29th Jul2004

Bill Clinton: Always Entertaining

by Will

“I am a War President! I sit in the Oval Office, making important decisions, all the time with WAR ON MY MIND!”

-who do you think?

I swear, I missed the Clinton years because that man was an entertaining gentleman. He was a Playa’s Playa. But now, I find The Replacement to be just as entertaining, but in a comedic sort of way. Great comedic timing. Too bad he was being serious….

Anyway, I’d kinda like Clinton & Bush to team up. Just think about it. It’d be like “48 Hours” or “Fastlane”.  I call it “Bushwhacked!” Don’t forget the exclamation point; that’s a very important part of the title! A good “buddy cop” scenario. One guy would be busy chasing skirts, while the other is the tough-as-nails take no guff, “bad cop”, who’s hell-bent on getting his man. Wow, that’d be a great show. Too bad it won’t happen….Well, who knows what’ll happen after November? After all, there was talk of Clinton having his own daytime talkshow at one point. Man, it would’ve sucked for the former POTUS to get stomped by Oprah in the ratings. Either way, I’d look closely at UPN’s next Fall lineup if I were you. You never know what might pop up…

28th Jul2004

Fahrenheit 9/11: See It

by Will

Everybody should see “Fahrenheit 9/11”!!! This is one of my new favorite movies. Wow. PLEASE see this movie! I beg of you, SEE THIS MOVIE!

18th Jul2004

Will & JJ’s Ho Hunt

by Will

Wow, it’s been a long time since an adventure like THAT! So, last night was quite a night…

First off, my day started kinda shitty ’cause I was late to work for reasons that I couldn’t control, yet they still wrote me up for it. I started the whole “I’m too good for this shit, why am I here, I really gotta leave this place” stuff in my head. Then, out of nowhere, I started getting all these compliments.

We have this thing called a “Snap Board” where people give you “snaps” for doing something good. I saw that I had 3 new snaps for stuff I hadn’t even realized I’d done. I was like, “Wow, they really like me”..Still too good for that place, though.

So, we were all trying to hang out after work ’cause one of the guys had a friend in town, and he wanted to have a big group go out. We were going to Dave & Buster’s, but at the last minute, he decided to go to Apex. That’s the curse of being the only straight male in the H&M Corporation. I was NOT going to Apex ’cause I didn’t feel like dealing with all of that, so I opted out.

Now, from the producers of “Dude, Where’s My Car?” and “Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle”, comes “Will & JJ’s ‘Ho Hunt”. It’s not as misogynistic as it sounds, but it is a literal definition of what happened next. We got bored, and were just driving around, as we found ourselves downtown, around K & 12th Streets. Anyone from this region knows what that meant; politicians ain’t the only thing downtown. All of a sudden, prostitutes were coming out of the woodwork. The service roads were backed up with dudes pulling over trying to get a little lovin’.

We were stopped behind a minvan @ a traffic light, when suddenly, a ‘ho just pops out of the side door, adjusting her outfit. I swear, I BET a segment of the Bang Bus was happening right in front of us, and we never even knew it.

So, as we keep driving, trying to get back to MD, more and more hookers. Then, the cops came. They started taping off the service roads so the ‘hos would have nowhere to pick up Johns. Then, they started stopping the younger looking ones, lecturing them about the dangers. It was just like it happens on “COPS”.

The crowning moment of the night was when we saw a guy running out of the alley, smiling like it was his birthday, as he pulled up his pants. JJ’s golden statement? “Dude, he just got served!”

Finally got out of Gomorrah, and passed out at home around 6 AM. Man, that was fun….

13th Jun2004

I Kinda Want An Uppity Negro Shirt…

by Will

Someone needs to tell James that it’s June and NOT May. His blog seems confused. Oh wait…I guess that means he’s gotten lazy again. Well, if he were around, he’d probably want you to visit http://www.uppitynegro.com . The site sells t-shirts with ironic messages, such as “ungrateful negro” and “uppity negro”. Each shirt has meaning, but the company’s owner doesn’t feel that the White world can grasp the emphasis of her message. In fact, she refuses to sell her wares to White customers until she’s spoken with them, and understands that they have an understanding of the Black struggle.

Now, I’m not much for politics. Well, I’m not much for VOCAL politics. If you really know me, then you know my views, but I’m not gonna take up much blog space getting ’em out. I DO, however, feel this is an interesting company, plus I like the design of the merchandise. The shirts have been seen on Dave Chappelle, Spike Lee, and others. Click on over and check it out. I don’t know, but something about this site feels very “James Lamb” to me. It’s a shame I’ve gotta do his dirty work for him! WTF?!!

