05th Oct2018

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review – 10/5/18

by Will

HarassmentWatch(TM)

Brad Kern Update – the former NCIS: New Orleans showrunner was fired by CBS Studios after a THIRD misconduct investigation. He had already stepped down after the 2nd, but he remained on the payroll as a consulting producer. He reportedly had a history of belittling women, and making insensitive racial remarks.

Vincent Favale – What the Hell is going on over at CBS?! Man, they are draining the fucking swamp! Favale, the senior vice president of talent at the network has been placed on administrative leave after reports of sexual and homophobic remarks – many of which were reported by staff of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Favale reportedly once said that he “got four erections” while watching Jennifer Hudson rehearse for a Late Show appearance. Sounds like a real great guy…

*Takes long drag off cigarette* “Geoffrey? Now, that ain’t a name I’ve heard in about a month.” So, this week, Toys “R” Us called off the auction meant to sell off their IP and trademarks, as they reported they felt there was more value in relaunching the brand. Paperwork reveals that they registered the name “Geoffrey’s Toy Box”, but for what nobody is sure yet. Meanwhile, the Dallas Toy Fair is going on, and there have been sightings of Geoffrey walking the aisles, wearing a cape that says “Back from vacation”. All of a sudden, every news outlet lit up with “Toys ‘R’ Us is Coming Back!” Hold on there, cowboy.

Toys “R” Us rushed into bankruptcy, leaving long-time employees without severance, and owing toy manufacturers millions for unpaid product. That giraffe can’t just mosey back in like nothing happened. While the man on the street might be happy about TRU returning, there are a lot of folks who are going to feel some kind of way about that. And if it turned out that they only filed bankruptcy to divest themselves of debt, overhead, and responsibility, that’s going to cause even more problems. Had they been a public company, I’m pretty sure the SEC would be stepping in right about now, but they were private, so I don’t really know what happens next. All I do know is that they need to read the room and understand it’s too soon. The body ain’t even cold yet. I mean, I’m half expecting the next marketing image to be Geoffrey rolling back the stone from his tomb. That’s how this feels right now. They really need to give it a bit more time before rushing into this – if only so I don’t have to hear all the armchair quarterbacks talk about “They better lower their prices! That’s what drove them out of business in the first place!” Not exactly, Poindexter, but you keep on thinking that…


I was hesitant to post this ’cause y’all are never on the same page as me musically, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t share the stuff I think is good. Now, I know some of you see “country” and just think “NEXT!”, but I will die on the hill that modern country isn’t what you think it is. There are tons of artists who get airplay on country stations, yet if I played the song for you without telling you that, you’d never know it. Today, I can’t really do that ’cause I think everyone knows Tim McGraw is a country artist. Still, yesterday evening, he released his latest song, “Neon Church”, that I’ve been streaming for the past 24 hours.

While I love the wordplay, likening a bar to a church, I’m really here for the melody and what’s going on in the background. The first time I heard it, I was like “That’s ‘Purple Rain’!” In an interview this morning, McGraw said that while recording, he and his band were listening to a lot of Prince and Journey, and it shows here. I played it for Lindsay, and she didn’t like it – I somehow managed to marry the only White woman who hates Journey. Anyway, listen near the bridge and the at the end – that guitarist is doing his best “cruise ship ‘Purple Rain'”. It’s something of a vocal stretch for McGraw, as it’s at the top of his range, but I’m still really digging what’s going on here.

Trailer Park


Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse

So, we got a new trailer for this one. Again, I am one of the BIGGEST Miles Morales fans, and this movie does nothing for me. I’m not digging the animation style, which I’m finding to be just as jarring as the MTV Spider-Man animated series based on the Raimi movies. Plus, I’m not sure Jake Johnson is how I imagined Peter Parker would sound. And Miles’ dad isn’t a cop. I get they had to take certain liberties or whatever, but I’m not feeling it. Maybe it’s not meant for me, which is sad, ’cause I pretty much glom onto any and all Miles merchandise and comic appearances.

Plus, I just don’t know if this is a theatrical project. I mean, I look at this, and think it would be a cool animated special that airs on ABC during primetime on a Wednesday in June or something, but to actually go pay to see it in a theater? I don’t think so. It feels like a nice special one-off event, like that Toy Story That Time Forgot special or something. Maybe even a special event on Disney XD. But this ain’t an “I’m headed to Fandango to order tickets” kind of thing.


Daredevil Season 3

So glad they quickly got this out there, ’cause the teaser I showed you last week left me scratching my head. Apparently this is adapting the “Born Again” storyline, but I read that thing over 10 years ago, and don’t remember it, so don’t take my word for it. It looks good – SO good, that I might just skip that other Netflix shows I haven’t seen and skip right to it.


Runaways Season 2

I’ve never watched an episode of this show, and that’s because A) I don’t have Hulu and B) it looks hokey as Hell. From the special effects to the way the kids all look like “teen outcasts” straight from central casting, it just doesn’t look good to me. I was a big fan of the comic series when it launched, but I watch these trailers, and I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop. If you’ve read the comic, you probably know what I’m talking about. It’s like, if you think they’re on the run NOW, you just wait! There’s a twist coming, and I might jump onboard if/when I hear they’ve pulled that trigger. Until then, I’m content being in the dark on this one, Cloak & Dagger, and all the teen-centric Marvel stuff.


Harley Quinn

So, they announced that Kaley Cuoco would be voicing Harley, and I was like, “Huh?” I mean, were Tara Strong or Arleen Sorkin busy? But I guess they wanted a “name” behind this, since it’s one of DC Universe’s more high profile upcoming launches. After seeing this trailer, Cuoco does a decent job. And I really love Poison Ivy doing her best Daria. I like that DC seems able and willing to poke fun at them themselves here. I’m curious to see how this plays out since it’s marketed as an “adult animated series”. Let’s just hope the show is good, and not another Stripperella.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

  • Fox announced the release of Untitled Deadpool Movie slated for December 21st, which will reportedly be a PG-13 cut of Deadpool 2. Keep in mind that this is also the weekend that Aquaman and Bumblebee hit theaters. I was kinda hoping it would be a new movie made up of deleted scenes and cut subplots, kinda like Wake Up, Ron Burgandy. Anyone ever seen that? It’s HORRIBLE but, as an Anchorman completist, I had to see it.
  • Speaking of Fox, they made a lot of schedule moves, as Untitled Deadpool Movie takes the release date of James Cameron’s Alita: Battle Angel, which, itself, is moving to Dark Phoenix‘s previously announced date of February 14th, 2019. Dark Phoenix, meanwhile, is moving to June 7th. Also, Channing Tatum’s X-Men spinoff, Gambit (ya know, that movie that’s never gonna happen?), has been pushed to March 13th, 2020.

  • So, those pitches are teasing a Pitch Perfect 4, and I’ve got to beg them to stop. The only thing they could even possibly do is have it based on NBC bringing back The Sing Off, and having the Bellas compete on it. Anything else would be absurd. No, the 3rd one was just not worth it, so I say we let it die as a trilogy.
  • Before the first episode has even aired, Titans has been renewed for season 2 on the DC Universe streaming service. Ya know, why not? It’s not like they’re sitting on anything else amazing to throw on that thing.

  • Speaking of bad DC live action ideas, Lobo is going to debut on Syfy’s Krypton next season. This looks like a Spirit Halloween ad! Ugh, fucking Lobo. He’s just the absolute WORST. Even though he debuted in the 80s, he’s the 90s at its 90iest, and I hate everything about him. I’ve always said that you can tell a lot about a person if they’re a Lobo fan. They’re usually Special Ed. Probably ate paste in school. They either grow up to own a landscaping business or become a Best Buy stereo installer. Fucking Lobo…
  • Realizing he’s getting too old for this shit, Damon Wayans has announced that he’s leaving Lethal Weapon at the end of season 3’s initial 13-episode commitment. Man, how mad do you think Fox is at the Lethal Weapon office right now? They already had to replace Clayne Crawford with Sean William Scott just to keep the show going, and now THIS?! Somebody’s GOT to be saying “We don’t need this shit! We could’ve renewed Lucifer!” As I said on Twitter, they should replace Wayans with Bill Bellamy, then kill off Scott, and replace him with Peter Facinelli. Then, I’ll get my backdoor Fastlane revival I’ve been wanting since 2003!
  • Kanye did some dumb shit on SNL, and water is wet.
  • Looks like Robert Kirkman is going to have to be content living off his The Walking Dead empire, as Cinemax has cancelled his series Outcast after 2 seasons.
  • Everyone wants in on the fantasy genre, as Netflix is adapting the C.S. Lewis Chronicles of Narnia for series and movies, while Amazon is developing a series based on Robert Jordan’s The Wheel of Time novels.
  • Remember Mischa Barton? Ya know, the It Girl from The O.C. who went nowhere? Well, she’s going to be joining the cast of The Hills: New Beginnings on MTV.
  • Chelsea Peretti announced that she won’t be returning to Brooklyn Nine-Nine as a series regular when the show debuts on NBC this season.
  • Amy Schumer was detained yesterday in DC during the #KavaNope protests, but she blocked me on Twitter ages ago, so she’s dead to me. YOU’RE DEAD TO ME, AMY!

  • We got this poster for the upcoming Hellboy reboot, starring David “You Wouldn’t Even Know My Name Were It Not For Stranger Things” Harbour.
  • Elon Musk took one step closer to becoming The World’s First Supervillain, as he was forced to resign as Tesla chariman, and was fined $20 million by the SEC, due to a tweet where he implied he had secured funding to take Tesla private.
  • Last night marked the finale episode of the hour-long version of Conan on TBS, as he bid farewell to his house band, Jimmy Vivino and the Basic Cable Band (formerly the Max Weinberg 7). The future show will switch to a half hour format, with no musical guests, but with more special events, like shows from foreign countries.
  • Brian Robbins was announced as the new head of Nickelodeon, which is significant since he and his former Head of the Class costar, Dan Schneider, got their behind the scenes careers started by creating All That for the network back in 1994. It’ll be interesting to see if he throws any work to Schneider, whose Schneider’s Bakery production house was sent packing by Nickelodeon earlier this year after allegations surrounding Schneider arose.
  • Talk about an “unfortunate Situation”! Jersey Shore star, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, was sentenced to 8 months in prison for tax evasion.
  • Jon Favreau will write and produce Star Wars series The Mandalorian, which appears to follow another Fett, after the events of Empire, but before the rise of the First Order. The series will stream on Disney Play.

I know you’ve gotten this far, and you’re like “Wait, didn’t he have Venom in the header pic? He hasn’t even mention…wait. He WOULDN’T!”

OK, bear with me here. I know the critics gave this film a shellacking, and I can understand why. In the age of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and, to some extent, the DCEU, Venom isn’t what we’ve come to expect from a comic book movie in 2018. And I’m not so sure that’s a bad thing. I swore that I wouldn’t spend money to see Venom, and I kept that promise, as Special Forces wanted to see it, and it was his turn to pay. That said, I didn’t hate it. In fact, I really enjoyed it. Now, I am known for liking shit, so don’t equate “Will liked it” with “It’s a good movie”. I don’t know if I’m “Film Twitter” enough to say it’s good or bad, but I definitely enjoyed it.

OK, so the movie starts out with investigative reporter Eddie Brock on top of the world. He’s got his own cable news show, where he roots out corruption, he’s engaged to corporate attorney Michelle Williams, and he’s about to get a chance to interview Elon Musk analog, Carlton Drake. Actually, that’s not how the movie starts. It actually starts with a space shuttle crashing upon reentry – a shuttle that happens to carry organic samples. All of the astronauts die except one, named “Jameson”, where I guess they’re alluding to J. Jonah Jameson’s astronaut son, John Jameson, who later becomes the Man-Wolf in the comics. Anyway, while transporting Jameson to the nearest hospital, it appears he’s got a symbiote in him that jumps from him to his EMT, wrecking the ambulance. Oh, and that shuttle? It was owned by Carlton Drake.

Brock’s boss wants him to interview Drake, but he doesn’t want to do it because he doesn’t trust Drake. His doubts are reinforced when he hacks into his fiancee’s computer (her firm happens to be representing Drake’s company, The LIFE Foundation), and discovers a wrongful death suit filed against the computer. When he gets his shot at interviewing Drake, instead of sticking to the script, he decides to ask about the wrongful death suit. Well, this doesn’t go well, as Drake kicks Brock out of his building, ends his career, and gets Williams fired from her firm, where she, then, gives Brock his ring back. In one fell swoop, Brock’s life is ruined.

Fast forward six months, and Brock is a drunk, “slumming it” in what has to be a $4500/month apartment (seriously, the thing is huge, and they’re in San Francisco!). He’s got no job prospects and no future, until a horribly miscast Jenny Slate shows up as Dora Skirth, a scientist at the LIFE Foundation who has doubts about the organization’s goals. See, Drake thinks humans have ruined Earth, and the only possible solution is to equip them with the means to survive – whether here or on another planet. He sees the symbiote samples as a means of doing that, and he has ordered trials to begin on humans. LIFE picks up vagrants and has them sign away their rights as they test the symbiotes to see if they’ll bond with humans. Well, this is too much for Dr. Skirth, who seeks out Brock to help her expose the company.

Dr. Skirth sneaks Brock in, who goes exploring while she tries to distract a security guard. While exploring, Brock finds his neighborhood homeless friend in one of the cells. When he breaks her out, she attacks him ’cause she’s got a symbiote in her, which she passes to Brock, unbeknownst to him. As he’s fleeing from security, he notices he can do things he shouldn’t be able to do, like shatter trees and quickly scale great heights. This is when he starts to realize something’s not right, as he starts to hear a voice in his head that wasn’t there before.

So, now he’s riding for two, as Venom’s in his head, but pops out when necessary – like when Drake’s hired security show up to take back the symbiote, and there’s a well-choreographed fight scene in the apartment, leading to a great car chase scene. The action is actually pretty impressive in the film. There’s one scene of Venom versus the SWAT team that plays out like a boss battle in a video game. They’re throwing flash grenades and shooting at shadows, while Venom bounces around the rafters.

I’ll stop spoiling stuff here, as you might actually want to see the movie one day. I’ll say there were a couple of things that bothered me. For one thing, Michelle Williams. I mean, the entire time, I’m watching the film, thinking, “You’re better than this, Michelle! You’ve been nominated for an Oscar FOUR TIMES, yet here you are, doing your worst Great Value Pepper Potts!” Also, there are continuity issues. There’s a scene where Drake is speaking to a field trip at his HQ, and a little girl tries to ask him a question. The rest of the class tries to stop her for interrupting, but Drake says something inspiring like, “No, speak. That’s what people do. They try to dissuade you from asking questions, but that’s how we learn.” He, then, gives her the pin off his lapel, but HE DOESN’T ACTUALLY LET HER ASK A QUESTION! he basically grandstanded, only to shoot her down. I mean, she was happy with the lapel pin, but nobody seems to notice she didn’t ask her question. Lost in editing maybe? Also, I didn’t really like Riz Ahmed as Drake. I thought it was another casting misfire. I would’ve gone for someone with more gravitas, like maybe Dev Patel, if they were going for a “type”. I also didn’t appreciate that it was clearly an R-rated film, edited down to PG-13, and Hardy has said that 40 minutes got cut, including his favorite scene.

Things I did like: Tom Hardy was great as Guy Who Ends Up As Venom’s Host. I can’t honestly say he was a great Eddie Brock, as I don’t have a ton of familiarity with that character. When he was ruling comics in the 90s, I still pretty much a strictly DC guy, so I haven’t read most of those iconic Venom stories. I know Brock was Peter Parker’s rival, so you’re not really supposed to be rooting for him, but you kinda have to here. That’s why I can understand why they wanted Spider-Man as far away from this film as possible. Still, I liked Hardy for what he was, and I loved his interplay with Venom in his head. I also LOVED Venom, as he was funnier than I expected him to be. The CGI wasn’t as troublesome as I was expecting, and I was even fine with no spider symbol on his chest.

As much as I enjoy the MCU movies, I’m getting a little tired of them. As a fanboy, they’re work. It’s not enough to just sit back and enjoy the movie, but Marvel really drives home the interconnectedness of it all. So, the first time you watch, you’re on guard for any Easter egg that might fly by. Like “Hey, he just mentioned Damage Control!”, etc. I get it, Marvel – you’re good at tying your shit together. But I don’t ALWAYS need that. Venom was a nice change of pace. It was still “In Association With Marvel”. I still got my Stan Lee cameo. It did everything it needed to do. And the mid credits scene has me hoping we get a sequel, ’cause there’s a lot of potential with what they teased.

Yes, this was a pretty slow week unless your name was Brett Kavanaugh, so there wasn’t a ton of competition here. So, I’m gonna shock y’all and say that Venom had the West Week Ever.

28th Sep2018

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review – 9/28/18

by Will

HarassmentWatch (TM)

Brett Kavanaugh – PASS. Next!

Drake – So, 14 year old Stranger Things star Millie Bobby Brown recently said that Drake texts her and gives her advice about boys. Now, this is already after he was coming off a week where he was reportedly seen out on a date with a teenager. Ol’ Aubrey better watch himself, because even the King of Pop himself couldn’t shake the pedophile allegations. It’s probably an innocent thing, but he might wanna tell her to stop bringing shit like that up in interviews.

Nelly – There are reports that Nelly settled with a woman who alleges he forced her to perform oral and vaginal sex on his tour bus, When he was done, he reportedly threw her off the bus and threw a $100 bill at her. Now, reports are saying they reached a settlement, which would normally imply guilt. The thing here, though, is that “settlement” doesn’t seem to be the correct word. Apparently, the victim refused to cooperate with prosecutors, and both sides dropped their suits against one another (Nelly had countersued). They agreed to cover their own legal costs, but Nelly’s lawyer reports no money changed hands, which the victim’s attorney is disputing. At the end of the day, I guess she didn’t wanna go and take a ride wit’ him.

Bill Cosby Update – Surprising EVERYONE, Bill Cosby received a sentence of 3-10 years in prison for puttin’ the pill in the bubbly when the girls wanna drink. There are reports that someone threw a hot dog at him in lockup on his first day, plus he almost fell down some stairs. On the one hand, it’s like “He was an evil man and this is what he has coming to him”. But on the other, it’s like “Who wins from an 83 year old man being put in jail?” I think he deserves to be there, but I’m not gonna laugh at his misfortune while in there. Hopefully, he’s not only a cautionary tale, but also the first of many more to follow.

Trailer Park

We’ve got a lot of trailery goodness this week, so let’s dive right in.

Creed II

Honestly, the first trailer did more for me. The whole rap in the background, the final tease of Drago Jr. That was great. I felt there was too much here, and not even the juicy bits. Just a bunch of Adonis being a deadbeat dad because he’s obsessed with his father’s legacy. Hands down, the best scene here is the staredown between Drago and Rocky. Man, the Russians clearly have the better Human Growth Hormone, ’cause Rocky looks like shit compared to Ivan. I’ll see it. Not sure if I’ll see it in the theater, but I’ll see it.

Bumblebee

So much 80s goodness in here. I was never a huge Transformers fan, so whatever Michael Bay did to them didn’t scar me as much as it did a lot of y’all. That said, I’ve always been a big fan of Bumblebee. Long story short, Bumblebee was the last birthday present I got from my dad before he passed away. So, even though a lot of y’all hate that he’s become the Urkel of the TF franchise, I will always stan for the ‘Bee. I will definitely be seeing this one.

Dark Phoenix

Ooh, we’re going all “Dark Knight“, and removing the name of the title characters’ franchise from the name of the movie. Whatever. A friend of mine texted me and asked “Did you see the Dark Phoenix trailer?” I replied, “No, but I saw a piece of shit with some X-Men characters in it.” This trailer is on Lexapro. There are no highs or lows. It just coasts right through the middle, offering nothing exciting. It’s a shame that everyone is all “Bring on the MCU X-Men!”, because it seems like that rubbed off on the filmmakers. Well, if nothing else, at least we know we’ll have a cool Quicksilver sequence to look forward to. If this is the 90s, I’m hoping it’s set to something by either C&C Music Factory of La Bouche.

ABC’s TGIF

Comedy has changed a lot and, while there’s a lot of nostalgia for the TGIF brand, I’m not sure Fresh Off the Boat and Speechless are gonna be the torchbearers for the 21st century incarnation of the comedy block. Anyway, here’s a cute video of some former TGIF stars imparting their wisdom to the newbies.


Star Trek: Short Treks – “Runaway”

Considering that there seems to be new Star Trek news every day, one of the projects that got lost in the news cycle was the Short Treks series, which are four anthology episodes that…well, I don’t know a whole lot more than that. Here’s the trailer for the first one, though, set in the Discovery era, starring Ensign Sylvia Tilly. Again, I’d check all this shit out if it didn’t require me to subscribe to CBS All Access. So, I’ll catch it once it ends up on YouTube or something.

Daredevil Season 3 (Netflix)

Well, that was certainly Kingpin and Matt Murdock. That’s all I’ve got. I’m seriously behind on those shows.

So, here’s an interesting, “shoe is on the other foot” moment. The curator for the hip hop collection at the Smithsonian’s National Museum of African American History, Timothy Anne Burnside, is a White woman (full disclosure: she’s a friend of a friend). I’ve known about this since before the museum even opened. Still, I guess the news was on CP Time, ’cause the Black community didn’t seem to notice until over the weekend, and it was a SHITSTORM. All over social media, they couldn’t understand how a White woman was the curator of something so dear to our culture. Why wasn’t the job offered to a Black person? There was a lot of back and forth, and the Smithsonian even issued a statement about the whole thing. This debate comes up a lot, like “Should minority characters only be written by a person who’s from the same minority group?” From what I’ve heard, Timothy knows her shit, and I don’t think the Smithsonian would choose just anybody to handle this project (fuller disclosure: my mother worked for the National Museum of Natural History for 28 years). Still, the museum is in an uncomfortable situation, where they have to decide whether they’re going to side with Timothy, or with the critics. For the culture. If they do try to replace her, this has got “discrimination suit” written ALL over it.

This week saw the debut of the ABC sitcom Single Parents, starring Taran Killam. It wasn’t as bad as I expected, but it wasn’t great. Basically, Killam is a divorced dad who dotes on his daughter, and this group of single parents in his daughter’s class try to show him that there’s a world out there that he’s missing. The odd thing to me is that their friendship wasn’t organic. The group was just like “Ooh, new single parent!” and decided to make him their project. I had someone tell me on Twitter that I don’t understand single parenting, and that you “find your tribe quickly”. I don’t know about all that, but I know that trust takes time, and this crammed it all into 22 minutes. I get that they’re basically an elementary school Dear John, but the whole support group angle doesn’t really work unless the audience believes the trust is there. Anyway, I don’t know if I’ll be back for this one.

Last night was the premiere of the Murphy Brown revival, and woo boy! First of all, it features a cameo that’s so obvious that I can’t believe they even tried to tease it like it was a surprise (HINT: There’s a joke about emails). One thing another reviewer said, that I have to agree with, is that it seems horribly dated. I mean, the premiere features the pussy hats from the Women’s March (they don’t call them “pussy hats”, even though you could totally get away with that on broadcast today, while you couldn’t when the original series aired). If this had premiered a year ago, it might have seemed on the cutting edge of comedy, but this just seems slow and lazy. It’s kinda like how other animated shows reference how South Park already beat them to making the joke they’re trying to make. Why? Because South Park is a well oiled machine, cranking out shit based on last night’s headlines. This show, however, was Liberal Smuggery at its worst.

