09th Dec2008

Where Has Will Been Lately?

by Will

“She’s got her own thing; that’s why I love her.”

Man, I haven’t written one of these things in a while. Honestly, I haven’t really missed it, but it was brought to my attention that some people think it’s weird that I actually pay money for this site (‘sup, Jamie!). So, I’d better get my money’s worth.

I realized I don’t blog because I don’t really have anything to say right now. I’m actually really happy, so no angsty bitter posts. I hardly have time for TV these days, so no pop culture posts. And my internet is pretty limited to facebook on my phone, so I’m pretty sure no one wants to me to write about how Marcus Keith Dowling is attending Taxlo.

So, bottom line, I’m pretty boring, but it’s an awesome boring. Can’t knock it. It’s just funny to me how people can change. I stumbled upon Power Rangers: Jungle Fury last night, and didn’t know what the fuck was going on. Did that show ever make sense?! No, really, I hadn’t watched Power Rangers in 2 years, so I wasn’t sure if it was the show or me. I *am* almost 27, but I hate the fact that it made absolutely no sense to me. Felt like I was getting old.

Another odd twist is that I’ve become a bit of a gamer. No, not that D&D stuff the Diamond guys had me dabbling in (did I ever write about that?), but games of the video variety. To narrow it down, pretty much any game that involves a fake guitar is OK in my book. Sorry folks, but my commitment’s to my music & my band right now. Oh, you didn’t know I had a band? Yeah, it’s called Sex Corvette. I’d explain the origin of that name, but I’m not sure you’re all cool enough to handle it. I’ve also got a side band, Fornication Wagon, but that’s just really something to keep me sharp for the SC gigs. Gotta tell ya, SC is taking the world by storm! We’ve got a jet, a sound guy, and we’re about to get into the Hall of Fame. And don’t even get me started on the guitarist – she’s hot as shit. I can definitely see a Gwen/Tony thing brewing (you know, without the whole breakup & umpteen songs chronicling the ordeal. Seriously, I’m sure there had to have been concerts where Tony wanted to stand up during Don’t Speak & just tell Gwen to shut the fuck up. But I digress…)

Ok, where was I even going with all this? Oh yeah, I was explaining why I haven’t written lately. See, when I blog from TRU, I just lose all focus.

Speaking of Toys “R” Us, I had a situation that I’ve never experienced in all my years with the company. You see, I was on a ladder, stocking shelves, when a case of Wall-E robots tumbled over into the next aisle. I had just enough time to emit a telepathic “Ohhh fuuuck!!!” before it was too late. I got to the other side to find that the ghost of Walt Disney had used his ghost powers to clobber an old black lady. They always said old Walt was a racist. All kidding aside (you think I want the Disney corporation on my ass? We’re cool, Mickey!), it scared the shit out of me. First off, I really wanted to make sure she was OK. I was reared by enough old broads to have a soft spot in my heart for them, especially when they’re the first victims of the Robot Apocalypse.I was also scared that I was gonna get sued. Everyone asks,”Did you laugh?” I always *want* to say,”Hell, no! Don’t be an asshole” but instead it comes out as “Hell, no! I was too scared thinking about being sued!” Hey, at least I’m honest!

Anyway, I should probably get back to work. Then again, maybe the store is safer with me hiding in the back blogging.
I think this was just a long, rambling way for me to explain where I’ve really been. A few months ago, I met a really amazing woman. A few months after that, I actually met her (don’t ask…). Let’s just say that the whole experience changed my life for the better. So now I have an amazing person in my life, as well as a new reader, in the form of her younger sister (who I’m looking forward to actually meeting). Anyway, you truly are a blessing, Lindsay. I thought my 5 readers should know that 😉

21st Jan2008

Dr. 90210, Katie Holmes on BET, Natasha Bedingfield, and Kate Hudson

by Will

“Hey, did you guys see that fight outside?!”

I just had the kind of weekend that I just know I’m going to look back on and regret. I didn’t do anything wrong, but I just feel kind of…off about a lot of stuff. I know I’m being cryptic, but it’s really not that deep; I’m just the type of guy who tends to regret shit. As my friend Jenna would say, I’ve got to learn to let it go. Anyway, on to the randomness.

