18th May2004

At Least It Didn’t Include The Hampster Dance

by Will

So, we have support staff from all around the region in our store to help get it ready for opening. Today, one of the girls decides to play her CD while we’re working. It’s her “Songs To Have Sex To” CD. But here’s the odd part: these were definitely not “sex songs”. The disc included “Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch (I Can’t Help Myself)”, by The Four Tops; “Don’t Stay Home”, by 311; “PYT”, by Michael Jackson; and “Everlong”, by The Foo Fighters! It just goes to show ya the lengths some people have to go to just to get off…

09th May2004

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road…

by Will

“Maybe you’ll get a replacement
There’s plenty like me to be found.
Mongrels, who ain’t got a penny
Sniffing for tid-bits like you on the ground.”

05th May2004

Web Rivalry With J. Lamb

by Will

Wow, so it appears the Great Lamb has fired back. Well, I guess I should just lead this Lamb to slaughter. I “turned Lean on Me into porn…”? The “skeet skeet” was a humorous, yet unwelcome addition.

And apparently I’m stepping on VH-1’s toes. As you know, I always wanted to work for VH-1, so I’ll take that as a compliment. If you’ve got me confused with Mo Rocca or Joel Stein, I welcome the comparison. After all, I WAS the one who taught you his name is pronounced Nick “le-SHAY”, and not “LAH-kee”, as you’d been incorrectly spewing it. You NEED me, bitch!

Well, James, in regards to my music section being silent, i’m just waiting for your girl to post the tracks. After all, she’s the one who has ’em. Oh wait a minute…YOU DIDN’T KNOW I WAS TALKING TO YOUR GIRL, did you? Oops….

29th Apr2004

Get Your Own Song!

by Will

Why, oh why, did Jessica Simpson cover “Take My Breath Away”? That is an iconic song! I kind of come from the school where I think it’s offensive to cover a song by a one-hit wonder. I mean, it’s not like Berlin really have anything else that people remember. Even Starship had “We Built This City ” & “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now”. But Berlin have nothing else besides that song! What, Jessica? You didn’t feel like screwing up “Total Eclipse of the Heart”? “Mickey” out of your range? Don’t want to try your hand at “Bette Davis Eyes”? To me, this is the equivalent of Britney covering “My Heart Will Go On.” It might be a crappy song, but it’s still trespassing.

29th Apr2004

Love Actually & Rufus Wainwright

by Will

Anybody here seen “Love Actually”? Seen it, bought it yesterday. The package does not lie: It truly is “The Ultimate Romantic Comedy”. If you’re in love, it’ll make ya glad you are. If you’re not in love, it’ll make you wish you were. Oddly, I feel neither of these right now, but it’s still one of my favorite movies of all time.

Speaking of recommendations, EVERYONE MUST OWN RUFUS WAINWRIGHT’S ALBUM “WANT ONE”! Kirsten Dunst said it best in this month’s Blender when she said that it could be a musical. Thematically, it’s all over the place, but it’s like listening to Moulin Rouge, every minute of it enjoyable. No one out there is doing stuff like this, and you’ll simply love the experience. If you know of anyone else out there doing stuff like this, let me know immediately!!!

29th Apr2004

Thin Line Between Beauty and Ugly

by Will

I felt this post was appropriate, seeing as how People’s “50 Most Beautiful People” issue is about to drop.

You know how there’s a thin line between pain and pleasure? I’m beginning to think it’s the same with beauty and ugliness. For instance, we think gorgeous people are gorgeous because they differ so much from everyone else. At the same time, we think unattractive people are ugly….because they differ so much from everyone else. My point is that a lot of the people we find “attractive” should also be “unattractive”, but it’s simply a matter of perspective.

Nick Lachey, it’s been said, really isn’t a hot guy. If you look closely, he’s got a big pug nose, thick lips, and he’s almost kind of a meathead. But if you take the parts as a whole, something about them converge to make him this heartthrob. You could say it’s his personality, but look closely next time; you’ll see what I’m talking about.

At Cornell, there was a very attractive singer who, upon closer inspection, had certain physical aspects that should be “unattractive”. Regardless, somehow these aspects converged, causing us all to think this person was gorgeous. I still stand by this assessment, but some days, my mind wanders….

Jennifer Garner is another example. In my mind, she is the world’s most beautiful man. Yes, I said “man”. There is NOTHING feminine about her, yet she’s this sex symbol. Had she come out last decade, she’d have been some sort of freak. But now, she’s this “graceful beauty”. Have you seen her high school pictures?!! This girl had “ugly duckling” written all over her. And no, she did NOT have some kind of glamorous Hollywood makeover. Little has changed in her appearance, except she’s more buff. And we call this “sexy”? She was hot in Daredevil, but that’s ’cause she was a ninja, and General Law of Life #768 states that “All ninjas are cool, no questions asked”.