“What’s Liberal Smuggery,” you ask? It’s what I call the state of liberal comedy, where they think they’re so much smarter than the conservatives – they’re so biting and witty, yet they’ve got NOTHING to show for it. Even when they’re in power, they’re somehow the weaklings. Late night talk show hosts are the leaders in Liberal Smuggery. Jon Stewart made his name on it. But at the end of the day, what does that get you?  The “moral high ground”? I feel like this premiere went for a lot of low-hanging fruit that even those talk show hosts would’ve avoided.

In the UK, they might do a one-off special to catch up with a beloved show’s characters. They recently did one for Are You Being Served? I would’ve liked this more had it been that format: a one-off special to see how Murphy Brown feels about the Trump Administration. After last night’s episode, I’m pretty sure I’ve got my answer, and I’m good. I’m not so sure this needed to be a full season.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

  • Dr. Dre’s series Vital Signs was cancelled by Apple before it even aired, due to graphic sex and violence. I know what bootleg I’m looking for at the next pop culture convention!
  • Inside The Actor’s Studio is returning to Ovation TV, but it will be without James Lipton. After 25 years, he’s stepping down, and the show will be led by “a rotating array of guest hosts”.

  • Writing has begun on the Picard-centric Star Trek series, and we got this pic of the writers room from Patrick Stewart’s Instagram. I’m struck by the fact that there are 2 women – one of whom is Black. I see you, sista! Oh yeah, Michael Chabon is there, too.
  • Formerly of The View, Rosie O’Donnell is set to guest host on The Talk today, in a possible bid to replace the departed Julie Chen.
  • The CW Arrowverse crossover this season will be called Elseworlds, which comic fans will remember as the DC imprint that was home to out of continuity stories.

  • Speaking of DC shows, we got this poster for Titans, which will be streaming on the DC Universe service next month. Yeah, not only does this poster do nothing for me, but where are Hawk & Dove? Aren’t they supposed to be on the show, too? Was Minka Kelly too expensive for the whole season?
  • Terry Crews has been tapped to host the America’s Got Talent spinoff, America’s Got Talent: the Champions, which seems like it might be their all-star edition. Who hosts the regular show since Nick Cannon quit? *Googles* Tyra Banks? STILL?!
  • So, um, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has joined the writing team for the Veronica Mars revival. Yup, that Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Huh.
  • For some reason, Disney is remaking High Fidelity, only Zoe Kravitz will be in the John Cusack role. I don’t get it. Will she be a womanizing lesbian? Will she work still work in a record store? Let’s pump the brakes on these reboots, huh?
  • Dunkin Donuts is reportedly planning to drop the “Donuts” from their name, as they refocus their brand as a “beverage-led company, not limited to just donuts”. Yeah, how ’bout y’all ask IHOB how well that shit went for them.
  • Apparently, there was backlash about how The Princess & The Frog‘s Princess Tiana appears in the upcoming Ralph Wrecks The Internet, as her skin has been lightened, and her hair processed. Disney is correcting the appearance to match what fans are used to. Of course, old White men are mad, and Black folks are like “We were just gonna buy that movie bootleg at the barbershop anyway, so it really don’t matter what color she is based on the shaky cam quality it’s gonna be.”
  • Mary Elizabeth Winstead & Jurnee Smollett-Bell have been cast, respectively, as Huntress and Black Canary in DC’s unnecessary Birds of Prey film that will probably never see the light of day. I mean, my man Ray Fisher is still waiting for his call to report to the set of that Cyborg movie, so…

It was a bad week. Especially the past 2 days. But out of all the bullshit there rose a phoenix. That phoenix also goes by the name of Stefanie Germanotta, but you can call her “Lady Gaga”. She’s making her debut as a lead in Bradley Cooper’s remake of A Star Is Born. Yesterday, the single “Shallow” was released, and I’ve probably listened to it 400 times by now. If there’s any problem with the song, it’s the fact that it’s too short. While everyone was screaming at the Kavanaugh hearing yesterday, I was keeping my cool by looping this. I’d suggest you try it. That’s why Lady Gaga’s “Shallow” had the West Week Ever.

14th Sep2018

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review – 9/14/18

by Will

HarassmentWatch(TM) 

SO MUCH HARASSMENT THIS WEEK! Usually, these things are kinda like footnotes to the week, but the shit really hit the fan this week.

Jeff Fager: The longtime 60 Minutes executive producer was ousted, as he didn’t think before sending that angry text. You’ve always got to count to 10 – unless it says “You up?”, and it’s after midnight. Then you go handle your shit. No, here’s what happened: it was reported that Fager liked to touch and grope CBS employees at company parties. When this news broke, he was displeased with how his own network was reporting the investigation into his behavior. So, he fired off a text to CBS News correspondent Jericka Duncan, which was capped off with “Be careful. There are people who lost their jobs trying to harm me and if you pass on these damaging claims without your own reporting to back them up that will become a serious problem.” So, Fager wasn’t fired because of the claims against him. No, he was fired because of his reaction to the claims against him. I think it’s Stephen Covey who promotes the 10/90 Principle, in that life is really just 10% of things you can control, and 90% of how you react to the things you can’t. Guess Fager should’ve read that book.

Les Moonves Update: Man, it was an executive bloodbath over at CBS this week, as Moonves stepped down as Chairman of CBS when the original count of 6 women with claims against him doubled to 12. After resigning, he released a statement denying the allegations, as folks are wont to do in his predicament. If It’s A Wonderful Life taught us anything, it’s that rich people, even when evil, still tend to finish the game rich. That’s exactly what’s happening here, as Moonves is set to receive a severance package worth around $240 million, but it’s on hold pending the results of the investigation against him.

Meanwhile, Moonves’ wife, TV personality and Big Brother host, Julie Chen decided to be a real bitch about things. At the end of last night’s broadcast of Big Brother, she signed off as Julie Chen Moonves – a name she has NEVER used professionally, and it was symbolic in that she was showing her support for her husband. Well, good for you, Julie. You ain’t been nothing but a sell-out your whole career anyway. Seriously, that was her spitting in the faces of all of Les’s accusers, when she knows there could be some validity to all this. After all, she was allegedly his sidepiece while he was still married, and he petitioned the court for an early divorce just so he could be with her. Les Moonves ain’t shit, and neither is she. I really hope CBS boots “Chen Moonves” out on her ass, ’cause everybody knows the only reason she got that Big Brother gig – amongst others – is because of Moonves. Let’s see HER get kicked out of the Big Brother house.

But wait – there’s more! Last week, I told you about how Moonves made it his life’s mission to ruin Janet Jackson’s career after Nipplegate. That’s his thing. He loves to ruin people. Well, Designing Women/Evening Shade creator Linda Bloodworth-Thomason wrote this detailed account of how Moonves kept her shows off CBS, as well as scuttled her $50 million development contract. While she was never sexually harassed by Moonves, she knows people who were, plus he fucked with her money. I usually don’t get this “involved” with a HarassmentWatch subject, but Moonves is really being revealed as quite the piece of shit.

Shane Black Update: So, there was some blowback about the sex offender originally being in the film, but that didn’t stop folks from seeing The Predator, and reporting that it’s not very good. The news that came out this week, however, is that actress Olivia Munn is the one who tipped off the studio to the sex offender’s involvement in the film. And now it seems like she may have been blackballed, because she reached out to the cast to inform them of what she planned to do, and received no support from her male costars. In fact, they all bailed on a group interview that was scheduled at the Toronto International Film Festival. Since that news broke, however, Sterling K. Brown has apologized to her, but it was probably at the urging of the This Is Us producers, as they don’t want that bad juju affecting their ratings.

Norm MacDonald: Sometimes I wish I gave out the WORST Week Ever, as that would most certainly have gone to Norm this week. I mean, how many ways can you fuck up an apology tour? Well, he was determined to find out. So, early in the week, Norm did an interview where he said that he was glad the #MeToo movement was slowing down. He made a statement that Louis CK and Roseanne should get together and talk, because only they understand the experience of losing everything in one day. He said that folks always talk about the victims in these things, but they don’t realize that folks like Louis and Roseanne are basically victims, too. Well, this did NOT go over well, as people felt that he was minimizing what had actually gone down in these two particular cases. He tweeted out an apology, explaining that the 2 comedians were his friends, yet he didn’t condone their actions, nor was his intent to minimize what had occurred. Despite this, his Tuesday appearance on The Tonight Show was cancelled after Jimmy Fallon made him aware that some producers were “in tears” about the thought of him being on the show. Then, he went on The Howard Stern Show, and he doubled down, saying that a person would have to have Down Syndrome to not feel sorry for the victims of sexual assault. So, then he had to apologize for that. He’s apologizing for prior apologies on his apology tour. As they say in the South, “That boy just can’t get to Hell fast enough.”


So Henry Cavill is out as Superman in the DCEU. Oh wait – he’s back in? I can’t even keep track anymore. Apparently they wanted him to film a cameo for SHAZAM!, and he was all “Show me the money!” And when they did show it to him, it was flaccid and disappointing. Then, Cavill proceeded to post some cryptic video of him on Instagram with a Superman figure. Was this him telling us he’s done? That’s the conclusion to which everyone jumped, though there was no real precedent for it. You see, there’s no Superman project in development. right now. While Affleck is probably done as Batman due to his rehab stint, it’s not like DC is working on anything Superman related at the moment. So, the statement released basically said that if/when there’s a project, Cavill would be considered. Man, this is one messy break-up!

Meanwhile, as the fires burned all around us, somehow a rumor got started that Michael B. Jordan was being considered to replace Cavill as Superman. Let that sink in a minute. I feel like the Elite are tired of waiting for the inevitable Race War, and they’ve just decided to nudge things in the right direction to get the shit started. Yes, I know about Earth-23 Superman, but I don’t need Black Superman. Yes, representation matters, but I don’t need Black Superman. The only way I want Michael B. Jordan is if Warner Bros uses the same wack CGI they used to hide Cavill’s mustache in Justice League, but instead uses it to make Jordan White throughout the entire film. It’d be the biggest waste of CGI in movie history. Folks would be like “Why couldn’t they just cast a White guy?” And then there’d be the whole argument of “The best man got the job!” and some folks would be like, “Well, did he?” This is how the world ends, folks. You heard it here first.

All I know is that Cyborg movie ain’t ever happening, so I hope Ray Fisher didn’t spend all that Justice League money. If it did happen, and they did cast Jordan as Superman, I’ve GOT to have a version of this scene somewhere in the film:

Tomorrow is International Batman Day, and I really couldn’t tell you what we’re celebrating. I mean, it started on an anniversary year, but now it’s just an annual day to get a free Batman comic. OK, I’ll take it. It’s also the official launch date for the DC Universe streaming service. We got some DCU news this week, as Derek Mears has reportedly been cast as the suit actor for the Swamp Thing character, while Maria Sten will be Liza Tremaine. As far as content, the series is expected to be a “Hard R”. Also, it was revealed that Titans will feature Robin II, Jason Todd. We got this new pic of the series, and it still does nothing to make me want to watch this show.

In other comics news, Top Cow is planning a relaunch of The Darkness, which was originally a spin-off of Witchblade. Let’s hope it’s better than their recent reboot of Witchblade! To give you some backstory, the Witchblade was one of the powerful artifacts of the Top Cow universe that bonded with strong women over time. Once it got to the 90s, however, all the women’s empowerment went out the window, as it was nothing but a T&A book. While it put artists like Michael Turner on the map, it would be years later that the book gained any real substance.

The Darkness was one of those concepts introduced way too soon. It was a demonic force that, like the Witchblade, was passed down to males, from generation to generation. The power manifests on the bearer’s 21st birthday, but the problem is that the power is passed on at the moment of conception, killing the current host. It’s like that heavy handed 2nd verse of TLC’s “Waterfalls”! So, imagine how much it sucked for Jackie Estacado, a 21 year old mobster, who finds himself as the latest host for the Darkness. I mean, he was a womanizer, but now he couldn’t have sex.

And this is my problem with 90s comics. They wanted to be so edgy, but still remain so chaste, due to the Comics Code Authority. It was bandied about that Jackie couldn’t have sex, or he’d die. Um, condoms? Was this some poorly written AIDS allegory? X-Men tried to do the same thing. Gambit and Rogue are star-crossed because they can’t touch. Gloves and condoms, fool. A horny 13 year old kid can come up with a LOT of ways to make that work, and he was the primary audience for that book.

Anyway, Witchblade was just reimagined with a new host, and ZERO T&A. It’s like they’re not smart enough to realize why people bought that book. Witchblade, as a character, goes in that category with Lady Death and Vampirella, where you know exactly what you’re throwing down your money to read. This new book is just about some boring blonde girl, and I dropped it after one issue. Some concepts can be reimagined. Some can’t. I feel like Witchblade is only gonna work as a T&A book, and Darkness only works as her brooding, on-again, off-again boyfriend.

In TV news, the new cast of Dancing with the Stars was announced this week, and there were some surprises. I don’t watch the show at all, but I still keep up with who’s been tapped for the show. While I don’t know 3/4 of these people (because they’re all either reality show or Disney Channel stars), I do recognize some interesting choices. First, there’s the Ryan Seacrest of Country Music, Mr. Bobby Bones. He’s been branching out into other media, but the guy has a daily morning radio show. I feel like he’s gonna take an early L just to get back to his 37 other jobs. Then there’s 1984 Olympic gold medalist Mary Lou Retton, on whom I’ve had a crush since I was 3 years old. What? She was EVERYWHERE back then. It was like when Bobby Hill had that crush on Kerri Strug. The big one that stood out to me, however, was former Dukes of Hazzard star John Schneider, who was recently in the news because he was trying to get his jail time (for non payment of spousal support) reinstated, as he couldn’t afford to pay his ex-wife. Guess he said, “I can’t pay the bitch, so send me back to jail” – all while his car horn plays “Dixie” as he speeds through the center of town.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

  • The will reportedly be a death on Modern Family next season, of a “significant character” according to Co-creator Christopher Lloyd. All signs are pointing to Fred Willard’s Frank Dunphy.
  • Game of Thrones star Kit Harington blasted Marvel for not casting gay actors as any of their onscreen heroes. Not really sure what he was going for there. Maybe his manager told him to do it?
  • “They’re robots, bitch.” Expect that line next season, as Jesse Pinkman himself, Aaron Paul, joins the cast of Westworld.
  • The Blue’s Clues reboot, Blue’s Clues & You, has found its new host in Joshua Dela Cruz. That’s for all you parents/perverts out there.
  • The sun continues to shine on former Cosby Show star/more recent Trader Joe’s employee, as he is set to appear on NCIS: New Orleans next season.
  • Shane West is joining Gotham next season as a mysterious new villain. Remember when folks had high hopes for Shane? Man, that was some week!
  • American Gods must be cursed, as the show is about to lose its third showrunner. There are reports that Jesse Alexander was let go by Starz because the show is 6 weeks behind schedule and has gone over budget.
  • I guess we’re really doing this: after the Academy got rid of the “Popular Oscar”, Disney released its For Your Consideration list for Black Panther to Academy voters. Yup, they’re trying to get King T’Challa an Oscar!
  • Since the Roseanne thing didn’t really go as planned, ABC is going back to the well and has picked up the Designing Women reboot. It turns out the series is actually planned as a sequel, which will focus on the next generation of Sugarbaker women – which will be interesting since they were all past menopause by the end of the last series…
  • Rappers Nicki Minaj and Cardi B came to fisticuffs after a party during New York Fashion Week
  • Adult film star Stormy Daniels announced her upcoming book, Full Disclosure, which is supposedly her tell all account of her affair with Donald Trump. If I didn’t read Omarosa’s book, or Woodward’s book, or even Comey’s book, then why the Hell would I read this? I don’t need to read “He produced his turgid Cheeto, which I proceeded to ride, filled with ennui.”
  • X-Men: Extermination #1 saw the death of Scott Summers’ son, Cable – killed by a younger Cable! Oh, and this is the second time Cable has “died” in the past 10 years. Space that shit out, Marvel!

  • Marvel’s trying to get some of the DC Super Hero Girls money, with Marvel Rising: Secret Warriors, which has a toyline launching next month. I just hope these do better than those Star Wars: Forces of Destiny dolls, ’cause those did NOT find an audience.
  • Speaking of DC, there’s a new sheriff in town for the comics division, as it will now report directly to the President of New Warner Bros Global Brands & Experiences, Pam Lifford. Two interesting things here: 1) she’s a Black woman and 2) she used to work for the competition, as she was Disney exec until Marvel CEO Ike Perlmutter used his influence to have her division closed. This should be interesting!

It was a great week for John Legend. First off, he won an Emmy Award for his work on Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert. Now, this would be an amazing accomplishment for anyone, but it was even more so for Legend, as it got him EGOT status: someone who has won a Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony Award. While I originally learned the term from 30 Rock, it was apparently coined by Miami Vice‘s Phillip Michael Thomas – like he ever had a chance. That’s like if I said I want to win 3 Olympic gold medals, as I sit on my couch, crunching on Doritos. Anyway, I believe that, at 39, Legend is the youngest person to get an EGOT. And the big news didn’t stop there, as it was also announced that he will be replacing Jennifer Hudson as a coach on The Voice next season. Not too shabby for a former a cappella kid who used to lament the fact that he was just one of the “Ordinary People”. That’s why John Legend had the West Week Ever.

07th Sep2018

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review – 9/7/18

by Will

 

I took last week off since it was a 3-day weekend, and y’all never read my shit when you’re watching the clock for your 72 hr orgy, or barbecue, or whatever the Hell it is y’all get into. Then, I took a “mental health day” today because my mental ain’t so healthy lately. So, this is coming out after 5 PM, which means you’ve already left work, and you’re probably pregaming for your 48 hr orgy. I hope ya read it, ’cause we’ve got 2 weeks of stuff to talk about, but I stopped tracking stats long ago. It’s better for the mental health….

HarassmentWatch(TM)

Shane Black: Apparently a scene was removed from The Predator, which contained a cameo by one of Black’s friends, who’s also a registered sex offender. Now, why he thought throwing his friend a job like this was a good idea, I’ll never know. I’m not sure if he’s “loyal” or just “stupid”, but hey, it’s 2018 and shit like that don’t go unnoticed.

Les Moonves Update: While Moonves was allowed to keep his job during the investigation into the sexual harassment claims against him, there are now rumors that he’s seeking a quiet exit from CBS. To add to that, there was an interesting article yesterday about how he made it his life’s mission to destroy Janet Jackson following her “wardrobe malfunction” after the 2004 Super Bowl.

As a “student of pop culture”, I never really had much of an opinion on the wardrobe malfunction. It was one of the few Super Bowls I missed, so I didn’t see it with the rest of you. And while I stanned for JT, I was still more mad at how he blew off his bandmates than for this. It didn’t go unnoticed that he pretty much got out of the whole thing unscathed but, according to the article, this was only because he tearfully approached Moonves about it, which Moonves loved. What a dickhole.

Louis CK Update: Louis returned to the stage in an unannounced set at the Comedy Cellar. From most accounts, his “comeback” wasn’t that great, and now he’s got a new enemy: the owner of the Cellar, Noam Dworman. Dworman claims he was never made aware of Louis’ plans, and he also didn’t appreciate that his club was chosen, as it’s put him in the middle of the controversy. On top of it, he is disappointed that Louis didn’t even address the allegations in his set. To Dworman, what should’ve been a mea culpa, hat-in-hand moment was more of a “Surprise! Here’s business as usual, like nothing happened.” So, it doesn’t seem like the world of comedy is ready to forgive Louis just yet.

Mahoney! Apparently, Steve Guttenberg is going around, saying there’s a new Police Academy movie coming, and I’m gonna need him to stop. The problem is this is a HORRIBLE time for that movie, I don’t care how lovable those guys are. Let’s Be Cops got in at the very last minute that folks were cool with cops. It’ll be quite some time before folks are ready to embrace a Police Academy movie again.

Plus, the franchise came out during a time when we didn’t care about everyone’s opinion. At this point, we’d have the fraternal orders of police weighing in about how they feel disrespected. Fox News would want a boycott for the film that “disparages our heroes!”, and Sheriff David A. Clarke would use it as an excuse to do more rounds on the talk show circuit. And it’s kind sad watching old ass Michael Winslow try to make sounds that I can just download an app to produce. Let that shit go. Give it a few years, and then introduce Mahoney’s kid, who’s joining the academy. I’ll only watch, though, if they “Weekend at Bernie’s” Commandant Lassard, by dragging George Gaynes’s corpse around the whole film.

In TV news, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia started its 13th (!) season this week, in an episode that was…serviceable. First of all, they dealt with the mystery of whether or not Glenn Howerton’s Dennis was coming back, seeing as how his new series, AP Bio, was renewed at NBC. So, to replace Dennis in their circle of friends, the gang recruited…Mindy Kaling? Yeah, it didn’t work for me. Her casting just didn’t feel right. Should’ve been a blonde White chick. A real Fox News type for what they were going for. Dennis looks old as shit. Waitress looks HORRIBLE with that hair. In all, I’m glad the show’s not cancelled, but they just seem out of ideas.

In other TV news, last week we celebrated Power Rangers Day, as the 25th anniversary episode of Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel aired in primetime on Nickelodeon. And it was…OK. It wasn’t as rushed as the Legendary Battle special from Power Rangers Super Megaforce, but it was SUCH a Tommy wankfest that I almost can’t believe it. Yes, I realize that Jason David Frank is basically the patron saint of Power Rangers, but little kids have GOT to be wondering “Who’s this old guy who keeps coming around?” In the episode, Rangers from different dimensions are pulled together to help the current team fight Lord Draven, who’s trying to tear down the barriers between realities. It’s a shame that the current team is so bland. They’re basically Power Rangers Sanka. The only interesting part of Ninja Steel/Super Ninja Steel is watching the creative ways that the production crew come up with to hide the Pink Ranger’s insane ass. No, seriously, it’s INSANE. The special posed SO many questions, but it also pretty much gave some sneak peaks at toys that I’m positive we’re getting from Hasbro next year.

In comic news, it was announced that fan favorite writer, Gail Simone, will become the chief architect of Lion Forge’s Catalyst Prime superhero universe. I’m kinda torn on this one. No, I’m not really torn at all. You see, the Catalyst Prime books aren’t very good. Launched as a universe that featured diverse heroes, and science-based powers, there were some hits (Noble) and quite a few misses (everything else). I only supported them because the old chief architect of the line was a buddy of mine from my comic days, and I always support his stuff. Catalyst, however, just wasn’t hitting the right buttons for me, and I guess it wasn’t for others, as well, as they announced a creative shake-up. And at just the time of that shake-up, my buddy jumped ship to another publisher. So then I felt bamboozled that I had sunk several hundred dollars (Oh, I was ALL IN) into a line that wouldn’t see its original ideas to fruition, nor did it seem like it was guaranteed to stick around. I had no desire to see where Catalyst was going at that point.

Now, to Gail. I like Gail. I do. But she kinda has this undeserved reputation as a “fixer”. As one of the few prominent women in comics, whenever a female comic character needs “fixing”, the fans immediately go “Give her to Gail!” This worked with Birds of Prey. She also did some fan favorite work with Agent X/Deadpool, at a period of time before he was emblazoned on everything in Hot Topic. But I also remember the failures. She couldn’t “save” Wonder Woman, and turned in a run that is pretty much forgotten. She couldn’t “reimagine” Gen13 for the 21st century. And I remember she kinda got in some shit with my friend, Jenn, a few years back for her portrayal of Asian hero Ryan Choi, who was The Atom at the time. So, I wish her well, but I think I’m taking my leave of the Catalyst Prime universe.

Speaking of female comic characters, Entertainment Weekly gave us our first glimpse of Brie Larson as Captain Marvel. I know some of y’all are big Carol Danvers fans (looking at you, Zac), but I just can’t board that train. I do not like Captain Marvel. She’s a character that once held promise, but has been woefully mischaracterized in recent years. This guy articulates exactly how I feel about her. Basically, if you’re desperate for a White feminist icon in comics, she gets the job done, but she is horribly flawed.

