09th Jan2014

West YEAR Ever – 2013

by Will

Well, 2013 has come and gone, but we couldn’t let it go without looking back one last time. I couldn’t really wrap my head around how to write it all, so I figured we’d just go with bullet points and pics. Hell, if you’re a loyal reader, you’ve seen all this stuff before. This is just to whet your palate as you await tomorrow’s 2014 debut of West Week Ever!

Milestones of 2013

2013-01-02 10.37.46

I explored a dead mall

I got cornered by Conservatives from Craigslist

 Dairanger2

I binge-watched a Sentai series

2013-02-16 16.24.14

I met Twitter pal @LamarRevenger

I changed the way I consume comics

injustice_gods_among_us_cover

I beat a video game!

2013-06-14 20.35.40

I finally met @chrispiers! & @robotspjs!

1fbb9a07-93e9-41e3-8570-37fc8fa134f1wallpaper

I celebrated 10 years of blogging

2013-08-05 16.39.02

I went to Canada

track

I introduced a new blog column

1231704_10151595560456230_220472727_n_opt

I ran my first 5K and met Twitter pals @claymationhowl, @JohnDoctorKent, @FakeEyes22, @meistershake, @bmorin54, @doubledumbass, @P0LISHPHEN0M, @howardthedeck, @chapmanrunner, and @monsterfink.

2013-09-27 17_opt

I met Adam West and Burt Ward

My Favorite Posts of 2013

CBS_2_BROKE_GIRLS_205_CLIP1_IMAGE_640x480_7686723707

1 Broke Plot: How 2 Broke Girls Shortened Its Lifespan

BMHCollageMark

Black History Month is Back-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack!

Because Nobody Asked: Will On Comedy

XuxaIndex30

“I Wanna Xup, Baby” AKA Anyone Else Remember Xuxa?

My (Alternate) Reality

2012-09-09 15.34.26

Judging Bottles By Their Labels

Must Flee TV – The Future of Comedy on NBC

Pitch Perfect-5

Pitch Perfect and the True Story of Collegiate A Cappella

The Fall Guy Cast

Reboot That Bitch: The Fall Guy

2013-05-20 22.48.33

Best of the West #3: Knight Rider Knight 2000 Voice Car

51oJJ5Pr3nL._SL500_SY300_

A Tribute to Mystic Music’s Cool Rock

Where’s Mama Cass?

2013-06-25 21.50.28

Thrift Justice – The Expendables XI: Never Stop Spending!!!

tumblr_lhdu2tqRQT1qhag4co1_400

Monday Musings – Skins Series 7 and the Close of a Franchise

New+Pure+Moods+disc+1+pure+moodsPure Moods and The Loss of Innocence

West Week Ever Recipients of 2013

Seth MacFarlane
Mila Kunis
Hugh Grant
Charles Bronson
Cast of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Psy
Delta Gamma Sorority
Fall Out Boy
Robert Downey Jr.
Charles Ramsay
The Office
Cast of Saved by the Bell
Howie Decker
Superman
North West
Happy Endings
America
Regular Show
Breaking Bad
G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Canada
Christina Bianco
Ben Affleck
Power Rangers
Jennette McCurdy and Andre Drummond
Baltimore Comic-Con
Retro Con
Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Breaking Bad
Miley Cyrus
Star Wars Trilogy
Cool and Collected Magazine
Marvel
Ground Floor
Batkid
Gal Gadot
Beyonce
Paul Rudd

breaking bad reters

So, last year, I was asked “Who had the West Year Ever?” Well, for 2012, the answer was me. I’d gotten married and a whole slew of other stuff. That’s not the case for 2013, however. No, that distinction goes to Breaking Bad. It’s the only multiple West Week Ever recipient, and the series wrapped up in 2013 in top notch fashion. The only entity to come close to Breaking Bad‘s 2013 was Miley Cyrus, but she just flew a little too close to the sun to clinch it this year.

2013 was also the first full year of West Week Ever, and I couldn’t do it without you, the readers. Thanks for all your support and I hope you’ll stay with me into 2014!

11th Oct2013

West Week Ever – 10/11/13

by Will

9efe0b5b-4868-4888-bad1-3749c6b9163bwallpaper

oie_922142seDasWF9

Text I Received Yesterday: “I am eating shawarma for lunch…just like the Avengers did after they saved New York from the aliens. I am a reserve Avenger now.” Sure you are, Keith. Sure you are…

Bangerz-Deluxe-Version

This week saw the release of Miley Cyrus’s Bangerz, which is way better than it has any right to be. Sure, she’s been controversial lately with the tongue and the twerking, but it’s a REALLY good album. Not only is it her trying to change her Hannah Montana image, but it also joins the Great Breakup Album Club. Who knew that Liam Hemsworth would be right up there with Dave Coulier in inspiring a great, all-around revenge album?

 

This is my song of the week. It’s so stupid, yet so epic at the same time.

MV5BMTc1ODg5MzM5N15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNzI3MjAwMDE@._V1_SX214_ Are you ready to bow down to my television industry knowledge yet? Last week, I predicted that Lucky 7 and We Are Men would be the first canceled shows of the season. Today, they are both gone. Do I know my shit or what?! it92s20always20sunny20in20philadelphia It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia celebrated its 100th episode the other night, and it did not disappoint. From a bad ass martial arts sequence, to an Up! parody, it was a great milestone, yet still faithful to the Sunny spirit.

cory-monteith-320 Speaking of TV, Glee did their tribute to Cory Monteith last night. I get that what happened to him was unfortunate, but it still bothers me that it didn’t open a dialogue. There was more debate over his Emmy tribute than there was about what he had done. At the end of the day, he was not killed in a car accident, nor did he succumb to cancer. He overdosed, and that should have been a teachable moment. Glee has quite the youthful fan base, and the event should have been used to teach them the dangers of drug use. I don’t just say this to be on my high horse – I actually had a half brother who overdosed before I was born. Growing up, he always stood as a cautionary tale, and it scared me away from ever wanting to try something that could kill me like that. It might not work for everyone, but if that kind of thing affects just one person, then it was worth it. I wanted to see more of that in the aftermath of Monteith’s death, but I have yet to see it.

Random thought: has anyone else noticed that, as you get older, there’s no great place to put stickers anymore? I LOVE stickers, and wish I had something to put them on. I’ve got all those Apple stickers that come with iPods, I’ve got a boss UnderScoopFire sticker, and I’ve got a ton of Batman stickers. Some folks put them on computers, but that doesn’t work for me because my laptop is textured in a way that doesn’t really allow anything to adhere to it. The same goes for my Nook. It’s not like I have a Trapper Keeper anymore. I need somewhere for all these stickers! I went to a Lutheran elementary school, and when you got to 3rd grade you got your own hymnal. It was tradition to customize them anyway you wanted, which isn’t the best freedom to grant an 8 yr old. So, these books filled with songs for the Savior where adorned with MLB holograms and Double Dragon stickers. I need something like that again!

