28th Jun2004

Hova’s Idolatry?

by Will

OK, I’ve got a conspiracy theory. Bear with me here: American Idol Finalist Kimberly Locke’s single is called “8th World Wonder”. Ok, the other day, I’m listening to JAY-Z Unplugged, and he refers to himself as “The 8th World Wonder”. So, does this mean Jigga’s cheatin on Beyonce with Kim Locke? Is her song a coded confession, kinda like Usher’s, but with tact? Hey, I’d take Kim over Beyonce! Don’t ask why…

28th Jun2004

My A Cappella Role Model

by Will

It’s interesting how are dreams aren’t as sweet once we achieve them. The other day, I started thinking back to the “glory days” of Cornell, mainly a cappella. I thought about my idol, Chris Shepard.

Chris sang with the Binghamton Crosbies, and he was my vocal role model. He had a great voice, but women thought he was ONE HOT NEGRO!!! There aren’t many Black guys in a cappella. The quota’s about 1 per group, IF that, so he was a big deal to me. When he sang, there needed to be complimentary towels for all the women in the house ’cause there was more cream filling than a Twinkie abounding (graphic, yes, but also accurate). His signature song was “I’d Die Without You”, by PM Dawn.

Ask anyone in LC, I wanted to be Chris Shepard. I wanted his voice, his rep, everything. I also figured his girlfriend must’ve been really hot. Well, one after party, I met her, and well, she was actually pretty frumpy. Infact, I was a little disappointed. But hey, you can’t choose who ya love, right? I guess I was being shallow. Still, I’m sure he had to deal with a lot of “Why is he with her?” going on behind his back.

He was hot, could sing, and had a girl. He had it all, right? Well, I started thinking back to my latter days, and how it never quite dawned on me that I had, in effect, become Chris, without even realizing it. And it wasn’t as sweet. And I think I know what he went through. By no means, am I saying I was HOT and AMAZING (I don’t think like that), but I DO feel I can say I know how he probably felt, and it wasn’t such a superstar wonderland as I had thought it would be. Really wish I’d exploited it more…

17th Jun2004

Callboy Engagements, The Boss?, The Lemon-Lime Union, “Planned” Parenthood?, and Hater Gal Pals

by Will

Random Things That Have Been On My Mind Today:

-So, it seems that ALL of Next Call are engaged! Seeing as how they’re only about 3 and 4 years older than me, it’s kind scary. Don’t get me wrong; I’m happy for the guys, but it’s like some weird longitudinal study coming to a head. I swear, like 8 of ’em got engaged in the past 2 months. Is there some race I don’t know about? Is this one of those Callboy traditions y’all forgot to tell us at the Chariot? Someone explain this to me!

-What exactly is Bruce Springsteen “The Boss” of?!!

-Why are lemon and lime always bunched together? What bastard did this to them? Now, it seems that they’re inexplicably linked, with no lives of their own. What if lime wants to go solo? Did anyone ever think of that?

-Why is it called “Planned Parenthood”? I’ve yet to hear of anyone going there because of a “planned” event. But I guess, “Shit, it broke!” or, “Damn, I ain’t even got my GED” wouldn’t look as professional on a sign…

-Girls, do NOT go shopping with your friends. I don’t care how long you’ve known them, or how much you’ve been through. Bottom line: your friends are bitches. They may act like they like you, but they only like you a little less than they like themselves. You’ll never be equal. Case in point. When shopping, so many girls’ll tell their friends: “You look GREAT in that! It’s SOOO Cute.” No, it’s not. She just wants to look better than you, and she’s ensuring that by exploiting your vulnerability. Most of the time, that dress just really accentuates your rolls or your “Christmas package”. You know what I’m talking about. It’s that region you hate most about yourself. And this dress doesn’t hide that. But Jill won’t tell you. Oh yeah, Jill’s also been going down on your boyfriend. Who’re you gonna look cute for now?!!

-Excelsior! to Marvel Enterprises! After a rough decade, y’all have finally gotten out of bankruptcy. With Spider-Man 2 coming in a few weeks, things can only get better. Yet, with all the shittier movies you’re planning, like Man-Thing, Iron Man, and Elektra, I’m sure we’ll be hearing another bankruptcy announcement in a few more months…

14th Jun2004

Last Call DC: Karaoke Thaiphoon!

by Will

Had a GREAT evening with LC/DC! Levow, Mike, Bill, John, Lip and I met up at Thaiphoon in Du Pont Circle for dinner (for the record, don’t go to Thaiphoon! Bland City). After dinner, I conned them into heading over to my stomping ground, Cafe Japone, for some Karaoke.

We did the whole ringer thing of “Wow, I think I might sing Drops of Jupiter…I’ve never sung that before!” Anyway, the place wasn’t exactly packed, so we were basically singing to this woman and her husband.

Funny thing about Japone: Ran into Tanya from the other night; didn’t recognize me….And I thought we had something special! *sniff* Well, it just goes to show you can’t sustain anything meaningful with a girl you meet at a party or a bar…

Anyway, we must’ve sang every song on Vestosterone, and then some. Eventually I had to dip because I had to make the last train. Boy, it sure will be nice when I don’t have to play Cinderella anymore…

Anydangway, it was a great night, and now that I know these guys are in town, hopefully it’ll be the first of many.

