25th Nov2012

West Week Ever – Black Friday Recap Edition

by Will

Hey, better late than never, right?

-Black Friday was good this year, as we were foolish enough to brave Walmart and Gamestop after Thanksgiving dinner. Wemanaged to procure a TV we wanted from Walmart, and we went crazy on XBox games. I haven’t even hooked the thing up, yet I got about 6 games in 24 hours. At the moment, we’re the (somewhat) proud owners of Arkham City (GOTY Edition), Dreamworks Super Star Kartz, The Sims 3, Assassin’s Creed, Lego Batman 2, and Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe. Meanwhile, this is what we witnessed at Walmart:

I thought unstable molecules only existed in comics, but those leggings are defying all known physics. I’ve never seen a polyfiber work so hard. And she had the gall to go out in public like that!

 

-This is gonna come off as “racist” to some, so brace yourselves. Anyway, I think the shopper I hate MOST is Old Chinese Guy With Hands Behind His Back. Yeah, you’ve seen him. He’s usually wearing a cardigan, and he moves along at a snail’s pace, closely inspecting everything he encounters. He has no regard for those around him, as time holds no meaning in his world.

-I think the true testament of a boyband’s worth is how they handle ballads. I mean, really anyone can dance around to autotuned beats, but it’s the slow harmony that separates the boyz from the men. With that in mind, “Little Things” by One Direction proves that they’re nothing but shit. They are NOT the real deal. It sounds like someone listened to Howard Jones’s “No One Is To Blame”, but took out all the interesting parts. This saddens me, as I really thought this would be the boyband comeback. It was basically 10 years in the making, but this isn’t it. One Direction and The Wanted just aren’t strong enough to recreate the BSB/’NSYNC rivalry. Meanwhile, Big Time Rush is in the 98 Degrees slot: they were around first, but had to catch the boyband wave once others stepped up to the plate. Still, they haven’t really broken out as anything other than as a modern-day, poor excuse for The Monkees (mainly because of the TV show).

-What the Hell happened to OneRepublic? A group should grow with each release, but they become more and more a group that I despise. I think it’s because Ryan Tedder likes to rip off his own songs (Google the Halo vs Already Gone debacle). Their recent song, “Feel Again”, sounds like he listened to Florence + the Machine and said “Yeah, I can do that.” They already sucked on “Good Life”, which  became more unbearable once tourism bureaus and cruise lines started using it in ads. If you trace OneRepublic’s career from their debut with “Apologize” to what they’re doing now, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. They could’ve carved an interesting niche, but now it seems like they want to rest in the depressing cavern between Train and Coldplay.

This Week’s Posts:

Took An Arrow To The Knee

Let’s Talk About AvX, Baby

Don’t forget to check Will’s World of Wonder and this week’s eBay auctions!

09th Nov2012

West Week Ever 11/9/12

by Will

I find that I’ve compartmentalized myself into a corner. Now that everything has a heading (Thrift Justice, Comical Thoughts, etc), I don’t really have an outlet for just random thoughts. I feel like G.I. Joe, when Ninja Force and Star Brigade gave way to Battle Corps. Battle Corps was the basic line, but still had to be put in a “subset”! In the past, I’ve said that Twitter kinda killed these posts for me, as I just ramble over there even though I’m limited to 140 characters. Still, I don’t have an outlet to just talk about stuff going on unless I make a whole post about it. So, I feel like this will be a good platform for that.

It’s no secret that I loved Best Week Ever. I used to consider that my barometer of success: I’d know I’d made it if I got to become a pop culture talking head on a VH-1 show (I have low standards). I also love my name, as well as a good play on words, so I give you West Week Ever. I wanted to call it “Ashley Banks Is Week”, but I wasn’t sure anyone would get the reference (not only is that my favorite episode of Fresh Prince, but I also love that Tatyana Ali released an album around that time that tanked as hard as her fictional album). I also considered calling it Friday Chat, but that wasn’t flashy enough, plus I couldn’t guarantee I’d get any comments. Finally, I thought about Friday Monologue, but that was just a bit too “on the nose”. So, West Week Ever. That’s what it’s called. Random thoughts on Friday. Read, enjoy, comment. So, let’s get started!

