecting with old friends. During the show, there was a skit about the facebook, and how pervasive it’s become, but also how useful it can be. Both live friends and e-friends, I have been on a reconnecting HIGH. Kim B, it was awesome seeing you again! Tarpinian, it was great seeing you; maybe next time the dancing aliens will make a visit. Bridget, who knew the Chordials’ ‘Snow White’ could dance like that? All you AKPsi’s, “In U…&I….”, kiddies! Tat, you’re a musical genius! G, can’t believe you’re a fucking traitor…but you know I love ya 😛 And Tarek, I knew you were coming. You knew you were coming. Why’d we have to go through those hoops?!!

Anyway, this is kind of a ramble post ’cause I felt I should write something. To all you old friends, and all the new ones, it was an awesome weekend. Keep in touch, and I hope you enjoy the site!

*Guests of williambrucewest.com stay at the Economy Inn while in Ithaca.
**If you didn’t get a shout-out, it’s ’cause I was prolly too drunk to remember you. No worries, you’re in my heart, somewhere….

17th Mar2005

Boston & The West-1

by Will

Zorak, it is OK if you are afraid of me. Most sissies are!”

BOSTON!!!

So, a few weeks ago, Shelly and I embarked upon a journey to America’s chowdah capital. Yes, folks, we’re talking BOSTON, MASS! For the uninformed, this trip was actually Shel’s Christmas present to me, and it was certainly the best present I’ve received in quite some time.

Our adventure began on the morning of February 24th, as we prayed the airports would stay open long enough for us to leave this God-forsaken town. There was more snow blowing around than on a model’s bathroom counter! But we hoped that the planes would stay aloft just to spirit us to our long-awaited, and well-needed vacation.

Either way, we made it to Boston, and received the longest cab tour possible. Way to pad the fare, my man! Imagine our surprise when we pulled up to the fabulous and magnificent Omni Parker House.

This hotel was like a palace! It was beeyootyfull! And my typing “beautiful” like that is exactly the reason we had NO BUSINESS staying there. The staff looked at us like, “What do you all think you’re doing here?” But the joke was on them, for we had reservations. Check-in was smooth, except they conveniently forgot to give us the key to the minibar. A problem we’ll soon rectify.

Anyway, we got started on the room service, a practice that would become quite common and welcome over the weekend. The dude brought the food, and I didn’t know a damn thing he was saying. What kind of weird patois do they teacj you Bostonians? It was like speaking to a drunk Kennedy (was that redundant?). Either way, it’s like a fast, New Yawky slur, topped off with random tidbits regarding the Sox. I was gonna need a Stiglitz guide to understand these folks!

Later that evening, we navigated the T system and found our way to Malden to have dinner with Big T and his sweet lady, Dawn. Tarek met us at the station, and we went grocery shopping with him. Apparently, he was going all Iron Chef that night, and preparing some sort of Mega Feast. When we’d finished shopping, we got to meet Dawn, who was even nicer than she’d come off electronically (after all, all my prior dealings with her had been over the phone or internet). But she’s a great girl and she kicks the ass of any of other Tarek Girl. We went back to their place, and had a HOT swinging session! I keed, I keed! No, they both prepared a lovely feast for Shelly and me, as we educated ourselves on the finer points of Tivo. We also got to meet their pet, who for the moment I’ll refer to as, “The Turtle Formerly Known as Otto Von Bismarck” (For more details, visit http://www.livejournal.com/users/palaedorian )

Tarek should be a chef! If you’d seen the presentation of this meal! Chicken fried rice, served inside a pineapple! Dumplings! Satay Gai! Chicken & pasta! Mint Ice Cream log! IT was all so de-lish! After dinner and the tour, we were off to visit Alisa, Shelly’s friend from high school. Well, the journey wasn’t that smooth. We kinda got lost on the T system. That bitch is confusing! I think it’d be easier to dig a hole to China than try navigating Boston on the subway. (Jenn’s gonna respond to this post, and all she’s gonna do is talk about that very line right there-bet you $20!) We found our way to the surface, but the surface dwellers were of no help. We were in the theatre district, and the patrons did not seem to see us.

