05th Jan2005

Got A New DVD Player. Probably A Piece Of Crap.

by Will

So, crisis averted. While the DVD player is with the technological angels in that NeoTokyo in the sky, I have replaced her. That’s right, I went out and bought a home theatre system!

Man, do I know how to throw away a buck! Don’t despair; my resolutions are still on track. After some comparison shopping, I found one at Circuit City for $79! Yup, Seven-nine. Is it a piece of shit? Probably. But, it’ll probably last as long as my last one did. The last one was an Apex. Not the standard of quality most people would expect. But it lasted 3 yrs.

This new one? Doesn’t even have a brand name. Oh yeah…it’s a Nexxtech. Gotta trust any company with two x’s in the name; they’re either specializing in the distribution of mid-grade pornography or giving us shitty electronics. Who knows, maybe Nexxtech does both. Plus, it’s a seal of quality if “tech” is in the brand name. It’s true. It’s in the Bible…

And they had the audacity to ask if I wanted the extended warranty! We, at the West Foundation, do not invest in warranties. We buy cheap, so when it breaks down, we buy another one. That’s putting your dollars to work! They know this thing won’t outlast the warranty, but I’ll bored with it by then anyway. In three yrs, there’ll be cooler models, that play holograms of your movies in your living rooms. Unfortunately, by that point, Nexxtech will be manufacturing killer robots. I only hope the robots still let us watch holograms in the living room….

05th Jan2005

My DVD Player Broke. That Is All.

by Will

My fuckin’ DVD player broke…

What am I to do now? Why couldn’t I lose something I don’t use, like a kidney?


02nd Jan2005

2K5 Resolutions

by Will

“I want that – the feeling a man gets when he gets exactly what he desires.”

-Harold, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

Resolutions 2K5

So, we all make ’em, but this is the first year I’m going to take this whole “New Year’s Resolution” thing seriously. I figured, since I share everything else on this site, I might as well post my list here. Let me know if any of y’all are striving for any of the same things I am.


1) Pare Down Comics “Pull List”

I have subscriptions to WAY too many comic titles. With each book clocking in at about $3, I spend an avg of $40 a week on comics. Since I don’t go every week, I end up shelling out about $70 each visit, always causing me to experience brief nausea. There is a such thing as “too much of a good thing.” and I think it’s time to cut the list down a bit. I don’t even have time to read all of that stuff. When the next month’s issue comes out, i’ve already forgotten what happened in the previous issue. This will save me a LOT of money in the long run.

2) Maintain Credit Card Balance Below $2500

Yeah, I went a little crazy before I was employed. Lived off credit for about 3 months. This is TOTALLY doable. I just need to watch the spending, and any surplus income goes right to Bank One. Financial advisors say that, to stay afloat, you should keep your card balance below 50% of the limit on the card. You do the math. Anyway, this is a completely attainable goal.

3) Start Repaying Federal Loans

Since I’ve been employed, i’ve begun repaying Cornell its money, but I’ve totally bailed on the Federal portion. They don’t think I’m gainfully employed at the moment, and we’re gonna let them keep on thinking that for the time being. Anyway, by the end of the year, I hope to actually start making those payments, and stop deferring them.

4) Put All Bills In My Name

I want to be financially independent, and in doing so, i want to transfer my expenses into my name. For now, the CC and the phone are in Mommy’s name, even though I’ve been paying the bills for over a yr now. So, in my quest for maturity, I’m going to make myself accountable for my own financial success and/or failure. I haven’t received any sort of monetary help, so I might as well have my name on the stuff.

5) Enter The Stock Market

I’ve been wanting to do this for the past 8 yrs. Davis and the others had stock in the 8th grade! Now, I DID go to a prep school, but I knew then that this was something I needed to understand a bit more. With tarek’s help, hopefully I can break into the market in the next few months. I’ve been doing my homework, and I’ve got a few lucrative investment ideas…

6) BUDGET!!!

I had done this at the middle of ’04 and I’d done such a good job staying on track. I didn’t touch my credit card for 3 months, and I made sensible purchases. Then, all of a sudden. I’m The Donald, spending money like I was growing it in my backyard. So, while I’m not in the red or anything, I just feel that the excess money could be put to such better use. So, I really need to budget and see where all of my money’s going. It’s the smart thing to do.


7) Serious Job Search

OK, it’s been a wild year, but it’s time to get serious. I have no real future with H&M. I could give ’em another yr or so, but what would that do for either party? It’s time I look for something more “substantial”. Especially since I get the feeling the new sheriffs in town arent gonna be cool with my “West Coast” brand of tomfoolery. Better quit before I get fired. Everyday, I feel like I’m fighting for my job, or narrowly avoiding being set-up. Yes, I’m paranoid, but I feel like something’s going down. I’m better than this. I’m worth more than this. And I think it’s time for a change…


8) Reconnect With Lost Friends

I seriously need to be better with the communication. I need to find Ari, Austin, Christopher, Brenda, Ms. Robbins, and VA. Especially, I need to track down Sergei. He was my host in Russia, and I have never really been the best pen-pal to him. For the past 9 yrs, he has NEVER forgotten my birthday, and ALWAYS calls me. I fondly remember Russia, but I can’t explain why I’ve dropped the ball in that dept. Anyway, all of these people, as well as others, mean a lot to me, and I need to track them down and keep in touch.

