24th Jul2005

Comics Rant: House of M, Gambit, Infinite Crisis, X3, and Blade TV

by Will

“I’m sorry…I know I maybe taste like a cracker.”

Comics Rant

The following will make sense to maybe 2 of my readers. Sorry, but I needed to get this out of my system. But stay tuned, I’m sure I’ll wax philosophic on 90210 or something with a little more of an all-encompassing vibe in the coming days…

MARVEL
-SINISTER IS GAMBIT’S FATHER?!!! Is this in-continuity? Are they gonna keep this development? I mean, it makes sense, but…

-So, you mean to tell me that Hawkeye’s now dead in BOTH universes? I was never a fan of 616 Hawkeye, but Ultimate Hawkeye was kinda noble. Man, Marvel must really hate archers or something…

-So, the Sentry may actually be an amnesiac Thor? That’s an interesting theory…

-Wolverine’s a much cooler Avenger than X-Man. “House of M” only proves this theory. Plus, check out his solo work in “Wolverine”. Last issue, he killed 5,000 people. Yup, you read that correctly.

-Speaking of “House of M”, rumor is that it’s going to knock the number of mutants in the world back down to around 300. In the past few yrs, Marvel went a little apeshit, and EVERYONE was a mutant. Apparently, they want to get back to basics, where mutants were a small group which can be more easily persecuted. Not sure if they’re just gonna depower the muties or kill ’em…

-I hate to say it, but I think Bendis may actually suck now. I mean, he’s writing every book Marvel puts out. They have no regular shipping schedule. And, I’m kinda gettin’ tired of him..

-Finally got around to reading “Marvels”. It was NOT the tour-de-force epic that I’ve been hearing about for the past 10 yrs. Quaint little ditty, but it lacked something…

DC
-“Infinite Crisis” has GOT to restart the DC timeline! Why do I say that? Too many things have happened recently that never should’ve:
1)Luthor knows Superman’s Identity
2)Checkmate knows EVERYONE’s Identities
3)Batman no longer has ANY foes
A) Joker is a broken amnesiac in a traveling circus
B) Two-Face reverted back to Harvey Dent
C) Poison Ivy-Dead
D) Riddler-MIA
E) Bane -reformed
F) R’as Al Ghul – Dead
G)Catwoman – reformed AND knows Bruce is Batman
H)Penguin moved to Bludhaven
I)Scarface -Dead
J)Man-Bat reformed and has a Kid-Bat

4)Did I mention that Jason Todd’s back? For real. Robin II has returned from the dead as The Red Hood II and, with the exception of Hush, is Batman’s only major villain.

MOVIES
-Alan Cumming probably wishes he’d kept his damn mouth shut. He was so excited when he learned that Bryan Singer was no longer directing “X3”. He went on record for several publications, stating how much he disliked working with the man, and how relieved he was that he wouldn’t have to repeat the experience. Well, Fox has decided not to pick up the renewal option in his contract. Which means that neither Mr. Cumming, nor Nightcrawler, will be seen in X-Men 3. Sometimes you’ve gotta wait before you gloat.

-Speaking of X3, the damn teaser poster’s already up in theatres. The movie ain’t even close to being done, and it’s not like they’re going to lack an eager audience. Yet, Marvel still felt it necessary to give you a 24×36 one-sheet of Wolverine’s claws. Thanks, Marvel. ‘Cause you guys make it SO easy for us to forget what Wolverine looks like…

-David Goyer announced he’s developing a “Blade” tv show for Spike. I wonder if Snipes is gonna try to sue…

OK, I think I’m done for now. Just needed to geek out for a minute…

04th Jul2005

Patriotic Justice: Beaten With A Flag

by Will

Mini Rant

-So, McDonald’s accepts credit cards now. Yeah, I know this isn’t a new development, per se, but still…Just what Americans need: the golden opportunity to get fatter and deeper into debt.

-Hey, welcome back, Coldplay! How we’ve missed you. A new track, you say? Wow, that certainly IS the “Coldplay sound”. Hey, Chris Martin, how about something NEW next time 🙁

-So, I get home the other day, and what do I find? A flag planted in my yard by Tom Powers, the local realtor. Now, Mr. Powers and I go way back. You see, he’s always leaving trinkets on our porches, such as apple butter, yard sticKs, flags, etc. It’s all bribery, so when we decide to sell the house, we’ll think, “Well, that nice Powers guy was always giving us stuff. Let’s choose him!”

But the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. When I was younger, I didn’t get spanked much, but when I did, my mother made sure that it counted But see, Mommy was older and not as strong as your mothers probably were, so she always needed some sort of…well, weapon, for lack of a better word. And what did she usually grab? A yardstick, or a flag. Yeah, she beat me with a flag. Broke the flag stick on my ass. God Bless America, indeed..Generally, she grabbed whatever was sticking out of the umbrella stand. Hence, my discipline sessions were reminiscent of a WWF Hardcore Match. And who, pray tell, do you think supplied most of the armament found in the umbrella stand? You guessed it, Tom Powers. So, unbeknownst to him, Tom Powers is my worst enemy.

