07th Jul2005

H&M: Series Finale

by Will

Previously on williambrucewest.com: Well, let’s see…I was being hounded by Eunice at work. Essentially, I had caught her doing some shady managerial work, and I reported it to corporate. Well, they sat on their thumbs, while Darkness proceeded to make my life a living Hell. First, she started writing me up for stuff that I hadn’t done, and then she tried to out my relationship with Shelly. In the meantime, Shelly transferred to another store, and I began to hate that H&M more and more. I vowed to leave, in many melodramatic posts seen here. And then…nothing. Until now. Brace yourself for the action-packed season finale. NEXT!

Today’s Episode: “Emancipation Chocolate Nation”

So, the other day, I was reading an article about season finales. Apparently, contrary to popular belief, writers have very little idea where a show is to end up when the season is over. In the beginning, they have a general idea of the arc that the character is to take, but in terms of “Will ___ die?”, they don’t have a clue. They figure this stuff out over the course of the season, and save the big decisions for the end. For example, (Davis stop reading) the writers of 24 originally planned to let the president die this season, but changed their minds at the end, fearing real-life political backlash. Coward move, I know…

So, why do I bring this up? Well, I had this whole post mapped out in my mind about 2 months ago, but over time, I’ve either forgotten it or don’t care. So, there’s not really gonna be an action. No real drama. If anything, this will be an informative post with the air of the “Whatever Happened To…” quips that air during the end credits of a movie(See “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”).

So, taking it all back to where we left off, I was at H&M and hating it and Eunice. One day, our store manager kinda tricked us, and we ended up having an intervention in the office. Nothing major, but I told Eunice that I didn’t like her and couldn’t work with her. Her ass tried to threaten me with litigation for suggesting she was a thief when she wasn’t. Yadda yadda.She kept talking, but all I heard or saw was ugly. Anyway, I knew the place was a house of cards, and I was just hoping to get out before it toppled.

In other H&M news, Shelly got fed up of being under appreciated and gave her notice on April Fools. I’ve never been more jealous of another human being. But in a good way, ’cause I love her and she deserved freedom. So, she got a job as a management recruiter in that magical young adult compound known as Bethesda. Meanwhile, I continued to unload trucks and deal with tax-exempt transactions. My partners in crime were dropping like flies. Bruce had given his notice, retracted it, and then just abandoned his job. Kevin had gotten fired. Jeanine, my most worthy adversary, simply waked out one day. Christina up and quit. Audrey hit the road. Soon, I was the only original cast member left, and I began to understand how Dustin Diamond must’ve felt when he returned to “Saved by the Bell”: I needed the money, but I knew I had no business being there any longer.

I got to the point where I was taking a sick day a week. Not because I had to, but becauseI could. I couldn’t deal with a 40 hr week at H&M. It just wasn’t in the cards anymore. I’d schedule interviews and call out sick every chance I got. Nobody really suspected anything ’cause I’d vowed I was leaving since the 2nd day i got the H&M job. So, by this point- one year later, I was the equivalent of Crazy Rambling Homeless Guy. Everyone was like, “Sure you’re leaving, Will. We believe you.”

Well, I showed those sons of bitches. I got a job. It took forever (OK, it could’ve been a LOT worse, actually), but I finally got what one might call “a real job”. I gave my notice, and H&M didn’t know what hit them. Guess they thought I was gonna take it up the ass a little longer. My last day at H&M was May 13th.

On May 23rd, I started my new job. So, what do I do? Well, I’m a research analyst for a commercial real estate firm. Which firm? Can’t tell ya, lest someone Googles it, and it leads to my site (trust me, it happened with H&M). I prepare sales comparables for appraisal purposes. Basically, when property sells, I call brokers, sellers, etc, to get info on the sale so that it can be applied to similar properties when they go on the market. Do I like my job? Heh…Well, I make a lot more than I did at H&M, so that’s a plus. Also, I work in Bethesda…right across the street from Shel. Yup, hilarity will ensue, 5 days a week!

Honestly, though? I’m bored. Out of my skull. I’ve been doing this for about a month, so I have a general idea of what the job entails. But I’m bored. Still dealing with the “not meeting my potential” aspect. Not sure if its the Cornell snobbery, the Will snobbery, or the cold hard truth, but I still feel like I’m sitting in “Idle”. For the past 3 days, I’ve read the entire 5 yr archive of “Penny Arcade” and caught up on the last yr of “PvP”. Yup, SO productive. But, hey, they’re paying me. And right now, the price for my boredom is quite affordable.

Whatever became of H&M? Well, Stephen got out and he’s now a store manager at Coldwater Creek. Ntumba & Brandy are still keeping hope alive at the store. And did I forget about anyone….Oh, right. Eunice.

Well, Eunice always had a problem with punctuality. Hey, I have my issues, but I wasn’t a manager. If I was late, the store could still open. The same couldn’t said for her. She had the keys. It had gotten to the point that, about once a month, I had to spearhead the unloading of the truck because we didn’t have a manager present. Why? Because her ass was asleep. This was part of what finally drove me out: I wasn’t being paid to be a manager. If they wanted me to perform those tasks, then we could renegotiate. Otherwise, that wasn’t in my job description.

So, fast forward (or rewind depending on how you look at it), I dropped into H&M to see how Brandy et al were doing. It turns out it was my lucky day. Why? Because Eunice had overslept that morning, and it was the straw that broke Sweden’s back. Jen, the store manager, fired her. You know what was even sweeter about the who thing? Eunice had already given her notice, so she was working of her final two weeks and STILL ended up getting fired. I’m sure she’ll tell future employers that she quit, but A) her ass isn’t rehireable and B) her ass finally got what was coming to it. I only wish I could’ve been there to savor it…

So, stay tuned for new adventures. H&M’s loss is the world’s gain. We’ve got a new workplace. A new status quo. A new neighborhood. But the same old Will. ‘Cause “where there’s a Will, there’s a way!”

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