03rd Feb2005

Farewell, Enterprise: Paramount Closes The Door On TV Trek

by Will

“Le roi est mort; Vive le roi!”

Well, it’s done. We’ve clamored for it for the past four years, with chants of, “It’s not the ‘real deal’!” and “It’s not true to continuity!” We kept saying that it should be cancelled, hoping that the producers would see this as a mandate to make the show better. But today, they called our bluff, for UPN announced the cancellation of Enterprise.

For the first time in18 yrs, there will be no more new “Trek”. Since 1987, we’ve been given over 624 hours of Starfleet adventures. Enterprise didn’t even make it to 100 eps. By the end of its run, it’ll clock in at 98. Almost 100 episodes for a show that was almost good. They were so close, but they kept painting themselves into corners. Honestly, Paramount’s lucky they found some fans gullible enough to follow Voyager for 7 years! After Janeway made it home, they should’ve closed up shop and cut their losses, which would’ve saved us from the shitstorm known as “Star Trek: Nemesis”.

So, what valuable lesson has Star Trek taught us today? IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU KNOW WHEN WALK AWAY. After all, you can only take so many trips to the Mirror Universe…

16th Dec2004

Where’s MY Confidant?

by Will

Today’s Episode: “Where’s My ‘Melissa’?”

So, recently, I’ve been thinking about friends…You know, what they mean, who they truly are, etc. A lot of us throw around the term “friend”, but is it always accurate? A lot of the time, these people are acquaintances. Or people we wouldn’t mind getting drunk with. But will they really go to bat for you?

Shelly’s got a ton of really great friends. There’s Pete. There’s Leigh. But the one who stands out to me most is Melissa. I can’t even begin to describe this friendship. It’s best friend-meets-sister-meets-possible lover in another life. Sorry, girls 😛 Anyway, one of them is basically the extension the other person. Melissa knows how Shelly’s going to feel and react to everything & vice versa.

Well, watching this friendship, I started thinking about my own life. “Where’s my Melissa?” I wondered. Well, I always kinda joked that there’s no one person in the world who can fill that role, mainly, because no one person “gets” me. Instead, to understand that Essence of Will, it would require a roundtable discussion of several. They each bring something to the table and understand a different facet of me. If you could put them all together, you’d have the full story on me. But instead, you have to track these people down if you want the “real deal”

First, there’s Tarek. Right now, I’d say he’s my Melissa. I have never been through more things with one person. But at the same time, I’ve enjoyed each and every moment of it. And he’s a member of my family. Seriously. Never has anyone done as much for me, or been there for me like Tarek Sultani. Yeah, we’ve been adversaries at times (it was a low ratings period…), we always bounced back better than ever. Plus, have you ever had anyone, just 1 month after getting their license, drive 400 miles, in the snow, just to surprise you on your birthday? There’re are tons of other stories, but those are for another day. I just can’t imagine him not being there…

Next, there’s Brett. Brett and I grew up together and used to indulge in the “play date”. Even when we kinda grew up and it was just about comics and Star Trek, they were still play dates. Love him to death, but I feel our friendship is just really starting. Which is a great thing…don’t get me wrong! It’s just it’s on a whole new level now. Anyway, if you want to understand who I was, he’s the one to tell ya. Even if we don’t speak for 20 yrs, we’d always be able to just start back where we ended.

Then, there’s James. Wow, James Lamb. When I first met him, I KNEW he was bound for greatness. I guess it’s why I hitched my wagon to his. Anyway, I had NO idea he’d be as volatile and controversial as he has shown himself to be. Which is AWESOME. there’s never a dull moment around James. But also, he kinda inspires stuff in me. If you ever wanna know my sometimes deplorable views on politics and the world around us, ask James. You guys get my cynicism, but he gets the real deal, and helps me censor it so it sounds nice on the printed page. I think his dark side inspires mine, so if you’re digging for dirt, and all of the thoughts and I ideas I have, but know I shouldn’t, he’s definitely the guy who’s gonna sell me out! He knows the “uncensored” me.

Then, there’s Lip. I never thought we’d be where we are now. He was always “AJ’s friend”. But over the years, including a summer living together, all of that has changed. WAY too much for me to write, but he’s the one who knows the person I want to be. He knows the somewhat lofty goals, and he’s a good pace car to let me know if I’m on track for said goals. Plus, he’s got a good bullshit detector, and a short temper. He’s a hoot to be around when he’s pissed…

Now, this brings me to the question of “Who knows all of my unspoken stuff?” Rather, who knows what I’m thinking without me having to say it. Who can match me word for word, idea for idea, and I can’t stump? It’s not a game to me. It may sound like it, but it’s more about “who just ‘gets’ me?”