58eaf161f71fd1a173221b6a2a606fc9_large

If you’re a Kickstarter fan, or just miss ToyFare magazine, here’s your chance to make a difference! Several of my pals are trying to get Cool & Collected Magazine off the ground, which will cover vintage toys, as well as more recent fare. From what I’ve seen, it looks gorgeous, but they can’t do it without your help! For more info, check out their Kickstarter page.

Links I Loved

My Night at Fenway Park, and Asian American Fatherhood – Reappropriate

Get Out of My Brain, Creator of LEGO ‘Golden Girls’ Kitchen – UnderScoopFire!

Who The Hell Elected Chris Hardwick As The Voice Of My Generation? – Pajiba

One came in like a sexual wrecking ball, while another had its manhood questioned. One is no longer with the gang, while the other’s gang is still trucking along. Only one, however, had the West Week Ever.

miley-cyrus-wrecking-ball-video-still-3

What can I say? The album’s that good. I’ve had it on a loop all week. Knowing my readership, most of y’all will probably hate it, but I think it’s the best album I’ve heard all year. The singles that have hit radio are good enough, but it’s the songs that you haven’t heard that really drive it home. She’s got Britney on the title track, “Bangerz”, and she’s got tracks with Nelly and Big Sean. It’s a grown up album, and she’s clearly no longer Hannah Montana. For really knocking one out of the park with Bangerz, Miley Cyrus had the West Week Ever.

04th Oct2013

West Week Ever – 10/4/13

by Will

 089bdcb7-4fa9-414f-af83-5f24ca5be8bdwallpaperoie_922142seDasWF9

This week saw the series finale of Breaking Bad. I have nothing to say other than it was PERFECT. I couldn’t imagine it ending any other way, and it may be the most satisfying series finale I’ve ever seen. That’s all I’ll say on it.

20130911-080306

I caught the series finale of The IT Crowd, as well. It was a great episode, but not really a “finale”. It was really just a double-length episode that provided a slight bit of closure, but also left the door open for more in the future. Since the show introduced me to Richard Ayoade, I wanted to see more from him. I found a show online that he hosts called Gadget Man. Originally hosted by Stephen Fry, Ayoade took over for the second season and it features him as he tests out various gadgets for different scenarios. You can find most of the season on YouTube, so I recommend you check it out.

nick-fury-agents-of-shield-cameo

This week saw the second episode of Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., also known as the first episode I decided to skip. That wasn’t the smartest idea as (SPOILER ALERT) Nick Fury showed up after the credits. So, I guess I was wrong about him never showing up. I can admit when I’m wrong. I still don’t know if I’m wrong about the entire show, however. As I was telling someone on Twitter, we watch the Marvel movies for the unexpected. At the end of the day, does the general public want a Marvel procedural drama? We want thrills, not NCIS: Marvel. Right now, the show is too dependent on movie plots and movie gimmicks, like the post credit cameos. How long can it get by on these tropes before it comes into its own? I mean, is this it? Last week, I said that I don’t think the Marvel cinematic experience should be boiled down to a weekly show, and I stand by that. Ratings dropped 35% from the pilot; we knew they would decrease, but did we know by that much? By the time ratings level out, it could be out of tricks. I guess time will tell.

Want some more TV thoughts? The Michael J. Fox Show is simply painful to watch. It’s natural they had to write in his Parkinson’s, but it’s hard to look at him. Plus, it was kinda of “pandery” the way NBC trotted out all their on air talent, like the Today Show crew, for the pilot. At the end of the day, it’s one giant commercial for WNBC4 – NBC’s NYC affiliate.

CBS’s We Are Men will probably be the first canceled show of the TV season. First off, it did nothing with its How I Met Your Mother lead-in, losing a chunk of the audience. Next, its numbers were worse than those of Partners, the CBS sitcom that was canceled early on last season in the same timeslot. It’s not very compelling, and none of the characters are very likeable. CBS Monday night has a decidedly female focus, so that show doesn’t fit the demographic. If the ratings stay on the same track, it’ll be done by Halloween. That’s if ABC’s Lucky 7 doesn’t beat it to Cancelville. I haven’t watched that show yet, but no one has, which is the big problem.


I’m a champion of the syndicated drama, but I don’t know if I can get behind SAF3. If you don’t know, SAF3 is from the Baywatch creators, and it shows. It’s essentially a Baywatch reboot, only the acting’s worse and the Hasselhoff role is now played by Dolph Lundgren. Instead of focusing only on lifeguards, the main cast is comprised of a group of firefighters and rescue workers. Dancing with the Stars champ JR Martinez is one of the costars, and his burns have been written into the show. I’ll keep watching it because I hate myself, but it’s SO BAD.

Narcissistic PSA Alert: I’ve been thinking a lot about this post that I wrote on Tumblr last year. As I said in that post, I wrote it over there because I was kinda too ashamed to write it over here. Still, a year later, the sentiment still stands: why am I not a bigger deal than I am? I know that’s a dick thing to say out loud, but it’s the last thought I have many nights before going to sleep. I need a champion: someone with a sizable fanbase who’s like “Hey, check this guy out.” I totally appreciate all of you who read and retweet. I just want MORE of you! This seems to be happening with bigger, more successful bloggers, as Dinosaur Dracula (one of my inspirations) has written similar posts. The same people who tell me they love Thrift Justice are some of the ones who never share it. Why? Are you ashamed of me? For some, I think that’s true. You’re family men, with responsibilities, and your association with my “blue” writing might not be in your best interest. It still kinda hurts, though.

I’ve tried to go out and “make friends”. I read and comment on other sites. I even joined up with “The League of Extraordinary Bloggers”. The latter did next to nothing for me, as it felt cliquish, and folks just didn’t seem to have the time for me. It was never worth it to me to have a big “I quit!” gesture, but I pretty much left them alone because I wasn’t in the reindeer games. A lot of this is me thinking out loud, and I realize how petty some of it sounds. I just felt like the point of The League was to expand readership and foster a sense of community. I didn’t get that out of it, and it clearly wasn’t getting anything out of me, so I just went on my way.

Here’s full disclosure: there’s not much difference in hits whether I post something new or just let the backlist sit there. I’m so tired of hustling. I’m tired of constantly retweeting of my own stuff, and I’m sure you’re all tired of seeing it. I just feel like it’s something I have to do, ’cause I never know if anyone else is gonna do it for me. I’m tired of poring over Alexa rankings trying to figure out the secret to traffic. They say you have to practice something for 10 years in order to be good at it. I hear standups talk about how they’ve been on the road for 10-15 years, and I wonder “How did they do it?” Then, I realize that I’ve been blogging for 10 years. All of that was practice, putting in time. It’s supposed to be fun, and I have a lot of fun writing. It just kills me when nobody cares to read it. Now I think I’m ready for something bigger. I’m not the best, but I think I’m good – good enough to be a destination site. I want you to turn on your computer in the morning and think “Let’s see what Will has to say today.” That’s the goal, at least. So, the question stands: what do you want from me? What do I need to do? If the answer is “nothing”, then please tell a friend. For those who already do, I appreciate you more than you know.

