12th Sep2004

Oooh..Deep…

by Will

“Sometimes, when you reach for your dream, you find out how short your arms are…”

-Anon

04th Sep2004

Wherein I Discuss The WB’s “Savannah” and The Concept of “The New Tuesday Night”

by Will

So, at the moment, I’m very bald. As in no hair. Yeah, haircut gone awry. Anyway, I’ve learned that this look is not for everyone. Especially me. I look like a cast member from “Alien Nation”. Anybody remember that show?

Speaking of obscure shows, anybody remember “Savannah”? It’s been on my mind lately, for some odd reason. It was early WB, and it was basically Melrose Place set in Georgia ’cause there’s this Yankee misconception that everyone’s doing it in the South ’cause it’s so hot and there’s nothing else to do…

And speaking of the WB, how the Hell long are they gonna keep calling it “The WB’s New Tuesday Night”? For Pete’s sake, it’s been around since 1999. How long can you officially call something new?!! Is this just a ploy to get more people to watch “Gilmore Girls”?

26th Aug2004

What Happens To OLD Tramp Stamps?

by Will

It’s gonna be really sad when the “tattoo generation”gets all old and wrinkly. Just think of all the old ladies who’re gonna have the same blasted design across the small of their backs! I already pity the soccer moms who either have something on their arms or ankles. It’s almost like some relic of their days of reckless abandonment, now replaced by SUVs & PTA meetings…

20th Aug2004

Cirque Du Soleil: The Official Sponsor Of Nail Salons Everywhere

by Will

Why is it that everytime I go to get a manicure, there’s fucking Cirque Du Soleil playing on a TV in the background?!! I swear, this has happened to me at SEVERAL different salons . Is there some nail-enhancing property that I don’t know about? Does research show that manicures are more successful if gawdy Vegas shows are playing in the vicinity? I think it’s gotta be the latter, ’cause these places also have a penchant for “Riverdance”. Are Asian manicurists all secretly longing for the lives of Vegas showgirls? The world may never know…

And before I get backlash, YES, these are ALL Asian establishments….Which begs the question: Why is there any Asian monopoly of the manicure industry? Jenn’s gonna tear me a new asshole for that one, but it’s a legitimate question….

15th Aug2004

No More Pyramid Schemes!

by Will

So, here’s another”WTF? Moment” from my life:

So, there’s this girl who works in the mall. Let’s call her “N”. So, N works in another store, but she always comes into H&M to talk. In fact, she’s been coming in since the day we opened. She’s cute, although a bit young, and somewhat flirty. But I’ve met N’s bf. Kind of a thug. I think he’d kick my ass.

Despite this, she’s still friendly and touchy feely. But I don’t want my ass kicked, and if you’re a regular reader, you know I’ve got my hands full as it is.

So, the other day, we’re talking and she says, “You should give me your number so we can talk.” This is when I had a “JW Moment”.

Backstory: JW Taylor was my grandfather and although he was a loveable guy, he was kinda ornery. Had a penchant for being an a-hole at times. I have very few memories of him, but he was always an a-hole with me, God bless him! So, for some reason, I got none of my father, and only got JW traits. When I meet relatives from Alabama, they always say, “Wow, he’s just like Unca Nap (JW’s nickname).” So, I’m JW: The Next Generation.

So, I had my JW moment. She’s asking for my number, but I’m thinking to myself: “Why do you need my number? We’re talking now!” But I soon realized I was stalling, and probably looked like a real asshole right there on the spot. So I fumbled and got a pen and gave it to her.

Fast forward about 3 days. I’m on lunch, and my phone rings. Y’all know I don’t answer if I don’t recognize the number. That’s what voicemail’s for. Well, I was waiting for a call, and wasn’t sure if this was it. So, I answer the phone, and woman says, “Hi, my name is T.P. You don’t know me, but I’m N’s mother…”

Immediately, I’m thinking, “Shit! Did that chick run away from home or something?!! What the fuck did I get myself into?!!”

She, then, goes on to say that she had been talking to N, who’d informed her I was looking for another job (who isnt?). Apparently, this chick had one of those Make Money At Home schemes, and she was trying to recruit me. I am SO sick of these bastards! I swear, this has been the summer of gay guys and pyramid schemes. If one’s not approaching me, it’s the other. I’ve had guys try to give me business cards at urinals because apparently I “looked like a hard worker”! Man, that’s prolly the best damn, gay pick-up line I’ve ever heard. Those are the borderline situations where I’m wondering, “Is this a job thing or ARE you hitting on me?”

Anyway, N’s mom wanted to meet sometime to discuss the whole thing. I really didn’t know how to get out of it, so i told her I was really busy because H&M’s season start was coming up, and I’d be working long hours. Apparently, she had a penchant for Tuesdays, so she kept trying to make a meeting for Tuesday. I told her I didn’t know, but I’d get back to her.

I felt so fucking violated! As they’d say in your typical YM or Seventeen, “I was totally mortified!!!”

That girl gave my number to her mother! And there was no freaky-deaky motive behind it! Instead, it was just a nefarious plan to expand their empire. And I was caught in the middle of it! I felt like such a fool.