– I swear that Dr. Rey, from Dr. 90210 is the creepiest, sketchiest son of a bitch on television. Find me a creepier dude; I dare you. From his weird-ass gangster suits to the skeezy way that he speaks to his women patients, that guy does not put me at ease. And don’t get me started on all his martial arts bullshit. Out of nowhere, he’ll just pull out a pair of nunchucks and go at it. With the exception of Michelangelo & Panthro, nobody cool has ever wielded nunchucks. They’re that weapon that sounds cool in theory, but ends up looking stupid in practice. Then, there’s his home life, which just seems so fake. It’s like he’s actually gay, but they went out and cast an actress to be his wife, who is obviously uncomfortable in the role. Any scene with him and his wife is always so scripted and dramatic. The other day, he had to go to his birth home to Argentina (?), where he was determined to get his deathbed-ridden father to admit that he loved him. Meanwhile, Mrs. Rey (who looks as much like Skeletor as Finola Hughes), is bawling because she fears she’ll never see Dr. Rey again. Sweety, he’s just going on a trip. Stop your crying. Plus, I thought this show was about plastic surgery. Enough with the family drama and bring on the boobies!

– I’m about to declare the single of 2008. Yes, I know it’s early in the year, plus it’s not even an official single yet. That said, Jive would be foolish not to release it. What is it? “Break the Ice” on Britney’s Blackout album. It’s the hottest song on an entirely hot album. It’s impossible to not dance when that song comes on. It truly is the hotness. Yes, it has driven me to use the term “the hotness”. That song is so tight that I’ve actually choreographed a dance for it. I’m not talking about some little bullshit dance, either. This is a Fatima Robinson-level dance, and you better believe it won’t involve folding chairs!

– You know, Natasha Bedingfield looks great for a 37 year old. Wait…she’s actually 26? Oh

I mean, seriously, did ya see the heinous top she’s got on in her latest video? It just screams “Cougar Wear”. Get her out of Dress Barn, stat!

My deal with Natasha is that she still doesn’t seem to know what the Hell she’s doing. Her debut album was one of the most meta experiences in musical history, as she wrote an entire album pretty much describing how difficult it is to write an album. Have you ever listened to the words to “These Words”? It’s about how she couldn’t figure out what to write, so she’s just gonna sing about how hardthe process is. Really? Does that count? Is she just going for partial credit? Anyway, she’s got her new album that drops on Tuesday, and her big single, “Love Like This” features Sean Kingston. Really? Who’s bright idea was that? That’s the worst, most missmatched combo since the So So Def remix video to Jessica Simpson’s “Irresistible”, where Bow Wow’s scenes are just spliced in later, as it’s clear Jessica would never be in the same room with him. Also, Natasha’s song has no real tune. She’s just kinda screeching at notes, hoping that some of them stick. It’s like they want to present her as a singer with a 5-octave range, yet she’s not really exhibiting any control. Her manager needs to figure out what her gimmick is gonna be. What is it about Natasha Bedingfield that people should care about? What is there to kep her from becoming tomorrow’s Natalie Imbruglia or Robyn? That shit right thur is gonna be the million dollar question.

– Oh, thank all that is holy for the miracle of TLC’s Smash Lab. A show dedicated to blowing shit up and wrecking shit. You know, for science. For every Real Housewives of Orange County and Intervention that we have to put up with, every now and then someone presents us with shows we really want to watch, like this one.

– Speaking of smashing shit, Burnout is the best/worst therapy for social deviants. In fact, I’m starting to believe that video games really can corrupt today’s youth. I mean, I was never a gamer. Yet, I picked up Burnout 2, and found that I had an affinity for causing NASTY multicar collisions on the highway. Not only did Burnout allow it – it encouraged it. So, I found myself begin rewarded for causing property damage and killing as many school bus children as possible. And I couldn’t stop. I spent 8 hrs devising the sickest, gnarliest, audacious car collisions possible. And you know what? I’d do it again. I’m THAT sick. Thanks a lot, Burnout