Anyway, back to the show…

Links I Loved

The Dark Side of Star Wars – The Nerds of Color

So Bryan Cranston And Dean Norris Were Both In The Pilot Of Pamela Anderson’s Bodyguard Show, ‘V.I.P.’ – Warming Glow

Podcast Alert

My Twitter sister @ItsTheBrandi has a hilarious new podcast called “Brandi and Bill Talk About Blaxploitation”. They’ve already covered Blackenstein and Foxy Brown. You can check out the episodes here.

Meanwhile, CT from the Nerd Lunch Podcast has a new James Bond-centric podcast called “Pod, James Pod”. If you’re a Bond fan, you should definitely check it out here.

Finally, the guys behind the No Topic Required Podcast have decided to start a new show, focusing on Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. You can listen to the first episode of the Reveal the S.H.I.E.L.D. Podcast here.

This Week’s Post

The Con-Clusion: Monster-Mania 26

One turned it off and on again for the last time, while one reached the end of its Albuquerque road. One gave us a post credit surprise while the other isn’t worth watching past the credits. Only one, however, had the West Week Ever.

breaking bad reters

This is unprecedented, but Breaking Bad is the first repeat West Week Ever winner. That finale was simply that damn good. As I said on Twitter, the ball’s in your court, Don Draper.

25th Jun2013

FAIL Call Tuesday – Ironclad Defense

by Will

That’s right, folks! When dealing with the United States Postal Service, you can’t always guarantee smooth sailing. With my track record of success with them, it was bound to fall apart at some point. And that point happened over the course of the past few weeks. You see, I’d sold an Iron Man figure to my Twitter pal @Jordamus_Prime, and it was taking FOREVER to get there. For some reason, everything I send to him takes longer than I’d like, and tracking numbers really don’t do much for ya. The tracking number had the figure disappearing at the Capitol Heights, MD sorting center.

And then a month passed. I tried tracking it again, and nothing. I called the USPS Customer Service line, and they really couldn’t help. All they said was that the item was out in transit, and would “hopefully” be delivered soon. I considered it lost at that point, and refunded his money. Score one for the USPS.

And then he contacted me last night. Guess what arrived. Oh, don’t get too excited. This is what he got:

936451_10152953856525252_839113329_n

424506_10152953857340252_166843375_n

993510_10152953857850252_1719591275_n

600451_10152953859130252_2088352178_n

From the looks of it, Tony got into the sauce and had a drunken escapade – one which left him decapitated. Jordan tells me that his back is also completely filed down, as if he got stuck in a conveyor belt or something. And to put things in perspective, the figure originally had TWO heads (regular and “vintage), yet arrived with NONE. Also, there was a black soot-like coating all over the figure. So, yeah. This was a mail FAIL. But it’s OK, because USPS assures me that the “Care”. Ugh…

Anyway, since Marvel will never give us the definitive FINAL Iron Man story, the USPS has done it for us. In the end, Tony will be dropped off by a mailman – decapitated, dirty, and flattened. Yeah, there’s no way Disney’s gonna let that fly.

13th May2013

Monday Musings: Twouble With Twibbles

by Will

So, I’m not sure if anyone has noticed, but I’m on what my pal Howie calls a “Twitter Diet”. I’m not sure if it’s the new meds, or if it’s just me by myself, but a few bad apples have spoiled the bunch. I’ve had a few experiences in the past few weeks that may seem petty to some, but they were enough to just make me take a moment and deal with other stuff rather than quip about titties and Power Rangers 32 times a day.

marvels-SHIELD-logo

It all started about 2 weeks ago when a follower said that something I said about Iron Man 3 was a “silly question”. For the record, I said that it’s hard to go from the galaxy-spanning majesty of Avengers to the grounded Iron Man 3. While this is essentially a plot point, my argument was that Avengers opened a can of worms by bolstering the shared universe. It’s not out of the question to say, “Hey, the president’s in trouble, so where’s Captain America?” People online wanted to say that’s a trope of all comics, and the answer is generally “He’s dealing with his own shit.” I get that, but you’ve still got S.H.I.E.L.D. as a lynchpin of the whole universe, and there’s no mention of them whatsoever. I think that’s a glaring oversight in a movie that had other things I could easily forgive yet others could not.

Anyway, this follower was the Queen of the Misanthropes, and trying to have any sort of conversation with her is a chore. Everything sets her off, and she prides herself on shit like how she once basically knocked over an old lady on the sidewalk. Needless to say, she’s not the sweetest belle at the ball. My comment was to no one directly, but she decided to come out of the woodwork to call my observation “silly” and patted herself on the back. I could’ve been like, “Bitch, I know more about comics than you realize”, but I could still accept a differing viewpoint. Just don’t condescendingly call me silly when I’ve had to put up with tons of shit, from how she hates her coworkers, to her fitness progress. I’ve never called her silly, though I probably should’ve unfollowed her long ago. She’s essentially the female version of a follower I already had, and two was a certainly a crowd. People always laugh when I say this, but when you get deep into the world of social media, politics take over. You can’t unfollow people ’cause they’re friends with your friends, and then group conversations now have a glaring hole in them. She took the initiative and blocked me, which was a relief. Even if temporary, I don’t have to deal with that anymore, nor do I have to strategize how to get rid of her. It’s the age old trick of getting your girlfriend to dump you so you don’t have to do it. I used to be EXCELLENT at that. So, that was strike one.

Next, I had a bit of a tete-a-tete with black commentator Roland Martin. I only watch TV One for Martin reruns, so I really don’t know much about what he does. I just know A) he got in trouble for somewhat homophobic remarks after the Super Bowl and B) he has his own line of ascots. Anyway, I’m gonna blame @Classickmateria for this, as I probably wouldn’t even have noticed this had he not retweeted it. Martin has since deleted the exchange, but luckily Twitter forgets nothing:

rmartinexchange

Now, let me give some context here. I’m willing to admit I opened this can of worms. My problem was this: he didn’t congratulate EVERYONE in the movie. No, he went for Don Cheadle, with that whole “black supports black” mentality. I’ve already detailed my issues with Cheadle as Rhodes, but this wasn’t even about that. It was clear there was a bit of bias here, and it you’re gonna congratulate someone, congratulate them all. Those box office returns weren’t built on the back of Don Cheadle. He’s not the one who just started negotiating his future with the Marvel Studios film universe. I feel like I called a spade a spade, and I kept going because of his whole elementary school-style rebuttals. Here’s the irony, and don’t think I don’t see it: I called his opinion silly. The same thing I got mad at the aforementioned person. Here’s the difference – Martin and I don’t follow each other. I guess, as a stranger, he deserves a modicum of respect, but not as much required by my circle of “friends”. She had found herself in said circle, and didn’t respect the “code”. Anyway, I know his went way too far, and it was my fault for getting caught up in it. Strike two.