I know the movie will be good ’cause they’ll take some liberties. There are lots of MCU characters whose comic versions I loathe (Black Panther, anyone?). I feel she was more interesting as Binary. Hell, she was more interesting as ANY incarnation until her “promotion” to Captain. The House of M story was both the best and worst thing to ever happen to her. It was the best because she was shown a world where she met her true potential, and it inspired her to stop being such a self-pitying fuck-up. It was the worst, though, because she became a social climber, willing to use and/or step on anyone in order to become the best that she could be. She got Rhodey killed, she was WRONG in Civil War II, and she’s pretty much been wrong about every decision she’s made since House of M, but she’s got the Carol Corps fan base behind her, who feel she can do no wrong. I have no problem with flawed characters. Marvel’s FULL of them. In many ways, she’s just a female Tony Stark. My problem is that, for some reason when it comes to her, they refuse to call a spade a spade. She’s promoted as this aspirational hero when she’s really just a fuck-up who’s trying to fake it until she makes it. Whew! Breathe, Will. Anyway, the movie looks good. I just hope it makes me like her as a character, ’cause I sure as Hell don’t like her right now.

Lots of DC Universe streaming news came out, and none of it makes me want to give them my money. First up, we got that logo you see for the Stargirl series. Plus, Timothy Dalton has been cast in Doom Patrol. The service will launch next Saturday, which also happens to be Batman Day. The Titans live action series will launch next month, on October 12th. The show everyone’s waiting for, however – Young Justice: Outsiders – won’t premiere until 2019. So, yeah, good luck with that.

 

Let’s get political for a bit, ’cause it’s 2018, and that’s what we do now. So, an “anonymous” person within the Trump White House wrote this New York Times op/ed about how there are members of the administration who are hard at work for making sure he doesn’t get us all killed. As the article made the rounds, folks were like “Ooh, what a coup!” But that dog don’t hunt for me. I’ve posted this on various social media, but I think it bears repeating here:

Yeah, I couldn’t even finish that article. There’s too many “Sure, he’s insane, but good things have come from this administration” interjections. Plus, y’all only have to keep him in check ’cause you were dumb enough to put him there in the first place. Eat ALL the dicks!

Plus, they are striving REAL hard to make sure you realize whose side they’re on. It’s like “We’re part of the Resistance, but not the Left’s Resistance. Don’t get it twisted.” That distinction shouldn’t matter if the situation is as dire as you claim.

Your whole “Don’t worry. We got this” means absofuckinglutely NOTHING to me seeing as how you created this problem and are now Tony Starking your way out of it. You’re just as culpable, so don’t think this 11th hour play absolves you of that. Remember all the dicks? EAT THEM

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

  • This Fall, ABC is trying to bring back the TGIF branding (for the third time, mind you) for its Friday night shows. This iteration of the comedy block will include Fresh Off The Boat, Speechless, and the one-hour game show, Child Support. Also, the network is peppering in former TGIF stars as guest stars, as Jaleel White is scheduled to pop up on FOTB (sadly NOT as Urkel), while Ben Savage will appear on Speechless.
  • Mr. Robot is ending after its upcoming 4th season, which is exactly 2.5 seasons after I stopped giving a shit.
  • It was announced that Saturday Night Live‘s season premiere will air September 29th.
  • Emmy Rossum announced that she’s leaving the Showtime series Shameless. While I’ve never seen the show, I know she’s topless a lot in it and, thanks to the Internet, I’ve seen her breasts about 184 times.
  • The new Bachelor will be former San Diego Chargers tight end, Colton Underwood. I refuse to believe that’s his real name, but if it is, he’d better be a Hollywood stuntman who’s a bounty hunter on the side.
  • Fox executives probably let out a collective “FUCK!” this week, as it was announced that Netflix was saving the recently-cancelled ABC series Designated Survivor, which stars former 24 hero Kiefer Sutherland. I guess they’ll have to get back to work on all those non-Jack Bauer ideas they had…
  • Alicia Silverstone’s American Woman has been cancelled at Paramount Network after one season. Meanwhile, the TVLand series Younger will be moving to Paramount Network next season.
  • America’s favorite 80s lesbian, Jo Polniaczek, will soon be putting down the edibles, and dancing over our heads, as Nancy McKeon joins the next cycle of Dancing With The Stars.
  • Insecure and Ballers have been renewed at HBO. I remember liking Insecure, but Ballers feels like Dwayne Johnson is only doing it because one of the creators is a friend who owes money to the mob.
  • Formerly on Fuse and TruTV, Billy Eichner’s Billy on the Street will be returning with new episodes…on Funny or Die’s website. This is like a notch higher than just throwing the shit on Crackle.
  • Henry Cavill will be starring in Netflix’s adaptation of The Witcher. Now, I don’t know much about vidya games, as I owned a Nie-tenda, but didn’t have one of them Sagas. I hear the games are good, but it seems like a demotion to go from Superman to Netflix adaptation series. Maybe the Superman Curse is wearing off, though, as it could be worse: he could have Dean Cain’s career…
  • Former Doctor Who star Matt Smith has been cast in a secret role for Star Wars Episode XI, and folks act like they care, but they don’t really care. They’re just waiting to learn more so they can talk shit about it. I know you Star Wars fans!
  • Dick Wolf’s wallet will soon be getting fatter, as NBC has ordered Law & Order: Hate Crimes, which will spin out of Special Victims Unit. Call me when they get to Law & Order: Jaywalker Elimination Force.
  • In a surprising move for the franchise, Tim Gunn and Heidi Klum are leaving Project Runway to create their own project over at Amazon. Auf wiedersehen!
  • So, according to Michael Moore, our current state of affairs can be blamed on that Hollaback Girl, Gwen Stefani. According to Moore, when Trump heard that Gwen was making more money as a coach on The Voice than he was making on The Apprentice, he planned to announce a run for president in order to coax more money out of the network. Thanks a lot, Gwen. I guess Tony Kanal’s isn’t the only life you’ve fucked up now…
  • Remember that new Academy Award that was basically gonna be “Best Popular Film”? Yeah, that’s dead already. Womp womp.

This is a tough one this week. When the week started, Fox News was trying to shame former Cosby Show actor Geoffrey Owens because he had been caught working as a bagger at a New York area Trader Joe’s. It turned into a big conversation about how working actors don’t make that much, and how there’s nothing wrong with making an honest living. Over the course of the week, there was backlash against Fox News and against the woman who snuck the pic in the first place. As of yesterday, however, it was reported that Tyler Perry had cast Owens in his OWN series The Haves and Have Nots, and that he was on his way to Atlanta to start a recurring role. So, West Week Ever? Maybe, but Nike was like, “Hold my jock strap.”

You see, Nike chose currently unemployed football star Colin Kaepernick to be the face of their new ad campaign, and the Conservatives lost their shit. One of the roadies for country act Big & Rich went viral for cutting the Nike “Swoosh” off his socks in protest. Folks started burning their Nike products and demanding a boycott. “How could Nike align themselves with someone who disrespects our HEROES?!” If that’s your interpretation of what this whole thing is about, then there’s pretty much no reaching you and you’re just determined to be offended.

Doubling down on their decision, Nike released the following commercial during last night’s NFL season opener:

Sorry, Elvin, but it looks like you’ve been emasculated yet again. It was gonna be a tie, but this commercial “got me in the feels” as you kids like to say. Are YOUR dreams crazy enough? That gave me a lot to chew on. So, Nike had the West Week Ever.

15th Jun2018

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review – 6/15/18

by Will

HarassmentWatch(TM):

Chris Hardwick: Thank sweet Baby Jesus it’s finally acceptable to say Chris Hardwick is a piece of shit! I could’ve told you that from back during the Singled Out days. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, his former girlfriend, Chloe Dykstra, posted an essay on Medium detailing the abuse that she suffered during their relationship. Not only was he emotionally abusive to Dykstra, but he also regularly made her have sex with him when she didn’t want to do it. Then, when she finally left him, he used his sway in geek circles to have her blacklisted.

Now, I don’t want to make light of what he did for some personal vendetta. All I’m saying is that none of these allegations surprise me. He always came off as an insecure little man who never got over the fact he was bullied in school. He’s the kind of person who’d keep a Shit List to “get back at his enemies” once he was in a position to do so. I never liked the cut of his jib, and there was just something I couldn’t put my finger on. To say these things online, however, were a nonstarter, ’cause he has something of a deplorable fan base. You know how folks hate the Rick & Morty fans? Well, these are basically the same guys. Say something about him, and they come mock you. Why? Because they’re the guys who’d do the same shit in his position. Anyway, he recently renamed his podcast to ID10T and moved from the Nerdist Network that he created, to the ID10T company that he also created. The Nerdist brand now belongs to Legendary, but he remains the CEO even if it’s just a vanity title at the moment, as he has very little day to day involvement. Still, it will be interesting to see how many folks in the ID10T/Nerdist family leave over these allegations.

So, it ain’t looking good for folks who assumed the Disney/Fox acquisition was a done deal. On the heels of the court approving the AT&T/Time-Warner merger, Comcast has submitted an offer for Fox for $65 billion, in an all-cash deal. While the cash aspect might be unattractive, due to the taxes involved, the deal is still worth more than Disney’s offer of $52.4 billion in stock. Plus, to sweeten the deal, Comcast has offered to pay the $1.5 billion “breakup fee” that Fox would have to pay Disney for backing out of their negotiations. So, it’s currently Disney’s game to lose, as they’ll need to come back with a more attractive offer. There’s a chance, though, that the X-Men and Fantastic Four aren’t “coming home” as soon as many previously assumed.

While things for Disney/Marvel are sort of in a holding pattern, things over at Warner Bros/DC Comics are crazy sauce right now! First off, President of DC Entertainment and President of Warner Bros Consumer Products, Diane Nelson, has officially left the company. She reportedly went on a leave of absence back in March to attend to family matters, but now it appears she will not be returning to her post. Insiders stress that she made the decision to leave, and wasn’t ousted.

But wait, there’s more! Earlier this week, it was reported that the Chief Creative Officer, Geoff Johns, who worked closely with Nelson, would also be leaving the company. His CCO role will now be added to DC Publisher Jim Lee’s plate, while he’s being given something of a consolation production deal at Warner Bros, called Mad Ghost Productions. Unlike Nelson, it seems the writing was on the wall for Johns. The studio wasn’t happy with the response to Justice League, which he produced, not to mention the majority of the DCEU slate. In January, Johns sort of lost his seat at the table when Warner Bros promoted Walter Hamada to oversee the comic book movie division.

Still, I can’t help but think these two departures are related. Were they banging each other? Are they splitting off to form their own company, like Sterling Cooper did that time on Mad Men? I’m honestly not surprised about the Nelson thing, really. I have no clue what she’s going through, but I remember how…unprepared she seemed to be at the “DC in D.C.” event back in January. Sure, it was the inaugural edition of an untested concept, but her speech was more disjointedly off-the-cuff than prepared, and she struck me as someone who probably couldn’t have run a PTA meeting, let alone a company like DC Entertainment. Maybe it was just a bad morning for her, but it was clear that whatever she eventually left to deal with in March was already going on back then.

On the comics side of things, though, there’s some interesting things on the horizon. This week, we got more information about the upcoming event, Heroes In Crisis. Written by Tom King, who I hear has been doing some amazing stuff with the Batman book (and who I can confirm did an amazing job on Sheriff of Babylon), the story focuses on PTSD in the superhero community. In order to deal with it, and get heroes mentally prepared to get back on the streets, the DC Trinity of Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman established Sanctuary. The facility is something of a secret amongst the hero community, and anonymity is kept because it keeps no patient records. Suddenly, however, some recent patients turn up dead, and a murder mystery is ignited.

I like the sound of this storyline because it’s something we don’t think about too often. Sure, there’s always a danger in incorporating real world events into comics (I’m looking at you, post-9/11 crying Dr. Doom!), but I could see how this would work. I also like how it seems like a more grounded story, where change might occur, but it isn’t necessarily on the “The Universe Will Never Be The Same!” level of most crossover events. It sort of reminds me of Identity Crisis, which is a story I didn’t hate as much as some others. Sure, I thought the ending/reveal was something of a cop out, but it also didn’t seem like a huge betrayal because I wasn’t all that familiar with the character. I kinda hate that they managed to slip “Crisis” into the title, as DC execs are bound to know how triggering that is for fans. Still, I like the more character-based stories, and I don’t feel you have to go to space just to make a storyline seem like it “matters”. So, I’ll definitely be picking this up. And then reading it 2 years from now, because that’s how far behind I am on my DC reading.

They said the Revolution would not be televised, but they were wrong. What they didn’t tell us was that it would end, not with a bang, but with a whimper. Yes, it is with heavy heart that I report that, after 28 seasons, production has ceased on The Jerry Springer Show. In a deal reported this week, The CW has acquired the show’s library to air in the afternoon spot being vacated by cancelled The Robert Irvine Show on their stations. While the door is open for possible tapings down the road, new episodes of the show are no longer in production. I will never fulfill a lifelong dream of sitting in an audience of drunken Spring Break college kids, yelling “Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!”

I mean, I get it. Jerry’s 74 years old, and he’s made his money. When the show hit its peak, the guests seemed like a weird microcosm of American society. We’d watch the show and ask each other “Where do they find these people?” Now, we look around us, and that IS America. We won! No, no we didn’t. We’re a heartbeat away from Idiocracy. You could blame Springer for ushering in this era, or you could credit the show for giving us a preview of what we would become. We had the chance to stop it, but we decided we’d rather laugh at the cousin-fucking chair throwers. This just led to not only the reality show craze, but also inspired the World Wrestling Entertainment “Attitude Era”.

What was always interesting to me was Springer’s pivot. I’ve been with the show from the very beginning, and you wouldn’t recognize those first few seasons, where he was doing his best Phil Donahue impression. He had serious, sometimes heartwarming topics, like little kids with HIV and how they were coping. Then, in the mid 90s, the fights began. The chairs took to the skies. The security budget increased. At some point, they redesigned the set to look like a back alley and installed a stripper pole. The lower they sank, the more popular they became. It was the smart, conservative diligent student who realized she’d be more popular if she said “Screw homework!” and showed a bit more cleavage. It got so bad that the show came under fire for its most outrageous bits, prompting them to do more cutaways, yet it provided more footage to fuel their Girls Gone Wild-esque Jerry Springer: Too Hot For TV video series.

I’ve often wondered which was the REAL Jerry Springer: the early nuDonahue OR the modern-day White Trash ringmaster? The man’s earlier political career was tarnished when a raid on a massage parlor revealed a check that he had used to pay for a prostitute (People used checks to pay for hookers? Can you imagine how many of those had to have bounced?! Man, I miss the old days!). So, was the gentle, caring early Springer something of an image restoration, and in his older age he decided he just didn’t care anymore? Or is he still that Springer, but he’s essentially doing all this because it’s what the people want?

I’ve also been impressed that the production aspect of the show is one of show business’s greatest kept secrets. I mean, it’s been almost 30 years, and we still don’t really know how they pull it off. We know how wrestling is done. We know how some of the greatest magic tricks are done. But we still don’t really know what goes into producing an average episode of The Jerry Springer Show. Where DO they find these people? Are they paid? Are they actors? If they are actors, none of them have ever made it big. There’s no footage of a young Benicio Del Toro on stage for his love of midget strippers. Sure, there have been stories. For example, Lunchbox, who’s a morning radio personality as part of country radio’s The Bobby Bones Show, went on Springer when he was in high school. He admits he lied, though, about his age and his reason for being there. So, that’s one case. From that, we learn they didn’t vet their guests that well, but then why would they? Some of those stories are so fantastical that you wouldn’t want to prove them false, and there’s no real legal ramification for putting it out there without researching it. I mean, it’s entertainment, not a scientific breakthrough needing FDA approval.

Anyway, it’s truly the end of an era, which may not be a bad thing. Nobody could really keep up with Springer’s outlandish show, even though they tried. Some eventually found their niche, like Maury ruling the paternity test roost. The latest trend in syndicated daytime talk shows are known as “conflict talkers”. This is your Steve Wilkos, your Robert Irvine, your Jeremy Kyle. It’s a genre of show where middle-aged White men (usually muscle-bound and/or former cops) yell at poor people. “You need to respect your mom!” “Close your legs and open your eyes!” “Why won’t you let him see his kids?!” In all honesty, it’s a natural progression from the Springer era. Everyone had their fun back then, and this is the wind-down, where you’re forced to look back at what you did. Meanwhile, the more outrageous Springerites have moved over to the world of court shows, just as they used to migrate to the dating shows back at the turn of the century.

My grandmother used to love Springer. She’d pretend she was appalled by it, but her 85 year old self loved to watch people fight. Not boxing fights, but visceral “real people” altercations. She also used to love any episode of Married…with Children when the Bundys grew closer by throwing down with another family. She was an odd bird at times, and I loved her for it. She’s been gone for almost 20 years now, but this is kind of the end of an era of something we shared. Thanks for the memories, Jerry. Until we meet again, you take care of yourself, and we’ll try to take care of each other.

Over the past few years, I’ve had the honor and pleasure of guesting on quite a few friends’ podcasts. One that was especially good to me was the Cold Slither Podcast Network. I was invited on pretty early, and they always supported me during the Will’s World of Wonder years. So, I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that CSPN chairman/president/CEO, Classick Materia, announced his retirement from the network last week. Now known to the world simply as “Jamal”, his life is in a different place than when he started the Cold Slither Podcast, and then expanded it into a full network with a slate of shows. I’ve been on the flagship show, I’ve been on Comic Book Chronicles, and I’ve had some of the most fun on The Classick Team-Up. So, I do feel like I’m losing a small part of myself here. Still, I understand his decision and wish him well. And it’s not like the CSPN is going away. No, he’s leaving it in capable hands. Still, I don’t know those dudes, so they ain’t asking me on anytime soon!

It’s not all endings, however. We’ve also got some beginnings! My pal Kevin Hellions runs TeamHellions.com, and he’s got a new thrifting column called T.H.R.I.F.T. that you need to check out. When I was doing Thrift Justice, I always meant to do “Tips from the road”, giving folks advice on how to find stuff. Instead, it turned into “Look at my cool shit!” Kevin here has excelled where I fell short. Great stuff!

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

  • Remember when you bought a new outfit that really didn’t fit your personality, but were excited to wear it to school because you thought it would make you cool? But, instead, everyone just laughed at you? That’s pretty much what happened to IHOP this week, when they announced that they were temporarily changing their name to IHOb, for International House of Burgers. Apparently they’ve got some new steak burger line they’re trying to promote, and this is what their genius marketing people came up with. It’s sad because it shows a lack of commitment. Last week, when the change was teased, nowhere did they mention it was temporary. We got the impression they’d be updating signs, menus, etc. Now that we know it’s just a temporary marketing ploy, they just look sad.
  • Not everything in Washington sucks these days, as the Capitals won the Stanley Cup finals. There was a parade and everything. I’m not a sports guy, so I missed all that, but I know folks are happy. They’d be happier if it were football or baseball instead of hockey, but they’ll take what they can get.
  • CBS continues its retooling of the upcoming Cedric The Entertainer-starring sitcom, The Neighborhood. When I did my upfronts post, I mentioned that star Josh Lawson had been replaced by New Girl‘s Max Greenfield. At the time, my only comfort was knowing that Dreama Walker would be on the show. Well, that’s over, as she’s been replaced by 2 Broke Girls‘ Beth Behrs. I already had issues with the one-note nature of the show, and these recasts don’t fill me with any additional confidence.
  • Somehow, author James Patterson and former President Bill Clinton were paired together to write a novel. And someone, somewhere thought it would be a good idea to send them on a book tour on the tail end of the #MeToo movement. I take it that person is currently looking for work. In a pseudo-contentious interview with NBC’s Craig Melvin, Clinton said that he never apologized to former intern/cigar holder Monica Lewinsky, nor does he feel he owes her an apology – all of this while Patterson sat idly by, with “I just wanted to talk about my book” clearly plastered across his face.
  • The Miss America Pageant will be eliminating the swimsuit competition, at which point I feel we should just call a spade a spade and get rid of the whole thing. It’s not that I feel women need to be objectified in swimwear, but it’s that I feel the pageant as a whole doesn’t really offer much more than that. It’s all just surface appraisals, so why start acting like you care about a woman’s character and all that? It was founded in 1921, so do it til 2021 and wrap that shit up with the rest of the historical artifacts.
  • FX has renewed Atlanta for season 3. I actually finally finished season 2 over the weekend, and I would have had no problem if it had ended as something of a 2-season “experiment”. I felt season 2 was weird solely for the sake of being weird. Glover deftly handles that sort of material, but I just wanted some episodes I didn’t have to analyze or Google to get the whole picture. Considering season 2 was “Robbin’ Season”, which saw everyone have something taken away from them, I really hope season 3 is a little more positive for all involved.
  • TBS reversed its renewal of the Conan O’Brien-produced sitcom People of Earth. It had been renewed for a 3rd season last fall, with the season already written, but the show’s creator took to Twitter to report that it wouldn’t be shot. This makes me worry for The Detour, which is a recently-renewed favorite of mine, also on TBS, which was never a ratings darling.
  • The Tony Awards were cattier than ever this year, as Robert DeNiro said “Fuck Trump” on the live telecast, while Neil Patrick Harris started a Twitter feud with Crazy Ex-Girlfriend star Rachel Bloom. And a bunch of shows won some awards, but none of them were Hamilton, so nobody outside the theatre world cared.
  • Keiynan Lonsdale is leaving his role of Kid Flash on both The Flash and Legends of Tomorrow, reportedly for “personal reasons”. Yeah, I’ve got nothing snarky to say there. He seems like a good kid.
  • Bill Cosby’s wife, Camille, is reportedly ready to file for divorce. Bitch, you had 30-plus years to leave him. Bye!
  • The showrunners for Star Trek: Discovery, Aaron Harberts and Gretchen J. Berg, have been ousted, with Alex Kurtzman taking over as showrunner for season 2. Half of the season has already been completed, but the pair were accused of budget overruns, as well as mistreatment of writing staff. Akiva Goldsman, who came on as executive producer last season will also not be returning.
  • Silver & Black, the Silver Sable/Black Cat Spider-Man spinoff film that nobody wanted, has lost its release date, and has been delayed indefinitely. I guess they’re taking notes from the Universal Fancon folks…
  • It’s a confusing story, so I’m not even going to try to make sense of it. Let’s just say that Stan Lee has been granted a restraining order against his supposed business partner Key Morgan. Morgan has served as Lee’s “caretaker” since the death of Lee’s wife, but many suspect he is responsible for elder abuse of Lee. This story has been going for the last 6 months, and only seems to get crazier.
  • We got three trailers last week worth talking about. I’m running short on time, so I’ll use the In Living Color review scale. Ralph Breaks The Internet: Wreck-It Ralph 2 (Hated it!); The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part (Hated it!); Bumblebee (Two Snaps Up!)
  • Speaking of trailers, though, here’s one for a movie, Hearts Beat Loud, that I’d really like to see. It’s out now, but nobody’s gonna see it, so hopefully it finds life on DVD/streaming.

Here comes the swerve! You know how one of the four in the intro pic gets the West Week Ever? Not today, suckas! I really should’ve written a post last week, ’cause I was scared I wouldn’t get to do this. I mean, nothing really happened in the world of pop culture last week, but this week was something of a shitshow. Still, nothing GOOD happened like this:

Charlotte “Charley” Bruce West was born last Tuesday at 10:33 PM, at 7 lbs and 1 oz. She was originally due May 30th, so you can see she’s pretty stubborn (she didn’t get that from me!). While her older sister took a good 24 hours to come put, this delivery was shorter than Avengers: Infinity War. Her mom didn’t even have time to get an epidural, ’cause she’s a warrior like that!