31st Oct2004

Star Trek: Boston

by Will

For all you Trekkies out there, whining about how much “Enterprise” sucks, I’ve got news for ya. There’s a better Trek show out there. It’s called “Boston Legal”. OK, so it’s not officially a Star Trek show, and Yes, it IS a spin-off of “The Practice”. But it’s got Capatin James T. Kirk AND Odo! Yes, KIRK & ODO. So, they’re not necessarily PLAYING Kirk & Odo, but it’s the same actors, Bill Shatner & Rene Auberjunois. Just sit back and pretend it’s a very elaborate Holodeck episode.

It’s better than Trek. I swear, this is almost as good as watching Odo & Neelix on old episodes of “Benson”! You won’t be disappointed! On second thought, you probably will…

12th Sep2004

Davis and the Hooters Girl

by Will

This episode: “Hair of the Dog…”: Two-Part Season Premiere

Special Guest Star: Davis

Introducing: Erica

So, it all started Friday night. Right after H&M lowered its gate to customers, I got a call from Davis. Not supposed to have a cell phone on the floor. But I’m a rebel. Rules are for missionaries and sweepstakes. Plus, the store was closed. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, call from Davis…

So, he tells me he’d met a Hooters girl the prior week and she was throwing a party. All I heard was “Hooters” and “party”. I was still kicking myself for missing the Polly Esther’s “Girls Gone Wild” party 2 weeks ago, so this would fill that void…

So, I finish working, he picks me up, we proceed to DC to find this party. Hooters Girl has a name, which is Erica, and it turns out this party is a surprise for one of her friend’s birthday. So, we get there, and she just happens to be in the lobby. Adorable girl, and very friendly, to boot. So, we go upstairs to the party, but alas, this be no Hooters party I envisioned. Instead, for all you Cornell kids out there, it was a Risley party. No short shorts or dumb blondes. Instead, it was a very Urban Outfitters crowd. You know, the kind of people you don’t feel cool enough to actually hang out with? The kind who are always kinda hovering on some cooler plane of existence than you? Yeah, those people…But they were cool. And boy could they drink.

Anyway, the minute we get in the door, we meet the birthday girl, and partake of the “birthday shot”. Don’t ask me what it was, but it was green and it was good. But very few safe things are green in hue. I sort of remember making an Ecto Cooler reference. We went up to the roof, I watched them smoke, while I moved on to beer.

Sidebar: In college, I hated beer. It was for commoners. Keith had forever ruined me by introducing me to the drinking world with the lovely creation known as Seven & Seven. From that moment on, I was a mixed drink kid. No beer for me. Beer was for construction workers and gullible sorority girls…

Well, now I have seen the light, and beer’s been getting me a lot drunker than any of those mixed drinks ever did. So, they’re smoking, I’m drinking, we discuss cell phone horror stories, City Paper “I Saw You” ads, and the interlibrary loan system. But like I said, awesome people! I really mean that. I mean, Erica could debate Star Trek and anime! Something about that ain’t normal, but it’s oh so nice. So, we go back inside. I’m on beer # 2. Which eventually leads to #3. Keep in mind, I haven’t eaten in 6 hrs…Suddenly, I had an epiphany: I think I’ve had enough to drink. Seriously, I don’t remember ever feeling that way in the past, but I had hit a wall. i had reached a point where I felt it was no longer a good idea for me to drink. Not sure if it was my Spidey-Sense or what, but to drink anything else would’ve been a bad idea…

So, Davis’ friend from high school is a senior at UofMD, and he has a house..so, you do the math. So, I’m about to be the old guy at the house party. Before we leave the first party, Erica doesn’t finish her beer, and Davis just offhandedly says, “Here, Will. You finish it.” It was only half full, so I went against my vow, and imbibed a bit more, finishing the bottle. “That’s it,” I told myself.

Now, for the good stuff…Davis, Erica, and I are driving to College Park, trying to figure out if we’re going the right direction. Cops are everywhere ’cause the semester just started. We stop at a light, and the cops just happen to be behind us. Davis then says, “I hope they don’t decide to run my tags or something back there.” Why? Because he just sold his old car, and had the 15-day tags for the new car he was driving. But wait, there’s more! The temp tags had expired, so his friend had given him his mom’s tags to use, until all the legal stuff was straightened out regarding sale of previous car, etc. Long story short, “stolen tags” on car we’re in. Yeah….

Cue lights. Cops pull us over right after we get through the light. I’m too drunk to really be freaked or nervous. Erica was surprisingly calm. In fact, I think we all handled it very well. But who should call my cell at that exact moment? Natalie. Yup, all the stars were out tonight, folks. Well, I wasn’t gonna risk getting shot answering my phone, so Nat had to wait. Davis explained the situation to the officers, and they were really cool about it. They were gonna write a $255 ticket, but he had the old tags with him, so they just told him to pull into a parking lot and put them back on.