On Friday, the twitter account for TokuNation set me off due to shoddy journalism (NOTE: Tokusatsu is the name for the Japanese shows that give us the footage used for Power Rangers, Masked Rider, etc. We’ve discussed this before). Long story short, this is the 20th anniversary of Power Rangers in America, and fans felt that faces from the past should be involved. Saban heard this, and half-assedly reached out to former rangers to see if they’d be a part of the proceedings. The problem is that they’re still non-Union, so they’re only offering something like $100, and the trip to New Zealand. Fans first got mad at the actors for declining, but once they saw the form letter email that was sent out, they then turned that anger on Saban. “Why is he so cheap?”, etc. At the end of the day, however, there’s only one ranger that everyone wants to see: Tommy, the original Green Ranger (then White Ranger/Red Ranger/Black Ranger). The actor, Jason David Frank, already put his foot in his mouth earlier by saying he’d do it for $1. Yes, 1 American dollar. He’s all tatted up now, so he figured he wouldn’t be getting the call. He was wrong. Remember, Saban likes being CHEAP. So, Friday, Toku Nation tweeted this:

tokunationNow, for more backstory. Frank was scheduled to appear at a convention, but cancelled due to a filming conflict. This convention is scheduled for the same weekend as the Power Rangers filming. So, TokuNation took this as a confirmation. This is NOT confirmation. It’s speculation with persuasive evidence, but confirmation is either an email OR it’s “straight from the horse’s mouth”. The word “confirmation” clearly does not mean what TokuNation thinks it means. I said as much here, and check their reply:

toku 2Um…so they’re essentially saying they’re trying to turn the tides of all the negative news by getting some good news out there. Even if it’s not true. I told them this is how rumors and lies get started, but they were done with me and my retorts. I was ashamed of myself for how upset this made me, so this was Strike three.

I’ve said before that I consider my twitter followers to be my “friends”. I’m closer to a lot of people on there than I am in real life. That said, I’m also noticing the evolution of some twitter “enemies”. That’s the dark side of all this, and I’m as much as fault as anyone else because I seem to be creating my own enemies. That’s kinda sad. So, I need to take a step back. I’m not going anywhere, but I’m not going to be monitoring my feed 24/7, like Martian Manhunter on monitor duty. I can’t let this consume me, ’cause it’s supposed to be fun, right? I’ll still be around, but for the time being, most of my tweets will either be replies or tweets pimping my warez. Unless ya miss me. I’m a whore like that. I’ll come back lickity-split!

06th May2013

Monday Musings: Underestimating Batman’s Sheer Brutality

by Will

batman lurking in shadow

Confused by the title? That’s really just me using a bunch of words to say “Batman’s a badass.” More appropriately, he’s a dangerous badass. In recent years, especially due to his many cartoons and animated appearances, two things have become prevalent about Batman: he doesn’t use guns AND he doesn’t kill. That’s all well and good, but this had led somewhat to what you might call “the Pussification of the Bat”. People seem to forget that there are fates worse than death, and Batman has dealt out this kind of justice time and time again. After all, why else would criminals be afraid of him? Anyway, this is just my way of saying that Chris Sims isn’t the only one devoting more thought that necessary to the legacy of Batman.

Justice-League-meltzer

One thing that leads folks to forget about Batman’s brutality is his public persona. I’ve said it time and time again, but Batman doesn’t really work as a public character. It’s not in his best interest to be in a group like the Justice League because it not only requires him to go out in daylight, but it also makes him look like a hero. Yes, Batman works alongside the GCPD, but he shouldn’t be seen as a “hero” – at least not the same way that Superman, Flash, and Wonder Woman are seen. If your primary goal is to strike fear into the hearts of criminals, you’re not going to accomplish much when you’re publicly known as Superman’s friend. Sure, criminals might be afraid of his powerful friends in that case, but they wouldn’t necessarily be afraid of him. That’s why I feel Batman works better when he’s considered an urban legend.

batman66 outside

The comics go back and forth on this, but his most effective “mode” is when the majority of Gotham see Batman as the boogeyman. He’s not necessarily “real”, and he’s seen more as a story told to frighten. He doesn’t operate in the daylight as his 60s predecessor did, and the only ones to actually see him are frightened victims and criminals caught in the act. Sure, he fights Arkham villains, but most of his time is spent dealing with street level thugs and henchmen. He never really inflicts much damage on a Penguin or Joker, but he does all sorts of terrible things to their henchmen. This is why “The Bat” is only discussed in frightened whispers amongst that set. He may not kill, but he leaves them with more than memories. The cartoons depict a Batman who ends things with one punch, but that’s not true of the Urban Legend Defender of Gotham. The “real” Batman operates from the shadows. He tends to leave thugs unable to walk, in traction, or worse – usually dependent upon the severity of the crime. Just look at this example:

Batman Thug

And that’s just Comic Batman. Don’t even get me started on the movies. Cinematic Batman hasn’t even clung to the “doesn’t use guns” thing, so surely some of those thugs died – if not, they wish they were dead! Let’s go back to the very first Tim Burton movie. When Batman is fighting his way up the belltower, thugs are being knocked off and thrown down the shaft. This isn’t Spider-Man, where he quickly webs up a safety net, so they’re stuck until the police arrive. The Joker Thug body count was at least at 3 by the end of that movie.

Taken from http://batmancity.over-blog.com/article-batman-the-movie-series-2-145-leap-from-the-belltower-topps-usa-1989-58578862.html

Taken from http://batmancity.over-blog.com/article-batman-the-movie-series-2-145-leap-from-the-belltower-topps-usa-1989-58578862.html

And before that, he blew up the whole chemical plant – you know, the one that surely had a night crew in it, even if they weren’t all thugs.

1989batmobile_spec

Taken from chickslovethecar.com

Speaking of the Batmobile, it had guns, and there’s no confirmation they were rubber bullets. Yes, Batman gets in his car and shoots the fuck out of people! NOW do you understand why criminals are scared of him?

batmanm

Taken from the ComicsAlliance Batman ’89 review where they were bewildered by the same thing

In Batman Begins, he made no real attempt to save Ra’s Al Ghul, AT ALL.

"Use of of your 'many talents' to save you from THIS, asshole!"

“Use one of your ‘many talents’ to save you from THIS, asshole!”