Anyway, I now have two kids – two daughters at that. I walk around my house, mumbling “Two kids…two kids.” It’s much more difficult than I thought it would be. I mean, changing a diaper while the older one is climbing on your back? It’s like a demented reality show! Anyway, I now have two kids. My mom only had one, so she can’t tell me shit. Every time she opens her mouth, I’m like “Two kids. I won.” So, to me, that’s the best thing that happened in popular culture the past 2 weeks. You can have your Stanley Cup and your CMT awards. I’ve got Charley, and she had the West Week Ever.

25th May2018

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review – 5/25/18

by Will

HarassmentWatch(TM)

Mario Batali Update – The celebrity chef is now officially under criminal investigation by the NYPD for allegations against him for sexual misconduct. He will be bought out of his restaurant group by July 1st. Meanwhile, he must’ve been the backbone of The Chew, as ABC has cancelled the series (following his ouster) in order to expand Good Morning America to 3 hours. Anyway, when the allegations first came out, Batali said that they pretty much lined up with behavior he’d exhibited in the past, so there’s no real denial here.

Luc Besson – The French director, probably best known for Léon: The Professional, has been accused of rape by an actress, who said that Besson put something in her tea during a meeting. She lost consciousness, only to wake up to find Besson fondling and penetrating her. He allegedly fled the hotel, leaving her a wad of cash. French police are investigating the allegations, while Besson is in denial mode.

Jeffrey Tambor Update – In a New York Times interview with the cast of Arrested Development, costar Jessica Walter recounted a time when Tambor was verbally abusive to her – which resulted in a bunch of the male costars basically mansplaining and coming to Tambor’s defense. Costar Jason Bateman later had to walk back his remarks on Twitter after folks pointed out that he was basically minimizing Walter’s experience. Not a good look for a show promoting its return (May 29th on Netflix), but I sadly doubt it’ll really matter to many.

Morgan Freeman – What? NO! You don’t say! Anyway, the famed narrator/actor has been accused of sexual harassment by 8 different women. He would frequently comment on production assistants’ figures, and even tried to lift one woman’s skirt to see if she was wearing underwear. He issued a statement that he apologized “to anyone who felt uncomfortable or disrespected” by his actions. Whatever. Dude is an 80 year old man who wears an earring. If you don’t realize he’s a guy who’s still “trying to get it in”, then of course you’re surprised. Still, he was dating his stepgranddaughter at one point, so nothing he does sexually surprises me anymore. I wrote him off, like, ten years ago.

Harvey Weinstein Update – Could this be the end of HarassmentWatch? The man who started it all, who inspired the #MeToo Movement, will officially be charged with a sex crime, and surrendered to the NYPD this morning. “Surrendered to the NYPD”. Yeah, I get he’s an asshole, but they make it sound like he’s a serial killer who’s been on the lam. Anyway, as we’re learning, taking him off the streets isn’t gonna stop this stuff from happening. This is basically Hydra at this point: cut off the head, and 2 more will appear.

Sigh. I really didn’t want to have to talk about this. Like, I’m really kind of exhausted by it, and I found myself ashamed of a lot of people because of it. Yet, here we are:

Last Friday, Cartoon Network released a video announcing ThunderCats Roar, which is a new take on the ThunderCats franchise. And 30-40 year old male Internet LOST. ITS. SHIT.

“It looks like shit! Why does it look like Steven Universe?!”

“I hate this CALARTS style! Why even call it ThunderCats?”

“They’re trying to do another Teen Titans Go!

Those are some of the tamer examples of what’s out there. At the end of the day, a bunch of grown men were making it their mission in life to make sure the world knew of their displeasure at the cat people cartoon. I sat there, reading these remarks, thinking, “Don’t y’all have prostate exams to schedule or something?” Seriously, the greatest trick the Devil ever played was creating the Internet and convincing everyone that their opinions matter (he said ironically on his vanity project blog). This was not created for the old school fan. This is an attempt to make new fans. And I’ve heard folks say “Well, how dare they make a show that’s NOT for the fans?” Probably because they figure you have lives to attend to, instead of obsessing over shit like this. Let me back up a bit, though, so you can understand where I’m coming from with this.

Unlike most people my age, the 80s mean very little to me. Yeah, I know I claim to be “pop culture guy”, and I was born in ’81, but I really didn’t glom onto much that the 80s had to offer. When it comes to the 80s, I care about Knight Rider, Small Wonder, and Night Court. That’s about it. I actually had more of a sophisticated palette as a child than I do now. During that decade, I was pretty much obsessed with public television, the local news, and Murder, She Wrote. I’m not kidding. When I was 3, my favorite show was Murder, She Wrote. What? I had old parents. Anyway, most of y’all have all these fond memories of G.I.Joe, ThunderCats, He-Man, etc, but I do not. Just didn’t watch them. Sidebar – most of these were weekday afternoon cartoons, and I used to carpool with a teacher who had to stay late, so I never got home early enough after school to watch most of those shows. My cartoon pop culturedom didn’t come to fruition until the 90s, as nothing really resonated with me until the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles era. That’s why I actually like the Slimer & The Real Ghostbusters seasons. That’s why I prefer the DiC G.I. Joe (“Got to get tough! Yo Joe!”) to the Sunbow era. And I was just cynical enough, even at that young age, to realize that, at the end of the day, they were just dumb cartoons.

A lot of folks, however, were introduced to these franchises as younger children, so they shaped their development. They have Christmas memories about getting the toys, and sometimes have some faded Polaroids as proof. Since the properties are so intertwined with their own development, folks take these things to heart and get fiercely protective of them. They also, however, never learned to let them go. I find this a lot with Star Wars fans, especially when discussing how The Last Jedi disappointed them. I liked the movie well enough, even if I thought Finn was wasted and Rose was an unnecessary character who only served to accompany Finn on his B plot. These people were introduced to Star Wars at a young age, it shaped their love of film/fantasy/slave girls and never thought they’d get more. Then, Lucas surprised them with a prequel trilogy. The less said about that the better, but they survived it all, and figured that’s all they’d get. THEN, Disney bought the franchise and started giving them NEW Star Wars. The thing that shaped them, but kept disappointing them like a deadbeat dad, continued to pop into their lives, with the promise of a return to the days of old. But, you can’t go home again.

These fans look to these things as comfort food – familiar guideposts that never change, and they can always return to them as “home base” in Life’s game of tag. As such, when they do change, they turn on them because they feel betrayed. Still, these concepts have to change and evolve or they become stagnant. People claim they want new ideas, but when they get them, they decide they just want more of the same. G.I. Joe fans are constantly saying “The line’s dead. Hasbro’s doing nothing with the property.” Well, good. ‘Cause Lord knows we don’t need an 85th version of Snake-Eyes. My generation seems to forget that there was a G.I. Joe before Cobra and Duke and Snake-Eyes even entered the picture. That generation doesn’t get to rant as much because the Internet came along and frightened them, but they’re out there. I also feel like there should be a Joe after the Cobra era. The G.I. Joe vs Cobra era has lasted, intermittently, for 36 years. That’s 36 years of fucking Snake-Eyes. I’m sorry, but a mute ninja just isn’t that cool anymore in 2018. The same folks lamenting the death of the line are also the ones who are basically saying “Fuck the kids! This is MINE!” Just as with comics, if you don’t attract a new audience, the thing you love will die right along with you. Many, I feel, wouldn’t have a problem with that.

Can you imagine the things folks would shit on had the Internet come along just a few years earlier? Take Batman ’89, for instance. Sure, it’s thematically in line with his pulp roots, but it’s NOTHING like Batman ’66, which was what most folks at the time were more familiar with. His suit’s black, there are no POW! effects, and he doesn’t have a Robin. “Why even call it ‘Batman’?” they’d ask. I listened to a podcast yesterday where they spent a good chunk of time railing against the new ThunderCats because it seems to “dumb down” the franchise by going the Teen Titans Go! route – a show the hosts despised because the characters in that show aren’t heroic and don’t act in ways that children should be emulating. They described it as an animated It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, because all of the characters act like assholes. I think that’s quite the stretch, but whatever. These guys hated TTG for its horrible “message”, yet in the same episode went on to laud the controversial comic book Jawbreakers (I’m not even getting into that, but trust me it’s not important for my point) because, and I quote, “Some things should just be fun. Not everything needs a moral.” Yeah, that’s moving the goalposts like a motherfucker.

Let me tell you something about your 80s cartoons. Bear with me here, it’s going to sound like the result of rogue Googling, but I actually went to school for this. I have an Ivy League degree in human development, with a focus on early childhood. Contrary to popular belief, these shows weren’t designed in some animation lab to bring pleasure to all the little girls and boys. No, the properties tended to be owned by toy companies (for example, Hasbro owns G.I. Joe), and the shows were merely vehicles for selling product. In the early 80s, thanks to President Ronald Reagan, the Federal Communications Commission deregulated commercial time limits in children’s programming. This led to the development of what is now known as the “program-length commercial”. He-Man? Program-length commercial. GoBots? Program-length commercial. Since toy companies were no longer bound to traditional commercials to advertise to children, the sky was the limit for toy companies. Whatever they wanted to sell, they could just line up a Japanese animation studio to put together a series for them. You grew up engrossed in the never-ending battle between G.I. Joe and Cobra, not realizing they were just subconsciously grooming you to ask your parents for the Trouble Bubble and the Terrordrome at Christmas. The laws kinda changed in the 90s, but the biggest change was that you couldn’t air commercials for a product while its show was on, because kids supposedly aren’t sharp enough to tell when a show ends and a commercial begins. This is why you won’t see a commercial for Power Rangers toys during an episode of Power Rangers.

All of this is to say that these properties don’t come from some wholesome place to remind you of your childhood. When they don’t have anything else to sell, they pack up and move on to the next thing. When you get butthurt about something from your childhood changing for a new audience, it basically means the company isn’t making enough money off your nostalgia anymore and they’re going where those dollars are. This isn’t to minimize your memories or feelings, but it is to remind you of a simple truth that corporations aren’t people and they ultimately have no obligation to you.

Now, back to ThunderCats. The original show? Not that great. It’s middling 80s fare, meant to sell toys. I hear the 2011 reboot was actually pretty good. I could get into the whole “Well, if you watched it, it wouldn’t have been cancelled” argument, but there are other factors at play, like toy sales and Cartoon Network’s erratic scheduling. Still, they tried doing it “the fans’ way”, and for it didn’t work out for whatever reason. So now they’re trying something new. And there’s also something to be said for not judging a book by its cover. As much as folks claim to hate the art style that’s being mimicked, folks love those shows. I never hear a bad thing about Steven Universe. And even though The Adventures of Gumball looks lazy at times, it might be one of the smartest shows on television. I’m not even joking when I say that (check out the episode on privilege to see what I’m talking about). One thing people need to internalize is that EVERYTHING DOESN’T HAVE TO BE FOR YOU. It’s not to say that things should be exclusionary, but it’s OK to see something, say “It’s not for me, but good luck to them”, and walk away. This demand that everything be the way everyone wants it is insane. Life isn’t fucking Burger King. Instead, I’m seeing folks, who clearly have a history of being bullied and mocked, mocking the ThunderCats Roar creator for his man bun and shit like that. You’re just undermining your whole stance when you sink to physical attacks to express your displeasure. Anyway, I’ll be checking out the show, even when Cartoon Network decides to do something stupid with the scheduling, like air all the episodes in one day or some shit.

In a major coup for the Fox network, they’ve struck a deal with WWE to air SmackDown Live through 2024, worth a reported $1 billion. They would begin airing the show in 2019 when the NBCUniversal contract expires, while RAW will continue to air on USA Network. This might be the shot in the arm the SmackDown brand needs, as having it and RAW on the same network, two nights apart, just didn’t make it seem that special. In fact, I always felt that RAW‘s claim to fame was the fact that it was live, so SmackDown being pretaped was somewhat interesting to me. When it switched to a live format, it just became more of a Not RAW to me. I totally applaud this move, however, as I’ve been saying that there needed to be a free, broadcast WWE show ever since SmackDown moved to cable. A lot of folks don’t realize that, during the UPN years, SmackDown was the highest rated show in Spanish-speaking households. There is clearly a wrestling audience that are either cord cutters or simply rely on over the air TV, and they deserve a show of their own. This is a good chance to differentiate the brand from RAW as much as possible.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

  • The sequel to The LEGO Movie has a title and release date. The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part will be released February 8th, 2019.
  • It’s being reported that Amazon may save The Expanse, which was just cancelled at Syfy.
  • Speaking of Syfy, the Nope, No Superman Here series Krypton was renewed for a second season, the day before its first season finale aired.
  • Word on the street is singer Ariana Grande and Saturday Night Live‘s Pete Davidson are now dating. Well, good for him!

  • We got a poster for DC’s SHAZAM!, starring Zachary Levi. I mean, this character means so little to me that I’m not going to really critique its “accuracy”, but the poster does nothing for me. It’d be find if it were promoting a lighthearted SHAZAM! on The CW next fall, but it’s not dynamic enough for a movie that they expect me to leave my house and pay money for.
  • One of the last question marks for the 17-18 TV season, Fox has officially cancelled airplane sitcom LA to Vegas.

  • YouTuber/TRL correspondent Liza Koshy has been announced as the host of Nickelodeon’s Double Dare revival this summer. Original host, Marc Summers, will offer “color commentary” – probably while hidden behind several layers of Plexiglass, while wearing 4 layers of clothes to make sure no slime touches him. Anyway, the show debuts June 25th at 8 PM.
  • Speaking of TRL, the show was renamed last month to Total Request List, since the show is now taped and is no longer live.
  • Jake Gyllenhaal is in talks to play the villain Mysterio in the sequel to Spider-Man: Homecoming. I’m still hoping it’s called Spider-Man: Sadie Hawkins Day, with the trilogy being rounded out by either Spider-Man: Prom or Spider-Man: Graduation Day.
  • Paramount removed the next Transformers sequel from its release schedule entirely, supporting reports of an upcoming franchise cinematic reboot.
  • The Obamas just signed a production deal with Netflix, which will see them produce docu-series, films, and both scripted and unscripted series for the streaming service. I need to send them my pitch for a revival of Breaker High!
  • Lifetime series UnREAL‘s fourth, and final, season will actually debut on Hulu, and it’s unclear if it will ever get a release date on Lifetime. I guess this is the 21st century version of “moving a show to Saturday”…

  • Unlike most people my age, I have no real affinity for the Muppets, so imagine my surprise when I found myself really excited for The Happytime Murders. I’m that guy who’ll watch anything with Melissa McCarthy (Sorry, not sorry), and it goes a LOT of places I never thought I’d see them go.
  • Deadpool 2 dethroned Avengers: Infinity War at the weekend box office, taking in $125 million.
  • To celebrate the franchise’s move from webisodes/DVD movies to full-fledged TV series, DC Super Hero Girls has undergone a makeover. I’m not really a fan, but it ain’t for me, so…
  • Logan director James Mangold has been tapped to direct a Star Wars spinoff about Boba Fett. That is until Kathleen Kennedy fires him in six months and replaces him with Todd Phillips or something.

I’ll bet a lot of y’all got to this point and expected to see Deadpool 2. Well, I haven’t seen it yet, plus it’s my site and I’ll do what I want! No, we’re going to talk about The Middle.

Debuting Fall 2009, The Middle came along and spent 10 seasons simply flying under the radar. For those who did check it out, though, they were introduced to the quirks of the Heck family. Neurotic Frankie, who’s still trying to find some meaning in her life outside of being a wife and mother. Stoic Mike, who hides his emotions as he spends his days as a manager at the quarry. Peppy, optimistic, yet awkward, Sue, who greets every day with a smile, even as the world continues to try to tear her down. Slacker son Axl, and Brick…well, what can I say about Brick? As the youngest son, he’s clearly on the spectrum, but he also has weird quirks, like repeating words in a whisper and licking cars.

Anyway, the show captured everything about living in “the middle”: they lived in the middle of the country, they were middle class, we saw Sue struggle to gain attention as the middle child, etc. It was never a “watercooler show”, with folks going to work the next day, asking each other “Did you see last night’s The Middle?” Still, it was a fine example of what ABC does best: offer sitcoms showing the different definitions of “family”. As the world seemed to be working against them, we were always rooting for the Hecks to get through it all. It never got too political (much to several of the stars’ chagrin), nor too preachy. It was really about making it one day at a time, and living to fight another day in this game called Life.

I’d been saying that the show was living on borrowed time for the past few seasons. While nothing about the show’s quality had changed, it didn’t really seem to be going anywhere. It lived right there in the middle. There were no real highs and no real lows. I think that’s probably indicative of how television has changed. We now expect some sort of huge cliffhanger or something to get us to come back for the next episode. Gone are the days of old, where every episode of a show was pretty much the same. The Duke boys were pretty much always evading Roscoe and thwarting Boss Hogg. With ALF, he always wanted to eat the cat, and had to be hidden from the neighbors. Every episode was pretty much the same for those shows, but they still managed to entertain and bring in an audience. Nowadays, though, everything has to have a death or a paternity mystery to keep folks on the hook. The Middle never played those games, which is probably why its ratings were solidly in…the middle.

When this season was announced as its last, I thought it was great that they announced it early so that the show would be able to take its well-earned victory lap. I mean, ten seasons is NOTHING to sneeze at in this day and age! And then ABC came along and screwed the pooch by giving the show’s timeslot to the Roseanne revival. I get it. I know it’s a business, and I get why they did it. Some might even say that, as a lead-in, Roseanne actually helped The Middle‘s ratings in this final season. OK, but ratings don’t matter for a show in its final season. The ad rates have been set, and it’s not vying for renewal. It could’ve gotten no viewers, and they would’ve just moved it to Saturdays. Plus, it ended up with something I don’t think I’ve ever seen before: an hour-long series finale that started on the half hour. There are certain unspoken rules in scheduling, and one thing is that you don’t set an hour-long show at 8:30. Hour-long shows, traditionally, start at the top of the hour, unless delayed by a sporting event or something. Anyway, it didn’t seem to hurt it, as the ratings for the finale were up, while the ratings for Roseanne’s finale were down. Womp womp.

How was the series finale? Well, it was perfectly in the middle. I mean, the show ended doing what it did best. We got typical Heck shenanigans, we got a flash forward, we got some payoff for some secondary characters (I see you, Brad!), and we even got a wedding. Still, the episode wasn’t about the wedding. It wasn’t even about the build-up to the wedding. The wedding was just something that happened, much like everything else in the show. You knew going into it not to expect a big death or anything like that, because that’s not the show’s bread and butter. It would’ve been disingenuous to have a Good Times finale, with the Hecks finally getting out of financial servitude and moving to a better neighborhood. No, everything they had was just right for them. It was perfectly in the middle, and they always had each other to lean on. I don’t think they’d have wanted it any other way. So, for that reason, The Middle‘s series finale had the West Week Ever.

18th May2018

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review – 5/18/18 (Upfronts Edition)

by Will

HarassmentWatch (TM)

Nev Schulman – The creator/producer/host of Catfish: The TV Show has been accused of sexual misconduct, resulting in MTV halting production on the show. A former Catfish…contestant? guest? I dunno. A woman who had appeared on the show in 2015 said that Schulman didn’t believe she was actually a lesbian, and propositioned her for sex. This was all in a video that she posted to YouTube last week. Schulman denies the accusations, but production has been halted until the investigation is completed.

Brad Kern – The showrunner for NCIS: New Orleans has stepped down amid reports that surfaced from December 2016 when he was the subject of two different human resources investigations. He was reported to have undergone sensitivity training, but I guess it didn’t take. He’ll still get paid, though, as he’ll remain on the payroll as a consultant. Interestingly enough, this happened on the heels of recently departed NCIS star Pauley Perrette tweeting that she had experienced physical abuse on set, which motivated her to leave the show.

Before we get to all the Upfronts stuff, let’s take a look at a few of the cancellations/renewals that have occurred since last week’s post.

Cancellations

CBS: 9JKL; Me, Myself & I; Scorpion; Kevin Can Wait; Superior Donuts

ABC: Inhumans; The Mayor; Ten Days In The Valley; Kevin (Probably) Saves The World; The Crossing; Deception; Alex, Inc.

NBC: Rise; Great News

Renewals

CBS: Elementary; Man With A Plan; Instinct; Life In Pieces; Criminal Minds

ABC: Fresh Off The Boat; Black-ish; Station 19; For The People; American Housewife; How To Get Away With Murder; Splitting Up Together; Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (for a 13-episode season to debut in Summer ’19)

NBC: The Blacklist; Brooklyn Nine-Nine (yup, they swooped in and saved it from its cancellation at Fox)

Fox: Bob’s Burgers; Family Guy; Gotham (final season)

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

  • Another Batman prequel series, called Pennyworth, will follow Bruce Wayne’s butler before he comes to work for the Waynes. This idea is stupid, but it’s also being developed for Epix, which means about 55 households will be able to watch it.
  • Jennifer Love Hewitt is replacing Connie Britton on Fox’s 9-1-1, who originally only signed a one-year contract.
  • The CW announced that next season will be the last for iZombie, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and Jane the Virgin.
  • There are talks that Designated Survivor is being shopped to Netflix. It was cancelled last week by ABC after execs were concerned that there was no clear direction planned for the story.
  • Speaking of The CW, Arrow star Stephen Amell revealed that the next crossover between the shows will introduce Gotham City and Batwoman to the Arrowverse. Yay?
  • TNT’s The Last Ship will end after its upcoming 5th season.
  • CBS is reportedly eyeing (get it? ‘Cause their logo is an eye?) the Mad About You revival as a midseason show.
  • Lost In Space has been renewed for a second season on Netflix
  • Fox said there are no plans for a 12th season of The X-Files after Gillian Anderson left the series. Anderson clapped back on Twitter and said that the real reason was because viewership had dropped 77%.
  • Lethal Weapon was narrowly renewed as it was announced that Sean William Scott will be replacing the outgoing Clayne Crawford. Stiffler as a cop? I feel this idea is about 10 years too late, but I might check it out.
  • DC announced a Doom Patrol series for that DC Universe streaming service that I have no faith in…
  • While we’re about to discuss a lot of shows that were picked up for the fall season, some other high profile pilots didn’t get series orders, including Gabrielle Union’s Bad Boys spin-off at NBC, the Cagney & Lacey reboot at CBS, and the Supernatural spin-off The Wayward Sisters on The CW.

Well, in what has become a tradition on this site, this is the 5th year that I’ve taken a bullet for you. That’s right: I watched ALL of the trailers for the Fall’s new shows, to give you a better idea of what’s probably worth your time, and what will most likely end up in a ditch, like Firefly or Andy Richter Controls The Universe. If you remember, last Friday was basically “Bloody Friday”, where 19 shows were cancelled within 24 hours in order to make room for the incoming shows. This week, the 4 major broadcast networks held their upfront presentations, where they presented their fall schedules, as well as introduced their incoming shows. This is QUITE the undertaking on my end, so I don’t expect ya to read all of it, but it’s here if you’re interested. So, let’s get this show on the road!