So, reattached tags, car in motion, we find the house, and it’s your standard teen movie college party. Although, the crowd seemed really young. I guess it was predominantly freshmen. You ever realize how young they look? I mean, really…So, I kinda just went to the kitchen to chill. But then I saw it: the Kegerator. I mean, it’s a refrigerator filled with beer! A monstrosity of this magnitude must be explored. So, I have a beer. No harm, no foul. I just kinda lean back against the counter, ’cause i wasn’t in “walking shape”. Then, all these stoner white dudes kept coming up to me, like, “What’s up man?! You missin’ the party!” I was like, “The party’s right here. I’m just chillin’.” They’d fire back with, “I hear you man. I got you!”. So, to deal with this, I had Kegerator beers #2, #3, and then I lost count…

I kinda remember dancing with Erica, and we both complimented the other’s moves. As for the ride home, no clue. Passed completely out. I remember Davis saying, “Will, we’re here.” I was like, “Where’s here?” He responded, “Your house!” I opened my eyes, and said, “Well, I’ll be…that IS my house!” I stumbled out of the car, said goodnight to Erica and Davis. I stumbled into my house, somehow managed to take out my contacts, and passed out right in my clothes…

End of Part One

Part Two

Special Guest Stars: Shelly, Bruce, Susan, and Christina

So, Saturday morning. I wake up to the alarm. Crap, I missed the premiere of “The Batman”. I knew something was wrong with me when that didn’t really register on my care-o-meter…

That’s when I noticed I was still dressed. Random Wolverine-like flashbacks started creeping in regarding the night before. Then it hit me: I might be hungover….”Whatever you do, do it slowly”, I told myself. No need to conjure up the juices if I didn’t have to. So, I just kinda stayed down for a few minutes, testing to see if I was gonna be sick. I’ve only been hungover thrice in my life, so I never quite know what to do in these situations.

I sit up, and it hits me. I feel sick. I run to the bathroom, nauseous, but nothing happens. But I know it’s on its way; timing is everything!

I have this thing where running water soothes me, so I turned on the faucet, and just kinda knelt down, praying & begging to get this over with quickly. Eventually, I pseudo-threw up, but it was more gagging than anything. And I knew the show wasn’t over yet. So, I kinda sat on the bathroom floor for about an hr. Water running the whole time. Feeling sicker than i ever have. Begging for death.

During one stretch of this marathon, I was on the floor, and my mother tried to come in to tell me she was ging to the bank. Keep in mind, she had no idea what was going on, and my foot kinda stopped her from being able to open the door. Regardless, she somehow saw some part of me on the floor, and was all worried. I told her I just didn’t feel well, and I was just resting….

I finally mustered the energy to shower. And that’s when the fun started. Once again, found myself kneeling, not really in control of the situation or the processes going on. But I actually felt better when it was all over. I swear, WORSE HANGOVER EVER. So, I get dressed, and decide to lie down before leaving for work. Bad idea. Stomach churns. Spidey-Sense tells me “run to the bathroom”, and when it speaks, you’d best obey! I got there just in time. BLORRCH!! What do ya know? Green. Remember what i said about green earlier? Nothing good/safe ever comes in the hue of green! yeah, I guess I should’ve warned that this was gonna be graphic….

So, Mommy takes me to work, and I kinda stumble out of the car. I get inside, and everyone’s like, “Man, you look WRECKED!” Luckily, my shift began in the stockroom, so i didn’t have to deal with customers. But word traveled about my sickly nature, so i quickly became the staff joke; the lastest museum exhibit: “Go see Will! He looks like shit!”

And I had my mind set on leaving and just coming home. But how? Mommy didn’t know I was drunk, and she’d be pissed if she had to come back and get me. And I’d probably die on the bus. So, I had to figure out if I could really survive the evening. Shelly was really cool about it, which helped. I mean, I felt bad about being in this state at work. Not exactly professional, plus we had a new girl starting. I just had no idea I would be this WRECKED. So, I alternated between working, running to the bathroom, and pseudo-blacking out. I was in BAD SHAPE.

Thankfully, Bruce agreed to take my shift in the fitting room, and i was able to hide a bit longer. I’m not sure what happened, but in this final hour, I got my strength back. I know there are some moments I can’t account for, but next thing I knew, I was back. And it felt good. And I swore, “Never again!” Which is funny, ’cause about 3 hrs later, I was thinking, “I could really use a drink right now…” Oh, I’m such a Tony Stark!

