04th Jun2004

Creed…Breaking Up?

by Will

What a day, what a day…

Yes, Mr. Lohan, your daughter’s hot. But that doesn’t mean you can go around hitting people. It just ain’t right.

And Creed’s breaking up? But who’ll sing for Jesus? Who will trumpet The Almighty’s return across adult contemporary radio? What does this mean for the Rapture? Nickelback and P.O.D. are nowhere near ready to take over the mantle. The mind is puzzled, and the heart is concerned…

03rd Jun2004

Was That You, Lady Deathstrike?

by Will

So, yesterday in the store, this stunning girl came in. Not supermodel stunning, but incredibly captivating. She had amazing skin, the “cliche lower back tattoo”, low rise jeans, the works. But here’s the stuff that really made an impact. She had a pierced navel, causing me to notice she also had all these little scars across her stomach.

Not C-Section scars or stretch marks or anything, but definitely scratches. In fact, she looked like she might’ve been one of Wolverine’s victims or something. They had healed, but there were still all these errant claw scratches on her. She had beautiful eyes, although she rarely made eye contact. She walked up to the counter, and handed me a belt she wanted to buy. A surprisingly feminine belt, considering she seemed kinda badass. On the counter, as she was about to pay, she put down her backpack and her ….motorcycle helmet!! This chick was awesome.

As she walked away, my manager walked by her, and looking at me, said, “That’s one hip chick! She looks kinda like…Lenny Kravitz”. She walked out of the store with her Aviator glasses on, helmet in one hand, and backpack in the other. When she was gone, I knew I should’ve said something to her. Not like, “Wow, I should’ve gotten her number!” Anyone who knows me knows that’s not how I think. I would’ve loved to have had a conversation with her because I KNOW she had a story to tell. With her style, her scars, and just the scenario, I think I may have met one of the most intriguing people to cross my path in some time. Plus, I REALLY wanna know where the scars came from.

25th May2004

Remembering Kool and the Gang’s “Cherish”

by Will

The mall music @ White Flint has probably the BEST ’80s collection ever. They don’t play the cliche stuff like Madonna, Prince, and MJ. Instead, you get Johnny Hates Jazz, Corey Hart, Spandau Ballet, OMD, all the good one hit wonders. One song, though, especially stood out to me the other day.

You see, I hate Kool and the Gang. I hate them specifically for “Celebrate”, but I just hate their sound, kinda like I hate Earth, Wind and Fire. Well, there’s ONE Kool and the Gang song I like, and I think it’s because it’s not like their usual sound.

OK kids, I’m about to open up here, so don’t laugh. That song is “Cherish”. Most people may think of it as a cheesy 80’s love song, which it most certainly is. But it holds special meaning for me because it is involved in one of my earliest memories. You see, that song was playing following my father’s funeral, when everyone was going home and the cleanup was taking place. I never quite understood the somber nature of the event because I was 3, and didn’t really understand life and death. In fact, for many years, I just referred to it as the time “all my cousins came to see me”, because in my mind, that’s what happened. Anyway, I distinctly remember that song. I didn’t even know the lyrics back then. In fact, I didn’t learn the words until about 3 years ago when I discovered mp3s. Before that, I was just making up sounds, singing somthing along the lines of “Cherry suh-luv…”

Anyway, my point is that this song gets VERY little airplay. You have to be awake at 3 AM on a Sat night, listening to Kid Kelly’s Backtrax USA just to even have a chance of hearing this thing. But it played the other night, on White Flint’s PA, as I was leaving work. I really had a crappy day Saturday, but I think, in some way, I kinda felt a little better after I heard that. I’m sure many of you might wonder, “Why, Will? It reminds you of such a bad occasion.” But you see, I didn’t realize it was bad when it happened. To me, those were simpler, happier times, and in my mind, that was the best day ever ’cause my family came out to see ME. Well, today I know the truth, but it still doesn’t change anything. For that one memory, Kool and the Gang are alright in my book.

25th May2004

“Don’t Look Any Further” – Unsung Sample Hero

by Will

Song of the Moment:

“Don’t Look Any Further”, by Dennis Edwards

Yes, you’ve heard it before. At least some form of it. I’d swear that it’s probably the MOST sampled song in the history of hip hop, but this is the original slow jam. Forget R. Kelly, this is a “satin sheet” song.

24th May2004

An Excerpt From “Temptations”, by Otis Williams

by Will

Book Excerpt of the Moment:

“Temptations”, by Otis Williams

“My mind made up, I started thinking about how it would be to have fans. One day I happened to be hanging around the back of the Fox when the Cadillacs came out the stage door. One of them was signing something for a young girl, and she innocently asked him why he had a pimple on his face. He angrily snapped, ‘Because I ain’t getting enough pussy!’ The poor girl looked crushed, and my bubble burst. There was no reason for that. I knew that if anybody ever asked me for an autograph, I’d never do anything like that.”

20th May2004

Ryan Seacrest, On Air No More

by Will

Well, found out today that they canceled “On Air with Ryan Seacrest”. OK, is anyone surprised? Sure, it was better than the Chevy Chase show, but every time I watched, I felt like I was watching Vibe back when Sinbad was hosting. It was a bad show, with no real format, hosted by the flavor of the week. Hey, at least he’s still got American Idol. What, they’re canceling that, too? Nah, just kidding on that one, although it wouldn’t be the worst news in the world after this past season…

18th May2004

At Least It Didn’t Include The Hampster Dance

by Will

So, we have support staff from all around the region in our store to help get it ready for opening. Today, one of the girls decides to play her CD while we’re working. It’s her “Songs To Have Sex To” CD. But here’s the odd part: these were definitely not “sex songs”. The disc included “Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch (I Can’t Help Myself)”, by The Four Tops; “Don’t Stay Home”, by 311; “PYT”, by Michael Jackson; and “Everlong”, by The Foo Fighters! It just goes to show ya the lengths some people have to go to just to get off…

09th May2004

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road…

by Will

“Maybe you’ll get a replacement
There’s plenty like me to be found.
Mongrels, who ain’t got a penny
Sniffing for tid-bits like you on the ground.”

05th May2004

Web Rivalry With J. Lamb

by Will

Wow, so it appears the Great Lamb has fired back. Well, I guess I should just lead this Lamb to slaughter. I “turned Lean on Me into porn…”? The “skeet skeet” was a humorous, yet unwelcome addition.

And apparently I’m stepping on VH-1’s toes. As you know, I always wanted to work for VH-1, so I’ll take that as a compliment. If you’ve got me confused with Mo Rocca or Joel Stein, I welcome the comparison. After all, I WAS the one who taught you his name is pronounced Nick “le-SHAY”, and not “LAH-kee”, as you’d been incorrectly spewing it. You NEED me, bitch!

Well, James, in regards to my music section being silent, i’m just waiting for your girl to post the tracks. After all, she’s the one who has ’em. Oh wait a minute…YOU DIDN’T KNOW I WAS TALKING TO YOUR GIRL, did you? Oops….

29th Apr2004

Get Your Own Song!

by Will

Why, oh why, did Jessica Simpson cover “Take My Breath Away”? That is an iconic song! I kind of come from the school where I think it’s offensive to cover a song by a one-hit wonder. I mean, it’s not like Berlin really have anything else that people remember. Even Starship had “We Built This City ” & “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now”. But Berlin have nothing else besides that song! What, Jessica? You didn’t feel like screwing up “Total Eclipse of the Heart”? “Mickey” out of your range? Don’t want to try your hand at “Bette Davis Eyes”? To me, this is the equivalent of Britney covering “My Heart Will Go On.” It might be a crappy song, but it’s still trespassing.