Courtesy TVLine.com

ABC

A Million Little Things (Wednesday, 10 PM)

After the success of NBC’s This Is Us, everybody wants their own non-linear tearjerker. This is ABC’s attempt at that. For starters, it’s got a great cast. I mean, it’s LOADED with folks who bring a fan base with them: James Roday (Psych), Ron Livingston (Office Space), Romany Malco (Black people). I’ve also loved Stephanie Szostak since USA’s Satisfaction, though you may recognize her from Iron Man 3 or R.I.P.D. I hope this one works out ’cause I like a lot of these people. Will I be watching? Probably not. I’ve got enough anxiety and depression without deliberately putting my emotions through a meat grinder on a weekly basis. It’s up against Criminal Minds on CBS and Chicago P.D. on NBC, so it’s the definition of “counter programming”. It’s a wide open timeslot that this show should have no problem finding a foothold.

The Fix (Midseason)

You’ve got to feel kinda bad for attorney Marcia Clark. In her own Hillary Clinton way, she’s clearly still dealing with the fact that she never got OJ Simpson. Sure, justice eventually won in the end, but not on her watch, and she’s been stewing about that for the past 25 or so years. Well, this show, executive produced by Clark, is basically “What if OJ not only did it, but then did it AGAIN?!” Here’s where this show is gonna backfire, though: this is NOT the right time for a show like this, what with the way the world is right now. From the trailer, there’s nothing sympathetic about the female lead. Some might say she’s “driven”, while others might just say she’s a “bitch”. So, she’s lost the audience. Then, you’ve got Not OJ who, while not exactly charismatic, seems way more interesting as the villain than the chick does as the “hero”. Then, throw in how the OJ thing played out in real life: the show should want you to root for her, but the Black audience (if there is one) might end up rooting for him to continue evading her. I don’t have high hopes for this one. I see it getting that Tuesday night “death slot” of 10 PM, and then being burned off on Saturdays after a few low-rated outings.

Grand Hotel (Midseason)

This just looks like a Univision adaptation of Dynasty, BUT it does go after that audience that ABC held in the palm of its hand during the early Desperate Housewives years. It’s got diversity going for it, and it’s rich Latinos instead of gangbangers and whatnot, so it’s aspirational, even if they do owe a ton of money to the mob. I think there’s something to be said for the fact that it’s being held til midseason, in that it wasn’t strong enough to launch the season on. It could also be that it didn’t, tonally, fit what they were coming out of the gate with. This could go either way, to be honest.

The Kids Are Alright (Tuesday, 8:30 PM)

Ugh. It’s one part Just The Ten of Us and one part The Goldbergs, with a dash of The Wonder Years. I’m SO tired of the Retro White Family Memories, Narrated By Some Dude Pretending To Be the Creator shows. It’s That 80s Show Syndrome. Fox said “Well, That 70s Show is doing well. How about we make That 80s Show?” Well, here ABC said “The Goldbergs has got the 80s covered, but what about the early, yet non-specific, 70s?” It’s a working class show, so it’s paired well with Roseanne as its lead-in. That said, it’s a HORRIBLE lead-in for Black-ish. If this show is smart, they’ll try to sprinkle in a witty Black kid as one of the sons’ best friends, but this family doesn’t seem like they’d fraternize with Negroes. I think Retro Fatigue is a thing, and this show could fall victim to it. It’s got a Real O’Neals vibe to it, without the gay son angle – HOWEVER, the jury’s still out on the little one, even though I doubt the show has the balls to go there in its first season, given its time period and everything. With the Roseanne lead-in, it’s really the show’s game to lose. It’s prime real estate, but does it DESERVE it, other than the fact that they’re both blue collar families? I guess time will tell.

The Rookie (Tuesday, 10 PM)

This is stupid. Look, I’ve never understood folks’ love affair with Nathan Fillion, but I also didn’t really love Firefly, so there’s that. I feel like there’s a lot of William Shatner Syndrome there. It’s like “I loved this one thing this actor did, so I’m just gonna pretend to love every other thing he does.” I’d watch this as a movie, starring Kevin James, on Netflix. This, however, is not a series to me. First off, Fillion is 47 years old, and it looks like they’re going to great pains to make him only look 40. Next, I HATE when the woman (ex wife?) tells him he was brave during the robbery. NO! From what we see, he was stupid, and people could’ve gotten killed. And let’s say this show does last 5 seasons – what’s the draw when he’s no longer a rookie? He’s just an old ass cop at that point. It’s like when Doogie Houser grew up and his whole Kid Doctor shtick wasn’t that impressive anymore after his balls dropped. The show has the Tuesday Night Death Slot – 10 PM, where ABC shows go to die. But y’all really love your Nathan Fillion, so maybe this will end that curse.

Single Parents (Tuesday, 9:30 PM)

This looks horrible, and I say that as a fan of Taran Killam and a closet fan of Brad Garrett. There’s this growing trend of shows that were clearly developed from what was originally a movie concept. You could eke 90 minutes out of this idea. A perfect 3 acts where Killam ends up with Leighton Meester, and learns how to be an adult again. Instead, to make it a show, they’re going the Community route: “Look how much these folks from disparate backgrounds have in common.” And, frankly, the ensemble isn’t dynamic enough to pull that off. I wish they’d gone with a murderer’s row of supporting characters from recently cancelled sitcoms, as these shows are prone to do. For example, I’d really love some Sara Rue on here, but I love Sara Rue in anything. Plus, this is a waste of a Modern Family lead-in, which is pretty good real estate. The one that’s really gonna suffer, though, is A Million Little Things, as this show is going to kill any potential carryover audience from Modern. I’m calling it: DOA.

Whiskey Cavalier (Midseason)

I was a little more into this show after watching the trailer because all the promo stills made me think “This shit is just Castle all over again.” Seriously, I was wondering why they didn’t just call it Rook. Anyway, this show is SO ABC that it just might work. I, however, ain’t got time for that Will They/Won’t They? dynamic, ’cause they always WILL and it’s simply a matter of WHEN (if they’re smart they’ll wait 3 seasons). Anyway, it’s being held til midseason so Cohan can hurry up and get killed on The Walking Dead. The idea of the show seems kinda fun, but I’m still hung up on the casting a bit. I don’t find Cohan that dynamic, but that’s probably because I’ve never seen anything she’s been in. At the same time, I just find Scott Foley boring. I mean, he seems to work here, but I’ve always felt the most interesting thing he ever did was marry Jennifer Garner. While there appears to be chemistry, the casting on this show just feels like ABC pulled the trigger on a bunch of talent holding deals that were about to expire. Anyway, the midseason bow gives it a better shot at renewal, and I think this one will succeed.

Scheduling Thoughts

Sunday is a bit perplexing to me. I’ve always hated that they moved Shark Tank to that night, and I feel Child Support (scheduled for Fridays at 9) would be a better companion to the upcoming Dancing With The Stars: Juniors. The Alec Baldwin Show is a vanity project that really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. It’s probably relatively cheap to produce, and its only real competition is Madame Secretary on CBS. It’ll last either until Baldwin gets bored with it, or he hurls a slur at a staffer and the network is forced to distance themselves from him (which would, then, put Match Game in jeopardy). Meanwhile, Fresh Off The Boat and Speechless are left to fend for themselves on Friday. It would be one thing is ABC was committed to bringing comedy back to Fridays. Maybe even rebuild TGIF. This is not that. This is just a “Well, put ’em wherever you can fit ’em in.” Again, I’d move Child Support to Sunday, hold Shark Tank for a better night later in the season, and then I’d pull Modern Family to Friday as that night needs a strong anchor, and it’s in its last season, so it really doesn’t have to be much of a performer. They could even throw in Schooled, which is the horribly titled retool of that spinoff of The Goldbergs – still starring Tim Meadows and Brian Callen, but now with more AJ Michalka – which has been picked up to debut sometime during the season.

CBS

FBI (Tuesday, 9 PM)

Ah, Dick Wolf is at it again. I kinda wish they’d put this on Wednesday, so he’d be competing with his Chicago shows on NBC. I’ll bet there’s a dude at CBS whose job is just to find all the federal agencies with cool abbreviations. One day, after having his pitch for NCIS: SUV: EX rejected, he was like “Fuck it! How about just FBI?” And the network execs were like, “Wait, how’d we miss that one? It was in front of our faces the whole time!” I love how Missy Peregrym got the Mariska Hargitay SUV makeunder. One look at her, and they were like “She’s too hot. Frump her up and make her scowl a lot.” This show will do just fine. It’s Dick Wolf, who apparently knows where bodies are buried, so folks don’t like to piss him off. Plus, it’s meant for your grandpa, who’s really the only one who can tell all these shows apart.

God Friended Me (Sunday, 8 PM)

Fresh off the cancellation of ABC’s The Mayor, Brandon Micheal Hall is in a new starring role in what’s basically a mashup of Early Edition meets Touched By An Angel meets Joan of Arcadia. First off, I hate the title. I get what they’re going for, but was that really the best one they could come up with? I didn’t want to like this when I hit Play, because I initially thought this was going to be another quirky, single cam half hour sitcom. Instead, it’s a one-hour dramedy, which changes things a bit. It’s got the PERFECT timeslot, as that’s about when Black folks get home from all-day church services. I think it’ll pose some important questions, and as long as it doesn’t get too preachy, can at least get folks to think about whether there’s something out there bigger than themselves. I will point out the most interesting aspect to me, though: Facebook. Like, Facebook is basically a character in the show. Not some made up social network, like FaceSpace, or MyFace, or SpaceBook. No, this is full-on Facebook, which makes me wonder if they paid for product placement or if they were even involved in the development of the show. If they were, then I’m a little skeeved out by all the spiritual stuff, being passed down from Zuckerberg on high. Anyway, it could work. Touched By An Angel lasted 9 seasons, Early Edition lasted 4, and Joan of Arcadia lasted 2. I think that also charts the progression of America becoming more cynical. Anyway, who knows? Living Biblically didn’t work, but I think it’s because it was a terrible idea for a 30-minute, multi-cam sitcom with a studio audience. I’m on the fence with this one, but it couldn’t have possibly been scheduled better.

Happy Together (Monday, 8:30)

Let me preface this by saying I LOVE Damon Wayans, Jr. I also LOVE Amber Stevens West. I do not love this pilot. It’s apparently executive produced by James Corden, and based on a time when he lived with Harry Styles. This is another one of those “I’d see it as a movie, but…” ideas. I mean, how long does this charade last? How long can the British rocker put up with the quiet suburbs? How do you get 7 seasons out of this? Too many shows don’t seem to have the long game in mind these days, and it they end up painting themselves into a corner, creatively. I hate to turn on my folks, but this one doesn’t last.

Magnum P.I. (Monday, 10 PM)

I loved this trailer WAY more than I wanted to. Originally, I only wanted this show to succeed so that Anthony Anderson wouldn’t be the only Hang Time alum still working today. And I really wanted to hate this concept. The 80s reboots just keep coming, but this one I like. I fear it’s gonna be like MacGyver was for me, though: never watched the original, enjoyed the reboot pilot, and then never made any attempt to watch it again. Plus, are we going into this knowing the whole Robin Masters twist? I mean, are they going to play that up? Are we just supposed to play dumb? Anyway, I love this cast. Since Happy Endings, I will watch Zachary Knighton in anything, and he’s a GREAT choice for Rick. As for Magnum himself, are we gonna have an AC Slater situation, where we later find out his name is really Thomas Rodriguez? ‘Cause, I mean, c’mon… Anyway, CBS seems to be planning Monday as “Diversity Night”, kicking things off with The Neighborhood, followed by Happy Together, and capped off with this. They COULD have scheduled a Reboot Night, with MacGyver, Hawaii Five-0 and Magnum, but I’m glad they showed some restraint. The interesting thing is that there are some Tom Selleck die hards out there who may not accept this reboot, and they’re the primary CBS audience. That said, those folks have Blue Bloods now, and this is meant to skew younger. I think it’ll work.

Murphy Brown (Thursday, 9:30)

Ugh, another “zombie” show. You know, those shows that are dead, but don’t realize they’re dead, so they just keep coming? I get how the political climate kinda paved the way for this one, but did we really need it? I mean, about a year ago, The BBC did a one-off Are You Being Served? special. It was nostalgia and something new, all at once. And it was only one episode. That’s what I’d like here. What Does Murphy Brown Think of the Trump Administration? There’s an interesting special there. It’s not, however, a 13-episode series. The same way I didn’t need Roseanne throwing her views in my face through her reboot, I don’t really see what Diane English and the Murphy Brown crew have to say about the state of the world that’s not already being said by every Liberal late night talk show host. Plus, the narrative device doesn’t really work here: in TV news, how often does a network “get the gang back together”? It DOESN’T. These people would all scatter to different networks, and maybe, just maybe, end up together at CNN or something. But there’s NO WAY FYI would reach out to a bunch of former employee “olds”, as the social media guy calls them, to provide a “fresh voice” on the state of the world. Unless FYI has been retooled to be the 60 Minutes of this universe, I’m just not buying it. And let’s talk about that social media guy: I hate him. I hate that archetype because it just doesn’t work. The whole “look at the Millennial who’s all tech savvy and here to show the other characters that they’re dinosaurs.” These characters are typically brash, somewhat unfeeling, and unsympathetic. Two seasons ago, Joel McHale’s failed sitcom The Great Outdoors was built on a group of these characters, on the same network. That character is always a douche and never paints Millennials in a positive light. The trailer gives us an early dose of what to expect from him, and I feel like they could’ve left him on the cutting room floor if it wasn’t for that fact that he brings some semblance of “diversity” to the series. Anyway, I say they do their 13 episodes and they’re out, but I don’t expect this to be the Liberal counterpoint to Roseanne. It won’t nearly be as much of a ratings smash, which is sad, but is where we are today.

The Neighborhood (Monday, 8 PM)

Sigh. This just feels lazy. Cedric is here because of a talent holding deal he has with CBS, and the show has already been retooled since this pilot was filmed, as The White Guy (’cause let’s be honest, his name doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of the show) was played by Josh Lawson (House of Lies), but has been recast with Max Greenfield, fresh off New Girl. That change kinda sucks because, while I haven’t seen Greenfield in the role, I think Lawson really nailed what they were going for here: The Aw Shucks, I Love Everybody Guy. I say it’s lazy because it’s just built on the foundation of race. Without the whole They’re Black and They’re White thing, there’s really no show there. I can see how this was an entertaining pilot but, again, there’s no long game here. Does Cedric’s character mellow over time? Does he indulge in a bit of White culture? Are both families better for the living arrangement? And I’ve loved Dreama Walker since Don’t Trust The B—- in Apartment 23, but this isn’t going to do much for her resumé. Calling this one DOA, even though the cast is really strong.

Scheduling Thoughts

Nothing major here. It was interesting to see them basically pull out of Monday and focus on Thursday as their night of comedy. They had a pretty good stranglehold on Monday comedy, so it’s odd that they’d somewhat abandon it to try some diverse shows in those slots. It’s also odd that they’d waste 2 hours a week on Crimetime Saturday “drama encores” on Saturday night. Sure, it’s not the most popular night for viewership, but that’s just wasted real estate. That’s 2-4 pilots that got rejected just so they could rerun NCIS: Pittsburgh or whatever.

Fox

The Cool Kids (Friday, 8:30 PM)

This is the Foxiest show I’ve seen in a LONG time, and I love the cast. That said, I don’t care if it is from the guys behind It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. This is the kind of show Fox greenlights simply to cancel. Usually it’s to shove into that Sunday 8:30 ditch between The Simpsons and Family Guy, so I’m surprised this is being farmed out to Friday nights. Anyway, this is a One and Done show. They’ll just cancel it to give one of the Seths (Green or MacFarlane) a new show.

Cosmos: Possible Worlds (Midseason)

I get it. The last Cosmos did really well and, even though they swore it was a one-time deal, you just knew they’d find a way to bring it back. These kinds of things take time, which is why that last Cosmos was back in 2014. It’ll do fine because it’s basically a National Geographic special (National Geographic is also owned by Fox) that’s being given a wider, primetime broadcast spotlight. It’ll do what it’s gonna do, and that’ll be it. If it does well, then expect another one in 2022. If it doesn’t, well, it wraps up the unintended Cosmos trilogy. Whew! I can’t believe I got through that without even touching on my hatred of Neil deGrasse Tyson. Whoops…

Last Man Standing (Friday, 8 PM)

This Fall, Fox trades one Last Man for another, as they pick up the cancelled ABC sitcom starring Tim Allen. Now, there was a lot of kerfuffle that the show was cancelled because the star is a Conservative, and I really don’t know if that’s true or not. It was never a ratings star, but it was also on Friday nights, so the bar was much lower. Still, just like everyone wants their own This Is Us, everyone also seems to want their own Roseanne revival. So, Fox jumped at the chance to add this to its schedule – a schedule in which it doesn’t truly fit. It doesn’t feel Fox to me, but maybe that’s a good thing. It had a dedicated audience, so maybe it’ll bring those viewers to its other shows. I actually don’t hate this show. I rarely saw it when it was on, but I’ve seen it in syndication. It’s bandied about like it’s this brash, Conservative voice, but Allen’s character is pretty much painted like a dinosaur in a changing world. I mean, he’s not quite Archie Bunker, but his wife and daughters are always reminding him that the world is changing and he’d better get used to it. Unlike NBC’s save of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, this isn’t to give it a proper send-off (something it never got from ABC), but rather an investment that they’re hoping they can get a few seasons from. This will be season 7, so I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some deal to take them through 10 – as long as the ratings are there. I do, however, find it interesting that it’ll be going up against Fresh Off The Boat on ABC. That’s quite the bit of counter programming there…

The Passage (Midseason)

Doesn’t Fox’s schedule already have a Special Child On The Run from the Government Show in The Gifted? I don’t know anything about the books from which this was adapted, but I do know that it had been retooled a few times before it got picked up. I love Mark-Paul Gosselaar. I think it’s really impossible for anyone my age to hate him. I want him to do well. After stints on Pitch and those 4 seasons of Franklin & Bash, I really want him to get something that sticks. I’m just sick of vampires, and that’s ultimately what this show is about. Its survival will depend on its timeslot and competition, both of which are unknown at this point. Hell, Fox had Lucifer for 3 seasons, so they can probably keep this around if it finds an audience. I’m on the fence with this one.

Proven Innocent (Midseason)

Interesting concept, but I’m not sure Fox is the right home for it to succeed. You see, Fox these days seems to want to have it both ways: they want to be the 90s network that puts out worthless dreck like The Cool Kids, but then they also want to be taken seriously by airing stuff like Cosmos and this. You can’t do both. When CBS knew it wanted to change its image, and be taken seriously, we had the Rural Purge, where the joke is that they cancelled every show with a tree in it. This show belongs on ABC. It would even get bonus points if it were a ShondaLand show, but then every character would be screwing each other and that doesn’t seem like it would fit the tone of this series. Still, this is the kind of show that ABC would throw out there and probably fail with, but they would try. I feel like the only reason this is on Fox is because its executive producer is Danny Strong (remember him as Jonathan in that terrible season of Buffy?), whose Danny Strong Productions is behind Empire, and also seems to have a production deal with Fox. Still, Fox had a hit with 9-1-1, which also didn’t feel like a natural fit, so maybe if this gets paired with that, it could have a chance. For now, though, I’m thinking this one won’t go far.

REL (Sunday, 9:30 PM)

Since his role in Get Out, everybody has been rooting for Lil Rel Howery, but is it too soon for this? I’d rather see him in more movies than see him get a middling Fox sitcom. His former costar, Jerrod Carmichael, is the executive producer here, but I don’t expect this show to push any of the buttons that The Carmichael Show did. This is just a run of the mill sitcom. Good to see Sinbad, though. I’m reminded of how Fox really screwed the pooch with Mulaney, but the thing this has going for it that Mulaney did not is the fact that there’s a Black audience looking for representation. I don’t think the post-Family Guy timeslot is the best place for this, though. Hell, it ought to have gotten the post-Last Man Standing slot on Friday. They’re as different as night and day, but that’s going to be prime real estate, which is just wasted on The Cool Kids. It could be argued that folks aren’t watching TV on Friday nights, but in the DVR age, nobody’s watching live anyway. Still, for the few that are, I think scheduling should be done to keep them in mind. I’m sorry, Lil Rel, but this is a One and Done.

Scheduling Thoughts

Interesting that Fox is keeping most of its debuts for midseason. It’s not like they’re coming off the bench that strong, but I think it’s internal company politics at play, with the looming sale and everything. At the upfronts, they kept referring to themselves as New Fox, because they would no longer have to worry about how their shows play in the international marketplace. They’re taking a decidedly America First approach with their schedule, which could mean they’re gonna double down on what made them Fox in the first place. I mean, The Cool Kids and REL both feel like they’ve been sitting in a vault for the past 20 years. It’s a network that doesn’t know what it wants to be, especially in light of the fact that it won’t own its own production studio in a year. In discussing its future, some folks have even posited that they might make a play for the WWE contract, which expires with NBCUniversal next September, which means they’d lose Monday and Tuesday real estate to RAW and Smackdown. They’re a network without a master, or a roadmap, right now. One thing I will give them credit for: moving Bob’s Burgers to Sunday at 8:30. That 7:30 swing slot never worked because football is a fickle mistress, and I think it was to that show’s detriment. Anyway, another odd thing is that Fox has yet to cancel Ghosted or LA to Vegas. They both look terrible, and there have been shows in the past that were never officially cancelled, but it’d be interesting to see if they try to revive those midseason.

NBC

I Feel Bad (Thursday, 9:30)

So, I was formally introduced to star Sarayu Blue in the recent film Blockers, where she played John Cena’s wife. I like her, but it shows how much TV has changed in recent years, because just a few years ago she would’ve been the best friend instead of the lead. That’s not really a knock on her, but more so one on her resumé. Amy Poehler is the executive producer here, which is why this is on NBC. Honestly, if you put this on ABC, following Modern Family (where that horrible Single Parents is currently slotted), I think it’d have a chance. ABC is great at giving new comedic interpretations of the different types of families out there. There’s Modern, there’s Speechless, there’s American Housewife, Black-ish, Fresh Off The Boat, etc. I could go on, but you get the point. Now, it could be said they’ve reached their saturation point over there, but I still think this show would feel right at home. On NBC? Not so much. NBC is the yuppie network, loved by DINKs (Dual Income, No Kids). All of its shows have to be set in fast-paced NYC, and nobody has a great relationship with their family. This is slotted right after Will & Grace, and before Law & Order: SVU. If I were scheduling, I’d have swapped it with Will & Grace, so that The Good Place would be its lead-in, while Will & Grace can pretty much stand on its own at 9:30. I feel The Good Place and this show would share more of an audience than it would with Will & Grace. It’s not 1998 anymore, so they really need to stop holding that Thursday 9 PM slot as a “sacred badge of honor”. Seinfeld is gone and he ain’t coming back. Anyway, One and Done.

Manifest (Monday, 10 PM)

Let me start off by saying Fuck YOU J.J. Abrams, Damon Lindelof, and Carlton Cuse. You’re why we are where we are today. Yes, this is Lost. I’m sure there’s more to it than that, but at the end of the day, it’s just Lost again. Now, why am I mad at those 3 gentlemen? Well, it’s because they started us on this road of the mythological saga that poses more questions than it answers. Before Lost, no shows had really come along with such a woven mythology, insinuating a concrete payoff. Everything matters! That’s what viewers were told to consider. The lottery numbers, the seat numbers, the smoke monster, the bear. Nothing is as it seems! And then the show ended, disappointing many, and also revealed that a lot of that shit had no inherent meaning, and they were making it up as they went along. So, just as they introduced us to that type of storytelling, their inability to satisfyingly stick the landing effectively pulled the ladder up behind them so that no one else could succeed at it. Since then, we’ve had shows like The Event, FlashForward, The Crossing – all cancelled before they really got a chance to answer what was going on. Why? Because viewers were like “Nah, I’m not falling for that again!” I skipped Lost. Just didn’t interest me for various reasons. That said, I’d actually be interested in this show, BUT I know how the game is played, and I also know that they’ll never get a chance to reveal all of their answers – if they’ve even thought of them in the first place. One and Done.