14th Jun2005

Ninjas, Pride DC, MJ, and Natalie Holloway

by Will

Gonna steal Shel’s format for today since I like how it’s shaping up for her…

-So, the ice cream truck just drove slowly down my street, with the theme from “The Godfather” coming from its speaker. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s a bad thing, right?

-The other week, while in DC, I saw the best/worse ploy for money EVER. This homeless guy held up a sign that read “Ninjas killed my family. Please give me money for Kung Fu lessons.”

-So, Pride DC just ended. Nothing screams “Equal Rights!” like a shirts-optional foam party at Apex. Man, if only MLK had thought of these tactics, Jim Crow wouldn’t have known what hit him…

-One morning a few months ago, this chick got on the bus, wearing a fur coat. Now, let’s break this down. I know my furs, and it was real. So, let’s point out the key parts of the story. A lady got on the BUS wearing a FUR COAT. And I thought to myself, “You’re wearing a car!” I mean, it’s the BUS. Not like you have to go out of your way to impress those people. And I’d rather wear a ratty Members Only jacket and drive a Focus than wear my fur on the Metrobus and get home smelling like nachos and B.O.

-“There is no such thing as a short sleeve dress shirt.” So true, GQ. So true…

-Well-played, MJ. Well-played, indeed. Now, if I even hear of you going near Children’s Tylenol, I will come over to Neverland and beat your ignorant, hard-headed ass. I am gonna beat it, and I won’t stop til I get enough. So, you can call Billie Jean if you want, but that would be bad. Why can’t you just like girls, Michael? Do you remember the time? Do ya? Have you forgotten the way you make them feel? There are many people like you, Jacks. You are not alone. But, lucky for us, most of them are IN JAIL or under surveillance. Now, when I see your old footage, well you give me butterflies. But this crazy-ass Willy Wonka behavior of yours makes me wanna scream! Just stop pressurin’ me!

_According to MSNBC, they’ve been using Viagra to cure kids with lung and respiratory issues. Oh, God bless the U.S.A.! Just like us to have little boys running around with hard-ons, breathing funny. God, it’s a slow news cycle!

-What is the deal with this Aruba chick! Yes, I can understand that her family wants her found, but I can’t remember the last time a search was this intense. I mean, is she carrying nuclear secrets or something?!! She’ll turn up. In recent years, they all have. Back in the 80’s, those kids got killed. But lately, turns out these chicks just go out for ice cream and forget to call home. For three months. Anyway, I hear Deep Throat knows where she is, and he’s got a press conference scheduled with US Weekly in about an hr…

-So, Jenn updated her site template again. More anime. To quote the great Gomer Pyle, “Surprise, surprise!” Don’t get me wrong; it’s a sharp site. It just seems a bit…cliche? Ya know, for a site that tries to break down all the stereotypes, she sure has a funny approach. Anyway, stay tuned for my “fried chicken and tap-dancing” redesign…

Anyway, I’m done. That season finale’s coming. Special guest stars galore. Well, not really. But, when it’s done, NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!!!!

Seacrest, out

08th Jun2005

I Already Forgot What I Was Trying To Do Here

by Will

I think I did really poorly on my SAT’s, but I’m not sure. Anyone who knows me, knows I’m a worrywart, but I can’t help but worry.

Oh well, I got into Cornell, so I guess I didn’t suck THAT much. But I’ll place a little wager. I’ll give $5 to anyone who sees what I’m doing here and calls me out on it. I may honor the bet, and I may not. I’m really just doing this for attention.

By the way, if anyone knows of any jobs that provide parking spaces and pay between the 10-15 dollar range, send ’em my way. After all, the Westman don’t come cheap ;-p

20th May2005

TV Stars In Marvel Movies & A Sequel To Sin City?

by Will

OK, I found 3 surprising entertainment tidbits today:

1) Kelsey Grammer’s gonna be Beast in X-Men 3? Come on, now! I know that he’s got the voice, but is this really a good idea? Patrick Stewart is notorious for being difficult on sets, as is Grammer. If Halle comes back in all her diva glory, nothing’s gonna get accomplished. The only thing I’m looking forward to is the reports of all the bitch sessions going on behind the scenes.

