14th Aug2003

NBC Saturday Morning 1984

by Will

Wow, I remember these:

http://forums.toonzone.net/showthread.php?t=83502

13th Aug2003

How Are Fox News and Fox Network Cut From The Same Cloth?

by Will

Can someone explain something to me? How is it that Fox News is SO UBER conservative, with its Ann Coulter interviews and Mr. Bill O’Reilly, calling for the deaths of the heathenist liberals. At the same time, the Fox Network, also owned by Rupert Murdoch, is the most debasing, trashiest force on network television (for all you novices, “network” only applies to Fox and the alphabet nets, not the cable outlets.). I mean, Fox created the reality-show, with COPS all those years ago, and with the Worlds Deadliest Animal/Babies/Golf Carts/Natural Distasters/Police Chase Specials. I know that UPN is more deplorable, but thats just due to lack of good programming. Fox, on the other hand, is almost trying to outdo itself with “how low can you get” shows. Sure, Joe Millionaire was a hit, but it was a horrible testament to morality, as well as the human condition. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE FOX! I’ve been there since it’s inception in 1987 with Married…with Children. But I don’t see how such bastard children can come from the same father. Does Murdoch keep Fox around so that his News Dept has cannon fodder for debate?

13th Aug2003

You Should Be Watching Nip/Tuck

by Will

I’ve decided that Nip/Tuck is one of the best new shows on TV. Screw The OC. I used to watch that show back when it was called 90210! Nip/Tuck has been on for about a month, and I never know where it’s going next. Take for instance the character Matt. His father is a plastic surgeon, and Matt wants to have a circumcision. His dad refuses to perform the operation, so Matt decides to do it himself. He finds directions on the internet, but before he can do it, he has to get drunk enough to work up the nerve. After guzzling a bottle of wine, he starts cutting, but faints when he sees how much blood there is. Finally, his dad intervenes and helps him, but that’s not the end of the story for Matt.

Christian is Sean’s (Matt’s dad) best friend and partner in a plastic surgery practice. Chrisitan is a womanizer who’s also sleeping with Sean’s wife (Matt’s mom). Follow all that? Well, Christian figures they can make a ton of money if they can acquire an exclusive contract from a porn company. While shmoozing, he’s invited to an industry party, and he takes Matt along with him. Well, Matt meets a porn star who, according to her, “Can’t stop sucking on things”. He lies to her, telling her he’s an agent, and I’m sure you can guess what happens next. Well, he goes to see her, to confess that he lied, and she’s sitting there crying. The typical viewer would say “Uh-oh, she’s pregnant”. Instead, turns out she has an STD. She was a fluffer working her way up the porn industry (heh, who ever thought one would have to work their way up in porn? Wow, sucking off guys. Isn’t that as high as you can go? i guess it’s because she’s not yet on film…), and she got the disease from one of the guys she had been fluffing. Of course, she gave this to Matt, who’s now freaked out of his mind. A week ago, he fucked up his own penis, and now hes got porn stars doing it for him. This show just gets better and better!

13th Aug2003

Boy Meets World On Cinemax?

by Will

You ever want to feel like the dirtiest person alive? Try watching TV at 2:00 AM, flipping back and forth between Cinemax and The Disney Channel. It’s not what it sounds like….OK, maybe it is. C’mon, there was one of those stupid suspense movies on Cinemax that was so bad you had to watch. On Disney, it was the Boy Meets World where Corey meets another, cuter girl (this is when Topanga was fatter and not as hot) on a class ski trip. I LOVE that episode! But I guess I should’ve just committed to one of the shows, because I felt like the biggest perve bouncing back and forth between murderous pool sex and commercials for Kim Possible.

13th Aug2003

The One Where I Just Miss WizardWorld Chicago

by Will

OK, I feel so ashamed that I did not support my comic brethren better over the weekend. “What are you talking about, Will?” you ask. Well, over the weekend, I went to a family reunion in Birmingham, Alabama. Long story short, it could’ve been better, but it could’ve been worse. I’m of the opinion that those things are really just for old people anyway. Young people don’t care unless they see someone hot, and then start inquiring as to how they’re related to them. If it’s not immediate, it’s hook-up time. C’mon, you know you’ve thought about it.