New Amsterdam (Tuesday, 10 PM)

Ugh ANOTHER damn medical show?! Pretty soon, TV procedurals are just gonna be medical shows and shows about firefighters. I saw that little twist coming. You think I didn’t, but I did. Still, it’s the kind of show that’s not playing the long game. What does season 5 look like? We gonna do the UK thing where they just bring in a new lead? I was saying on Twitter last week that I love how in the UK, no star is bigger than the show. A show could’ve been on for 22 years, with 5 different leads. It just keeps on rolling along. America’s not like that, though. Meanwhile, when did Tyler Labine get so old?! I don’t know about this one. I mean, America hates the idea of free health care, but loves its medical dramas. It’s going against ABC’s The Rookie, but it’s also getting that prime This Is Us lead-in, so I’m not quite sure who the winner is in that race. I will say, out of all the NBC shows I’ve seen lined up for the Fall, this is the one with the best shot at survival.

Scheduling Thoughts

Not a lot to say here, as they’re ultimately playing it pretty safe. Just as I said with CBS, though, I feel like NBC is wasting a lot of good real estate on Dateline Saturday Night Mystery. That’s 2-4 pilots dead, just for that. I know it’s relatively cheap to produce, but it just seems like such a shortsighted decision.

The CW

All American (Wednesday, 9 PM)

I actually like what I see here. You couldn’t do this on any other broadcast network, as shows like this are heading to places like Freeform now. I’m digging the 90210 meets One Tree Hill meets Friday Night Lights, with a dash of Black Lightning. Plus, it’s got that Riverdale lead-in, suggesting the network has faith in it. I don’t even care about its competition on the other networks, because The CW plays by its own rules and standards. I think this one works.

Charmed (Sunday, 9 PM)

OK, who thought it was time to revive this? I never watched the original, but I know it lasted 8 seasons. I mean, 12 years have passed since its finale, but between this and the Roswell reboot, it’s like someone at The CW finally got that closet opened that’s been locked since UPN merged with The WB. So many wonderful properties to reboot! We’re about 4 years away from the One Tree Hill reboot at this point. Anyway, remember how I said shows like All American were ending up on Freeform? This show TOTALLY deserves to be over there, with their shows like Siren and Shadowhunters. I mean, it might do OK on The CW, but I’m not sure. I feel like any hardcore fan base that exists for the previous iteration probably isn’t going to be too happy about this. Meanwhile, I applaud their attempt to diversify it and all, but minorities don’t get down with witches like that. If you remember, there was only one Black chick in The Craft, and her career never recovered from that! It probably needs a stronger lead-in to guarantee success. This fall, The CW expands to Sunday nights, and this will be there, preceded by Supergirl, which is far from a ratings smash. Still, if they’re going for a Sunday Girl Power block, then I guess this is what they have to work with.

Scheduling Thoughts

I’ve got quite a few here, as there are a lot of moves going on. As I said above, their foray into Sunday nights is weak. They’ll need to work to strengthen that over time. Moving Arrow to Monday is interesting, but it’s an older show so at this point it’s going to do what it’s going to do, regardless of where it’s placed. it also frontloads the week with the DC shows, with Supergirl on Sunday, Legends of Tomorrow and Arrow on Monday, and The Flash and Black Lightning on Tuesday. I’m sure this will help when planning next year’s crossover. On Thursday, after Supernatural, they’ve got the new series, Legacies, which is a spin-off of The Originals which, itself, was a spin-off of The Vampire Diaries. It’s the Good Times to The OriginalsMaude and The Vampire DiariesAll In The Family. Its trailer isn’t available right now, but I’ve got to wonder why it got that slot and not Charmed. I thought they had pretty much done everything they possibly could to the Vampire Diaries universe. Meanwhile, Dynasty is a HORRIBLE lead-in for Crazy Ex-Girlfriend on Friday. It’s Crazy‘s final season, though, so I guess they were just like “Fuck it! Put it wherever.”

So, who had the West Week Ever? Was it Yanny? Was it Laurel? I’m gonna look back one day, and that joke isn’t going to age well. Anyway, looking at the Upfront presentations as a whole, I think ABC and CBS had the strongest showings. Fox and NBC aren’t really taking any chances, while The CW is just shuffling deck chairs right now. For the ABC slate, there some shows that have potential, like The Rookie and A Million Little Things, but I’m just not sure yet. Meanwhile, I’m pretty sure CBS has hits on their hands with FBI and Magnum P.I. Plus, they’ll get some great press for that Murphy Brown revival. So, I’m going to say that CBS had the West Week Ever.

04th May2018

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review – 5/4/18

by Will

 

It has been a week. Over the past seven days, I’ve had Internet fights with racist veterans, old friends, and complete strangers. Last Friday I bought a house, only to immediately discover that everything in my mother’s house was breaking down. I’ve been through a flood, a new hot water heater, 2 unresponsive plumbing companies, and 2 failed inspections. So, it would be safe to say that I’m in a bit of a mood…

So, I had been really looking forward to writing about Avengers: Infinity War. I had a lot of thoughts. Sure, a lot of folks left the Thursday night showings with their minds blown, but I wasn’t really happy. I had to process a lot of what I’d seen. There were simply SO many moving parts. I needed to really grasp what I’d seen. I saw it again with my wife on Saturday morning, and I think I came back with a better understanding of the film. Then the weekend happened. On top of the rampant speculation that follows the release of these movies, I also found myself in the middle of drama over on Facebook. It turned into this MCU vs DCEU stuff that I really didn’t want to get into. This shit is about men in capes and tights. It’s not Schindler’s List. Anyway, it kinda put a bad taste in my mouth about the whole thing, so I’m not that excited to talk about it anymore. But “The show must go on!”, so here we are (NOTE: I also owe @zacshipley an apology ’cause we were supposed to podcast about all this before my world started crumbling apart, as detailed above!).

Oh, yeah – SPOILERS

Let me preface this all to say that I am amazed by the tapestry woven by this whole feat. You can like or hate the MCU, but you have to give credit where it’s due that 18 movies culminated in this payoff. The Russos did an amazing job handling characters who weren’t originally theirs (Directors Taika Waititi and James Gunn pitched in to make sure their characters’ voices – Thor and the Guardians, respectively – stayed true). For fans of the world that Kevin Feige has guided, this was pretty much everything you could’ve wanted. Again, SO many moving parts, but they handled it deftly. If you haven’t seen all the films, well, in the words of the great poet laureate Jay-Z, “I feel bad for you, son.” I feel bad because this thing probably made very little sense to you. I joked on social media that my new favorite thing is following Black folks who were introduced to the MCU via Black Panther, only to check out Infinity War and leave, going “What the f-?!”

There’s a review from The New Yorker making the rounds, where the writer basically says that the film is just a culmination of ads for other Marvel films. It lends itself to the argument that there was nothing to grasp onto for the newcomer. First, you’ve got to ask if a newcomer should even be watching this film, and I answer that with a resounding “No!” This isn’t gatekeeper mentality, either. It’s just that you won’t get the full experience of what’s happening. It’s like watching the season finale of a show you’ve never seen before. You might be able to follow it, but you’re still gonna miss some important stuff. The problem with the review is that most folks who are bashing it are too close to the source material to understand where he’s coming from. He’s not wrong. Take, for instance, how the movie treats Steve Rogers.

Steve Rogers is treated as a real life “splash page” in the film (if you’re not a comic fan, a splash is 1-2 pages that showcase some impressive artwork, typically of a battle or character introduction, with minimal dialog or panels to detract from its impact). He shows up in the shadows, catches Proxima Midnight’s staff, and emerges to look badass. Later, he flexes on General Ross (“Who is THAT guy?” asks an unfamiliar audience member), still looking badass but there’s no real context. Yes, you’re reading this, yelling “He’s mad because of the Sokovia Accords!” Yeah, I know that, but I’m immersed in this shit. Still, this film does a poor job of explaining WHY this group is on the outs. The mention of the Accords is brief, and you’d really only get it if you’d seen Civil War – which you probably did, but not everyone did.

There is no substance to Steve Rogers in this entire movie. He shows up, looks badass, the end. Outside of the blurbs on the toy packaging, we don’t know what he and his team have been doing the past 2 years. We don’t know how those years, combined with the events of Civil War, have affected him. They choose a weak rendition of “Show, Don’t Tell”, by giving him a beard, long hair, and a darker costume, but that’s it. Steve Rogers is basically a man who has lost his religion. His religion was Uncle Sam, and he began to sour on it in The Winter Soldier. It was completely Uncle Bad Touch after Civil War. So who is he now? WHAT is he now? How has it all changed him? Is he better for it, or is he now a man with nothing more to lose? Yes, this movie had a lot of moving parts, so we couldn’t get what we wanted in terms of deep character moments for everyone. Still, seeing as how he’s the leader of this whole Earth-bound defense force, I’d kinda like to know more about the man leading everyone into battle. The Captain America movies had done a really good job of showing us the growth of Steve Rogers, and I just didn’t get that here. Oh, and folks love to fawn over everything about and from Wakanda, but those shield gauntlets were stupid. It made Agent Coulson’s TV budget holo shield look better in comparison, which is QUITE the feat!

Another problem I had: The Black Order. I’ve seen the debates on various Facebook pages, but the Black Order didn’t live up to their hype. Now, I realize they’re recent additions to the Thanos mythos, having been created by Jonathan Hickman in his recent Avengers run, but I just never felt they displayed WHY they should be feared. These are the “Children of Thanos”, by his side as he annihilated 50% of PLANETS. They come to Earth, and fail to rack up ONE KILL. Now, sure we can talk about the “formidable human spirit” or how “anything is possible when your back is against the wall”, but Black Widow and Akoye should not have survived that fight. I don’t care if Black Widow is the best graduate of the Red Room or that Okoye is the fiercest warrior in Wakanda. They’re facing an unfamiliar, extraterrestrial threat that kills people like it’s their job. Because it IS. People are saying “It was an even match when it was 1:1, and the Black Order took the L when folks teamed up against them.” Doesn’t matter. They couldn’t even successfully kill a ROBOT. Daddy had to come finish that job. So, I felt they went out like some bitches, even if I do want Ebony Maw to record my voicemail message.

Next problem: Because we, as fans, are so close to the source material – and the business behind it – it’s hard to really take the “deaths” seriously when you know the business side of things. First of all, I wasn’t affected by the deaths because they weren’t graphic. They weren’t impactful. Folks just turn to dust. Remember how I was disappointed by the Black Order? That could’ve been rectified here. Instead, it was more like the characters were *erased* than that they died. The only one that held any weight was Peter Parker’s, which was reportedly ad-libbed. Still, when the vast majority of the stars of the movies that Marvel has in the pipeline are the ones who “die”, it’s like “Whatever”.

And people love to be so smug with their “It’s comics. Characters always comes back from death.” Well, yes and no. Yes, it’s a common trope today, but that wasn’t always true. It wasn’t really until Superman where publishers realized the life/death yo-yo was a cash cow they could return to time and again. No, because the MCU hasn’t established this to be true within the confines of what has been set up.

 

One thing a lot of folks don’t seem to reflect upon is that the MCU has more ties to the Ultimate Marvel Universe than the regular, “616” Marvel Universe. Sam Jackson Nick Fury, Hawkeye with a Black Ops background, – just a few examples of how The Avengers film franchise owes more to the widescreen cinematic depiction of the team in The Ultimates comic than it does to the team seen in The Avengers comic. The Ultimate Universe, as a publishing imprint, ran between 2000-2016, and in that time death meant DEATH. When a character died there, they stayed dead (Don’t talk to me about Peter Parker because I’m proving a point here, and I’m convinced Bendis wrote that arc because someone was holding his family for ransom). Though Jeph Loeb’s Ultimatum event is generally considered a poorly-written gorefest, a shit ton of important characters died, and STAYED dead, forcing that universe and its characters to move forward and grow from it. With that said, the MCU has never really established that resurrections occur. There’s the Coulson thing, but it’s not exactly a routine occurrence, so they still could’ve played it that way here. Instead, though, they took all their cash cows with active contracts and sequels in the works, and “killed” them. Even if we KNOW they’re gonna “comic book” it and bring them back, they kinda shot the pooch in the selection of who stays and who goes.

In true comic fashion, it’s a story where ultimately nothing happens. Sure, there are some amazing set pieces and character moments, but it plays like one of those summer comic events where “The Marvel Universe will never be the same!!!!” Until next summer, when something else happens over 6-10 horribly delayed issues, and we get the same threat/promise. I feel almost like Feige and the lot lied to us when they promised that Infinity War was no longer a Part 1 & Part 2 deal, since it told its own story, just as Avengers 4 would. Nah, that dog don’t hunt. This is clearly a Part 1, even if not in name, and there is no complete story here. There’s a hell of a first (and possibly half of a second) act, but this is the MCU’s The Empire Strikes Back. At least we don’t have to wait 3 years for the resolution.

Last thing I hated: the after credit sequence. I think it might be the first one to make me groan. Why? Because I’m NO fan of Captain Marvel. I’ve followed her for some time, and I’m not against her, but I’ve never really understood the “Carol Corps” and the fan base that has developed around her.

If you’re not familiar, Carol Danvers was a pretty forgettable character for the first the 40 years of her existence. She went back and forth between codenames, calling herself Ms. Marvel, Binary, and Warbird at different times. Until about 10 years ago, her biggest claim to fame was that X-Men member Rogue stole her powers of flight and super strength (also why these powers are missing in the X-Men films, since Fox didn’t have the rights to Ms Marvel to do this). Then, about 10 years ago in the House of M event, Carol gets a glimpse of what she could be. Instead of a recovering alcoholic, C-list jobber, she could actually be the most powerful hero in the universe. So, she really starts to apply herself, and gets promoted from Ms. to Captain. And in a rare feat for comics, it stuck.

Usually when a former sidekick or lesser hero gets a “promotion”, it’s to goose sales and it’s temporary. With Captain Marvel, though, we’re ten years in and it seems like she’s going to stay this way. Good for her. My problem is I just don’t feel like having her Deus Ex Machina her way into Avengers 4 to save the day. As far as the comics go, she’s just not a likable character. Now, there’s some argument to be made that “Maybe you just don’t like strong women!” I don’t think that’s it, YET I feel like she’s written in a way to force folks to have that conversation. She was on the wrong side of history with the Superhero Registration Act. She was on the wrong side of history in Civil War II. In big crossover events, she tends to be written like a headstrong character who’s not really a great team player. “But, the same could be said about Tony Stark, Will!” Yeah, but he’s rich and charismatic. Can’t the same about Carol. Outside of her own book, she’s just kinda written like a fuck-up, yet I’m supposed to take her as the most powerful hero on Earth. Maybe I’ll gain a new appreciation for her after her movie drops in March, but right now, I’m just like “Ugh.”

Oh, and what is Nick Fury’s job now? I mean, he fakes his own death in The Winter Soldier, returns to the land of the living with helicarrier, like “What up, motherfuckers!” in Age of Ultron, and now he’s here. He has his own Personal White Woman (TM) in Maria Hill, but he ain’t the head of S.H.I.E.L.D. Right now, he’s a private citizen with his own flying death machine, which really needs to be explained. Or maybe it doesn’t. Hell, in the comics, S.H.I.E.L.D. has 2 different “Executive Directors” at the same time, depending on what book you’re reading.

So, since we slogged through all of that, and you might be mad, let’s get to what I liked: All of it. Despite the fanboy nitpick stuff I just pointed out, I really had an amazingly enjoyable time at this movie. I just take things further than the casual moviegoer, since I’ve sort of lived a lot of this stuff for the past 25 years. The things I pointed out didn’t make me hate the movie. They were just observations I had while others swore the film was perfect.

  • I loved Thanos, even if basic knowledge about population growth and sustainability point out the flaws in his plan. “Why didn’t he just create more resources?” Shut up! The movie would’ve been 10 minutes long, and you’d be pissed you paid $15 to see that. And how many times do you get to see the villain win?
  • Thank sweet baby Jesus that M’Baku survived. I was ready to throw my popcorn if he turned to dust.
  • Even though I have no clue how it’s possible, I’m glad that Thor’s little soliloquy established that Thanos only killed HALF of his people, so there’s still hope for Valkyrie and Korg to pop up in the future. I’m just imagining the potential showdown between Valkyrie and Sif (who ain’t dead ‘cause she didn’t take time off from her struggling NBC show just to come back and get killed. Respect!).
  • Even though some folks hated it, I enjoyed the erectile dysfunction joke with Hulk. When he finally does appear next movie, it’ll mean something, and hopefully he’ll get redemption. Still, it had to happen to prove that Thanos was a formidable foe. If he scared Hulk, then he should scare everyone.
  • Xandar got destroyed offscreen, so I’m glad I didn’t have to watch Nova Prime Glenn Close get killed along with John C. Reilly and his little pink daughter. And, with the Corps’ destruction, it certainly does pave the way for a Nova film – just as Feige’s been teasing lately.
  • Thor was SO good here. It’s a damn shame it took them 3 movies to get him right, but with the original team’s contracts expiring, I hope he’ll come back for more. He seems to be having as much fun as we are watching him, and they’ll need a thru-line from the original team to whatever is left standing at the end of the next film. The Avengers cannot live by Black Widow kicks alone.
  • I was glad that this film “fixed” the MCU timeline ‘cause I was really messed up by that “8 Years Ago” from Homecoming, yet Tony establishes here that the Battle of New York was SIX years ago. I know, fanboy problems.

Thoughts about Avengers 4:

  • I don’t think Gamora comes back in this film. I think she’s in the Soul Stone, and I could totally see GOTG 3 as The Search for Gamora.
  • I’m still not convinced Cap ever dies in this franchise. Look at it this way: yes, people are clamoring for a heroic sacrifice, so Bucky (or less likely Falcon) will take up the shield to honor him. I don’t think he needs to die. Bear with me here: Steve Rogers never got a life. Just as he was becoming a man, he volunteered for a way to fight for his country. He was frozen for 70 years, only to thaw out and be thrown right into the next fight. I think he deserves to walk off into the sunset. He’s done more than enough for his country. Now, he could buy himself a fishing boat and find himself a nice girl. It’s what Peggy would’ve wanted for him.
  • Also don’t think Downy dies. If he was gonna go, this was going to be his window. A lot of folks think Pepper was trying to tell him she was pregnant when the comm link cut out, so I could see him taking a step back, and just providing tech and money to the team while he focuses on his family. Can’t you see him giving Clint a new bow, saying something like “Be careful with that. It cost more than that farmhouse of yours!”?
  • To be honest, I see this era of the MCU ending without any meaningful deaths that stick. I know some folks would be fine with that, but when looking back on 19 movies, it leads one to wonder “What were the stakes?” At this point, the only real deaths we’ve had were Coulson, Quicksilver and Agent Carter – and one of those was simply from old age. I’m not some morbid deathmonger, but I feel a calling like this comes with a price. And nobody *important* has paid that price. If that’s how they wanna play it, then so be it, but it’s definitely something that sticks out to me.
  • Completely never realized there was no deal in place for Doctor Strange 2. Feige’s explanation is that he felt like Strange got so much time in Infinity War that he didn’t need a second movie so soon. I could see that, but it’s just odd how a franchise that can’t keep its 5 year plan a secret doesn’t have anything lined up for him (officially) in the next five years. Oh, and I kinda hated him in this movie during my first viewing. I feel like MCU Doctor Strange is Great Value Tony Stark, but I came to appreciate him more during viewing #2.
  • If Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. does end this season (which is looking less likely, even though this season’s finale was written as a series finale), I really hope it’s acknowledged in this film. No, I don’t think we need a cameo from the whole damn team, but I think the Avengers finally need to learn about Coulson, and they’re clearly setting Chloe Bennett up for something, so she could cameo, too. Sorry, fans of Melinda May. I also don’t need cameos from the Netflix folks. I’m fine with just acting like that’s its own thing, but AoS is supposed to be part of the “Everything is Connected”ness of the MCU. That’s what we were promised, so that’s what I expect. The tangential shows, like Runaways and Cloak & Dagger, can do whatever they want ‘cause I’m never gonna accept them into this family.

I’ve got more to say about Infinity War, but we’ll get to that a bit later down the page.

HarassmentWatch(TM)

Harvey Weinstein Update – Ashley Judd has sued Weinstein for “torpedoing” her career when she rebuffed his advances. Peter Jackson already reported that he was convinced not to cast Judd in The Lord of the Rings due to influence from Weinstein. So, she’s suing him for defamation, sexual harassment, and for violation of California’s unfair competition laws. I swear, if he cost us Where The Heart Is 2: Forney’s Revenge, then I say let the bastard fry!

Bill Cosby Update – The Cos, along with Roman Polanski, found himself expelled from The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences, who are responsible for the Academy Awards. While this probably seems like a huge gesture to some, it’s not like they’re taking away his Oscar. Can’t win an Oscar when you’re cranking out shit like Ghost Dad and Leonard Part 6. Nope, he just can’t vote anymore. That’s cool, ’cause convicted felons can’t vote anyway, so… Meanwhile, his wife Camille issued a statement that this is the result of mob mentality, and that he’s being railroaded. If you ever want to feel sad for humanity, hop over to his Facebook page for the litany of “I stand by you, Mr. Cosby!” The motherfucker gave us a TV show. He didn’t cure cancer. Let that shit go. It’s a numbers game. Even if you think some of those women lied, ALL of them aren’t lying. We’re talking over 50 women! People want to act like it’s a giant conspiracy, but you can barely get 50 women to respond to an Evite, let alone corroborate a rape story. How many do you need? What’s your threshold on sexual assault? Get back to me if you need to think on that.

So, I guess we should get this out of the way since everyone in my life has asked my thoughts on it: in a somewhat surprising move, toymaker Hasbro announced they have purchased the Power Rangers franchise from Haim Saban for a reported $522 million. They also bought some other stuff, like 80s property My Pet Monster, but ain’t nobody got time for that. I say “somewhat surprising” because we knew it was a possibility. After all, it was in the fine print when Hasbro acquired the master license to produce Power Rangers toys in the United States. The company would have the first right of refusal should Saban ever decide to sell. It looked like this was a sure thing down the road – ya know, after they’d had a season or two under their belt, making product. Instead, they pulled the trigger before the next incarnation of the show, and before the Bandai license has fully lapsed. It kinda makes one wonder: “What’s the rush?” I mean, does Saban need to send an envelope of cash over to Israel or something?

OK, sidebar – if you’ve never been to this site before, or don’t know much about Haim Saban, then you saw that last sentence and said, “Whoa, Will! That was kinda anti-Semitic!” Not exactly. You see, Saban has always called himself a one-issue voter, and that issue is Israel. He’s quite the political donor, and has no real political allegiance except to anyone who promises to make the affairs of Israel a priority. He was quite the donor to the Clintons (which was always intriguing to me, as early on the Clintons railed against violence in children’s programming, like Power Rangers. Nothing that a few million dollars couldn’t fix!). He would go on to publicly lambaste both Bernie Sanders and DNC chair candidate Keith Ellison as being “anti-Israel”. Oh, and he firmly believes that the key to political power is to control media outlets. Yup, that old conspiracy theory about the media is actually one of his dreams. Betcha didn’t know all that about the guy behind your favorite spandex heroes! Anyway, the dude is worth over $5 billion, so it wouldn’t be shocking if a quarter of this sale is earmarked for Israel.