So, Saturday was a split-up day: Shelly was gonna have a Girls Day, while I was gonna hang out with T. Originally, I wanted to record. It’s been awhile, and I wanted to throw together a new song to put up on the site. But when I woke up, i wasn’t really feelin’ the singing. Instead, I wanted Tarek to show me “his Boston”. My main sights to see were Cheers and the Harbor. other than that, anything was fair game. Before meeting up, though, I wanted to check out the neighborhood, as well. For starters, our hotel was next to one of the biggest Borders Books that I have ever seen. But I knew better than to explore that without Shelly. So, my mission was used CDs. You see, Boston’s got a lot of colleges. Which means lots of college kids. Which translates into big exchange scene for music. I figured I could find some premium used swag if I knew where to look. So, I hit Strawberries and bunch of other places, totally cleaning out Boston’s Elton John inventory. I’m sure they’re thanking me, and I can’t exactly explain this recent Elton kick. The man is awesome, though! A fucking loon, but awesome! But I digress…

After going in the wrong direction, i finally meet up with Tarek and Dawn. We decided to head to lunch in the North End, where there are more Italian restaurants than day laborers at Home Depot. On the way, we stopped by Newbury Comics. Let me tell ya, Newbury Comics is well-known chain in the Northeast that specializes in music and comics. Did y’all hear me correctly? Music and Comics. I’m gonna need a towel….

After Newbury, we looked all over the North End for a good, cheap lunch. We were in that nexus where restaurants were just finishing lunch and preparing for dinner, so the race was on. We found a nice little place. Kinda cliche. The sort of place you see in movies, where everyone who works there’s related and they’re yelling to each other at different ends of the restautant. Stereotypes be damned, the place was authentic. And I felt like such a fat kid ’cause I ordered a small pizza, but they told me they had a new kid working and the guy had accidentally used the large pans. So, I got a large but was charged for a small. Man, that was a LOT of pizza.

Anyway, we all decided that we’d go for karaoke that night, along with some of Alisa’s friends. I was excited ’cause it was KARAOKE!!! But T and Dawn weren’t so sure. They’re early birds. Didn’t want to mess up their sleep cycles. I gotta respect that. I kinda wish I had a sleep routine. But in a way, they’re like an old married couple. Yup, OLD MARRIED COUPLE!!! I’m gonna get a response for that! Anyway, I also thought it would be a great time to see Austin, an old buddy from Cornell, so i called him and invited him to the night’s festivities. Dawn and T decided they were in for karaoke, too. Shelly and the girls broke off, while the law offices of West, Sultani and Hersey checked out H&M and Filene’s. “You went to H&M on your vacation?” Yeah, I did. I had to check it out. See if they were meeting their standards. And they weren’t. I almost cussed out the bitch responsible for the Men’s dept. ’cause she was SO scared I was gonna mess up the rack! Amateurs… I headed back to the hotel, while T&D Productions headed back to Malden to get ready.

I caught up with Austin, and he was going to meet us at the bar. But When Tarek and Dawn found out how late we were planning on going, they bailed. Understandable, but they missed a good time. We ended up at this little redneck bar, but they took their karaoke seriously. Now, I love me some karaoke, but I’m a crooner. I don’t do “fast songs”. I do “make ya panties wet” songs. Yeah, I said it. Interesting fact: James uses me on his sex CD. Not quite sure how I feel about that…who am I kidding, i fucking LOVE that! So, imagine my chagrin when the ladies told me no slow songs. Apparently, they frowned on that at this particular bar. In the meantime, enter Austin.