2) “That 70’s Show”‘s Topher Grace has just signed on as “Villain #2” in Spider-Man 3. He’ll be teaming up with Thomas Haden-Church (yeah, I could say ‘from “Sideways”‘, but I’m gonna keep it real and say ‘from “Wings”‘). At this point, nobody know which villains they’ll be playing. I kinda find it odd that they’d cast Topher as a villain. If anything, I think he’d be a good Spidey if Tobey starts complaining about money again…

3) They’re making a sequel to “Sin City”?!!! THAT piece of shit? They might as well make “Daredevil 2” while they’re at it…

06th Feb2005

Will Answers Your Questions!

by Will

WILL ANSWERS I

  • If you were stranded on a desert island and could only have one CD, one food, and one tv character with you for three years…. what would they be?

    If I only had one CD, it would have to be “Journey: Greatest Hits”. Laugh if you wish, but this CD has EVERYTHING. Plus, as cheesy as people like to remember Journey, they inspired every major pop/soft star today. Now, you may not exactly like these styles of music, but greats such as Mariah Carey (the Good Mariah, not the hooch Mariah) list them among their top influences.

    Plus, you’ve got any style you want on one disc. For a romantic slow song, you’ve got “Faithfully” or “Open Arms”. For the pensive, brooding song, you’ve got “Send Her My Love.” And the sheer bombast of “Don’t Stop Believin’ ” would motivate me to construct my Raft To Freedom.

    One food? That would have to be Monogolian BBQ from Cornell Dining. There’s a reason it was voted #1 dining hall in the country. Plus, I DID live off of it for an entire year. I ate it everyday, sometimes twice. Ask anyone. It’s how I got my Sophomore 30!

    One TV character? The Adam West Batman. Come on, is there ANYONE more entertaining? This guy was the George W. of Superheroes; just looking at him, you knew he had NO BUSINESS in that role, wearing that suit, but he overacted hard enough that it was SO bad it was good.

    Plus, it’d be hilarious to spend 3 yrs with him, as he kept pulling stuff out of his utility belt, such as Bat-Shark repellant, which would inevitably fail to provide rescue or safety. It’d kind of be like an experiment to see how far a man must fall before he cracks. ‘Cause I get the feeling that, for the 1st yr, he won’t even take off his mask. He’d take off the cape, maybe even the suit. But I feel like he’d be stark-ass naked on that island just wearing a cowl, and you can’t PAY for that kind of stranded entertainment.

  • For the sake of posing a more original question:

    Have you ever written any songs of your own?

    -Karlos

“More original question”…I smell a catfight! Anyway, no, I haven’t written any songs of my own. Why? Because that part of my brain doesn’t work. It’s true!

You see, I’m a smart kid. I’m at a place in my life where I can honestly say that. BUT,
don’t get “abstract”. I can think outside of the box, but the creative, like lyrics and poetry, eludes me. You have to hit me in the face with a dead cat to understand poetry.

I get the themes, such as Winter is Death, yadda yadda, but when someone is trying to
convey their feelings, I get lost. That’s why I hate when people are like, “Listen to this
song -the lyrics mean so much to me.” And the song turns out to be “Glycerine” or something, and all I can say is, ‘Wow, I love this song. It’s awesome!” And they respond with, “It’s not awesome; in fact, it made me consider taking my life.” No joke, I’ve been in these situations.

I tried to write songs, but they all ended up as those country-esque “I’m so lonely” songs, and there are really only so many times that it should be legal to rhyme “heart” & apart” or “alone & phone”. Hell, what did people rhyme with “alone” prior to Bell’s nefarious, yet convenient, invention?

I have, however, composed songs. You see, prior to the a cappella, I played piano for 10
yrs. When I started singing, I had to use the piano part of my brain. Now, when i was
playing, I was “classically trained” (am I the only person who hates how pretentious tha
sounds?) , but I only used that to play all of the cliche parlor songs, such as Fur Elise an
Moonlight Sonata. My true passion was New Age. Laugh if you want, but nothing calms
me down like Enya & “Pure Moods”. So, I started composing New Age music. I had a
Music Technology class in high school with synthesizers and stuff, so by graduation, I had a good album’s worth of material. But, get this, the school went under, and they have no idea where my disc is. If that shit resurfaces…

But my New Age claims to fame are “Silver”, named after my mother, and ‘Ellie’s Mirage”, written for my grandmother, who loved to hear me play.

Oh, and I play a MEAN rendition of the Star Trek: Voyager Theme!

23rd Jan2005

Ask Will: Call For Questions!

by Will

“No, Satan’s voice is lower and he has an English accent.”

ASK WILL I

That’s right, folks! I promised it was coming, and here it is. Ask me anything. This especially goes out to Jenn, who claims there’s not enough “Will” on my site…

17th Jan2005

Call For Audience Participation

by Will

“…I’ve got my father’s gun, and a scorching case of herpes!”

Audience Participation

So, we’re gonna try something new here at williambrucewest.com

You see, I feel like I just ramble sometimes, plus I tend to run out of material to blog about. So, here’s where y’all come in. I’m going to start sending various shout-outs, hoping for a response. We’re gonna have a little call-and-response audience participation!