Anyway, the writing was on the wall with this sale. Hasbro needs something to bolster the aging Transformers franchise, and the essentially lifeless G.I. Joe franchise. This is a something of a renaissance for them, as owning something like the Power Rangers franchise changes the game. It’s not one of those “It’ll keep the lines on” situations like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is for Playmates Toys, but it’s definitely the shot in the arm that Hasbro could use these days. Meanwhile I don’t think Saban ever really recovered from the anemic box office for last year’s Power Rangers movie. He knows, as any smart man would, that the franchise’s best days – as far as he was concerned – were behind him. He would never again experience the Beatlemania that accompanied the 93-94 era of the franchise, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t be a valuable franchise for someone else.

Plus, let’s just look at the numbers here: Saban originally sold Fox Family Worldwide (which included Power Rangers and the Fox Kids library) to Disney for $5.3 BILLION in 2001. Yes, Disney paid more for that than they paid for Star Wars OR Marvel. Disney, then, proceeded to junk everything from that sale (Where’s my Eek! The Cat, bitches?) except Power Rangers, while never really figuring out what to do with it. They went on to produce seven original Power Rangers seasons of varying quality, from Ninja Storm to RPM. After a rumored failed animation pilot, and a half season where they just added Batman ’66 effects to old Mighty Morphin episodes, Disney sold the Power Rangers franchise back to Saban for a reported $43 million. He spends a few years doing basically the bare minimum as far as maintaining the brand, and then sells if off for half a BILLION dollars. You can say a lot of things about Haim Saban, but you can’t say he’s not a smart businessman!

So, what do I think? I’m not really sure. We’ve had multimedia franchises owned by toy companies before, but I can’t remember the last time we’ve seen a transition like this. I mean, it’s basically going from Saban’s Power Rangers to Hasbro’s Power Rangers, and I don’t entirely know what that will mean. That’s like if it went from Jimmy’s G.I. Joe to Hasbro’s G.I. Joe. Will all of the wit and charm that Jimmy brought to the franchise be honored and respected by the new owner? Who knows? And we don’t know in my scenario, as there was no Jimmy and Hasbro always owned Joe. So, the question is How does Hasbro put its mark on Power Rangers, while retaining what it has come to mean over the past 25 years?

From a toy perspective, I don’t think we have a lot to worry about. Hasbro is a friend to the “adult collector”, so I’m confident we’ll get some sort of 6″ Black Series/Legends action figure line to rival what we got with Bandai’s Legacy Collection. They’re also good at articulation, when they want to be. So, we could end up with 4″ Rangers with 5 points of articulation, in some sort of weird, retro throwback model, or they could give us the $13 Walmart exclusive Star Wars figure articulation. Plus, with their “Big Toys for Poor Kids” Titan Heroes line, they can continue to give us the same unnecessary 12″ shampoo bottle figures that Bandai cranks out. Where they will fall short, however, is when it comes to role play toys.

Kid sized Ranger weapons and morphers are a big part of the Power Rangers toyline legacy, and that just ain’t Hasbro’s strong suit. The closest they’ve come to a morpher in recent years is the Star Wars Force Link, which has now died on the vine in two different iterations (three, if you count its “father”, the CommTech Reader from the Star Wars prequel toylines). They have never simply gotten the consumer to care about those things, though it might help if it’s an item that’s actually featured in the show, instead of some weird, out-of-left-field piece of tech that isn’t featured in the source material. On top of that, Hasbro goes the extra mile for role play stuff that the marketplace isn’t really demanding. Take the recent Hero Vision Iron Man helmet for Avengers: Infinity War, which is an augmented reality experience where you put your cell phone into an Iron Man helmet to pretend you’re fighting Thanos. Cute idea, but not for the $50 price point. This is not something that works at mass market retail. You know how I know? Because Walmart can’t even sell $15 VR sets, so the addition of a plastic Iron Man helmet ain’t gonna make these fly off the shelves. No, this is a hobby piece. This is the kind of thing you MAKE yourself, with the help of a YouTube tutorial. It’s not the kind of thing that you BUY. For other recent role play offerings, it’s clear the Action Figure folks just farmed the development out to the Nerf team. So, I really hope they’ve got some PR experts on the team (possibly from Bandai) instead of trying to acclimate their current folks to the Power Rangers brand.

I guess my biggest worry surrounds the show itself. Does Hasbro know how to produce a weekly live action kids show? Will it stay in New Zealand? Is this the end of the franchise’s love affair with actor Jason David Frank? He’s spent years ingratiating himself to the folks at Saban and Bandai. I mean, the current comic book storyline is based around his character. What happens now that he has a new master to please? Will Hasbro allow Nickelodeon to keep forcing so many breaks between new episodes? Can Hasbro void the Nick contract Saban just signed, and take the show elsewhere? Those are the questions I have. The toys will be fine, but Power Rangers, while toyetic in nature, wasn’t necessarily a brand created to sell toys. Sure, like anything else, it was created to make money, but not primarily to sell toys. How does that change when its new owner is primarily in the business of selling toys? I guess we’ll have to wait and see…

On the other end of the pop culture spectrum, Kanye West went on a bit of a press tour this week, and proceeded to make a fool of himself. Most notably, he went on TMZ and said that slavery was a “choice”. He went on to give this extended rant:

He also gave an interview to Charlamagne tha God on The Breakfast Club, where we learned the following things about him:

  • He developed an Opiod addiction after getting liposuction. Now, let me just say that if my mom died on a plastic surgeon’s table, I’m fairly certain you wouldn’t catch me getting plastic surgery. Most folks won’t even return to a restaurant that gave them food poisoning!
  • He was hurt that Jay-Z and Beyonce didn’t come to his wedding
  • He likes that Trump won because it gives him hopes for his own political aspirations. He feels that Trump’s win means that anyone can win, and that inspires him.
  • He turned on Obama because Obama once said that Kanye was his favorite artist, but then proceeded to call him a “jackass” when asked about more recent antics. That hurt Kanye’s widdle feelings.
  • He recently bought 300 acres on which to build a community

Here’s the thing: some of what he says isn’t the craziest thing I’ve ever heard, but even a broken clock is right twice a day. His issue is he’s conflating physical slavery with mental slavery, which are 2 different things. Meanwhile, there are a bunch of Hoteps out here, saying “He’s right!” It saddens me that there are modern day Black people who hear about slavery, and then think “They wouldn’t have made ME no slave!” Yes, they would have. Slavery was more than just the fact that White people owned us. There are psychological underpinnings to that system that held us, and continue, to hold us down. I am all for ignorance being brought into the light, but in the year of our Lord 2018 there are way too many White Supremacists who’ve been waiting for someone like this to come along to bandy about. This would be a “mistake” if he’d said the dumb stuff ONCE, but he just keeps digging his hole. This is a full on meltdown, but to what end? At what cost? The “bad” people hear his words, and it just empowers them. Kanye lives in an ivory tower, so he doesn’t have to deal with a lot of the day to day stuff folks face. He’s out of touch, and making things worse for those who are not.

The problem with Kanye is he’s all over the place and, as they say in the South, he “can’t get to Hell fast enough”. It’d be one thing if he wanted to talk Black empowerment. It’s an entirely other matter when his “argument” is merely used as a distraction from his MAGA hat wearing photo op. He’s not the guy saying “Let me show you another way of thinking”, at least not eloquently. Instead, he’s a petulant child who’s saying “I do what I want, and your reasons for your views don’t apply to me.” OK, cool. But he shouldn’t expect folks to take his views seriously when he’s been so dismissive of theirs. People don’t forget so easily, yet they see what they want to see. It’s like Cosby, who we’re supposed to hold up as this paragon of Black greatness, who also spent the past 20 years berating the Black community. Like Kanye, a lot of what he said wasn’t “wrong”, but it was HOW he said it. Context AND delivery are just as important as the words themselves.

I don’t feel “betrayed” by Kanye West. If nothing more, I hate how he’s giving my “family” a bad name (even though there’s no relation…I hope). No, I have NEVER given Kanye money (thank you, Shawn Fanning, for teaching me about the wonderful world of free music!), and he’s never been a “musical genius” to me. No, I reserve that praise for folks like Max Martin, because I have the musical taste of a 14 year old girl who was punted forward in time from the year 1998. I just think this thinking is dangerous. It’s one thing to have this kind of discussion in the parlor, over brandy, but it’s another to go on the steaming pile of muckraking shit that is TMZ and hold court. I give TMZ some credit because they’re the first ones to let us know when a celebrity dies, but Harvey Levin would make PT Barnum clutch his pearls. When he looks at you like you’re a piece of shit, well, it’s pretty clear that you’re a piece of shit. And the same folks who are saying that “We need to stop being divisive and love each other” are just suffering from “Winner’s Bullshit”. They weren’t worried about divisiveness when they were trying to prove the last president was a secret Kenyan Muslim who killed Santa Claus. Nor did they apologize when they couldn’t prove it. So, in conclusion, fuck Kanye West, fuck Kenny Chesney, and fuck anyone else who wants to tell me that all my great grandmother had to do was clock out at the end of the day on the plantation, and everything would’ve been hunky-dory.

Wow. That felt good to get out. Sorry to the White people (which is pretty much all of you) who are feeling some kind of way right now. I’ll lighten things up at this point. Promise!

In TV news, it was reported that Conan on TBS will switch to a 30-minute format. I don’t really know what to think about Conan anymore. I mean, yes, he got royally screwed by NBC. That said, he’s basically now the Hillary Clinton of the late night world. He needs to read the room and realize he’s never going to be Johnny Carson. There are other things he could do, though. Leave the late night space to the other guys, and focus on producing. The Conaco brand isn’t that strong right now, and it could use his stewardship. Out of the three shows he’s currently producing (Conan, People of Earth, and Final Space), only one of them is actually good. His late night show isn’t breaking new ground, nor does anything from it go viral, which is the new measure of “worth” in that sector. Final Space is just a miss all around, and People of Earth isn’t the kind of show that’s gonna last 10 years. I just don’t know what he’s trying to prove at this point. TBS has been a great home for him and his projects. It’s to his benefit that he didn’t go to Fox when his non-compete was over ’cause they would’ve cancelled Conan YEARS ago. Over on TBS, he’s a big fish in a small pond, but he’s not contributing much to the late night space anymore, and it seems like TBS doesn’t want to hurt him by showing him the door, but clearly realizes that they could be doing more with the timeslot. Sadly, they could probably bring in more eyes just by bringing back those reruns of Cougar Town.

In other TV programming news, DC Comics began teasing the DC Universe streaming service. Details are scarce at the moment, so we don’t know price point, or what will make up the bulk of the programming. We do know that the previously announced live action Titans will be joined by a live action Swamp Thing series, as well as the third season of Young Justice and an animated Harley Quinn series. Meanwhile, the ill-conceived Metropolis, that featured Lois Lane and Lex Luthor solving mysteries, is being “redeveloped”. This all sounds TERRIBLE to me. I feel like this is going to be the home of the shows they couldn’t sell to other networks. I mean, if you remember, TNT passed on Titans. TN-fucking-T. Their schedule is nothing but Bones reruns and NBA games. Sure, you could make the argument that “Maybe it just didn’t fit their network image”, but I can assure you more people get TNT than will initially sign up for this service. Plus, are folks really creaming their jeans over a Swamp Thing show?

Wanna make this thing a Must Have expense? First, pull all existing shows from networks and put them on the service. Sure, The CW would collapse, but Fox wouldn’t have to worry about renewing a bubble show like Gotham, and the service would officially become THE exclusive home for DC programming.  ‘Cause even if the service has every DC production in history, it should be acknowledged that a lot of that stuff was shit. Yes, there’d be Justice League Unlimited and the rest of the DCAU, but there’d also be Lois & Clark, that really bad 80s syndicated Superboy, and The Zeta Project. People talk about how Disney is buying Fox to bolster their streaming service, but there’s REALLY nothing about DC’s catalog that’s gonna bring all the boys to the yard. You really going to pay a monthly fee just so you can watch Superman III whenever you want? The shit is in the $5 bin at Walmart. Knock yourself out. Your credit card will thank you. Anyway, I’m putting this in the Need More Information file for now.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

  • We got this new trailer for Teen Titans GO! To The Movies, and I cannot wait! I posted how I’m more excited for this movie than I am for Deadpool 2, and some dude on Twitter felt the need to tell me that it’s going to make no money. Cool story, bro! Why is the Internet full of people who simply don’t want you to be happy about something? Anyway, Will Arnett as Deathstroke…I mean, “Slade”? Sign me up!
  • I have never loved Arrested Development as much as a lot of folks, but I’ve been meaning to give it a second chance. I became even more inspired to do so when, this week, series creator Mitch Hurwitz announced that a “remix” of season 4 would actually be dropping on Netflix today. Due to the conflicting schedules of the cast, season 4 was originally filmed with each episode focusing on one character. This new edit, however, treats it like a traditional sitcom, much in the way the first 3 seasons were filmed. New jokes, and actual character interaction. This should be interesting, even if just as a case study to see if such a thing can be done well.

  • *NSYNC received their star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame this week. Three things stood out to me about this: 1) I’m amazed Justin Timberlake actually showed up for the ceremony, as I was certain it was just gonna be the 4 less successful ones there. 2) Apparently Loki is real, and he now goes by the name “JC Chasez” on Midgard. 3) Chris Kirkpatrick still looks like the kid that you only let hang out with you because he either has a hot, slutty sister OR his brother is your weed dealer.
  • On a related *NSYNC note, they popped up on Ellen, where it was revealed that Timberlake once hooked up with a Spice Girl. If it was Sporty, he will have my undying love. It was probably Scary or Ginger, though.
  • Comedian Michelle Wolf hosted the White House Correspondents Dinner, and the butthurt, snowflake libtards couldn’t take a few jokes! Wait…we’re receiving an update on this story. Oh, so it wasn’t the Liberals? How interesting…

  • We got the new trailer for Ant-Man and The Wasp, which looks like a MUCH needed, light fare palette cleanser after the heavy events of Infinity War.
  • Taking a page from DC’s marketing of The Dark Knight, Fox is dropping X-Men from the title of the series’ next installment, which will now just be called Dark Phoenix. Yeah, I think the great Dwayne Johnson put it best when he said, “IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!”
  • Speaking of The Rock, he just cast John Cena as the lead in The Janson Directive, which Johnson is producing, based on a Robert Ludlum book. A Robert Ludlum book that sounds a lot like The Bourne Identity
  • Detective/Captain/Mayor Quentin Lance is leaving the Arrowverse, as actor Paul Blackthorne is exiting Arrow at the end of the season. I’ve felt he’s been living on borrowed time since season 2, but I grew to love him. Here’s hoping he gets to walk off into the sunset instead of getting killed off.
  • The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt will be ending after its upcoming 4th season, with a planned movie that will wrap up any loose ends. Sad to see it go, but I never made it through season 2, and I guess this gives Tina Fey time to work on that 30 Rock revival she’s been teasing.
  • The Handmaid’s Tale (Hulu), The Good Fight (CBS All Access), and Westworld (HBO) were all renewed for a 3rd season this week.
  • Thought I’ve never encountered anyone who liked the show, Netflix somehow renewed Friends from College for a second season, and Sarah Chalke will be joining the cast.
  • The Simpsons surpassed Gunsmoke to become the longest-running, scripted primetime series on television, with 636 episodes.
  • Because we’re in the midst of a conservative TV family renaissance, with the success of Roseanne, it’s being reported that Fox is close to reviving Tim Allen’s Last Man Standing for a 7th season. I get the Why, but Fox ain’t the right home for that show. They don’t have any other multicam sitcoms to pair with it. It’ll be an anomaly on their schedule, but it ain’t my money, so…
  • Speaking of Fox, they renewed Empire for season 5. I can only imagine that Lucious spends half the season in space, only to return to an Earth where everyone has seemingly forgotten about Dre.
  • The current story arc on Black-ish makes it seem like Dre and Rainbow are headed for splitsville. There are so many things at play here. It’s rare to have a positive, Black nuclear family on television, so they’d spit in the faces of a lot of fans to destroy that. It’s also reportedly based on the real-life relationship of show creator Kenya Barris, and he and his wife (also named Rainbow) worked through their problems. Still, this is a matter dictated by business. Star Tracee Ellis Ross is upset that she doesn’t make as much as costar Anthony Anderson. She’s said she’s willing to reduce her role to part-time in order to take work on another series to make up the difference. Negotiations are ongoing, and there’s no renewal deal yet for next season. Oh, and Barris is trying to get out of his ABC deal. So, yeah, this is gonna come down to the 11th hour, and it doesn’t look good.

  • We got this cast pic from the upcoming Murphy Brown revival. I love how Faith Ford’s face basically says “God, I wish my husband hadn’t racked up all that gambling debt…” Anyway, before conservatives get all upset, they didn’t recast Murphy’s kid with that Indian dude. No, he’s the social media manager for FYI, which is only slightly less offensive…

  • 16 year old Isabela Moner has been cast as the lead in the live action Dora the Explorer film. Look, I know I grew up in a time when high schoolers were played by 30 year old actors, but I draw the line at a 16 year old Dora. The Sketchy Dad contingent, however, is gonna eat this up!

So, I bet you thought we were done with Infinity War. Well, you were wrong, sucka! Up top we discussed opinions, but now we’re gonna talk about facts.

  • It’s the culmination of 18 films, released over the past 10 years
  • The film is expected to pass $1 BILLION worldwide this weekend – just ONE WEEK after its release, and it doesn’t even in China until May 11th

  • The film beat Star Wars: The Force Awakens to have the biggest opening of weekend of all time, with $250 million. Game recognizes game. And they have the same corporate parent, but whatever.
  • It was the payoff of a decade’s worth of film-making, and it provided an experience that a lot of comic fans never dreamed they ever see on film.
  • It’s the endgame of Book 1 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. When the dust settles, we’ll have the entire story of Steve Rogers as Captain America, Tony Stark as Iron Man, and possibly more. And what a ride it has been!

All of this is just a long winded way of saying that Avengers: Infinity War, hands down, without a doubt, had the West Week Ever.

13th Apr2018

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review – 4/13/18

by Will

Thanks for bearing with me as I migrated my hosting over the past couple of weeks. Hopefully this new home will keep me from getting notifications that I’ve maxed out my resources every 24 hours! I mean, it’s nice to know I’m popular, but the threshold that hosting company had set was embarrassingly low, so it’s not like I was doing gangbusters. Anyway, here’s to the future!

It’s April, but I’m finally starting to get the ball rolling on this movie watching thing for 2018. Last week I found myself in the theater to watch Blockers. Now, I love a teen sex comedy as much as the next guy, but I’m also 36 now, so it’s a bit of a weird feeling. I mean, I felt strange sitting in Superbad, and that was 11 years ago, and I’m much older now and still feeling just as weird about it. The thing about Blockers, though, is that it’s really more from the parents’ perspective, so your focus is more on them and not on their teenage kids preparing to lose their virginity.

If you’re not familiar with it, Blockers is the story of three parents, played by Leslie Mann, Ike Barinholtz, and John Cena (yup, THAT John Cena), who discover that their daughters have made a sex pact to lose their virginity on prom night. Once they find out about the pact, the parents set out to make sure that the plan fails. In the middle of the crass humor there’s a discussion about gender politics, as well as a coming out story. As a lot of reviews have said, it’s a teen sex comedy with heart.

The thing that stood out most to me is that the casting is so odd. While Barinholtz is perfectly cast as the philandering dad who had previously been cast out of the parent group, and Mann does a good job as doting mother afraid to cut the cord, I don’t know where Cena came from. At the beginning of the film, he seems to be treating it like an SNL skit where he’s desperately trying not to break. His character is this macho sports guy with a sensitive side, but it’s played more for laughs than ever really seeming genuine. Over the course of the film, he begins to settle into the role a bit more, but the whole time you’re never at a point where you don’t realize “That’s John Cena!” The kids themselves are OK, I guess. There’s the main, “pretty blonde girl” who’s the leader of the group, there’s the jock, who normally would’ve been the Black one, but in a twist is half Indian, and then there’s the frumpster who’s clearly the hottest but frumped up to make the other two look better. If you ask me, frumpster, played by Gideon Adlon (daughter of Pamela Adlon) is the breakout star of the film. Still, there are wasted opportunities, like with Hannibal Buress and June Diane Raphael, who just aren’t given much to do.

In the end, I really enjoyed the film. It’s not quite as iconic as, say, American Pie, but I don’t think it’s meant to be. Instead of being the teen sex comedy for the Snapchat generation, this is the parent cockblock comedy for the American Pie generation. When you approach it like that, I think it works pretty well.

So, there’s this controversy going around about the Apu character on The Simpsons. You see, last year “comedian” (I put that in quotes because I don’t remotely find anything he does funny) Hari Kondabolu produced a documentary called The Problem With Apu, where he detailed his problems with the racial stereotypes associated with the character. Kondabolu also took issue with the fact that the character was voiced by a White man doing an accent. The documentary made the rounds for a bit, and even aired on TruTV. And that seemed like the end of it – until this week, when The Simpsons actually addressed it. In a scene between Lisa and Marge, they basically insinuate that the backlash towards the character is merely founded in political correctness, with the argument that “Well, it wasn’t a problem when we started.” It was clear what they were referencing, as they look at a picture of Apu, and then directly at the audience.

I’m on the fence on this one. On the one hand, The Simpsons didn’t have to address this whole thing, especially if this was going to be their stance. I mean, it’s an aging show with little bark or bite left in it, so why squander time and resources on this? It just seems petty. On the other hand, Kondabolu isn’t wrong, as there are a lot of things in popular culture that were created during a time when folks weren’t as “woke” as they are now. It’s not a case of infringing “political correctness” but rather a case of righting wrongs of the past. But on the theoretical, alien third hand, this is a perfect case of how important it is to carefully choose who you’re hitching your wagon to. While it’s a valid argument, I find Kondabolu so fucking insufferable where I’d almost side with The Simpsons just because it rubs him the wrong way. He’s like the Neil deGrasse Tyson of identity politics comedy, and that’s a terrible thing. In many cases the person pushing an issue is just as important as the issue itself, and I feel like if this had come from someone like Russell Peters, Kumail Nanjiani, or even Kunal Nayyar, it would’ve been readily accepted by more people. Instead, folks see Kondabolu and don’t want some New York hipster talking down to them about the same “beloved” Simpsons that they’ve spent the past 15 years saying it should’ve been canceled 10 years ago.

Anyway, it’s a tough position to be in. They can’t kill off Apu because that doesn’t do anyone any good, but they’re not gonna recast Hank Azaria ’cause, well, they aren’t. So, this is where we are. I kinda wish this Civil Race War would start already just so we can get it over with.

Meanwhile, there are suspicions that the godfather of Marvel Comics himself, Stan Lee, is the victim of elder abuse. There have been rumblings the past few months concerning an abrupt change in his handlers, as well as him being cut off from friends and family. He came down with pneumonia, but wasn’t in a hospital. Vials of his blood had been stolen and used to sign books sold at conventions. A lot of industry folks are worried that the people surrounding him are just vultures trying to bleed him dry. This recent profile in The Hollywood Reporter gives some good background on the battle over Lee’s finances. Anyway, Lee fired back at the claims with this video:

Yeah, that’s totally not filmed under duress. Blink twice if you need a quick evac, Stan! Anyway, this seems like a situation that’s only going to get worse unless someone steps in and does something.

A few weeks back, I was invited by the good folks at OAFE to share some of my Toys “R” Us memories. I shared one I think you’ll enjoy.

Last week, I had the pleasure of joining the Down the Rabbit Hole Podcast from the Nerd Lunch crew. If you’re not familiar with the concept of the show, you basically choose a Wiki on a topic, and see where the links take you. For this episode we chose the RangerWiki, in order to explore the world of Power Rangers. Since the hosts didn’t have a lot of familiarity with the franchise, I got to drive the car and had a lot of fun doing so. I never realized just how crazy some of those plotlines were until I had to boil them down to 5 minute explanations. Anyway, do yourself a favor and go check out the episode!