Let me tell ya, Austin is one of my favorite people from Cornell. It’s funny, too, ’cause we didn’t start talking until around late junior yr, but he’s definitely one of the rare people who fall into the “I get Will and where he comes from” category. That’s a rare breed. In the past 2 yrs, our only contact had been online, but I knew I HAD to see him before leaving Boston. So, he walked into the bar, and pulled up a chair. And so began the drinking. He hadn’t heard me sing in awhile, and i was feeling a bit apprehensive, so he felt I needed some “lubrication”. He introduced me to Jagermeister. Now, understand if I was a bit apprehensive; no one I know has a good Jager story. they’re always like, “Dude, I had some Jager, and then next thing I knew, I’d killed a guy. Damn, was I sick the next day!”. But it didn’t take much coddling for me to give in. I must say, that stuff was good. We kept pounding them and Jack & Cokes as we waited for my song. In the meantime, Alisa’s friend did a mean rendition of Ice, Ice Baby. Eventually, my song came up: “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg”, by the Temptations. Now, I’ve never attempted that song before but, in my drunken state, I was convinced I’d be able to channel the spirit of David Ruffin. To be honest, I don’t remember much of that performance. People cheered and stuff, but I equate karaoke to college a cappella: there’s a certain audience that enjoys it, and if you’ve got the right group of people, you could shit in a bag and they’ll still cheer for you. Regardless, it was fun and oddly therapeutic. We talked Austin into hanging out longer, and while we tried getting him back to the Omni Parker, he invited us to his place. We felt bad ’cause we didn’t wanna disturb his girlfriend, who was under the weather, but we went back anyway.

At the door, we met Tizer, the best dog in the world! He was awesome! So smart and frisky. Why is his name Tizer? Well, it’s actually short for “Appetizer”, a jab at the totally un-PC notion that Asian people eat their dogs. I thought that was a hilarious way to buck those kinds of stereotypes. Anyway, Shelly fell in love with Tizer, while Austin and I got all philosophical about our Cornell experience. I felt bad leaving Shel out of the conversation, but Austin and I had similar Cornell experiences, and it was so great to finally have someone to just vent to and get a lot of stuff off of my chest. And did we mention how awesome Tizer was? I wanna dog…So, around 4 Am, we bid Austin adieu and got a cab back to the hotel. It was a GREAT evening, and it kinda makes me wish Austin lived closer…

On Sunday, we found ourselves back in the North End, at a different Italian place. The food was INCREDIBLE. I’m not a person who’s used to “good” food in establishments. I can pretty much eat anything, but I rarely walk away thinking, “That was an incredible meal.” It usually borders on, “Man, I’m so full of shit right now!” Anyway, I find myself waking up, longing for that food lately. And I can’t even remember the name of the restaurant. Maybe it wasn’t really there…

We headed to Malden for sushi with Tarek and Dawn. I lost my sushinity and liked what I tried. Spider rolls are the bomb, and i find myself craving them like it’s my job! Philadelphia rolls, on the other hand, kinda suck. Can’t deal with that cream cheese in there. SUCH a weird consistency! Anyway, we went back to their place and watched the Oscars while consuming chocolate cake and Andre. What is Andre? Only the BEST cheap champagne this side of a 7/11! Check it out today! Soon, we were taken back to the T, and said our goodbyes to Tarek and Dawn. We didn’t spend as much time with them as we could have, but I enjoyed what time we did spend together.

On the ride back to the hotel, Shel and I had one final laugh about the billboard up on the train for 1-800-SAFE-BABY (I know that’s too many characters, so I’m sure I got something wrong there), Anyway, we’d seen these ads since our first day in town, and they were always funny in a sick kind of way. Apparently, Boston has a sizaeble newborn abandonment problem. So, if you have an unwanted baby and you’re thinking of dumping it somewhere, you call this hotline, and they’ll tell you where you can take your baby and avoid prosecution. A good service, no doubt, but it kinda makes ya wonder how big the problem is when there are ads for it EVERYWHERE!! I wish I’d stolen one of the ads from a train…

On the flight home, somehow, the flight attendant took an immediate liking to me. I guess that’s what I get for reading a comic/toy magazine in public. All of a sudden, there was an incessant stream of fanboy questions, such as “Which comic movie would you like to see that hasn’t been made yet?” Don’t get me wrong; these are my people, but you’ve gotta deal with them in doses. It’s a different story when you’re a couple thousand miles in the air, with no means of escape, PLUS this person is responsible for your comfort. Better put on a smile. Especially if you want a crack at the liquor cart. He was a nice guy, and I could totally go on for hours about comics stuff, but I had to harness it in public.