So, there was an election this week. Let me start off by saying that I don’t care if you’re Democrat or Republican. You do what you gotta do. My issue is when people claim to dislike Obama because of “all the debt he’s leaving for our kids” when nobody gave a fuck about those kids prior to his presidency. When we were racking up debt from 2 wars! But I digress. If you honestly felt like Mitt Romney was the best choice for this country, fine. But if you were really grasping at straws to cover that fact that it really bothers you that Obama’s black, that’s when I have a problem. I kinda respect you more when you’re honest, even if your stance is deplorable. However, when you’re a 15 year old girl, upset that Obama’s “taking my money”, I think you’d better have a discussion with your shift manager at Dairy Queen, instead of worrying your little head about the national economy. Obama don’t give a shit about your overtime OR the fact that you covered Tori on register. I don’t need to see stuff like this from you.

Anyone been following the Ariel Winter situation? For those who don’t know that name, she’s Alex Dunphy on Modern Family. Allegedly, Ariel’s abusive mom caused her to be removed from her home. According to the mom, Ariel’s trying to be emancipated so she can live with her 18 year old boyfriend. Ariel is FOURTEEN. Talk about “getting in on the ground floor”! Sure, she’s cute and all, but what the Hell do they have to talk about? SHE ONLY KNOWS SEINFELD THROUGH SYNDICATION, FOR GOD’S SAKE!

It also seems that Brooke Burke-Charvet was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. As sad as that is, my biggest question was “When did she take David Charvet’s name?” She’d been “Brooke Burke” forever, and David Charvet is SUUUUCH a douche. I mean, I think he was the first douche I ever encountered. I knew that’s what he was before there was even a word to describe it. Plus, if you’re known as “the douche” on Baywatch (!), something is seriously wrong.

I am ALL ABOUT Girl Meets World. I wish there were a Kickstarter, as I’d actually contribute to it. I kinda wish Disney Channel would attempt to rebuild TGIF, and that would be a great show for it. I’m not sure if people have realized this, but TV has evolved to the point where TGIF-caliber shows already end up on either Disney or Nick. That’s So Raven, iCarly, Cory In The House – the producers, directors, and writers of those shows are the same folks who were behind Full House and the like. People laugh at the idea that I like iCarly, but those jokes are just as lame as the stuff we laughed at in 1992. If TGIF came out today, most of those shows would go straight to SNICK. Not even ABC Family, as it’s trying too hard to be The WB circa 1999.

Here are my thoughts on the show: I totally think Cory and Topanga could have a 14 yr old, as that show was never really great at following a real timeline. They went straight from elementary school to high school. Then the whole college thing got fuzzy once they got married. Did they drop out? Who knows? Anyway, I kinda hate that the show will be on Disney because it’ll never follow the outcome I mapped in my mind. Let’s take a closer look at Boy Meets World.

Cory Matthews was what is known as a “simp” (see definitions 12 and 25). He went from being an intriguing, sarcastic grade schooler to being a head over heels schmuck. Seriously, watch any of the later seasons and Cory might as well be a 40 year old man, constantly frightened by the world, and worried that he was gonna lose Topanga. The “jump the shark” moment of that relationship was when Cory stowed away on a plane to surprise Topanga at Disney World (remember when Disney bought ABC, and every TGIF had to do an episode there?). While this was pre-9/11, I STILL couldn’t believe that he would violate FAA regulations for his puppy love.

A picture of ShaPanga that I totally stole off someone’s Tumblr.

This is my long and drawn out way of saying that there’s next to no chance that Cory and Topanga are still together. I’ll go as far as to say that Shawn Hunter is probably the real father of that baby. I mean, his character just became pure white trash by the end of that show, but he was a ladies man, and there was a brief spark between him and Topanga back when she first got hot in high school. In a moment of weakness, she gave in to Shawn, and Cory being the simp that he is, took her back. Everyone knows that Shawn’s the father of Riley Matthews, but they just don’t bring it up (think early Nip/Tuck) for fear that Cory would go out like Lane Pryce. If Cory and Topanga ARE still together, that shit’s over once Riley and her brother go off to college.

Anyway, this’ll be on Disney Channel, so it’ll be all laugh tracks and brightly colored interior decorating. I just have two requests: 1) I hope Uncle Eric lives in the garage and 2) FEENY!