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

  • Hot on the heels of Willa Holland’s departure, it was announced that Colton Haynes will return as a series regular on Arrow next season. Methinks maybe they hated each other on set?
  • The streaming services were vicious in their cancellations this week, as Netflix cancelled Everything Sucks! after one season, while Amazon cancelled Golden Globe Award winning Mozart In The Jungle after four seasons. Will Mozart ever get out of that jungle?! The world may never know…
  • It’s not all doom and gloom, though, as Netflix renewed Jessica Jones for a third season. I’m never gonna catch up on those Netflix Marvel shows at this point.
  • Fed up with being bumped every week on What Up With That?, Lindsey Buckingham is finally demanding respect. Following a disagreement, Buckingham announced he would not be participating in Fleetwood Mac’s upcoming tour. The band responded by officially firing him, and announcing that Crowded House’s Neil Finn and Mike Campbell of Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers would be taking his place.
  • The 5th season finale of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is titled “The End”, written as a possible series finale should the show not be picked up for season 6.
  • Speaking of struggling ABC Marvel shows, Anson Mount, most recently of Inhumans, has been cast as Captain Christopher Pike for the second season of Star Trek: Discovery. I’m sure he’s happy he’ll actually get to speak this time.
  • It was announced yesterday that the upcoming 5th season of Broad City would be its last. If you ask me, it’s the right time. I got so bored by season 4 that I didn’t even finish it, and it’s clear that Abbi and Ilana want to spread their wings.
  • Word on the street is that Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt have negotiated their return to Mad About You. This is yet another show that will probably have to retcon its 20 year old series finale in order to make this work. I’m really getting tired of this, especially since there’s nothing that Paul and Jamie Buchman have to say about life in 2018 that I really want to hear.
  • Already in hot water for his alleged sexual misconduct, Hollywood moron TJ Miller apparently called in a fake bomb threat on a train. Apparently he got into a drunken altercation with a woman on an Amtrak train, and reported her as a suspected terrorist to get back at her. Wow.
  • In News We’ve Known Since 2001, Mariah Carey revealed she suffers from Bipolar Disorder. We all remember that TRL appearance, Mimi. We knew all along.
  • Deadpool 2‘s David Leitch is attached to direct the untitled Fast & The Furious spinoff starring The Rock and Jason Statham.

  • We got our first set pics of the Titans cast, and it looks like something that would’ve been released in the 80s by Cannon Films.
  • AMC has ordered a vampire series called NOS4A2, based on Joe Hill’s 2013 novel of the same name. That same, stupid name.

It was a big week in wrestling, as we’re coming off the end of WrestleMania Week. WrestleMania 34 was held in New Orleans, featuring some electrifying matches, like the HHH/Stephanie McMahon vs Kurt Angle/Ronda Rousey match, as well as the Royal Rumble champ Shinsuke Nakamura going up against WWE Champion AJ Styles. Plus, it featured the in-ring return of Daniel Bryan. For a card that really didn’t seem that exciting on paper, most who watched seemed to have enjoyed what they saw.

For me, the biggest part of the night was the return of The Undertaker. Gone since his seeming retirement at WrestleMania 33, Taker was at the top of John Cena’s list as a competitor for the event. Cena spent weeks pleading for Taker to accept his challenge, but was met with silence. At the actual show, Cena was content to watch from the audience as a fan, until someone whispered to him and he went running up the ramp. Yeah, so the Undertaker came back, and I’m not happy. You see, his departure at the end of last year’s match was perfect. While he wasn’t at his best, it was clear that we were seeing the waning days of an aging warrior. He’s 52 and really shouldn’t be putting himself through all of that anymore. He had been a good company man, and now it was time for him to go to his reward. Time for the Undertaker to be undertaken. Or so I thought.

Next, there were rumblings that he might not be done. I was really hoping those rumors weren’t true, because I really didn’t know what else he had to prove. “Well, it could be John Cena vs. Taker at Mania.” Yeah, so? That match-up means absolutely nothing to me. “Well, maybe he’ll come back as The American Badass.” OK, I’m listening. You see, back in the early ’00s, WWE had really built up the working class hero aspect of Stone Cole Steve Austin, but he had the knees of 1994 Nancy Kerrigan. So, he wasn’t always in working shape. During one of his hiatuses, The Undertaker took on a new persona, closer to how he is in real life, of a biker. He’d ride his hog down to the ring, wore a sleeveless vest and bandana, and did a lot more talking than he did as The Dead Man. While this gimmick is highly unpopular with a lot of fans, I loved it. I’ve loved every aspect of The Undertaker (except the whole Lord of Darkness thing, where he was crucifying people, that I missed during the Attitude Era), and I love any glimpse into what he’s like in real life (SIDE NOTE: One of my favorite books is the coffee table book WWE: Unscripted. They ask Undertaker about the “Sara” tattoo on his neck, and what he’d do if they ever broke up. His response: “I guess I’ll just have to find another girl named ‘Sara’.” His next wife would be named Michelle, and he’d remove the tattoo, but I always loved that answer).

Anyway, it seemed like a smart idea. He had retired the Dead Man gimmick at WrestleMania 33, leaving his coat and gloves in the ring. So, if he wanted to come back, like the mighty caterpillar he would have to become a majestic butterfly! Plus, Kid Rock was being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame that weekend, for whatever reason, and his song “American Bad Ass” just happened to have been the entrance song for Undertaker’s American Badass stint. All the pieces were coming together. So, fast forward to Sunday night, as I was following along on Twitter (What? I ain’t got $9.99 to give to Vince McMahon every month!), imagine my disappointment when Mark William Calaway came to the ring, as The Dead Man. From my rants about Will & Grace and Roseanne, y’all already know how much I hate when finales are retconned. Sure, Mania 33 wasn’t the greatest match, but it was a fitting end. And WHAT, exactly, does he get out of this return?

Apparently the win earned Undertaker a casket match at The Greatest Royal Rumble taking place in the Middle East later this month. I don’t even know why folks care about that show, as it’s basically a really elaborate house show, with no bearing on the actual titles or storylines. Still, Taker was set to face Rusev until Rusev’s wife, Lana, feared for her husband’s safety and begged him not to do it. So, now Taker will face fellow over the hill wrestler Chris “Y2J” Jericho. Yay. You wanna talk about elder abuse? THIS is elder abuse. WWE dragged Taker back out for no good reason, and the only fitting end I could see would be for him to lose his own casket match, which would suck in a match that’s basically “out of continuity”.

Anyway, back to Mania. Folks loved Rousey using HHH like a punching back, but lost their shit when Braun Strowman won the Tag Team title with surprise partner, Nicholas – a 10 year old kid, seemingly plucked from the audience. When Power Rangers Turbo tried this, it was met with fan revolt, but WWE seemed to know what they were doing, as it turned out to be many fans’ favorite part of the night. Again, for an event that looked pretty lackluster on paper, and didn’t seem like it could follow in the greatness that was The Royal Rumble, WrestleMania 34 still manage to pull out a few surprises and give fans an enjoyable night of wrestling. So, with that in mind, WrestleMania 34 had the West Week Ever.

30th Mar2018

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review – 3/30/18

by Will

It might be a controversial one this week, so let’s get to it, shall we?

 

Last night I saw my second movie of 2018 (it’s been a busy year so far…), and that honor was bestowed upon Ready Player One. Yeah, I already know some of y’all have already decided to hate it, so you can just jump down to where I talk about the molesters and the wang danglers. For those who are actually willing to give the movie a chance, however, strap on in.

Remember this commercial?

Yeah? Well, Ready Player One is that, but two hours long. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Well, your mileage may vary. As my friend pointed out, it’s really just the Willy Wonka story laden with pop culture references. Poor kid finds himself in a magical world, with the chance to take over said world if he survives various challenges. We’ve heard this before, right? Still, don’t count it out yet. The injection of those pop culture references is pretty amazing. I mean, it’s pretty astonishing to me that a group of Hollywood lawyers paved the way for HALO, Overwatch, Batman, TMNT, The Shining, Back to the Future, and more to be featured in the same movie, yet we still don’t have peace in the Middle East! The soundtrack is great, as you would expect from anything that was a legitimate 80s nostalgia wank.

If I had any problems with the film, it’s that it didn’t take enough chances. For example, when the movie starts out, everything set in the fantastical world of The OASIS just looks like cut scenes from a video game. And while we live in a time where those cut scenes can be pretty amazing, at the end of the day, they’re still just cut scenes and I expect more from a Hollywood blockbuster than that. I mean, the OASIS is an engaging world, and it’s certainly the kind of game I’d be interested in playing. That said, there’s a generational gap going on in gaming. When I was growing up, it SUCKED having to sit there and watch your friend play, waiting for it to be your turn. Nowadays, hot chicks are paying their rent by having fans watch them play video games online. I just don’t get it, but if you get it, then you’ll like the cut scene stuff.

Another way it fell short was in some of the characters. Tye Sheridan’s Wade Watts has got the most punchable face I’ve seen this side of Miles Teller, but they kinda take you out of that mindset by primarily showing him as his avatar, Parzival, who’s basically “What if Bob from ReBoot was a scaly Albino?” There are some twists with a few characters, which I won’t spoil here, but one thing that really got me was the character of Art3mis. In the OASIS, she’s a hot, scaly pinkish character who gives this whole speech to Parzival about how he’s not in love with the real her, but rather what she has projected herself to be. She insists that he wouldn’t like the “real” her. Nice opening for some daring casting, right? Maybe she’s in a wheelchair. Maybe she’s mangled or something. We meet her in the real world and nope! She’s a cute White girl. Sure, she has a birthmark on one side of her face about which she acts is the end of the world, but it’s nothing you’d kick her out of bed over. Lame! I also didn’t really like the characterization of OASIS creator James Halliday until the very end. Nothing about him really made sense until they got to the final act.

There were things I absolutely loved, however. For example, there’s a female badass of unknown racial origin named “F’Nale”, who fittingly shows her mettle in the final act. I also LOVED Director Krennic as a technological Vince McMahon. I know Bradley Cooper might be in that Pandemonium film about McMahon, but Ben Mendelsohn does SUCH an amazing job channeling Attitude Era Mr. McMahon. I kept waiting for him to scream “WADE SCREWED WADE!” And I know he’s caught a lot of heat lately for his possible sexual misconduct, but TJ Miller is pretty much the only person I could’ve imagined cast as the mercenary i-R0k.

In all, I really enjoyed this movie. I know a lot of you have read the book, and hate how it does the Family Guy thing of “Hey, Bill & Ted was a thing that happened” when appealing to nostalgia. It’s all surface pop culture. Sure, having some knowledge of the world of gaming might help out in some places, but mainly it’s nostalgia boner eye candy. Why does the Back to the Future DeLorean have K.I.T.T.’s scanner? Don’t worry about it! Just go with it! That’s pretty much how the movie treats the audience. If you find that offensive, then this might not be the film for you. They don’t really wax philosophically on Star Wars, but the mere mention of the Millennium Falcon is supposed to be enough for the audience to be like, “Hey, I get that reference!” To some, that’s enough. They feel like they’re “in the goddamn club”. To others, that approach lacks depth. I can appreciate both stances, but I hope you’ll at least give the film a shot, as it is a marvel for the eyes, and I think a lot of it will get lost outside of the big screen presentation.

HarassmentWatch(TM)

Dan Schneider – This is a BIG one. A lot of you might know him best as “the fat guy from Head of the Class“, but to anyone under the age of 25 he kind of defined their Nickelodeon experience. You see, he and his Schneider’s Bakery production company launched the careers of Miranda Cosgrove, Victoria Justice, Amanda Bynes, and Ariana Grande. Not only did he co-create All That and Kenan & Kel, but he went on to create The Amanda Show, iCarly, Drake & Josh, Victorious, and Sam & Cat, to name a few. Well, this week Nickelodeon ended a relationship that has lasted over two decades, parting ways with the Schneider’s Bakery production company.

Apparently it all kicked off earlier in the week, when Nick executives told Schneider that they’d be cancelling his most recent show, Game Shakers, after its third season. Known for a very bad temper, Schneider protested because the season ends on a cliffhanger, and fans wouldn’t get closure. Also, since his other show, Harvey Danger, is on hiatus, Nick wanted a new, non Schneider’s Bakery show, Cousins for Life, to move into the production space that Schneider had previously used exclusively. He didn’t feel he should have to share, based on his history with the network, and it all culminated in the end of the relationship.

That’s not the whole story, though. Apparently, Schneider had been living under a “cloud of suspicion” for some time, as his relationship with his young actors and actresses seemed inappropriate to some. For example, he has tweeted pictures of his young actresses’ toes. Plus, working conditions on set are considered long and grueling for the young actors, while his shows regularly ran over budget. At the moment, this seems more like a harassment thing than a sexual harassment thing, but I wouldn’t be surprised if more came out as the story develops.

John Kricfalusi – The Ren & Stimpy creator was the subject of a Buzzfeed News article this week, as two women accused him of sexual misconduct, while they were underage, with the promise of career advancement attached. One of the women even became his live-in girlfriend when she was 16 and he was 37. One of the women also accused Kricfalusi of possessing child pornography. It seems like his proclivities were known in animation circles, but nobody ever did anything about it, I suppose for fear of retribution or negative impacts on their careers. It’s a whole long saga, dating back 25 years, and it’s not clear if anything will be done to Kricfalusi, who’s now 62.

Ryan Seacrest Update – Seacrest’s former stylist, and accuser, Suzie Hardy has now filed a police report against Seacrest. While his employers seem to be taking Seacrest’s side on this one, it was an uncomfortable situation at the Oscars when many of Hollywood’s elite went out of their way to avoid him on the red carpet. It’s unclear what’s going to happen here, but I can’t help but feel that Carson Daly has been going to sleep, smiling from ear to ear lately.

Allison Mack Update – You all thought I was crazy when I wrote about it back in November, but now it’s pretty much confirmed that the Smallville actress was, in fact, second in command of a sex cult! But it gets better: apparently her Smallville costar, Kristin Kreuk is the one who originally recruited Mack, and they used their celebrity status to recruit women to the cult. Led by self-help guru Keith Raniere, the upstate New York-based group, called NXIVM (pronounced Nexium), was believed to be involved in sex trafficking, and reportedly branded women in their pubic area. Raniere was arrested in Mexico this week, and extradited to the US on the sex trafficking charges. Mack is expected to be arrested next, as a co-conspirator. Somebody SAAAAAAAAAAAAVE her!

So, almost as stealthily as it was announced, Donald Glover’s Deadpool animated series for FXX has been cancelled. If we’re being honest, he really only got the gig because Atlanta was such a huge hit and they wanted to stay in the Donald Glover Business. It’s kinda like how Fox jumped on Oscar Isaac for Apocalypse just because everyone in Hollywood was lining up to fellate him during that particular window. Anyway, it seems like it came down to “creative differences” between Glover and Marvel, but he doesn’t seem to be taking it well. He took to Twitter, posting 15-pages of a faux script about the show’s cancellation. In true Deadpool, 4th wall breaking action, the tweets allude to the cancellation of Deadpool’s show within the show itself:

Reportedly, Marvel didn’t like the direction Glover and his team were taking the show, while FX stood by them – ’cause they don’t wanna lose Atlanta (even though Glover will probably have a nervous breakdown and walk away from the show halfway through its 3rd season…)! I’m not quite sure what Marvel expected, but Glover always seemed like an odd choice. It’s unclear if the project will be revived elsewhere, with a new team, or if Deadpool solely has a box office presence for the moment.

After 3 years without a book to call their own, it was announced yesterday that the Fantastic Four would be returning in August, in a series by Dan Slott and Sara Pichelli. And folks pretended to be excited. I maintain that nobody really likes the Fantastic Four. They either see a lot of potential in the franchise, or they just like stuff they can’t have, but there really aren’t as many Fantastic Four “fans” as you’d be led to believe. The book wasn’t cancelled out of some movie rights spite. It was cancelled because it didn’t sell. Any business worth its salt wouldn’t cancel something that’s virtually a license to print money, simply because they didn’t have the movie rights. Marvel also doesn’t have the film rights to the X-Men, but they didn’t cancel them. They ran them through the ringer, and did some dumb shit with them, but they still printed the books. Marvel did the smart thing with the FF: they extracted the characters that folks actually find interesting, like Johnny, Ben, and Doom, and kept them in the spotlight in new settings. Reed Richards and his neglected wife are simply not interesting. Or at least, that’s been the case. Maybe Slott has something great planned for them. I know folks loved his Thing run, so he’s familiar with at least some of the franchise. Still, it’s Slott, so he’s polarizing. The folks who claimed they’d do anything for a return of the FF are now having to eat their words since Slott was announced at the helm. I’ll give it a shot, and I doubt Marvel will take them off the board for this long again, but I won’t be surprised if the book ends up being frequently relaunched like recent Fantastic Four runs.

In other Marvel news, Agent Phil Coulson is returning to the MCU! Don’t get too excited, though, ’cause it won’t feature the Avengers finding out he’s alive. No, he’ll be appearing in the Captain Marvel film, which is a 90s-set prequel to his MCU/Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. adventures. Also appearing in the film will be Lee Pace reprising his role as Ronan the Accuser and Djimon Hounsou reprising his role as Korath – both from Guardians of the Galaxy. There’s also a petition to include Ming-Na Wen’s Melinda May in the film, mainly because those “Philinda” shippers are insufferable. Either way, it’ll be good to have Phil back in the movies, especially if Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. ends up killing him off this season.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

  • There’s a Jack Black movie coming, called The House With A Clock In The Walls. Yeah. that’s actually its title. They couldn’t call it Clock House or something? Casa de Clock? Anyway, I’m not posting the trailer simply because of how stupid that title is.

  • We got a new look at Incredibles 2, which I’m really starting to warm up to.
  • Freeform has cancelled Beyond, after 2 seasons. This is the first I’ve ever heard of it, so…
  • SEAL Team and S.W.A.T. have both been renewed for season 2 at CBS, so your cranky grandpa will be pleased. Ya know, until he remembers there was a Negro President for 8 years. Then watch out!
  • Speaking of renewals, One Day At A Time and the Queer Eye reboot have been renewed on Netflix.
  • Locke & Key is dead…again. The second pilot, this time filmed for Hulu, was passed on due to a regime change amongt its executives. The IDW comic adaptation was originally developed by Fox, who previously passed on the project.
  • 80s heartthrob Corey Feldman claims he was stabbed at a red light, as retribution for speaking out about a secret Hollywood pedophilia ring. The LAPD, however, said Feldman had no lacerations or wounds, and that he drove himself to the hospital. He’s been a bit loony lately, but this is gonna be one of those things where, 30 years from now, we’ll learn it was all true, and it’ll be too late…
  • Screenwriter Zak Penn is developing ROM: Spaceknight for Paramount/Hasbro. Sure he is. That Hasbro film slate, outside of Transformers, is doomed.
  • Apparently SuperMansion season 3 will debut soon on Crackle. Really? Still? I figured once it had graduated to Adult Swim it had left Crackle behind. Man, Sony (Crackle’s parent) must have quite a bit of dirt on Senreich and Wells to keep the show in its streaming ghetto.
  • Overnight comedy sensation Tiffany Haddish is voicing secret character in The LEGO Movie 2
  • Pop group Fifth Harmony announced they were going on hiatus, which is fancy pop music talk for “We’re racing to see who can get their solo album out first.” If you’ll remember, they were already down to four harmonies, as member Camila Cabello quit the group back in 2016 and launched a successful solo career of her own.
  • Already announced to voice the character in an upcoming TV series, Gina Rodriguez has been cast as Carmen Sandiego in a live action film for Netflix.
  • Music mogul Scooter Braun, and David Maisel, founding Chairman of Marvel Studios, have created Mythos Studios which has acquired a 50% stake in Aspen Comics as well as the entertainment rights for the comic book company’s IP. So, get ready for that Fathom movie that nobody asked for…
  • There’s a Russian remake of CBS’s The Good Wife heading to television over there. I can only assume their title is Wife Is Good? Actually, it’s Khoroshaya Zhena, which actually translates to “Good Wife”. How often does THAT happen, huh?
  • Gearing up for their possible purchase by Disney, Fox is rearranging the deck chairs on the X-Titanic, as X-Men: Dark Phoenix has been delayed from November 2nd, 2018 to February 14th, 2019. Happy Valentine’s Day! Here’s a bald guy and some weird kids he took in like strays! Also, tone deaf, “horror-driven” The New Mutants moves from February 22nd, 2019 to August 2nd, 2019.
  • Adult film star Stormy Daniels went on 60 Minutes to detail the sexual encounter she had with the current President back in 2006. This came on the heels of 1998 Playboy Playmate of the Year Karen McDougal’s claims of an affair with the man during the same period of time. And yet, he’s still President. Go figure! Remember when Obama caused a stir by wearing a tan suit? Or how Howard Dean lost his shot at the big chair because of a primal growl? Good times!
  • The upcoming 6th entry in the Sharknado franchise will be the end…for now (you know they’ll reboot it with James Van Der Beek or some shit in 5 years). Apparently, the world ended in Sharknado 5: Global Swarming (which I missed, so now I HAVE to go back and watch it!), so this installment will feature Steve Sanders going back in time to stop the events from the last movie from occurring.

I have this thing where I have to give credit where it’s due, even when I might not want to. That brings me to this week’s Roseanne revival. It was highly publicized, and turned out to be a ratings success. I’m sure that TV execs will take away the wrong message from this, as that’s pretty much what they do. In any case, I find myself struggling to really be happy about its success.

I’m not boycotting the show by any means, and only missed Tuesday’s back-to-back airing due to a scheduling conflict. I will say I found the whole Trump thing off-putting, and still don’t believe it lines up with Roseanne Conner as a character. I know people change, but this is the same woman who was championing Hillary the last time we saw her. Then again, that season “never happened”, so maybe it was just more make believe. No, I’m not very interested in the show because I’m not a fan of what some folks have taken to calling “zombie shows”. They’re shows that just don’t know when to die. And it’d be one thing if they originally had an open-ended finale, or on a cliffhanger that deserved resolution. In the case of Roseanne AND Will & Grace, however, they had to retcon both series finales in order to make these new seasons possible. Both shows ended with some pretty drastic changes/time jumps, and all that was thrown out in The Quest For More Money.

I’m fine with sequel shows, like Girl Meets World or Fuller House because they’re kind of doing a new spin on an old favorite, but Roseanne and the Will & Grace are just trying to hope we’re too dumb to realize they’re just doing more of the same, as if there’s really been no passage in time.  Anyway, I plan to check out the Roseanne premiere just so I can know what I’m talking about, but I really don’t want to support it, per se. At the end of the day, Roseanne is something of a vile human being these days, and I can’t separate the art from the artist – especially when the artist is incorporating some of that into the art. I also don’t think it’s fair to brand this as some bold, conservative move to display an alternate viewpoint, when it was aired by the same network that just recently refused to show an episode of Black-ish that dealt with the NFL player kneeling scandal. Again, I don’t want execs to learn the wrong lessons from this, even though I know that’s what will happen.

So, Tuesday night’s Roseanne was the highest rated sitcom airing in 3 and a half years, so a renewal is more than likely. It broke a bunch more records, but the most interesting part is that a show that’s been off the air for 20 years can come back and still appear to be relevant to some folks. The president even took time away from golfing and ignoring the Parkland kids/Stormy Daniels saga to call Roseanne to congratulate her on the success of the revival. So, clearly she’s doing something right, right? Right? Anyway, the Roseanne revival had the West Week Ever.

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