Anyway, on the way back, I had a connecting flight in Chicago. I’m in the line for McDonalds, when I notice a couple carrying a bunch of poster rolls standing in line. I look closer, and notice a bunch of buttons and ID passes on the guys bag reading “Wizard World”. I stood there for awhile trying to process it. Finally, it hit me. “FUCK!” This was the weekend of the Wizard World Chicago, one of the biggest comic conventions in the country. I had been falling asleep off and on during the day, and I guess I had somehow forgotten, not only the date, but also my location. The important part was that this was also the last day of the convention. In fact, I figured that it had ended about an hour before my revelation. Thoughts are now racing through my head. “There are probably comic superstars here”, I thought. Conventions always have guests whom range from comic professionals to washed-up sci-fi stars. I knew SOMEONE pseudo-famous had to be there.

I broke out the line, and just started walking. I didn’t know where I was going, but I scanned from side to side as I narrowly missed running into people. This reminded me of the time in Wegman’s last week, when I was feeling out of my mind, and thought I saw Farrah Fawcett over by the produce. Not sure if it was her, but I ran into Miranda as she was getting a shopping cart. I’m sure it must’ve looked like a 3 Stooges bit to the rest of the customers. Anyway, that’s the last time I watch Charlie’s Angels at 5 in the morning.

So, I’m walking through the airport, thinking of Stan Lee, Jim Lee, Pat Lee (Boy, there sure are a lot of Lee’s in comics), and wondering if I’d see any of them. Then, it hit me: I don’t really know what most comic creators look like. Sure, there’s Peter David who looks like Santa Claus, and Alan Moore who looks like an old goth, but most of them are middle-aged, chubby, balding guys. At an airport, that’s like looking for a Jewish girl in Long Island.

About 5 minutes into my quest, who should I see “Hulking” down the concourse, but Mr. Lou Ferrigno himself. The Incredible Hulk! He looked irritated and maybe like he was on a mission, perhaps just to find his flight, but something told me not to fuck with the Hulk. I just kind of walked by him, wondering if anyone else noticed it. Then, I started wondering if it was such a crime for the Hulk to have been CGI in the movie. I kept picturing Lou all painted in green, and all I could do was laugh. Anyway, I saw the Hulk himself, so that’s one more B-level actor to add to my lifetime encounter list.

I figured, if the Hulk is here, then there must be others! I went to every concourse I could get to, without going through a security checkpoint. I started strategizing: Most important companies in the comic world are in NYC, so it would make more sense to check NY flights. I ran to every gate I could find, from LaGuardia to Rochester, but didn’t really recognize anyone. Might’ve seen a couple of British writers, but they all look the same: Tall, skinny, bald, with that anti-establishment look to them, like they’d be found on a soapbox preaching to the proletariat about the damn capitalists. So, I kept looking, but to no avail.

I saw a BUNCH of fanboys. You know, the guys who look unwashed, wearing their favorite variant Superman shirt (not the standard red “S”, but the rare black and white logo). They walk around with their backpacks, and portfolios of sketches of huge-breasted women who neither exist, nor would even speak to them if they did. I even saw a real-life Silent Bob. Well, he looked more like Silent Bob and Jay in one entity.

Finally, I gave up my search, and went back to my gate, but I’ll never forget my brush with “Hulkness”. OK, I probably will, but that’s why I have this log to remind me of things that were important at one time, but may not matter in the future. Wow, that sounded bitter.

06th Aug2003

It’s For Breakfast Now!

by Will

OK, i really need help. I couldn’t remember all the words to the Nintendo Cereal System commercial, so I called on my good friend, the Internet, to help me out. I now give you the musical masterpiece featured in the 1989 commercial:

Nin-ten-do

It’s for breakfast now

Nin-ten-do

It’s a cereal. WOW!

Nin-ten-do

Super Mario Jumps!