One method will be blatant name-dropping. You see your name, write something in the comments section. Even if it’s that you’re suing me for libel and defamation of character. After all, we need that kind of stuff in writing.

The next thing, as you’ve noticed, is that I’m going to be starting more posts with quotes, seeing as how I so enjoyed the Christmas quotes (even though they were ALL from A Christmas Story!) Not necessarily themed, these will sometimes relate to the blog topic, and sometimes they’ll just be things dancing around in my head. The most recent quotes aren’t too hard. I know Lip and Leigh will get them (although, I’m not quite sure Leigh even reads this thing…). Anyway, if you identify where the quote came from, remark about it. We can skip down memory lane, hand-in-hand…

The final method is, every once in awhile, I’m going to simply post “Ask Will”. It’ll be blank. Your job is to ask me something in the comments section. And, i promise to answer most of the questions in subsequent blog entries. I’d like to say no subject is taboo, but we’ll handle this on a case-by-case basis.

So, there ya have it. williambrucewest.com for 2005. Ask not what your Will can do for you; ask what you can do for your Will!

17th Jan2005

24, 7th Heaven, Blake-Holsey High, Elektra, Jason Mraz, and Keane

by Will

“I don’t need no instructions to know how to ROCK!”

Random Thoughts of the Past Few Days

-Dude, I really need to stop watching 7th Heaven! Mmm, Ruthie…STOP! I can’t go all R. Kelly!

-I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: 24 is THE BEST CONCEPT on television. This show never disappoints, even when it sucks (see Season Three). Either way, it’s the most original and riviting thing you’ll find these days. And Mrs. Araz is scaring the SHIT out of me. I hate to think I’m suffering from post-9/11 generalizations, but that’s one cold, scary bitch! And I knew Behrous wasn’t gonna have the balls to kill Debbie. Had no idea Mrs. Araz would, though…

-The best show you’re NOT watching? “Strange Days At Blake-Holsey High”. Yeah, you’ve never seen it unless you had a LATE friday night, which carried into Saturday morning, and you had nothing else to watch. Basically, it’s about the strange things that happen at this elite boarding school. There’s a pseudo-Ghostwriter team that investigates all the weird goings-on. The catch is that the show is part of Discover Kids, so they find ways to sneak in science lessons without being heavy-handed about it. By the end of the episode, you’ve gained more clues in the ongoing saga of the vortex at the school, but you also know that a DNA helix curves to the right, and that some checmical compounds are mirror images of each other…

-Jamie Foxx won a Golden Globe?!!! Man, if you’d told me that 15 yrs ago, I’d had have slapped you across the mouth. Ya know, I’ll bet Kenan Ivory Wayans is KICKING himself! He creates In Living Color to showcase his own siblings, while bringing a couple stragglers along for the ride. Now, fast forward 12 yrs. Jim Carrey’s a $20 million-a-movie star, Jamie Foxx is winning awards, and the most popular Wayans weren’t even On In Living Color (Well, Shawn was SW-1, but the DJ don’t count!). Honestly, the weirdest part of the In Living Color mythos, to me, was that Alexandra Wentworth (AKA “The White Girl”) ended up marrying George Stephanopolous. That must’ve been SOME wedding reception! Anyway, with the way things are going, next thing you know, David Allen Grier will be doing Shakespeare…

-Anybody out there seen Elektra? Starring Jennifer Garner, AKA “The World’s Most Beautiful Man”. I swear, she’s alluring, but she’s not “pretty”. I’ve blogged about this before, but I don’t think it’s more apparent than in the role of Elektra. I think I liked her most in “13 Going on 30”, where she’s all awkward and gangly, but still has a cuteness about her…

-Did anyone out there actually LIKE “I Am Charlotte Simmons”? It seems like Tom Wolfe’s latest novel is THE book to hate right now. I have it sitting on a shelf, but the thing is friggin huge. I don’t know whether to read it or use it to crush cats to death (Yes, Shel..cats truly are evil!).

-Jason Mraz is really worth checking out. Before, I just kinda liked “You and I Both”, but all of his stuff is great. he’s even edging out John Mayer on my list. Especially since there are only so many times I can stand to hear “Daughters” on a given day…

-THE ALBUM to buy, though, is “Hopes and Fears” by Keane. I can’t get over how great an album this is. Looped it like 6 times last night. I give every disc a “one-through”, and usually it languishes in its little slot in my binder, never to be listened to again. But I haven been listening to this disc since November, and it doesn’t get old. Mainly, if you like “thinkin’ music” that’s not as whiny as emo, and has a lot more piano, this is the group for you.

05th Jan2005

Huh?

by Will

If I were a supervillain, my name would totally be “Schadenfreude”. Yup, it’s the word of the day. Look it up.

Aww…don’t pout! I’m making you smarter!

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