Epilogue:

Flashback: While I was in Boston, it was the weekend of the Montgomery County Auto Auction. I couldn’t go, but Mommy was really excited about it. Her mission was to get me a car, She’d always promised, “If you get your license, I’ll buy you a little car.” So, after my cousins had had success at the auction, she decided that she was take that route as well. So, the mission was simple. My only specification? “Don’t buy me anything ugly.” So, all day Saturday, I was tense ’cause I was supposed to be a good guest for Tarek, but i was also wondering whether or not I had a car. So, around 7, I called Mommy and asked how the auction had gone. She sounded kinda distraught, and i was getting worried. She started with some story about a nice Lexus she’d seen and bid on, but how it was snapped up for about $15K. And then she trailed off. I got kinda testy and asked if she’d bid on any other car. She wasn’t cooperating, which just got me more stressed. Finally, she said, “I got you a car.”

There it was in my driveway, lightly dusted with snow. Yup, she got me a 1993 Anniversary Edition Honda Accord, or as I like to call him: the West-1. We’ve still got some work to do, such as buy a new battery and a tire, so the West-1 will be in drydock for a few more weeks, but stay tuned for the unveiling.

And that, folks, is the tale of a little trip to Boston. I’d like to thank Tarek, Dawn, Alisa, Erin, Austin, and the staff of the Omni Parker House.


(not actual car)

23rd Feb2005

A Frank Sinatra Tribute Album? Really, Westlife?!

by Will

Don’t you hate when your favorite musical act/group jumps the shark?

My favorite boyband in the entire world is UK group, Westlife. I LOVE them.

But their albums started sucking. On their last album, they had the audacity to cover Barry Manilow’s “Mandy”. Now, it seems like they have a running bet to see how much they can suck and still retain their fans.

Well, now I see that they’ve released, “Allow Us To Be Frank”, which is nothing but a Frank Sinatra cover album….by a boyband…from Ireland….

Old Blue Eyes is spinning in his grave….and calling Sammy some kind of “Coon” or something, while Dean and Joey just laugh and laugh…

22nd Feb2005

Keane – Can’t Stop Now

by Will

Keane – Hopes And Fears

Can´t Stop Now

“I noticed tonight that the world has been turning
While I´ve been stuck here dithering around
Well I know I said I´d wait around till you need me
I have to go, I hate to let you down
But I can´t stop now
I´ve got troubles of my own
Cause I´m short on time
I´m lonely
And I´m too tired to talk

I noticed tonight that the world has been turning
While I´ve been stuck here withering away
Well I know I said I wouldn´t leave you behind
But I have to go, it breaks my heart to say

That I can´t stop now
I´ve got troubles of my own
Cause I´m short on time
I´m lonely
And I´m too tired to talk

No one back home
I´ve got troubles of my own
And I can´t slow down
For no one in town
And I can´t stop now

And I can´t slow down
For no one in town
And I can´t stop now
For no one

The motion keeps my heart running
The motion keeps my heart running
The motion keeps my heart running
The motion keeps my heart running”

If you got this far, I guess you could say this is my “Dear John” letter to H&M. It’s time. Anyway, this was dedicated to Jessica, who today, became my favorite customer of all time. Even though you’ll never read this, thanks for the Big Red Pep Talk – you don’t know how much I needed it…

06th Feb2005

Will Answers Your Questions!

by Will

WILL ANSWERS I

  • If you were stranded on a desert island and could only have one CD, one food, and one tv character with you for three years…. what would they be?