04th Jun2004

Creed…Breaking Up?

by Will

What a day, what a day…

Yes, Mr. Lohan, your daughter’s hot. But that doesn’t mean you can go around hitting people. It just ain’t right.

And Creed’s breaking up? But who’ll sing for Jesus? Who will trumpet The Almighty’s return across adult contemporary radio? What does this mean for the Rapture? Nickelback and P.O.D. are nowhere near ready to take over the mantle. The mind is puzzled, and the heart is concerned…

03rd Jun2004

Was That You, Lady Deathstrike?

by Will

So, yesterday in the store, this stunning girl came in. Not supermodel stunning, but incredibly captivating. She had amazing skin, the “cliche lower back tattoo”, low rise jeans, the works. But here’s the stuff that really made an impact. She had a pierced navel, causing me to notice she also had all these little scars across her stomach.

Not C-Section scars or stretch marks or anything, but definitely scratches. In fact, she looked like she might’ve been one of Wolverine’s victims or something. They had healed, but there were still all these errant claw scratches on her. She had beautiful eyes, although she rarely made eye contact. She walked up to the counter, and handed me a belt she wanted to buy. A surprisingly feminine belt, considering she seemed kinda badass. On the counter, as she was about to pay, she put down her backpack and her ….motorcycle helmet!! This chick was awesome.

As she walked away, my manager walked by her, and looking at me, said, “That’s one hip chick! She looks kinda like…Lenny Kravitz”. She walked out of the store with her Aviator glasses on, helmet in one hand, and backpack in the other. When she was gone, I knew I should’ve said something to her. Not like, “Wow, I should’ve gotten her number!” Anyone who knows me knows that’s not how I think. I would’ve loved to have had a conversation with her because I KNOW she had a story to tell. With her style, her scars, and just the scenario, I think I may have met one of the most intriguing people to cross my path in some time. Plus, I REALLY wanna know where the scars came from.

25th May2004

Remembering Kool and the Gang’s “Cherish”

by Will

The mall music @ White Flint has probably the BEST ’80s collection ever. They don’t play the cliche stuff like Madonna, Prince, and MJ. Instead, you get Johnny Hates Jazz, Corey Hart, Spandau Ballet, OMD, all the good one hit wonders. One song, though, especially stood out to me the other day.

You see, I hate Kool and the Gang. I hate them specifically for “Celebrate”, but I just hate their sound, kinda like I hate Earth, Wind and Fire. Well, there’s ONE Kool and the Gang song I like, and I think it’s because it’s not like their usual sound.

OK kids, I’m about to open up here, so don’t laugh. That song is “Cherish”. Most people may think of it as a cheesy 80’s love song, which it most certainly is. But it holds special meaning for me because it is involved in one of my earliest memories. You see, that song was playing following my father’s funeral, when everyone was going home and the cleanup was taking place. I never quite understood the somber nature of the event because I was 3, and didn’t really understand life and death. In fact, for many years, I just referred to it as the time “all my cousins came to see me”, because in my mind, that’s what happened. Anyway, I distinctly remember that song. I didn’t even know the lyrics back then. In fact, I didn’t learn the words until about 3 years ago when I discovered mp3s. Before that, I was just making up sounds, singing somthing along the lines of “Cherry suh-luv…”

Anyway, my point is that this song gets VERY little airplay. You have to be awake at 3 AM on a Sat night, listening to Kid Kelly’s Backtrax USA just to even have a chance of hearing this thing. But it played the other night, on White Flint’s PA, as I was leaving work. I really had a crappy day Saturday, but I think, in some way, I kinda felt a little better after I heard that. I’m sure many of you might wonder, “Why, Will? It reminds you of such a bad occasion.” But you see, I didn’t realize it was bad when it happened. To me, those were simpler, happier times, and in my mind, that was the best day ever ’cause my family came out to see ME. Well, today I know the truth, but it still doesn’t change anything. For that one memory, Kool and the Gang are alright in my book.

25th May2004

“Don’t Look Any Further” – Unsung Sample Hero

by Will

Song of the Moment:

“Don’t Look Any Further”, by Dennis Edwards

Yes, you’ve heard it before. At least some form of it. I’d swear that it’s probably the MOST sampled song in the history of hip hop, but this is the original slow jam. Forget R. Kelly, this is a “satin sheet” song.

24th May2004

An Excerpt From “Temptations”, by Otis Williams

by Will

Book Excerpt of the Moment:

“Temptations”, by Otis Williams

“My mind made up, I started thinking about how it would be to have fans. One day I happened to be hanging around the back of the Fox when the Cadillacs came out the stage door. One of them was signing something for a young girl, and she innocently asked him why he had a pimple on his face. He angrily snapped, ‘Because I ain’t getting enough pussy!’ The poor girl looked crushed, and my bubble burst. There was no reason for that. I knew that if anybody ever asked me for an autograph, I’d never do anything like that.”

20th May2004

Ryan Seacrest, On Air No More

by Will

Well, found out today that they canceled “On Air with Ryan Seacrest”. OK, is anyone surprised? Sure, it was better than the Chevy Chase show, but every time I watched, I felt like I was watching Vibe back when Sinbad was hosting. It was a bad show, with no real format, hosted by the flavor of the week. Hey, at least he’s still got American Idol. What, they’re canceling that, too? Nah, just kidding on that one, although it wouldn’t be the worst news in the world after this past season…