9) Be a Better Friend To Those People With Whom I AM In Contact

I need to be more appreciative. I need to be quicker with “thank you” notes. I need to see Brett more. I need to return James & Jenn’s & Jo Anne’s calls more quickly. Get to know Millie better. I need to hang out with the Tysons crew more. Hell, I need to start answering my phone. I need to call Brian and El. I need to hang out with Brock. Gotta stop bailing on Davis in G-town. I want be a great boyfriend to Shelly – this is going to be “Our Year”. And the list goes on AND on AND on. Mainly, I want the important people in my life to know they’re important…


10) Get Driver’s License!!!

Hell, even James beat me in this dept. The time has come. I’ve finished Drivers Ed. I just need to take the actual test. Anyway, I believe this will all be taken care of soon. Stay tuned for a post on the matter

11) Lose 10 lbs, and Maintain that Weight

I can easily do this. My metabolism’s fickle. I just have to go back to my one-meal-a-day-, no snacking, drink more water diet. It’s also known as “eating healthy”. Sure, you should have more than one meal a day. but the catch is i just have one BIG meal. Breakfast is supposed to be the biggest anyway. After that, I eat fruit and whatnot. If I get back to running, and I start working out with Shelly, I can easily shed the pounds. And I’ll be so much hotter than I am now! 😛

12) Learn Russian

Yes, I’ve been trying for about 9 yrs, but now I own every Russian Language Instruction CD known to man. Time to get serious, and actually use that stuff. Plus, how cool will it be to be the weird guy at parties who can speak Russian?!!! Take THAT, all you people who wasted your lives on Spanish and French. Plus, I may be able to use this to get a Foreign Service job or something…I’m great with linguistics, so it shouldn’t be a problem. I just need to dedicate myself to the process.

13) Get Smarter!

Yes, this is vague, but I need to “re-smarten” myself. (Maybe it’d help if I stopped making up words!) H&M’s been great, but Ghetto Sundays, combined with degenerates asking if we have layaway, I feel like I’m a few hrs short of my GED. Not to be a snob, but I was pretty smart in my day. And I shouldn’t be up on my high horse ’cause I’m in the trenches with many of the same people I’m bashing. I just need a breath of fresh knowledge. I feel my thought processes slowing down, and my mind is now consumed with whether or not that chick has taken more than the alotted 10 garments with her into the fitting room. Maybe I’ll get back to reading the dictionary like I used to.

14) Be More Philanthropic

Yeah, this probably should’ve gone under “Financial”, but I felt this was as good a place as any. I need to give to more causes. I spend so much money on shit. Useless, meaningless shit. it’s not making me any happier, so I might as well do some good with the money. I could go back to paying my tithes….well, on second thought. Anyway, I could still give to causes, such as Save the Children or Project Harmony. Even the Black Student Fund. I go way back with all of them. So, more giving in ’05! Look for a post on this soon…

15) Decide on Continued Education

I’ve been tossing around the grad school/law school thing for awhile. By the end of the year, I’ll have a decision. This, I command! I know I need to go back to school for something, but I’m really going to take this yr to narrow down some choices, and to take the steps towards carving out some kind of future for myself. I think I’m taking the LSAT around March, and we’ll see where that takes us.

16) Organize My Life To A T!

I need more order in my life. Sure, everyone loves a sense of “organized chaos”, but what happens when the choas is no longer organized? That’s where I am now. I want everything listed, catalogued, written down. Especially with the Admin job, I need better organization skills. Time to dust off the Palm, visit The Container Store, and buy a new copy of Microsoft Office…

17) Be More Outgoing

I live a lot of my life in a state of…anxiety. I don’t like change and I rarely try new things, such as exotic foods. I really need to work on this, because i realize that I’m missing out on a lot of life. Also, I need to be more outgoing and extroverted because there are a lot interesting people out there. Apparently, there’s always room for friends, so, here’s to being more of a “people person”, and not having to fake it anymore…

18) Apartment Hunting

I love my Mommy to death, as you all know, but I can’t do this much longer. I just need my own place to call home. Something to make me feel like a “responsible adult.” I’ll still probably come around just as much, but at least I’d have a lair of my own, should the need for it arise. Hopefully, with budgeting, and a brand-spanking new job, I can make this dream a reality. But this is probably going to be coser to the end of the year, hence its placement at the end of the list.