Finally, if you doubt Batman’s brutality, play Arkham Asylum or Arkham City for just five minutes. I worked at TRU when the first AA demo came out, and I almost needed a towel while playing that thing! The bones crunching beneath your fists, the noises being made. Bottom line: Batman ain’t playing around!

batman-arkham-city_ thugs

So, what have we learned today? Well, first off, they say Batman won’t kill you, but that’s only true if no one’s filming it. Also, even if he lets you live, he will Fuck. Your. Shit. Up. And something tells me the DC Universe doesn’t have Obamacare yet…

03rd May2013

West Week Ever – 5/3/13

by Will
79dd3cf7-de27-475c-a8ca-015e8a7e790awallpaper

Who had the West Week Ever? Read on to find out!

wwe

So, I saw Iron Man 3 last night. No spoilers here, but I enjoyed it. I realized something about the franchise as a whole: I never thought I’d say this, but I prefer Terence Howard’s Rhodey to Don Cheadle’s. Even though their relationship ebbs and flows, Tony and Rhodey aren’t the buddy cop movie that they are in the Cheadle movies. Cheadle’s kind of a simp (check urban dictionary if you don’t know what that means). Give him a suit, and he’s happy. Howard, however, gave a little more push-back, more resistance with Tony, which is more inline with the character. Plus, Howard felt more like a military man, while Cheadle feels like an off duty cop. You don’t get the same sense of decorum from him, and he’s out of his uniform more than he’s in it. Howard recently said that Cheadle was always the first choice, and that his agent had gotten him the role. That’s why he wasn’t too upset when he was recast. Still, I have to think the casting director thought they’d be getting House of Lies Don Cheadle, when they instead got Golden Palace Don Cheadle. Other than that, I’ve got no major fanboy quibbles with the film. We’ll discuss more once everyone’s seen it.

NEbJKH4ncGbOei_1_2

Speaking of comic book movies, Justin Aclin wrote a great post about colorblind casting in superhero movies. If you didn’t know, a rumor surfaced this week that black actor Michael B. Jordan is being courted to play Johnny Storm in the Fantastic Four reboot. Just like with the Donald Glover/Amazing Spider-Man controversy, there’s a bunch of “Why are you making him black? He’s white! I’m not racist for saying that! He’s always been white!” Well, maybe that’s why the franchise doesn’t work. I actually liked the last two Fantastic Four movies because A) I didn’t expect much and B) they were comic accurate, as they were just as boring as the books. I swear, I don’t care how you try to jazz them up, the Fantastic Four concept is boring as fuck. They’re sold as “Marvel’s First Family”, but they’re only interesting when they’re dysfunctional. My very first issue was when Sue redesigned her costume to make it more revealing so that Reed would notice her. Here she was, the MILF of the Marvel Universe, and her husband didn’t even pay attention to her.  That was interesting. Instead, they do a bunch of boring shit now. Maybe it’s the state of the world, or I’m a huge cynic, but I’d probably enjoy it more if they were constantly in need of family counseling with Doc Samson or something. The boring, white, milquetoast family just doesn’t interest anyone anymore. So I say make him black. Stir the pot a little. Hell, cast Jaden Smith if ya want. And make Reed Richards from India. Not all smart guys are white, and comedian Russell Peters taught us you can have an Indian dude with a Western name.

The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing us that Coolio was ever a “gangsta”.

On a related note, who the fuck is L.V., and whatever happened to him? Oh, he was shot? I guess he was the gangsta referenced in the song!

Jack Diamond

This will only interest local folks, but it’s worth discussing. Last Saturday, after 24 years on the air, local DJ Jack Diamond was canned from his morning show. This is a big deal, as he was an institution around here. He had the show for 24 years! Hell, most radio stations flip formats after 4. I discovered him just as I was catching up to contemporary music.

A lot of people know this, but I listened to country from birth til about the age of 10. I got out just before Garth Brooks, which is why I don’t get the hype, nor do I chime in with all the drunks when they start singing “Friends In Low Places”. At this point in time, it may be hard to believe, but there was no real “pop”. Sure, there was NKOTB, but most of that stuff played on stations we’d now label “adult contemporary” (a post for another time, but “pop” didn’t really make a comeback until around ’95). I used to carpool with a teacher at school, and she’d listen to Jack Diamond’s show. Jack’s sidekicks were Barbara Britt and Bert. The inside joke of the show was that they only had “7 beloved listeners”. They had normal morning show banter, but it was safe for kids, and there were no cheater scams or sex tales. I loved it so much that I went home and changed my radio’s dial to Jack’s station. I used to sleep with the radio on, so I got used to Don Henley and Wilson Philips singing me to sleep and waking me up. Eventually, “pop” would make its triumphant return, and I’d move to stations that played that music. I left Jack Diamond behind, and eventually Barbara and Bert left, too. Jack got new sidekicks and kept chugging along. Over the past year, I’d heard rumblings about contract disputes, but never thought it was serious. Meanwhile, the story got Shakespearean. You see, Bert spent the last 10 yrs or so building his name in Atlanta – basically becoming as big a star there as Jack is here. So, imagine everyone’s shock last Saturday when it was announced that not only was Jack fired, but Bert would be taking over his show. The student becomes the master. Anyway, I wish Jack well. I’d heard he was kind of a dick, but I wouldn’t expect anything less from a local celebrity. I’m sure he’ll land on his feet somewhere, but it’s a sad day for DC radio.

seacrets

Last weekend, I had to go to Ocean City for some mega birthday weekend for some of Lindsay’s friends. On Saturday, we went out to dinner, but as we pulled into the parking lot, we noticed what appeared to be a young couple putting their child in their trunk. Immediately, I knew the dad was a douche because he was wearing salmon pants. For you folks “secure in your masculinity”, that means “pink”. The girls were in a hurry to drink, so we didn’t linger. Once inside, we tried to verify amongst ourselves that we had all seen what we thought we had seen. The couple came in, and dude was drunk as shit. Oh yeah – there was no kid with them. So, we start wondering “Did they put the kid in the trunk so they could keep drinking?” Pink Pants was shitfaced, and his wife just had a doting headshake about her, kinda like a 50s sitcom mom. PP started talking to the folks in our group, but no one would ask about the kid. I really wanted to know, ’cause he might be running out of air. I forgot to mention that we all work for schools, so, technically, we’ve got to report this kind of thing to CPS. The problem is that we had NO PROOF. Eventually, someone asked him and he got really pissed. He said something like, “Yeah, I shoved him down in there”, and we couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. At this point, I decided to take a cue from Spider-Man: “Sorry, man. Not my problem.” Of course, this means Pink Pants would later kill my uncle. Eventually, a girl in their group screamed, “You’re an embarrassment!” at PP. They left soon afterwards. Once they were gone, I said a quiet prayer: “Everyone has a moment to be a hero, and I chose to ignore mine. I treated it like a bus, figuring another would come along. Anyway, RIP Trunk Kid.” Later that night, we saw the couple pull up to Seacrets in a cab. Still, no kid with them. So, either they left him with the grandparents, or they simply got tired of the smell…