    If I only had one CD, it would have to be “Journey: Greatest Hits”. Laugh if you wish, but this CD has EVERYTHING. Plus, as cheesy as people like to remember Journey, they inspired every major pop/soft star today. Now, you may not exactly like these styles of music, but greats such as Mariah Carey (the Good Mariah, not the hooch Mariah) list them among their top influences.

    Plus, you’ve got any style you want on one disc. For a romantic slow song, you’ve got “Faithfully” or “Open Arms”. For the pensive, brooding song, you’ve got “Send Her My Love.” And the sheer bombast of “Don’t Stop Believin’ ” would motivate me to construct my Raft To Freedom.

    One food? That would have to be Monogolian BBQ from Cornell Dining. There’s a reason it was voted #1 dining hall in the country. Plus, I DID live off of it for an entire year. I ate it everyday, sometimes twice. Ask anyone. It’s how I got my Sophomore 30!

    One TV character? The Adam West Batman. Come on, is there ANYONE more entertaining? This guy was the George W. of Superheroes; just looking at him, you knew he had NO BUSINESS in that role, wearing that suit, but he overacted hard enough that it was SO bad it was good.

    Plus, it’d be hilarious to spend 3 yrs with him, as he kept pulling stuff out of his utility belt, such as Bat-Shark repellant, which would inevitably fail to provide rescue or safety. It’d kind of be like an experiment to see how far a man must fall before he cracks. ‘Cause I get the feeling that, for the 1st yr, he won’t even take off his mask. He’d take off the cape, maybe even the suit. But I feel like he’d be stark-ass naked on that island just wearing a cowl, and you can’t PAY for that kind of stranded entertainment.

  • For the sake of posing a more original question:

    Have you ever written any songs of your own?

    -Karlos

“More original question”…I smell a catfight! Anyway, no, I haven’t written any songs of my own. Why? Because that part of my brain doesn’t work. It’s true!

You see, I’m a smart kid. I’m at a place in my life where I can honestly say that. BUT,
don’t get “abstract”. I can think outside of the box, but the creative, like lyrics and poetry, eludes me. You have to hit me in the face with a dead cat to understand poetry.

I get the themes, such as Winter is Death, yadda yadda, but when someone is trying to
convey their feelings, I get lost. That’s why I hate when people are like, “Listen to this
song -the lyrics mean so much to me.” And the song turns out to be “Glycerine” or something, and all I can say is, ‘Wow, I love this song. It’s awesome!” And they respond with, “It’s not awesome; in fact, it made me consider taking my life.” No joke, I’ve been in these situations.

I tried to write songs, but they all ended up as those country-esque “I’m so lonely” songs, and there are really only so many times that it should be legal to rhyme “heart” & apart” or “alone & phone”. Hell, what did people rhyme with “alone” prior to Bell’s nefarious, yet convenient, invention?

I have, however, composed songs. You see, prior to the a cappella, I played piano for 10
yrs. When I started singing, I had to use the piano part of my brain. Now, when i was
playing, I was “classically trained” (am I the only person who hates how pretentious tha
sounds?) , but I only used that to play all of the cliche parlor songs, such as Fur Elise an
Moonlight Sonata. My true passion was New Age. Laugh if you want, but nothing calms
me down like Enya & “Pure Moods”. So, I started composing New Age music. I had a
Music Technology class in high school with synthesizers and stuff, so by graduation, I had a good album’s worth of material. But, get this, the school went under, and they have no idea where my disc is. If that shit resurfaces…

But my New Age claims to fame are “Silver”, named after my mother, and ‘Ellie’s Mirage”, written for my grandmother, who loved to hear me play.

Oh, and I play a MEAN rendition of the Star Trek: Voyager Theme!