– So, Katie Holmes was making the talk show rounds last week to promote her new movie, Mad Money. Best Week Ever made fun of the fact that she didn’t really have anything to say. She’d drop little worthless anecdotes about Suri which, as BWE put it, it sounded like she was describing a child that she had just met. “Oh, she’s got a good temperament.” What I felt needed discussing, however, was her surprise appearance on BET’s 106 & Park. Yeah, let that sink in for a minute. For the uninformed, 106 & Park is BET’s version of TRL, only people actually watch 106 & Park. So, Katie comes on to present her costar, Queen Latifah, with the Golden Globe she’d won a few nights earlier (ya know, since the strike pretty much killed the Globes ceremony). I have never heard of a more inappropriate person to be in the BET studio. Let me explain: half them folks ain’t never seen Dawson’s Creek. Nor have they seen Go. And she was the most throwaway part of Batman Begins. So, I’d just love to know how it felt to be in the middle of the collective “who the fuck does this bitch think she is?” mentality that must’ve been running rampant in the studio audience.

– This is going to be controversial, but I feel I have to go here. I’ve a theory on what must be the best part about being a gay male: the clothes. Allow me to explain. There’s some shit out there that a straight gay just isn’t allowed to wear. For example, I was at Busboys and Poets tonight, and there was a grown man wearing a vintage boy scout uniform, complete with bandana neck kerchief. That shit is bold. Now, I’m not saying I’d want to wear it, but I’d like to be able to should I so feel the desire. For a straight guy, you wear that, and people start to talk. “Oh, Will must be gay.” Or “What the hell was he thinking?” However, if I were gay, people would see me in that shit and just say, “Oh well, he’s gay, so…” It’s like a free pass. If I were a gay man, I could wear a picnic tablecloth as a cape, Adidas sweatbands on my ankles, along with a belt made of McDonalds ketchup packets, and they’d be copying that shit on Project Runway. You could be a gay guy with no fashion sense, and no one would know because stereotypes support that all gay men are fashion pioneers. That’s some bullshit and it needs to stop. Some of us straight guys wanna be fashionably daring, too. It just ain’t fair! Yes, I realize there are a ton of cons that are heavier than my shallow pro. I have a friend who said she wished she was Black just so that she would be able to get away with wearing bright colors. Yeah, I realize my argument is just as fucked up as her statement right there. Sure, it’s more about confidence than sexual orientation, but I just wish we didn’t have these hang-ups. Maybe I’m just looking for excuses. Look for my new line, Bromosexual, in Fall 2008.

– Am I the only one who finds it funny that Kate Hudson only gets the roles that would have gone to Goldie Hawn 20 yrs ago? What’s weird about that, you say? Well, it’s weird considering Kate’s Goldie’s daughter. I mean, has this ever happened before in Hollywood? Kiefer Sutherland sure as hell doesn’t play the same roles as Donald Sutherland. Charlie Sheen sure ain’t taking those Martin Sheen roles. It’s odd that Kate and Goldie are so interchangeable. Watch the trailer for Fool’s Gold. You swap out Matthew McConaughey with Kurt Russell and you’ve got Overboard. Think about that for a bit.

Anyway, Happy MLK Day to y’all with good, government jobs. While you’re drinking your lattes and catching up on your Tivo, I’ll be busting my ass making sure no comics get lost shipping from Korea. I have a dream, as well. I see Black children and White children holding hands, as the White children introduce their new Black friends to the magical world of comic books. And the Black children will fall in love with the medium and begin to buy comics for themselves. And enough comics will eventually be bought by these Black children that the industry will have to acknowledge this audience exists, and will have to shut down on MLK day for fear of backlash. Thank God Almighty, for fear of backlash…

20th Nov2007

Video Games, Tila Tequila, and Wedding Shows

by Will

“I can’t wait to get married because nothing’s better than the cheating.”

-How in the Hell does Mario expect to beat Sonic in a race?! And at the Olympics, no less! Sure, if they’re running through pipes, I could kind of understand Mario’s advantage. But he clearly has no clue what he’s gotten himself into. Doesn’t he know Sonic’s origin? The little guy broke the friggin’ sound barrier, which is why he’s blue. BLUE! A blue friggin’ hedgehog, who can break the speed of sound, and some overweight plumber from Brooklyn thinks he has a shot. That’s harder to believe than the Rocky story.

-Anybody been watching MTV lately? What’s the deal with Alicia Keys and the bunny? Sure, it was kind of funny when it turned out to be John Mayer, but what was the point? Was the bunny her stalker? And wow, was she a bad actress! Was she that bad in Smoking Aces?