So, after work, Susan, Christina and I went to Dave & Busters. We were all starving, and I figured it’d be a good idea, since we didn’t get out of H&M til about midnight. It was really a good time. Susan kept heckling me about the night before. I never should’ve used the words “Hooter’s Girl” around her. She’s never gonna let that go. I hadn’t even MET Erica when I’d told Susan I was going to the party (she was present when I got Davis’s call), so I didn’t have a name to go on, but she thinks I was just drinking to impress this girl. No, I was drinking to….well I don’t really HAVE a reason for all the drinking, but I was impressing NO ONE…

Anyway, I’ve hung out with Susan before, and that’s always cool, but it was great getting to know more about Christina. I mean, she’s a beautiful person inside and out. With a GORGEOUS smile. She’s been working at H&M for awhile, but I’d never really gotten much time to talk to her. Instead, I go through the whole kindergarten route of “I’m gonna get attention by picking on you”! I really need to stop that….But I KNOW what you’re thinking, and NO. It’s not like that…I’m still processing everything from Sapphic Summer ’04, so I’m not about to go into “pursuit mode” anytime soon. I just think it’d be nice to have a museum buddy…

So, I kept my vow, and DIDN’T drink. In fact, I’m not sure if I will anytime soon. In the past, after my rare hangover, it’s kept me away from alcohol for months on end. I don’t see it having that drastic an effect, but we’ll see…Anyway, this concludes our two-part season premiere. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s episode: “Terror Behind The Wheel”! It’s gonna be about drivin’!

26th Apr2004

Shopping Spree & Newport Cameos

by Will

Today’s Episode: “Will That Be Credit or Debit?” Episode #04102226

Special Guest Stars: Kea Dupree, Alex Cowan

Cameo Appearance: Beth Don

So, today, I was a bad boy. Mommy’s in NC with Mr. Earle for a funeral, so I’m Kevin McCallister for the moment. I didn’t really want to be home, even though I have some MAJOR cleaning to do. I’ve been sleeping in the guest room since December ’cause my room is so junky!

Anyway, I didn’t want to stay in, so I decided to go out…in the rain…shopping. I know I probably shouldn’t have, but I really wanted to buy stuff. It’d make me feel better. Plus, I worked over 85 hrs during the past week and a half, so it’s not like I couldn’t afford it right now. I’ll just be regretting it later.

So, ever since being introduced to Death Cab for Cutie, I’ve really been hooked. Since they’re a fairly new group, the collector in me took over, and I’ve been trying to track down every album. Anyway, I’ve been a real music mood, so you can see where this is headed….

I’m just gonna list where I went and what I bought. That’ll give the best picture of my adventures.

CD/DVD Exchange:

Elton John – Live in Australia

Elton John – Two Rooms

Starship – Knee Deep In The Hoopla

Baywatch – Hawaiian Wedding DVD

Tower Records & Videos:

Elton John – Greatest Hits 1970-2002

Elton John – Remixed

Death Cab for Cutie – You Can Play These Songs With Chords

Death Cab for Cutie – We Have The Facts and We’re Voting Yes

Westlife – Turnaround

Rufus Wainwright – Want One

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Season 1 DVD


Star Trek – Federation Gift Pak

Borders Books & Music:

Something Corporate – North

Blender, May 2004


The Punisher DVD

So yeah, spent a LOT of money. Kinda having the Buyer’s Remorse….

I completed the Death Cab collection, but I’m also on this Elton kick. He is AWESOME! I completely blame Courtney for this ’cause she had his greatest hits playing ALL DAY yesterday! After awhile, that stuff is just gonna seep in.

So, I think I saw Ethan’s mom when I was at Gamestop, but since I didn’t really confirm whether or not it was her, we’ll just give her a “cameo” credit.

While at White Flint, I ran into Ms. Kea, AKA The “Dolly” to my “Cornelius” (Newport kids’ll get that reference). She’s just as cute as ever. It was great seeing her, but I felt so inadequate seeing as how she’s practically working 4 jobs right now! She’s really on the ball. It’s actually kind of motivating. It was good to catch up with her and find out the whereabouts of some other Newportians.

On the way home, I’m minding my own business, reading my Blender, on the Metro. Suddenly, this tall White guy in a cowboy hat and leather jacket stumbles into the car. I look at him, wondering, “Who the hell is this guy?” I look closer and realize it’s Alex! I haven’t seen him in years, but he’s the same Alex I remember and love. He scanned the car, and he looked at me, but didn’t recognize me. I decided to wait and see if he’d notice me. He sat down a few rows up, and just waited for his stop. He took off his hat, and there was a chunk of hair missing on the side. Don’t folks! This wasn’t the result of an accident. This was a statement. He always did have a way with fashion. So, he gets up for his stop, and I call out his name. He kinda hears it, notices me, and is shocked. He stumbles over to me and we talk, but he has to get off. I told him we’d hang out soon since I’d been hanging with his sister recently.

I swear, everyday, there’s another person I never thought I’d run into. It’s almost like I’m being set up. But it was still awesome to see them both. And great spending ALL THAT MONEY 🙂