31st Jan2005

What Happens Tomorrow – Duran Duran

by Will

Song of the Moment: “What Happens Tomorrow”, by Duran Duran

Child don’t you worry

It’s enough you’re growing up in such a hurry

Brings you down,
The news they sell you
To put in your mind that all mankind is a failure

But nobody knows what gonna happen tomorrow
We try not to show how frightened we are

If you let me
I’ll protect you
However I can

You’ve got to believe it’ll be alright in the end
You’ve got to believe it’ll be alright again

Fighting because we’re so close
There are times we punish those who we need the most
No, we can’t wait for a saviour
Only got ourselves to blame for this behaviour

But nobody knows what’s gonna happen tomorrow
We try not to show how frightened we are

It would seem lonely
If you were the only
Star in the night

You’ve got to believe it’ll be alright in the end
You’ve got to believe it’ll be alright again

And nobody knows what’s gonna happen tomorrow
So don’t let go, now we’ve come this far

Hold my hand please
Understand
We’re never alone

We’ve got to believe it’ll be alright in the end
Nobody knows
You’ve got believe it’ll be alright my friend

So don’t let go

And yes, we believe it’ll be alright again

So don’t let go

17th Jan2005

24, 7th Heaven, Blake-Holsey High, Elektra, Jason Mraz, and Keane

by Will

“I don’t need no instructions to know how to ROCK!”

Random Thoughts of the Past Few Days

-Dude, I really need to stop watching 7th Heaven! Mmm, Ruthie…STOP! I can’t go all R. Kelly!

-I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: 24 is THE BEST CONCEPT on television. This show never disappoints, even when it sucks (see Season Three). Either way, it’s the most original and riviting thing you’ll find these days. And Mrs. Araz is scaring the SHIT out of me. I hate to think I’m suffering from post-9/11 generalizations, but that’s one cold, scary bitch! And I knew Behrous wasn’t gonna have the balls to kill Debbie. Had no idea Mrs. Araz would, though…

-The best show you’re NOT watching? “Strange Days At Blake-Holsey High”. Yeah, you’ve never seen it unless you had a LATE friday night, which carried into Saturday morning, and you had nothing else to watch. Basically, it’s about the strange things that happen at this elite boarding school. There’s a pseudo-Ghostwriter team that investigates all the weird goings-on. The catch is that the show is part of Discover Kids, so they find ways to sneak in science lessons without being heavy-handed about it. By the end of the episode, you’ve gained more clues in the ongoing saga of the vortex at the school, but you also know that a DNA helix curves to the right, and that some checmical compounds are mirror images of each other…

-Jamie Foxx won a Golden Globe?!!! Man, if you’d told me that 15 yrs ago, I’d had have slapped you across the mouth. Ya know, I’ll bet Kenan Ivory Wayans is KICKING himself! He creates In Living Color to showcase his own siblings, while bringing a couple stragglers along for the ride. Now, fast forward 12 yrs. Jim Carrey’s a $20 million-a-movie star, Jamie Foxx is winning awards, and the most popular Wayans weren’t even On In Living Color (Well, Shawn was SW-1, but the DJ don’t count!). Honestly, the weirdest part of the In Living Color mythos, to me, was that Alexandra Wentworth (AKA “The White Girl”) ended up marrying George Stephanopolous. That must’ve been SOME wedding reception! Anyway, with the way things are going, next thing you know, David Allen Grier will be doing Shakespeare…

-Anybody out there seen Elektra? Starring Jennifer Garner, AKA “The World’s Most Beautiful Man”. I swear, she’s alluring, but she’s not “pretty”. I’ve blogged about this before, but I don’t think it’s more apparent than in the role of Elektra. I think I liked her most in “13 Going on 30”, where she’s all awkward and gangly, but still has a cuteness about her…

-Did anyone out there actually LIKE “I Am Charlotte Simmons”? It seems like Tom Wolfe’s latest novel is THE book to hate right now. I have it sitting on a shelf, but the thing is friggin huge. I don’t know whether to read it or use it to crush cats to death (Yes, Shel..cats truly are evil!).