homeless

Did I go too far there? Good, ’cause I needed to brace you for another controversial thought. This will probably keep me from ever running for public office, but here it goes. Dear homeless women: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG! I staunchly believe that there should be no such thing as a homeless woman. Due to sexual politics, no woman should ever find herself out on the streets for a prolonged period of time. Why is that? Well, I’m glad you asked. The world is FULL of quiet, soft-spoken, possibly ugly, lonely men. These aren’t the guys who are trolling bars for minge. No, these are the guys who lived with their mother until she died, and now they don’t know what to do with themselves. They’re used to being taken care of, but don’t really know how to fill that void. If I were a woman who was either homeless, or felt an onset of homelessness on the way, I would seek out these men, and I’d be just fine. Some of you are probably saying, “But you’d be using him, and that’s not cool.” We’d actually be using each other. I would cook for him and do whatever else, and we would take care of each other’s needs. “But you wouldn’t love him!” Let’s be mature about this. The western concept of love is some Hollywood bullshit. Everyone wants that story of “I was in the supermarket, and we both reached for the same cantaloupe!” That’s sweet, but what I’m describing is not much different from an arranged marriage. I feel like two things might happen: A) you’d actually be into him instantly OR B) you’d learn to love him. I’m not saying you have to be in love with him, but you’d still come to respect him for what he had done in your life. Sex isn’t everything. Hell, if I had to bang an old man every couple of weeks, instead of fending off rapists and getting a meth addiction on the streets, I say, “Saddle up, grandpa!” The man put a roof over your head, let you drive his car, and kept you safe. You would fucking learn to love and appreciate him. Believe that!

Links I Loved
c2e2 2013 Round Up! (The Robot’s Pajamas)

Team Hellions UnderScoopFire! Takeover (Team Hellions/UnderScoopFire!)

(Aunt) May Day (Cold Slither Podcast)

Reunited with an Uncanny piece of my past… (Branded In The 80s)

This Week’s Posts
Monday Musings – Mutation Inconsistencies in the 80s TMNT Universe

Thrift Justice – That Figures

And be sure to check out Will’s World of Wonder for all your action figure and collectible needs!

One of them is old-timey “happy” to be playing basketball, while another just lost his morning job. One just sold her staged “sex tape” to Vivid for $1M, while the other is Iron Man. But only one could have the West Week Ever.

214_robert_downey_jr_-906173-large_image

You know who he is. He’s Iron Man! In the words of Stan “The Man” Lee, “Nuff Said!” This is why Robert Downey Jr/Tony Stark had the West Week Ever.

29th Apr2013

Monday Musings – Mutation Inconsistencies in the 80s TMNT Universe

by Will

This is the kind of thing that’d go into West Week Ever, but I’ll forget it by then. So, anyway…

tmnt

I have real problems with the mutations of both the Ninja Turtles and Splinter. I mean, I’m sure there’s no real “science” behind it, but certain things don’t match up. OK, going by the 80’s cartoon (I never read the comic, and I’m omitting the movie for now), human Hamato Yoshi is exiled to the sewers, but has 4 pet turtles to keep him company.

36

Now, first off, why the Hell is he in the sewers?! I mean, this is pre-Giuliani NYC, meaning there’s all kinds of hooker panties and dirty needles down there. Surely he could’ve gotten a job at a Radio Shack, and a roommate, right? Anyway, he and these turtles live in the sewer, and Oroku Saki/Shredder dumps mutagen into the sewers to kill Yoshi. Again, this is fucked up. He’s gonna risk New York’s already questionable water quality to kill ONE DUDE?! He could just jump down a manhole cover with a pistol. Bitch move, Shredder! Here’s where things don’t make sense to me: the turtles get into the ooze, and Yoshi picks them up to wipe it off. Since they were last in contact with a human, they change into humanoid turtles. HOWEVER, Yoshi turns into rat, Splinter, even though he actually last touched turtles! So, shouldn’t he be some weird human turtloid? Or, at the very least, a human/turtle/rat hybrid? Was it ever said that a subject could only undergo one mutation?

Shredder,_Rocksteady,_Bebop

Also, most mutagen experiments were the result of a merger: Bebop and Rocksteady were gang bangers who essentially had a warthog and rhinoceros merged into them. They were humans with animalistic traits and features, kinda like the splicing trend in Batman Beyond. This is basically was happens with Splinter – human who develops animal features. What happened with the turtles, however, is a fluke that isn’t supported by other depictions of mutations: they were animals who basically underwent personification. There’s no precedent for this! Even Baxter Stockman was a human who took on fly characteristics. In all known cases, the human side exerts dominance over the mutation, EXCEPT when it comes to the Turtles. If anything, Hamato Yoshi should’ve mutated into a human/turtle hybrid with multiple personality disorder INSTEAD of four, basic turtles mutating into humanoid teenagers.

april

And why teenagers? That was the worst possible age for this to happen. It’s like being born right into puberty, yet this was never dealt with. No zits, no dateless Saturdays, nothing. Even with April walking around with her omnipresent cleavage! And what kind of weird chick hangs out with turtles. Sure, they saved her life, but she was hot. Was she trying to act out some kind of freaky fantasy. I mean, a busty chick, hanging out in sewers, and banging a dude in a hockey mask? That’s a chick who needs some therapy!

Anyway, I could go on about this for hours, but I’ll stop now. Has any of this occurred to any of you out there? Let me know in the comments!

26th Apr2013

West Week Ever – 4/26/13

by Will

988e73df-4c37-43f8-91b1-17a752080cd2wallpaper

oie_922142seDasWF9

I wanna start things off with a grammar lesson. Actually, it’s more of a grammar pet peeve, but I hate the phrase “pet peeve” – what the fuck is a “peeve”? Sounds like a lady problem. Anyway, I try to stay away from grammatical issues, as I think everyone has a blind spot. Lord knows I don’t always have the period within the quotation marks, nor do I say everything properly. Still, this is an epidemic that MUST be stopped: the improper use of and I.

10082378-young-teacher-writing-numbers-on-the-chalkboard-isolated-on-white-background-conceptual-image-of-edu

Back in the late 90s, and I wasn’t being used properly. In fact, it really wasn’t being used much at all. Everyone was using and me. Suddenly, a bumper crop of Grammar Nazis appeared. Whenever someone would say, “Kelly and me are going to the mall”, a Grammar Nazi would pop up and, in a condescending tone, say “Kelly and I are going to the mall.” The original speaker would usually roll her eyes, and respond with a curt “Whatever.” Pretty soon, it seemed like the Grammar Nazis had a recruitment drive, as the began to pop up everywhere. They were in coffee shops, PTA meetings, even at the bank! Eventually, the Grammar Nazis won, but that victory came at a price.