-Speaking of those MTV bumpers, is there some kind of payola scam going on there? When they started the program, it was for smaller, indie bands & performers. They would let some little act take over MTV for a week, and you’d be bombarded by their crappy live tracks or hear the lame story about how they formed. I wanted to punch that orange-haired chick from Paramore in the face. Anyway, they had Paramore, Chromeo, Rilo Kiley, Teagan & Sara, Common…and Alicia Keys. “One of these things is not like the other”!

-OK, so I’ve found myself dragged into the Tila Army. The show is just so entertaining, but it’s sad when everybody’s more interesting than Tila herself. Every now and then, she’ll interject just so you’ll remember that she’s a part of the show. She’s so damn whiny. “Oh my God, I’m bisexual! You don’t know how hard it is for me.” Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, Tila, it sure looks hard. You’ve got to decide between a whole bunch of guys, and a whole bunch of girls. Plus, it seems like the deck is stacked, as the guys are pretty lame. they’re either gross and/or I suspect they might be gay. If she’s smart, she’ll choose one of the lesbians. Actually, if she’s really smart, she’ll choose Dani; I swear, she’s more of a man than I am, but there’s something likeable about that chick, and she’s got a good head on her shoulders. The hardest part for Tila has got to be the fact that she’s working under a time constraint. After all, who knows when the mothership is going to return to take her back to Tilatron 9?

-While I’m still on this MTV jag, why does everyone in the Real World: Sydney house hate Parisa?! Seriously, since the beginning, it’s been like the producers set forth an edict: make Parisa the bitch. Over the course of the season, we’ve seen multiple housemates get pissed at her, curse her out, and after last night, even knock her down. For the most part, she’s kept her cool. And the one time that she did fight back and stand up for herself, they acted like she was a “crazy bitch”. You know the sad realization? Parisa’s “the black one” this season. You see, every RW house has that crazy black person who either starts fights, refuses to be a team player, and/or gets arrested for public urination. There’s no black housemate this season so Parisa, as the de facto person of color, is now filling that role. The biggest revelation, for me, is that she has never really done anything to deserve this. Sure, she can be a bitch sometimes, but everyone in the RW house is asshole/bitch at some point. It’s called good television. It’s enough to make you want to rewatch old seasons and see if Syrus, Kevin, or Tyrie actually deserved the flack that they got in their respective RW seasons. OK, well Tyrie deserved his…

-Since I’m this far in, I think this is going to end up as a TV blog post. Nothing wrong with that.

-Let me preface this by saying that I am not a gamer. I’ve always seen video games as an expensive game of “Keeping Up with the Joneses”. I’ve only got time and money for one hobby, and that’s comics. That said, I want Assassin’s Creed. The commercial alone makes me want it. The same way the Harry Gregson-Williams’s score for Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty made me want a PS2 (and the game), the commercial for Assassin’s Creed makes me want a 360 (and the game). One of the best uses of Massive Attack’s “Teardrop” in recent years. Plus, it’s designed by Jade Diamond, and she’s hot. At least, that seems to be why UbiSoft thinks we should buy the game. (for recent, hilarious controversy, google: jade, ubisoft, cartoon.)

-For anyone who doesn’t know, I love wedding shows. For reals. It all goes back to my A Wedding Story addiction when I graduated college. that was soon folded into Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?, along with Married Away. Then, I Propose came along last Spring to cap it all off. Always a bridesmaid…Anyway, I’m having problems with Whose Wedding as of late.

I’ve written about this before, in that I believe Whose Wedding… is getting too highbrow for its own good. You see the same annoying planners (I’m looking at you, Donnie Brown!), and there’s too much crossover with Married Away. I get it. These are the favorite planners. Regardless, I still long for the old days, when there was a more eclectic mix of wedding planners. I miss Jim Rich, who runs a storefront wedding chapel in Texas. He’s the planner, minister, and MC of the reception. He does it all. Sure, most of his weddings were shotgun weddings between high school dropouts and Mexican immigrants, but they showed a different side of the wedding game. Lately, all of the weddings have been $90,000-$250,000 affairs thrown by professional New York couples who met in an elevator or the organic food market. The balance is completely thrown off now. And when they do have a “normal” couple, it’s such a hot ghetto mess that I’m ashamed that it’s even being shown.