24th May2004

Washingtonienne

by Will

So, apparently, something newsworthy came out of Central NY that’s NOT about Cornell. For all you politicos out there, I’m sure you’ve heard about the controversy surrounding “Washingtonienne”, AKA Jessica Cutler. Ms. Cutler, a Syracuse grad, was a Capitol Hill staffer who routinely engaged in office sex, while playing a couple of guys on the side. The problem here is that she decided to post about each encounter on her blog…at work….on Capitol Hill. So, of course, she was fired last week for inappropriate use of government computers and equipment. She claims she didn’t really care because she hated the job anyway. Apparently, she’d decided that 25K was just too little to live off of, so most of her living expenses were paid by the men she was sleeping with. In fact, one guy in her posse routinely gave her $400 for anal sex. The beauty of the whole affair is her blase attitude about it all. To read her whole journal for yourself, hop on over to http://washingtoniennearchive.blogspot.com , and there’s a color picture of her at http://www.ilovejennabush.com. She keeps talking about how hot she is, but she’s not really. I guess I’ve got to applaud her moxy and inflated sense of self worth. Anyway, I think Monica taught us all that anyone can get laid on Capitol Hill. God Bless America!

19th Apr2004

24 Is Social Commentary On How We Should Never Have A Black President

by Will

Did anybody see “24” last night?!! I can’t believe Jack killed Chappelle! Normally, we complain when TV shows threaten to do something big and reneg at the last minute. Not “24”. They delivered, and I actually find myself feeling sorrow for the shrewd, anal, arrogant boss of CTU we’ve come to hate over the past 3 seasons.

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: “24” is social commentary on how we should never have a Black president.” Ever since David Palmer entered the presidential arena, this country has witnessed 3 of the worst days in the history of the world. Now, I have to admit that this is the first season where they’re not convincing me that all of this action is taking place within the span of a 24 hr period. I feel like this drama has been dragged out over the course of months. Regardless, the message is the same: Black president = F’ed up America.

Many of you are probably asking, “How can you say that, Will? You’re Black!”. Well, I’m also honest. This country is no more ready for a Black president than a Black man is ready to be president. Who almost got him impeached last season? His bitch of a wife. Strong Black woman my butt! Who’s costing him reelection this season? His player of a brother/chief of staff who can’t keep business and pleasure separate.

Now, I know you’re saying, “Well, nothing here has occurred that didn’t happen during any Kennedy Administration.” You’re correct. In fact, I might say that the Kennedy Dynasty have come the closest to emulating the drama of “24”, but I feel that David Palmer (I refuse to call him “Mr. President”) is the sole reason for all of these catastrophes. Either that, or someone really loves having Kiefer Sutherland jump through hoops.

OK, here’s my new theory: some Kiefer Sutherland-loving, racist, is behind these nefarious events that are plaguing the Palmer Presidency.

Man, I really need some sleep soon.

30th Dec2003

Miserable Failure

by Will

Hehe. Bored? You must be if you’re reading this. Anyway, looking for something funny? Go to Google. Type “miserable failure”, and click “I’m Feeling Lucky”.

13th Aug2003

How Are Fox News and Fox Network Cut From The Same Cloth?

by Will

Can someone explain something to me? How is it that Fox News is SO UBER conservative, with its Ann Coulter interviews and Mr. Bill O’Reilly, calling for the deaths of the heathenist liberals. At the same time, the Fox Network, also owned by Rupert Murdoch, is the most debasing, trashiest force on network television (for all you novices, “network” only applies to Fox and the alphabet nets, not the cable outlets.). I mean, Fox created the reality-show, with COPS all those years ago, and with the Worlds Deadliest Animal/Babies/Golf Carts/Natural Distasters/Police Chase Specials. I know that UPN is more deplorable, but thats just due to lack of good programming. Fox, on the other hand, is almost trying to outdo itself with “how low can you get” shows. Sure, Joe Millionaire was a hit, but it was a horrible testament to morality, as well as the human condition. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE FOX! I’ve been there since it’s inception in 1987 with Married…with Children. But I don’t see how such bastard children can come from the same father. Does Murdoch keep Fox around so that his News Dept has cannon fodder for debate?

13th Aug2003

Letter To Ann Coulter

by Will

Man, do I hate Ann Coulter, but this guy obviously hates her more, and his hatred is funnier:

http://www.henrypanky.com/coulter.htm

My favorite line is: “Oh, my jackbooted and jackal-headed succubus, your unqualified prostitution and unspeakable debasement of the soul have set the bar so high. How do you do it, girl?”

He really drives it home with: “pps: now that Uday Hussein is out of the picture, are you dating anyone new?”

Wow.

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