So, there it is. Look at it as a “Blueprint for Season 2”. Anyway, I’ll periodically update on my progress, but I’ll probably be too preoccupied thinking of more things to rant about “Alvin & the Chipmunks”…

29th Dec2004

Trimspa, 24, and Queer Eye Kids!

by Will

Random Thoughts of the Day:

-What’s the deal with Anna Nicole since she got on Trimspa? I mean, this chick has NEVER been known as “thin”. Even when she was in Playboy, she was delectably “thick”. But now, she’s hardly recognizable, and I ain’t likin’ it so much…

-CAN’T WAIT for 24! 2 more weeks…

-Tarek’s gonna kill me if I keep posting about “Special Tarek Time” in his “comments” section (http://www.livejournal.com/users/palaedorian). GOOD! That’s what he gets for waging war on me and mine!

-When dealing with crazy/socially-inept people, at what point do you cease the “smile and nod” and simply run in the other direction? I seriously feel like I’m gonna be witness to a situation of Columbine proportions soon…

-So, Queer Eye for the Straight Girl starts up next week. You know, if Bravo continues on this “TLC Model”, it’s only a matter of time before…brace yourselves: Queer Eye Kids! I CAN’T WAIT! Just think of it, a kids choir singing “All things just keep gettin’ better!”

It’ll be GREAT!

Fabber: “Before going off to daycare, don’t forget to ‘zsuj’ your sleeves!”

Kid: “MOMMY!!!! This girl-guy’s scaring me!!”

To Be Continued…

05th Dec2004

How Are All These Hippies Affording iPods?

by Will

It’s been awhile, but I think there’s a new conspiracy afoot.

Have you ever noticed that the crunchiest of the hippies, who shun The Man, Corporate America, and deodorant, all have ipods? I mean, these people are rarely net-savvy and hate most things technological. They ain’t rich, living purely off granola and sweat, yet somehow they’ve scrounged together the $299 for an mp3 player?!!!

Are they receiving some kind of secret funding? Do they have some secret method of obtaining free ipods? Are they making their ipods out of hemp?

And what are they listening to? Old peace rally chants? The Communist Manifesto?

Someone enlighten me.

23rd Nov2004

Kmart’s Purchase Of Sears Is BAD Business…

by Will

Kmart bought Sears?!!!! Where have I been? I can honestly say I NEVER saw that coming. Well, here’s what The Onion’s “What Do You Think?” had to say about it:

“Does this mean the Sears Tower will be repurposed for Kmart? Just think how awesome a giant red neon “K” is gonna look up there on the top of that mamma jamma!”

As funny as that is to me, I’ve still gotta ask: “Why?” I see no great potential in this merger. All it really means is Kmart will have a better appliance dept, while Sears will have a sprawling Country music wing to add to their electronics dept. 2 wrongs don’t make a right. They’re both shitty companies. Together, they’re one BIG shitty company.

Why couldn’t Kmart buy Target? Now, THAT would be something. “Tar-jay” is DA BOMB in the ghetto, and that merger is the only way you’d get Black people to give 2 shits about the Martha Stewart collection. But hey, Kmart doesn’t pay me to make all the big decisions. In fact, no one does….Ok, I’m feeling depressed. Talk amongst yourselves…

16th Nov2004

Thanks For The Memories, Colin

by Will

And the training continues…

Anyway, just wanted to share something from this week’s issue of The Onion:

“Ashcroft Loses Job To Mexican”


Yes, I know he’s not a Mexican. J9’s gonna be the first to remind me of this. But I still thought it was funny. Meh…

And was ANYONE surprised by the Powell thing? OF COURSE he’s resigning. Hell, he resigned about a year ago, he just didn’t tell anybody. And now, Condaleeza’s gonna take that beaver face of her’s into a new role. I swear, all of W’s friends don’t seem to wanna play anymore…

18th Oct2004

Cornell Homecoming 2004

by Will

Quotes of the Weekend

“Save a horse…Ride a Hotelie”

“Holy Shit! There’s nothing in this refrigerator but BEER!”

“Filipinos are accidents. They’re the result of sex between Africans and Koreans.”

“Gay IS a disease! It can be cured by antibiotics. When we were younger, when we started feeling gay, we’d go out and play some football. Then, we just realized it was another excuse to touch each other…”

God, I miss Cornell!

And I love you, Last Call. Before this weekend, I thought you were the little disobedient kid that didn’t want to hear from your elders. But now, I realize you’re all grown up and capable of getting along without me. I’m so proud of you boys, and your new guys are AWESOME! Can’t wait for SUX!!!

Oh yeah, I PROMISE I’m gonna conclude “Westman: Disassembled” this week, so stay tuned!

12th Oct2004

Will West: Porn Namer

by Will

Am I the only one who thinks “Pandora’s Box” would be a GREAT name for a porn movie? Hey, I was just wonderin’…

26th Sep2004

Thought I Had Something In Common With James Dean

by Will

“I never thought I’d live to see eighteen. Isn’t that dumb? Every day, I look in the mirror and say, ‘What? You Still here? Man!’

Like even today. I woke up this morning, you know? And the sun was shining and everything was nice, and I thought…this is going to be one terrific day, so you better live it up, boy…because tomorrow maybe you’ll be gone.”

-James Dean

Rebel Without A Cause