My least favorite wedding planner right now is Linnyette Richardson-Hall. She handles weddings in the Baltimore area, and calls herself “The Wedding Diva” (Ugh, I hate when Black women call themselves “diva”. It’s SO “A Different World & Livin’ Single early 90’s” to me). She doesn’t like when the couple refuses to give her control, and she’s always cutting corners. She loves turning people away from the reception; it’s a necessary job, but she relishes it. She is not the chick you go to with an unlimited budget, because she’d just spend it all at the dollar store. I recognize that there’s a need for this type of wedding planner, as not everyone has an unlimited budget (I sure as Hell won’t!), but everything is so garish and cheap.

Typically, Linnyette caters to Black couples who’ve been together forever, and decided to get married before he cheats again/goes to jail. Seriously, here’s your average Linnyette wedding: bride and groom are about 32, and they were high school sweethearts. They’ve been on again/off again for the past 10 or so years, but they were on just long enough each time to spit out a few kids. So, now they’re planning the wedding, with their kids in the wedding party. The worst part, though, is their idea of a wedding has been tainted by the Jet Society Page, so they think a regal wedding consists of groomsmen, bridesmaids, junior groomsmen, junior bridesmaids, flower girls, and ringer bearers. All the while, the ceremony and reception are taking place at Bolling Air Force Base. They want to have a classy-ass affair, but we’re talking about a possible 20-person wedding party, for a dude who washes cars and a chick who works at the local check-cashing/seafood carry-out joint. Am I being too harsh? Maybe, but that’s what I do.

Anyway, if you’ve never watched the show, each hour is comprised of 2 different weddings being planned by different planners (although, they do have the rare case where one planner has 2 ceremonies on the same weekend, so she/he’ll get the whole hour). Now, it goes without saying that Linnyette’s weddings look even worse when stacked against a wedding being planned in Martha’s Vineyard, yet this happens more times that I’d like to recall. My problem with Linnyette is that I’ve never really seen her do anything that looked good. I mean, the couples seem happy with the result, and at the end of the day that’s what really matters, but I’ve never seen anything worthy of being televised. It’s almost like she’s an example of “wedding planning don’ts”. I get being “frugal”, but some of those corners. She’s the kind of chick where you’d say, “We need flowers”, so she’d swing by the funeral home and pick up any stray arrangements she found laying around. “We’re gonna need centerpieces”. Well, she’ll go to the dollar store, buy up a bunch of plastic candleholders, and then spraypaint them silver at home. She’s done it before.

A wedding’s a special day that, Lord willing, you’ll only go through once. That said, I wouldn’t want to cut corners. It doesn’t matter if the guests don’t realize the cake is day old from the bakery thrift shop. I would know, and that’s what counts. I feel you should plan according to your budget, and not try to cheat. Don’t try to have an elaborate high society affair in an Air Force bowling alley with some Rock Creek Ginger Ale. Know your limits, people. If you really don’t have a budget, well, that’s what Vegas is for…

19th Mar2005

Little Mac’s Boxing Diary

by Will

“Along the arduous journey, you’ll jog behind Reginald VelJohnson, win trophies, box hippos and punch a German in the stomach. Nothing would ever feel finer.”

That quote was about “Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out”, one of THE legendary games of the NES. Been feeling kinda nostalgic for it lately, and I found this hilarious thing on x-entertainment.com:
http://www.x-entertainment.com/articles/0702/

I’d forgotten how great that site was!

05th Jan2005

I LOVE Mario’s “Turning Point”

by Will

Is there no stopping Mario?

First, he was saving the Mushroom Kingdom from the Evil King Koopa.

Next, he was lamenting the fact that he was “Just A Friend”.

Now, he’s beggin’ this chick to let him love her!

Those crazy Italian rappers, I tell ya!

Wait? What do you mean they’re not the same guy?!!! Then who’ve I been sending those meatballs to?!!! And what am I gonna do with this box of smiley stars & mushrooms? I really hope I kept the receipt for that Takooni suit…

Anyway, since I don’t have the luxuries to which you livejournal punks are entitled, I have to find places to inform you to what I’m listening.

Right now, the album du jour is Mario’s “Turning Point”. Yeah, that single is “off da hook”, as the young ruffians put it. But there’s an even better hidden gem on that disc. Please, use your file-sharing programs, or borrow the CD from that black chick who works in the mailroom of your place of employment. I say this because you MUST hear “Nikes Fresh Out the Box”!