You see, once it was ingrained in people’s heads that and I was sometimes the suitable choice, these people began to use it ALL the time. It’s like and me no longer existed, as they were scared of the Grammar Nazis, even though they had already moved on to other things, like correcting there/their/they’re on the Internet. Soon, it became common to hear someone say something like, “Grandma gave $20 to Timmy and I.” Or “She was speaking to Christy and I.” NO! This is wrong. You see, here’s something to keep in mind: how would you say it if there was no other person involved in the situation? You wouldn’t say “Grandma gave $20 to I”, nor would you say “She was speaking to I.” In both cases, you would use ME. So, when someone else is added to the mix, YOU WOULD STILL USE ME! “Grandma gave $20 to me/Grandma gave $20 to Timmy and me”. It’s that simple. Just take a second to think about it before you say it, and eventually it’ll happen without you even needing to think about it. And by NO MEANS, should you ever say and I’s. I’ve actually heard things, like “My wife and I’s commute is usually 3 hours.” NO! This one is a bit more tricky. It should be “My wife’s and my commute…” Got it? Good.

So, who’s ready for some pop culture?

I rarely have to do this, but I need to issue a correction about something I wrote earlier this week. You see, I said that Psych-Out was my first G.I. Joe figure, but that’s not entirely true. There’s a caveat to that: he’s my first G.I. Joe to survive. Let me take you back a little.

dicjoe

I’ve said it before, but I wasn’t exactly a G.I.Joe kid growing up – at least not as much as my friends on Twitter. I think it’s because most of them are about 4-5 years older than me, so it was more prominent in their formative years. I, actually, grew up on the much-derided DiC era of Joe (Got! To get! Tough! Yo! Joe!). Sometimes, I’d rent the older episodes from Erol’s Video (this was pre-Blockbuster, in the DC area), but I know more about Metal Head and Ski Weekend Snake Eyes than I do about the MASS Device and the USS Flagg. My formative Joe years were around the ages of 10 and 11, while they were more 5-8 for other folks. So, when the earlier toys were on shelves, I didn’t exactly have a frame of reference, and didn’t go near them.

lcvrecon

Around the late 80s, my cousin came from Mississippi to live with us, as she thought it would be easier to get a job in DC. When she’d go off on business trips, I’d always beg her to bring me something back. I meant a souvenir, but I think she just stopped at a KMart before getting on the bus. So, one time she came back, and she had brought me the L.C.V. Recon Sled. I didn’t know anything about G.I. Joe at the time (I was about 5 at this time, and didn’t watch a lot of cartoons), but it looked cool. The only problem was that I didn’t have any figures to drive it. Looking at the box, it appeared to be driven by a guy wearing a baseball jersey. In my mind, that meant that the Recon Sled must have been his personal vehicle. So, I told my mom I had to have that particular guy. Luckily, toy distribution was better at that time, as the next time we went to Toys “R” Us, there he was, and his name was “Bazooka”. Now, my mom had a really strict stance on toy guns at that time, which I’ll probably write about at some point. The main thing here was that he was shown shooting on the package, but I used my 5 year old mojo to convince her that “It’s not a gun. It’s a bazooka.” Seeing as how she’d never been to war, that seemed to work. I still think I agreed not to play with the bazooka, ya know, with the guy fucking named Bazooka.

gijoe-25th-bazooka

So, we get home, and I finally have the driver for my sled. All was right with the world. Since I’d never had a Joe before, I was fascinated by all of its joints – especially the fact that he could do a cycle spin if you twisted him enough at the waist. Do you see where this is going? Yeah, one turn too many, and POP! Bazooka go down de hole. I cried and cried, and showed him to my mom. She was going to take him back to the store (my mom would, and still will, take back anything), and I assumed get me a new one. Well, she took him back, but I never got another Bazooka. I don’t think he was on the pegs anymore when she went back. And, since I was still new to the world of action figures, I didn’t think any other figure would work. Only Bazooka could drive the Recon Sled! Over time, the sled got battered, as I ran it, driverless, into walls and shit. About a year later, I would get Psych-Out, and having learned my lesson, he wouldn’t be doing any cyclone punching. Eventually, I got another Bazooka, but my Recon Sled had left this world. Years later, it was finding a newer edition of Bazooka that ushered me into collection the G.I. Joe 25th anniversary line.

Recently at work, I’ve taken to streaming stand-up specials from YouTube to listen to in the background. Yesterday, I came across this bit from Steve Harvey’s final stand-up show. The funny thing about it is that Lindsay and I watched this exact episode of Family Feud last week, and she swore that they had to have been the dumbest family in the history of the show. It turns out she was right.

Links I Loved:

Agony, Ecstasy, Irony: The Fight For The Soul Of College A Cappella (NPR)

Administrators Gotta Administrate! The 20 Best Fictional Administrative Professionals (UnderScoopFire!)

King Kong World Tour — York, Pennsylvania (Cool and Collected)

22 Unbelievable Places that are Hard to Believe Really Exist (Bored Panda)

This Week’s Posts:
Mail Call Monday – Batman, Empowered, Joes and More!

Pitch Perfect and the True Story of Collegiate A Cappella

10 Superheroes Whose Current Costume Design Will Never Appear in a Movie

WWE Divas to Star in New E! Reality Series + 10 More WWE Superstars and the Reality Shows They’d Be Perfect For

Thrift Justice – The One With All The DVDs

And the 90s TV Sitcom podcast I told you about was posted over at Nerd Lunch

So, one of them drunkenly cussed out a cop, while the other saved rock and roll. One’s begging for fan money, while the other is “the world’s most beautiful woman”. Only one them, however, had the West Week Ever.

fall_out_boy_save_rock_n_roll_album_a_p

 

I love the Hell out of Fall Out Boy. I discovered them when their third album, Infinity on High, was released – an album that was perfect from beginning to end. I went back and listened to their second album, From Under The Cork Tree, and hated it. I was starting to think they were a one hit wonder until I heard their Welcome to the New Administration mixtape , which I blogged about years ago. Needless to say, I loved that. Seeing as how it was a primer for their upcoming album, Folie A Deux, I expected good things from that album. Unfortunately, it was a “folly of DON’T”. They broke up shortly afterwards, and that wasn’t the note on which I wanted them to go out. Their hiatus was shortlived, though – especially after Patrick Stump’s solo album bombed, and they released Save Rock And Roll last week, which entered the Billboard charts as their second #1 album. Having listened to it, I’m not sure if they saved rock, but it’s certainly good to have them back. Just like Trek movies, it seems that every other FOB album is “the good one”, and luckily this fell in the right place in that sequence. For this, Fall Out Boy has the West Week Ever.

25th Feb2013

Because Nobody Asked: Will On Comedy

by Will

7eg5cywbl0zbvs8hq47n

I like funny stuff. Not just “haha” funny, but “clever” funny. As such, I find myself sometimes studying the “science” of comedy. I think it started in college, as I hung out with the sketch group for a bit. I even tried out for improv (this was the height of the Whose Line Is It craze), but that didn’t work out so well. Anyway, I’ve recently been studying up on a lot of the hot folks on the comedy scene. What I’m finding is that my tastes run against the tide of the general public. I’m actually an apologist for some derided comics, while I’m over some of those folks that are adored. In light of last night’s debacle concerning The Onion (not a funny joke, but not as offensive as folks would like to think), I’ve been thinking about my feelings on certain things in the comedic sphere. This is kind of a bulletpoint, stream of conscious post about all of that.