-Jason Mraz is really worth checking out. Before, I just kinda liked “You and I Both”, but all of his stuff is great. he’s even edging out John Mayer on my list. Especially since there are only so many times I can stand to hear “Daughters” on a given day…

-THE ALBUM to buy, though, is “Hopes and Fears” by Keane. I can’t get over how great an album this is. Looped it like 6 times last night. I give every disc a “one-through”, and usually it languishes in its little slot in my binder, never to be listened to again. But I haven been listening to this disc since November, and it doesn’t get old. Mainly, if you like “thinkin’ music” that’s not as whiny as emo, and has a lot more piano, this is the group for you.

05th Jan2005

I Wish I Could Go Back To College – Avenue Q

by Will

So, I’ve been listening to the Avenue Q soundtrack for the past hour, and the following song hit kinda close to home. Show of hands for anyone who agrees…

Movie: Avenue Q

Artist: Unknown Artists

Song: I Wish I Could Go Back to College

KATE MONSTER: I wish I could go back to college. Life was so simple back then.

NICKY: What would I give to go back and live in a dorm with a meal plan again!

PRINCETON: I wish I could go back to college. In college you know who you are. You sit in the quad, and think, “Oh my God! I am totally gonna go far!”

ALL: How do I go back to college? I don’t know who I am anymore!

PRINCETON: I wanna go back to my room and find a message in dry-erase pen on the door! Ohhh… I wish I could just drop a class…

NICKY: Or get into a play…

KATE MONSTER: Or change my major…

PRINCETON: Or fuck my T.A.

ALL: I need an academic advisor to point the way! We could be… Sitting in the computer lab, 4 A.M. before the final paper is due, Cursing the world ’cause I didn’t start sooner, And seeing the rest of the class there, too!

PRINCETON: I wish I could go back to college!

ALL: How do I go back to college?! AHHHH…

PRINCETON: I wish I had taken more pictures.

NICKY: But if I were to go back to college, Think what a loser I’d be- I’d walk through the quad, And think “Oh my God…”

ALL: “These kids are so much younger than me.”

05th Jan2005

I LOVE Mario’s “Turning Point”

by Will

Is there no stopping Mario?

First, he was saving the Mushroom Kingdom from the Evil King Koopa.

Next, he was lamenting the fact that he was “Just A Friend”.

Now, he’s beggin’ this chick to let him love her!

Those crazy Italian rappers, I tell ya!

Wait? What do you mean they’re not the same guy?!!! Then who’ve I been sending those meatballs to?!!! And what am I gonna do with this box of smiley stars & mushrooms? I really hope I kept the receipt for that Takooni suit…

Anyway, since I don’t have the luxuries to which you livejournal punks are entitled, I have to find places to inform you to what I’m listening.

Right now, the album du jour is Mario’s “Turning Point”. Yeah, that single is “off da hook”, as the young ruffians put it. But there’s an even better hidden gem on that disc. Please, use your file-sharing programs, or borrow the CD from that black chick who works in the mailroom of your place of employment. I say this because you MUST hear “Nikes Fresh Out the Box”!

Yes, folks. We all felt shoe-based songs had peaked with “Air Force Ones”, but Mario has done us one better. He compares the new girl he’s seeing to a pair of new Nikes, “fresh out the box.” Since most of my shoes have been stroke-of-luck finds from Marshalls, I have no idea what this feels like. If the song were “British Knights Straight Off the Shelf”, then we could talk.

I love the part where he promises “not to scuff her”. But I digress, this song is hilarious, plus it’s got a good beat. The feel-good song of January. Yeah, that’s a good description…

05th Jan2005

Wait, WHO’S Seal Marrying?!!!

by Will

Seal is engaged to Heidi Klum? SEAL IS ENGAGED TO HEIDI KLUM?!!! Where the Hell did this come from? I mean, ET said it, so it must be true. But…where’s the justice?

I’m torn. Is it that I don’t believe Supermodel Heidi Klum deserves the bastion of soul known as Seal? Or is it I don’t think Lupus-scarred Seal deserves Supermodel Heidi Klum?

When and HOW did these two get together? I mean, he also used to bang Tyra Banks, so he’s used to getting kisses from roses. But this is Crazy! I mean, someone say a prayer for the dying, ’cause the world must be coming to an end…

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