Yes, folks. We all felt shoe-based songs had peaked with “Air Force Ones”, but Mario has done us one better. He compares the new girl he’s seeing to a pair of new Nikes, “fresh out the box.” Since most of my shoes have been stroke-of-luck finds from Marshalls, I have no idea what this feels like. If the song were “British Knights Straight Off the Shelf”, then we could talk.

I love the part where he promises “not to scuff her”. But I digress, this song is hilarious, plus it’s got a good beat. The feel-good song of January. Yeah, that’s a good description…

25th Nov2004

Harry Gregson-Williams Is My War Soundtrack

by Will

This goes out to all my serious gamer friends (Tarek, Austin, James, Davis…I’m looking at you guys!).

So, I’ve always said, “If you want me to go to war and kill for my country, you’d better have the theme from A) Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty or B) the Justice League playing in my helmet.”

Sounds stupid? Maybe. You can have your Taps & your Star Spangled Banner; in my opinion, there are no two songs that instill a greater sense of duty and honor in me. It may sound crazy, but if you’ve ever seen the opening sequence to MGS2, then you know what I’m talking about.

If you’re familiar with the work of Harry Gregson-Williams, then you’ll know he’s a composer who’s used to garnering emotional response in unusual places. After all, he composed the score for Team America. No, not the songs, but the background music. Remember the “Dicks, Assholes, and Pussies” speech at the Film Actors Guild gala? You probably weren’t listening to the music, but that was him. Say what you will about that movie, but you KNOW you were moved by that scene (Guess who I’m looking at now, Shorty).

So, if you’re still sitting there, thinking, “Will has finally lost his mind”, then I’ve got two things to say to you: 1) If you saw Marion Barry sing karaoke in a gay bar, you’d be questioning your sanity, too and 2) PLEASE download the Metal Gear Solid 2 theme or “Metal Gear May Cry”, which is an AWESOME remix of the MGS2 theme and the them to Devil May Cry.

After you’re done, I’ll meet you down at the enlistment office. What’s that you say? We’re in the middle of a war?!! Well, fuck that noise then. I’m gonna go watch “Platoon” or something…

18th Sep2004

Well, I Know How To Pronounce “Ryu”

by Will

I can be such an inappropriate dork, but sometimes I just can’t help it..

Today, a girl came to the register, and as I swiped her card, I noticed her name was “Xiaxou”.

“How do you pronounce that?” I asked.

“ZI-zoo,” she responded.

“Now, I know!” I exclaimed.

She looked at me funny.

“Well, ya see,” I explained, “there’s this video game character whose name is spelled the same way, and I’ve been trying pronounce it for years…”

She looked at me, uncomfortably…

“…Tekken,” I stammered. “The game is ‘Tekken’…in case you were wondering. Well, have a good day…”

“…thanks…” And she quickly walked away. Actually, she performed a 16-hit combo on me. THEN, she walked away…

Oh well, at least I learned something 😛

03rd Jun2004

Free Cartoons and My Tribute To Carmen Sandiego

by Will

My new favorite site is http://tv.yahooligans.com !

It’s a site for FREE CARTOONS!!! It sucks on dial-up, but it’s worth it for the “Super Mario Bros. Super Show” alone! I forgot how great that theme song was.

Another show on the site, with an AMAZING theme song is “Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego”. And I’m not talking about the gameshow. The cartoon, along with “G.I.Joe The Movie”, has the distinction of containing an entire saga in the opening montage alone. The initial 30 seconds tell a story by themselves. But they might need to edit out the WTC in the background. Even Carmen’s not THAT much of a bitch…

Speaking of Carmen, remember the Pre-Doom and Pre-Quake days, when the Carmen franchise was the biggest thing on the PC? I really miss those days. I caught that ho in the world before I caught her in the US. I mean, c’mon, I wouldn’t even know Reykjavik existed if it hadn’t been for that wench. Even so, the US ain’t as easy to navigate as some might think. A two-bit crook could blend in mighty easily out there in Oklahoma or Minnesota, and that’s usually where Justin Case and Carmen liked to hide. You’d get too close, and they’d fire a slingshot at you. A SLINGSHOT!! Can someone remind me why we were so scared of Carmen Sandiego?!!! A chick in a Fedora, and the world is shitting bricks. I guess that’s a testament to the power of a strong, assertive woman.