I guess my question is what is it about these people, or our own assessments, that cause them to be seen as “sexy” and “beautiful”.

Oh man, I’m starting to sound like James…

29th Apr2004

John Stevens & Cornell Idol

by Will

Let’s talk about John Stevens. Now, I have never been a big fan of his, and I definitely thought he was out of his league, but this whole thing has gone too far. I was so glad he was “put out of his misery” last night because I was beginning to fear for him. His grandparents were beginning to fear, too, when they read someone hoping he’d be “taken out” by an audience member. That’s just plain inappropriate!

American Idol is a farce, plain and simple. We get our kicks from it, but there’s no need to get so passionate. I’m beginning to equate it to professional sports; I never understood how someone could get so wrapped up in a team/game, where the result could lead to violence.

I’ve got to hand it to Simon. He told John, “You are only 16 years old, yet you have taken these bullets thrown at you like a man.” He was right on the money. Imagine what it must feel like, to have been voted to this position, and then have everyone turn their backs on you. Every week, fearing you’re next to go, knowing people expect you to go, and then seeing your friend voted off. Imagine what it must’ve been like to have been his elderly grandparents, once so proud, now fearful for the life of their pride and joy.

Plus, most of us can’t stand when the girl at the office is talking shit behind our backs. Imagine what a 16 YEAR OLD, who’s already the most insecure creature in nature, must feel when he learns the whole nation basically think he’s a hack. If that’s the case, who’s been voting for him all these weeks? Stand up and be accountable! If he had just up and commited suicide, I wonder who’d be to blame then? Would people even feel sorry, or would they just say, “Oh well”? “Cause it was certainly a possibility. He could have killed himself. Stranger things have happened. And it would’ve been Jillian Barberie’s fault, and Jay Leno’s fault, even Katie Couric’s fault. This got to the point where newscasters, who aren’t even supposed to takes sides, especially on trivial matters such as these, were against him. They can’t even take sides on the war, but they can add to a pasty teenager’s depression. Way to go, Katie! What, Al Roker too skinny for you to make fat jokes about anymore? You gotta turn to someone new?

John Stevens, you held your own like a man, and I have more respect for you than you can imagine. I couldn’t even deal when I bombed Cornell Idol, and that was worthless. Hell, I think the winner was asked to leave Cornell, so I guess she lost the title. Regardless, you took those barbs and jabs much better than I could have. I want to know your secret, but mainly I’d just like to know you.

Plus, it’s not like he’s out of the picture and people need to realize that. First of all, by virtue of even making it to this stage of the competition, he’s already a part of the live touring show once the contest ends. Plus, it’s not like you have to win the thing to get a recording deal. Hell, RJ Helton just released a CD a few weeks ago. Yup, Gay RJ from season 1. It’s not like it sold, but it’s still out there for anyone who wants it. John, someone out there wants you. That’s why Michael Buble and Josh Groban are stars. You have an audience, and they’re just waiting to hear more from ya. Now, don’t try singing anymore Nsync, especially when it’s a putrid Gloria Estefan song, but I know you’re talented. You just weren’t in the right environment.

26th Apr2004

Shopping Spree & Newport Cameos

by Will

Today’s Episode: “Will That Be Credit or Debit?” Episode #04102226

Special Guest Stars: Kea Dupree, Alex Cowan

Cameo Appearance: Beth Don

So, today, I was a bad boy. Mommy’s in NC with Mr. Earle for a funeral, so I’m Kevin McCallister for the moment. I didn’t really want to be home, even though I have some MAJOR cleaning to do. I’ve been sleeping in the guest room since December ’cause my room is so junky!

Anyway, I didn’t want to stay in, so I decided to go out…in the rain…shopping. I know I probably shouldn’t have, but I really wanted to buy stuff. It’d make me feel better. Plus, I worked over 85 hrs during the past week and a half, so it’s not like I couldn’t afford it right now. I’ll just be regretting it later.

So, ever since being introduced to Death Cab for Cutie, I’ve really been hooked. Since they’re a fairly new group, the collector in me took over, and I’ve been trying to track down every album. Anyway, I’ve been a real music mood, so you can see where this is headed….

I’m just gonna list where I went and what I bought. That’ll give the best picture of my adventures.