Bossypants – Tina Fey’s book was the epitome of disappointing. If you want an enjoyable book by a “funny gal”, read Mindy Kaling’s Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns). Bossypants is written for the person who discovered Tina Fey during the whole Sarah Palin thing and thought, “Huh. She’s kinda funny, you betcha!” It sold well because Tina Fey. Still, it’s probably as enjoyable as any of the movies she starred in. Yup, Date Night was boring, Admission looks trite, and Baby Mama was an embarrassment for both her AND Amy.

Dane Cook – Ya know, I get that he’s a “bro”. I get it. I know why some find him repulsive. BUT if you go back to Harmful If Swallowed, he’s actually pretty good. I think his fame kinda took over and he began to be associated with his audience. His crowd sucks. They just do. They’re frat boys and sorority girls, all drunk, not even getting his jokes. I think he started to pander to them, which was to his detriment. Still, to go back to the beginning, you can see how he made a name for himself.

Patrice O’Neal – Patrice was great. I’m late to that party, but he just told it like it was. He’s really just telling you the truth, even if it’s shit you don’t want to hear. He’s basically that friend of yours that your wife hates: mainly because he’s a bad influence, but also because she knows she’s not off limits. Comedy lost a great there.

samed

Sam Kinison – All that motherfucker did was scream. His background is more interesting than his comedy  Son of a Pentacostal preacher, with a weakness for booze and pussy. I’d read dime store novels about him, but I wouldn’t watch him scream at me from onstage for an hour. There are times when he makes Andrew Dice Clay look like Jon Stewart. I loved that episode of Married…with Children, though.

Kat Williams – it’s a shame he’s batshit crazy, because he can be hilarious. Maybe he’s hilarious because of the batshit. One word: “evuhreethang”. If you get that reference, you know what I’m talking about. He could say a lot with just inflection.

Chris Rock – This is going to be blasphemy to some, but Chris Rock has not held up well. AT ALL. At this point, Bigger & Blacker has the cultural relevance of a No Limit album. Sure, some of it is still being repeated today, but just to hear a whole bit on the reelection of Marion Barry, almost 20 years ago, combined with the fact that Barry’s STILL invincible in DC politics, it just doesn’t work as well.

HPOrigCheeseburger6.12.08

Jim Gaffigan – See pic above. There, that’s his whole act.

Legit_FX_a_l

Legit – This is an FX show starring Australian comedian Jim Jeffries. I’d never seen his act, but heard good things. Then, I saw the premiere and it made me want to slit my wrists. Sticking with the show, however, it’s got a lot of heart. In fact, it’s probably more going for it than Louie, but I don’t wish to rile the masses.

Seinfeld – I’m only just now comfortable watching the reruns again. I swear, that finale was some bullshit. I recently read Jason Alexander’s account of it, saying that he thinks he’s the only one who loved it. I’m glad someone did. Anyway, Seinfeld was a great show, and despite what some folks online think, I feel like Modern Seinfeld PERFECTLY captures what the show would be today. You can even hear the voices. Still, I’m torn on Seinfeld’s actual standup. It’s impressive he works clean, but the observational stuff is so common now that it’s almost like you needed to experience him when he was new to the stage. I’ll say this: to me, he’ll always be That Rich Old Dude Who Was Allowed To Date A 17 Year Old. Seriously, that’s when you know you’ve got money: banging minors and people ain’t saying shit. I’m glad that Shoshanna went on to a fashion career or whatever the Hell she’s doing now. Now, he’s just The Guy Who Stole His Current Wife From Her Husband While They Were On Their Honeymoon. Isn’t it funny how nothing negative about him ever really sticks?

Depression – In my quest to be accepted by The Cult of the Funny People, I’ve come to realize a common thread: depression. Now, everyone deals with this differently: meds, drinking, sticking it out, etc, but now I find myself asking “Are they funny OR are they depressed?” It’s almost like I expect depressed people to be funny. It’s like fat girls with big boobs; all that fat ought to be going somewhere constructive. Nobody wants to be the tiny titted fat girl. So, what does this mean? Do I feel like depressed people are just sublimating the depression into comedy? And if so, what would happen if they were avoiding meds but got then started taking them? What if comedy IS their medication? Lots of thoughts on all that.

Richard Pryor – Where Rock is a bit rough around the edges now, it’s amazing how timeless Pryor is. Maybe it’s because he was ahead of his time. Everything he said still works. It’s still just as funny as it was then. And to hear his account of the crackpipe incident is incredible. He turned something painful and embarrassing into such an engaging bit.

7.29.12HannibalBuressByEzmosiswyatt-cenac01

Hannibal Burress/Wyatt Cenac – not only are these 2 dudes that I really admire, but they’re also the guys who made me think “I could do that”. Especially Cenac. It’s not that they made it easy OR that I thought I was somehow on their level. It’s just that I never really related to a delivery style until I found them. Cenac was the only thing I liked about The Daily Show, and even then it was hard to watch because I was sitting there, saying shit like “He stole my act!”

Ron White – the only member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour worthy of his fame, which makes it funny to me that they kicked him out. His approach appeals to most audiences, without the needless hook of a “Git-R-Done” or a “…you might be a redneck”. I almost feel like he’s “Kinison Done Right”‘.

Larry the Cable Guy – this one’s tricky for me. I get the problems with him. I get that he’s essentially a country minstrel act. That said, he’s so good at what he does. Most people wouldn’t even like to admit they’ve given him a shot, but for a certain set of sensibilities, he’s the real deal. I think satellite radio makes this dichotomy clear: There’s Blue Collar Radio and then there’s Raw Dog Comedy. What I’ve noticed is that “blue collar” essentially means “no Jews and no New York”. It’s a southern, working audience, and he’s their Louis CK. He’s basically the stand up version of Hee Haw, but there’s an audience for that. New York comics will talk about the news, or the girl who just dumped them. Larry will do a switcheroo that doesn’t require his audience to really think or feel too much. “I used to be a lifeguard until some blue kid got me fired.” That joke’s smarter than you’d like to admit.

Anyway, that’s some of the stuff that’s been on my mind. I might revisit this later. For those who were looking forward to some thrift store junk, I’m sure I’ll have something for you by the end of the week.

Before I go, here’s a list of Hollywood children who were actual cunts:

1) Dee from What’s Happening

2) Lucy from Peanuts

3) Margot from Punky Brewster

4) Jan Brady

5) Any character portrayed by Stacy Keanan

NO APOLOGIES!

Pages:«1234567...14»