26th Apr2004

Shopping Spree & Newport Cameos

by Will

Today’s Episode: “Will That Be Credit or Debit?” Episode #04102226

Special Guest Stars: Kea Dupree, Alex Cowan

Cameo Appearance: Beth Don

So, today, I was a bad boy. Mommy’s in NC with Mr. Earle for a funeral, so I’m Kevin McCallister for the moment. I didn’t really want to be home, even though I have some MAJOR cleaning to do. I’ve been sleeping in the guest room since December ’cause my room is so junky!

Anyway, I didn’t want to stay in, so I decided to go out…in the rain…shopping. I know I probably shouldn’t have, but I really wanted to buy stuff. It’d make me feel better. Plus, I worked over 85 hrs during the past week and a half, so it’s not like I couldn’t afford it right now. I’ll just be regretting it later.

So, ever since being introduced to Death Cab for Cutie, I’ve really been hooked. Since they’re a fairly new group, the collector in me took over, and I’ve been trying to track down every album. Anyway, I’ve been a real music mood, so you can see where this is headed….

I’m just gonna list where I went and what I bought. That’ll give the best picture of my adventures.

CD/DVD Exchange:

Elton John – Live in Australia

Elton John – Two Rooms

Starship – Knee Deep In The Hoopla

Baywatch – Hawaiian Wedding DVD

Tower Records & Videos:

Elton John – Greatest Hits 1970-2002

Elton John – Remixed

Death Cab for Cutie – You Can Play These Songs With Chords

Death Cab for Cutie – We Have The Facts and We’re Voting Yes

Westlife – Turnaround

Rufus Wainwright – Want One

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Season 1 DVD

Gamestop:

Star Trek – Federation Gift Pak

Borders Books & Music:

Something Corporate – North

Blender, May 2004

EB:

The Punisher DVD

So yeah, spent a LOT of money. Kinda having the Buyer’s Remorse….

I completed the Death Cab collection, but I’m also on this Elton kick. He is AWESOME! I completely blame Courtney for this ’cause she had his greatest hits playing ALL DAY yesterday! After awhile, that stuff is just gonna seep in.

So, I think I saw Ethan’s mom when I was at Gamestop, but since I didn’t really confirm whether or not it was her, we’ll just give her a “cameo” credit.

While at White Flint, I ran into Ms. Kea, AKA The “Dolly” to my “Cornelius” (Newport kids’ll get that reference). She’s just as cute as ever. It was great seeing her, but I felt so inadequate seeing as how she’s practically working 4 jobs right now! She’s really on the ball. It’s actually kind of motivating. It was good to catch up with her and find out the whereabouts of some other Newportians.

On the way home, I’m minding my own business, reading my Blender, on the Metro. Suddenly, this tall White guy in a cowboy hat and leather jacket stumbles into the car. I look at him, wondering, “Who the hell is this guy?” I look closer and realize it’s Alex! I haven’t seen him in years, but he’s the same Alex I remember and love. He scanned the car, and he looked at me, but didn’t recognize me. I decided to wait and see if he’d notice me. He sat down a few rows up, and just waited for his stop. He took off his hat, and there was a chunk of hair missing on the side. Don’t folks! This wasn’t the result of an accident. This was a statement. He always did have a way with fashion. So, he gets up for his stop, and I call out his name. He kinda hears it, notices me, and is shocked. He stumbles over to me and we talk, but he has to get off. I told him we’d hang out soon since I’d been hanging with his sister recently.

I swear, everyday, there’s another person I never thought I’d run into. It’s almost like I’m being set up. But it was still awesome to see them both. And great spending ALL THAT MONEY 🙂

25th Sep2003

And I Thought Dead Gangsters Were The Only Things Buried In The Desert

by Will

In 1982, Atari put all of its financial weight into production of the E.T. video game. Now, keep in mind that this was during the time that Atari was no longer the Big Boy on the Video Game block; some dirty plumber was about to have a billion dollar ‘shroom encounter. Anyway, this game did not nearly as well as expected, causing Atari to bury over a million cartridges in the New Mexico desert?!!! Don’t believe me, check this out: http://www.snopes.com/business/market/atari.asp