CD/DVD Exchange:

Elton John – Live in Australia

Elton John – Two Rooms

Starship – Knee Deep In The Hoopla

Baywatch – Hawaiian Wedding DVD

Tower Records & Videos:

Elton John – Greatest Hits 1970-2002

Elton John – Remixed

Death Cab for Cutie – You Can Play These Songs With Chords

Death Cab for Cutie – We Have The Facts and We’re Voting Yes

Westlife – Turnaround

Rufus Wainwright – Want One

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Season 1 DVD

Gamestop:

Star Trek – Federation Gift Pak

Borders Books & Music:

Something Corporate – North

Blender, May 2004

EB:

The Punisher DVD

So yeah, spent a LOT of money. Kinda having the Buyer’s Remorse….

I completed the Death Cab collection, but I’m also on this Elton kick. He is AWESOME! I completely blame Courtney for this ’cause she had his greatest hits playing ALL DAY yesterday! After awhile, that stuff is just gonna seep in.

So, I think I saw Ethan’s mom when I was at Gamestop, but since I didn’t really confirm whether or not it was her, we’ll just give her a “cameo” credit.

While at White Flint, I ran into Ms. Kea, AKA The “Dolly” to my “Cornelius” (Newport kids’ll get that reference). She’s just as cute as ever. It was great seeing her, but I felt so inadequate seeing as how she’s practically working 4 jobs right now! She’s really on the ball. It’s actually kind of motivating. It was good to catch up with her and find out the whereabouts of some other Newportians.

On the way home, I’m minding my own business, reading my Blender, on the Metro. Suddenly, this tall White guy in a cowboy hat and leather jacket stumbles into the car. I look at him, wondering, “Who the hell is this guy?” I look closer and realize it’s Alex! I haven’t seen him in years, but he’s the same Alex I remember and love. He scanned the car, and he looked at me, but didn’t recognize me. I decided to wait and see if he’d notice me. He sat down a few rows up, and just waited for his stop. He took off his hat, and there was a chunk of hair missing on the side. Don’t folks! This wasn’t the result of an accident. This was a statement. He always did have a way with fashion. So, he gets up for his stop, and I call out his name. He kinda hears it, notices me, and is shocked. He stumbles over to me and we talk, but he has to get off. I told him we’d hang out soon since I’d been hanging with his sister recently.

I swear, everyday, there’s another person I never thought I’d run into. It’s almost like I’m being set up. But it was still awesome to see them both. And great spending ALL THAT MONEY 🙂

23rd Apr2004

My Life Is Full of Special Guest Stars

by Will

I’m totally convinced my life is a TV show. YES, I know this sounds somewhat paranoid, but the events that occur to me could only be scripted. My life takes the unexpected twists and turns that only some ratings-hungry network execs could think up. Now, don’t get me wrong, a little excitement is good every now and then, but COME ON!

In the past three months, my life has been “enhanced” by the presence of many…let’s call them “special guest stars”. These are people I haven’t been in contact with for years, and now they’re coming out of the woodwork. Now, I’m enjoying all of these reunions, but it makes me feel like something big is over the horizon. And that makes me uncomfortable, because I like to be ready and prepared for anything; recent events have shown I’m getting a bit sloppy in that department.

I’ve been saying that this whole year was for me to find myself, and I guess I had to lose some stuff to gain. I just didn’t realize there’d be all of these connections back to a past that I really don’t acknowledge. I’ve run into people from every phase of my life, mainly just by working at H&M. I’ve had the Calvary Era, by running into Quiesha Tresvant. I’ve had the Newport Era by running into Arielle & Betsy. The TRU Era ’cause I run into Napier EVERYWHERE. Today, I finally had the Cornell Era. I’m on the Metro, minding my own business, listening to my Death Cab, when something inside tells me to look up. Who do I see? Chris Foster and his girlfriend standing on the platform. I run off the train just as it’s about to pull off, so I can go talk to him and find out who the beauty is who’s accompanying him. This isn’t the first Cornell meeting by any means. Back in Feb, I ran into AJ’s friend Alexa while coming out of the Dupont Circle station (I guess Cornellians love the Metro), and last week I read an article about her in the City Paper. This region is large enough that this shouldn’t have to happen.

Yes, I have a flair for the dramatic, but I couldn’t even come up with some of the people I’ve been running into lately. It’s been good ’cause it all relates to the things I’ve been reflecting upon recently, but there’re are still 2 more people that have yet to be found. Once that occurs, then the sky is the limit. I’m not gonna name these two people, but let’s just say both their names begin with “A”. There’s something I need from both of them, and I don’t think they’d be too hard to find, but the timing’s not right yet.

23rd Apr2004

Tiny Vessels

by Will

Song of the Moment: “Tiny Vessels”, by Death Cab for Cutie