Nin-ten-do

In a Fruit Flavored Crunch!

So, I forgot the “doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doot” was replaced with ‘Nintendo”. Either way, I was pretty on-point in remembering a 14 yr-old commercial!

06th Aug2003

A Tribute To Nintendo Cereal

by Will

So, I’m sitting here, and all of a sudden the theme song to Nintendo Cereal comes into my head. Anybody remember Nintendo cereal? It’s bags were half the width of most cereal bags, so each box had two: one was Super Mario Cereal, while the other was Zelda Cereal. I always ate the Super Mario ’cause I hated the berry taste of the Zelda. Anyway, the song was basically the SMB underground song. You all know what I’m talking ’bout. “Doo-doo, doo-doo,doo-doot”. For you hardcore NES fans, it’s the song from most Level -2 stages.

So, I’m sitting here and I start singing “Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doot. It’s for breakfast now. Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doot. It’s a cereal, Wow!” I’m sure my coworkers must think I’m going insane, and they would be correct in that assessment. I would blame it on alcohol, but due to the pancreatitis, I won’t know the sweet taste of alcohol for the next 6 months! So, when you go out to the bars, drink one for me 🙁

27th Jul2003

I Guess It’s Better Than What They Normally Give You

by Will

Am I the only one who finds it funny that Taco Bell has a contest giving away a year’s worth of gas? Taco Bell’s gonna give you gas….Wow! I’d love to meet the man behind this promotion and shake his hand. This has got to be the most tongue-in-cheek form of self-deprecation any corporation has embarked upon.

25th Jul2003

Lost In Life & Joey Spin-Off

by Will

I feel like I’m drowning, yet I’m not in any water. I hate this whole system, from work not being able to give me an idea of how long I have a job, to airlines wanting $500+ just so I can go to some event I don’t even want to attend. My days have gone from diligently working on graduation progress sheets to blogging and reading webcomics. I really don’t care anymore. This is a temp position, and they’ve made that pretty clear, but I’ll be biding my time online til they finally get the stones to let me go. I think I’m going to hit bottom soon, both emotionally and psychologically, and I’m kind of scared what that’s going to be like. I just hope I’ll be able to bounce back from it. Anyway, unless I get an e-mail about a job (yeah right), I’ll be wasting the next few hours reading PvP.

BTW, NBC’s giving Matt LeBlanc his own “Joey” spin-off in the Fall of 2004 once “Friends” goes off the air. OK, I love Joey and all, but do they really think this is going to work? Not only does this news ruin the entire Ross-Rachel-Joey triangle that they’ve built up, but I really don’t know if Joey, sans Chandler, can hold my attention. The network claims it will be the same as when “Frasier” spun off of “Cheers” back in ’93. Yes, that did elaborate on Dr. Crane’s life, but I don’t know if lightning’s going to strike twice. I’m going to try something new, though, and not bash it until I see it. So, this rant will be continued in September 2004.

23rd Jul2003

Maybe A Dingo Ate Your Fiance

by Will

As if I didn’t already hate the Beach Boys, the annoying girl in the office just professed her love for them. Rather, it was phrased, “Oh my God, do you have more Beach Boys? You know their song, ‘Little St. Nick’ that they only play on oldies radio stations around Christmas? That song is SO CUTE. My boyfriend’s family love that song and they used to play it all the time.” I swear this girl is out to prove she’s a hetero girl. Everytime I turn around, it’s “My boyfriend, my boyfriend”. She’s so overkill about it. She’s always talking about how her exes won’t answer her when she IMs them. Ok, we get it! You’ve had boyfriends. From an HD perspective, she hasn’t had very many or else she wouldn’t talk about them all the damn time! Instead, she’d realize that we don’t give two shits about them or her history with them. She’s starting to sound like the Seinfeld episode where the woman keeps going on about her fiance. “Where’s my fiance? Where could he have gone?” Finally, Elaine answers, “Maybe a dingo ate your fiance.” Well, I wish a dingo would eat this chick’s boyfriend, as well as her annoying ass.