So, I couldn’t wait to confront N about what happened. She didn’t come to work for about the next four days. I saw her yesterday, and I was like, “YOUR MOM CALLED ME!!” She just kinda laughed. Got all touchy-feely again. I told her I’d hear her out to show I wasn’t a dick, but I wasn’t interested, especially if there was a buy-in, which there usually is in these programs. They always say, “You’re starting a business. Don’t you think that costs money?” Yeah, if I had overhead and a building. Not if I’m e-mailing shit from the comfort of my own home. What could that possibly cost?

So, not really sure how this thing is gonna play out. I’ll prolly bail on the meeting the day of. I’m feeling JUST that flaky, plus I don’t owe this chick anything. If anything, she owes ME.

29th Jul2004

Comic Run-Through: This Week’s Offerings

by Will

Let’s talk comics. A friend once commented I ought to have a a comics sections, seeing as how they’re so important to me. So, while I build that part of the site, this’ll have to do. Let’s review a couple of this week’s offerings:

Avengers #500: There’s nothing like a “milestone issue” to shake things up. A book lasts 500 issues, someone’s gotta die to commemorate it. This issue had 3 confirmed deaths, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Man, I LOVE Bendis!

Astonishing X-Men #3: When they told me Joss Whedon was gonna write X-Men, I thought, “Great, ‘Buffy’ with mutants!” I was being sarcastic when I said this, but I’ve learned that i really like Whedon’s writing style. You definitely see the Buffy in it, but who cares? Anyway, this issue had Beast vs. Wolverine. Never really seen that conflict before. Hope I never see it again.

Amazing Spider-Man #510: This book is the clusterfuck of the week. You mean to tell me Gwen Stacy was pregnant?!! All those years ago, she ran off to France to give birth to kids we’ve never heard of? I know that time has actually passed in the Spider World, but I never thought THAT much time had passed. Peter was about 15 when bitten, and I figured he was late twenties now. Well, Gwen’s kids are back, and they’re out to kill Peter Parker. They seem a lot older than the maximum age of 12 that they should be. Let’s see how this one pans out. GWEN HAD KIDS?!!!

X-Statix #25: The group & The Avengers form a truce. When the dust settles, the X-Statix team considers disbanding. No, this isn’t a big deal. They do this after EVERY major adventure. in fact, it’s to be expected every 5 or so issues of this book. But this time it’s for real, ’cause the book’s cancelled. Better enjoy those last 2 issues…

Excalibur #3: Marvel must really want me to hate Charles Xavier. They’ve gone back to this whole Mutant Martin Luther King persona for him that I’ve never really cared for. And Genosha’s always been a shitty locale. Who thought a book about mutants in Genosha would be entertaining?!! For the uninitiated, here’s an analogy for ya: the theme of this book is the equivalent of having Holocaust survivors go back to the camps, and run them themselves. It makes no sense. Nor does this book.

I leave you with this great & poignant quote from the Powers #1 letters page:

“i swear to fucking god, if wolverine becomes an avenger I am going to kill my family. How much shit am I supposed to take in my life??? Why is this happening to me??!!” -skeetboy

25th Jul2004

Statistical Mysteries

by Will

Statistical Mysteries

Every girl has a boyfriend, but I know VERY FEW guys with a girlfriend…

04th Jun2004

Creed…Breaking Up?

by Will

What a day, what a day…

Yes, Mr. Lohan, your daughter’s hot. But that doesn’t mean you can go around hitting people. It just ain’t right.

And Creed’s breaking up? But who’ll sing for Jesus? Who will trumpet The Almighty’s return across adult contemporary radio? What does this mean for the Rapture? Nickelback and P.O.D. are nowhere near ready to take over the mantle. The mind is puzzled, and the heart is concerned…

29th Apr2004

Love Actually & Rufus Wainwright

by Will

Anybody here seen “Love Actually”? Seen it, bought it yesterday. The package does not lie: It truly is “The Ultimate Romantic Comedy”. If you’re in love, it’ll make ya glad you are. If you’re not in love, it’ll make you wish you were. Oddly, I feel neither of these right now, but it’s still one of my favorite movies of all time.

Speaking of recommendations, EVERYONE MUST OWN RUFUS WAINWRIGHT’S ALBUM “WANT ONE”! Kirsten Dunst said it best in this month’s Blender when she said that it could be a musical. Thematically, it’s all over the place, but it’s like listening to Moulin Rouge, every minute of it enjoyable. No one out there is doing stuff like this, and you’ll simply love the experience. If you know of anyone else out there doing stuff like this, let me know immediately!!!

22nd Nov2003

I Tend To Rant

by Will

Now, for personal inspiration. One thing I’ve always admired about myself is that I’m tenacious. I’m not a quitter and I don’t give up on things even when I think they’re the hardest experiences I’ve ever had. Yeah, I bitch to high heaven. I mean, just by reading these entries, you realize that I’m well-known for my ability to rant. While this annoys many, this is what i have to do to get through the tough times. I may not shut up about how much I hate an experience, but i always see it through to its natural end, and i leave heaving learned more about myself and the world around me. Wow, a whole paragraph and nothing celebrity-related or negative. The tide is a-changing.

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